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"going to dinner with my sis..." - approaching a Polish girl, help needed


Officemaster
29 Oct 2014 #1
Your view is much appreciated.

I have this nice polish girl in the office, which I thought was more or less into me.

Talked to her couple of times, went to lunch together. And last week I invited her to dinner and the reply I got was "going to dinner with my sis..."

I understand she might have different plans but was expecting something like "but we can do on x day" to follow her message. To save the situation I said ok enjoy but no response to that as well.

And today we met again in the kitchen and she started talking making jokes as if nothing happened. For me the texting incident was more of a dont push further message.

Am i interpreting the situation wrongly or what the hell is happening here?
EdinburghGirl
29 Oct 2014 #2
She's not interested.

With a blunt message like "going to dinner with my Sis" , it's obvious she's not into you but she's trying to help you take the hint without being rude.

Too many men mistake friendship as the girl having romantic intentions towards them.
OP Officemaster
29 Oct 2014 #3
Sad to hear but thanks anyway, maybe thats the harsh reality. Are u polish by the way?

Any other thoughts?
johnny reb 28 | 5,074
29 Oct 2014 #4
Put yourself in her shoes.
If she was interested in you, yet really did have plans with her sister, she would have replied.
"Sorry I have plans with my sis, hoping we can make it for another time soon."

Are u polish by the way?

LOL, everyone sure wants to know the answer to that for some reason don't they.
OP Officemaster
29 Oct 2014 #5
You are right that was my thought as well, I was only confused by the fact that couple of days later she comes back starts a concersation smiling and making jokes. I would have expected a more distanced conversation.

The reason I asked if edinburgh girl was polish or not was to understand the cultural context.
Paulina 10 | 1,770
29 Oct 2014 #6
With a blunt message like "going to dinner with my Sis" , it's obvious she's not into you but she's trying to help you take the hint without being rude.

I agree, I think that if she was into you she would probably propose to meet some other time (unless she's extremely shy, but it doesn't seem like it?).

You're not her boss, are you?

You are right that was my thought as well, I was only confused by the fact that couple of days later she comes back starts a concersation smiling and making jokes.

Maybe she's simply a nice person :)

I would have expected a more distanced conversation.

Why?

The reason I asked if edinburgh girl was polish or not was to understand the cultural context.

Well, I'm Polish, but I'm not sure what does it have to do with anything, I don't think Polish people are that culturally different from the British/Americans ;)
OP Officemaster
29 Oct 2014 #7
Thanks Paulina she is not shy

I am not her boss

I thought keeping a distanced conversation would stress the message she wanted to give. Also not doingg so gives somewhat false hope to me

Just to clarify when i asked if edinburgh was polish i was trying to make sure there was no misinterpretation due to cultural difference. Just wanted to double check as I was still wishfully thinking that there might be a hope still

Can different religions be a big issue with polish girls?

Also one more clarification i am not hopelessly in love but when I took her phone 2 weeks ago it made her very happy. I asked if she would like go to lunch she said she was very busy but suggested we go smoking out to spend some time together. 5 days on I got the blunt reply. I couldnt understand the abrupt turn and here I am asking your opinion.

For what it is worth I later learned that it was her graduation celebration dinner with her sis. But she did not tell this directly to me
Paulina 10 | 1,770
30 Oct 2014 #8
For what it is worth I later learned that it was her graduation celebration dinner with her sis.

Well, then the other option could be - it wasn't just any dinner, maybe it was an important occasion for her and she didn't have time to text with you.

Btw, I've noticed the British often complain about how "blunt" Poles are. Are you British or American?

Can different religions be a big issue with polish girls?

Um... Why, are you going to propose to her? ;D Just kidding :)

"Polish girls"... Jesus... Listen, I know this may be a shocker for some people, but there are all kinds of Polish girls out there - for some it may be an issue, for others - not at all.

Why, do you know she's religious or sth?

Another thing - where do you both live? The UK or USA? Is she born Polish or Polish-American? Not enough data to process lol

I was still wishfully thinking that there might be a hope still

Well, you could try to ask her out again. Have you even asked her whether she has a boyfriend?
OP Officemaster
30 Oct 2014 #9
I actually like her being blunt. No problem with that.

I am not british or american. We live in uk, she is polish bor polish and studied uni here. She is 24 i am 30

Didnt ask her if she had a bf but photos at facebook indicate that she does not have one

Paulina I am counting on u. What is the next step, how can i turn things around? Make her jealous or make her feel important. What works best with polish girls. I know this is stereotyping but it works to a certain extent.
EdinburghGirl
30 Oct 2014 #10
Officemaster

I actually like her being blunt. No problem with that.

.

There's being blunt and upfront - which I also like, and the then there's trying to help someone take the hint without being rude/insensitive.

If my girlfriends and I had a pound for every time a male colleague has mistaken our friendliness and jokiness for flirting/being into them, we would be very rich. It happens all the time. Why do men, particularly within the work environment, take friendliness as fancying them?

There's a way of knowing if an attractive, slim, Young woman is into you, here it is: Are you very good looking or/and very rich? If you are both or either, she's into you. :-)
OP Officemaster
30 Oct 2014 #11
EG I really question what is the added value you are bringing to the table here.

Say you like someone how do u start the whole thing? Being unfriendly or by insulting them? No u act friendly and make jokes, so its not a gender thing. If i do the same to a girl they will also question whether i am trying to appeal to her. If she already likes me than she will take it for granted.

I am good looking and make quite some money to lead a good life in London, but she is still not into me. How about that?

If u have any idea how to turn things around pls speak out. But dont turn this into gender discussion
EdinburghGirl
30 Oct 2014 #12
I am friendly and make jokes with everyone within the work place - male or female.
I am not extra jokey or extra friendly with those I find physically attractive, just the same.

If you want to help yourself, don't mistake friendliness/jokiness for her fancying you. It's a mistake so many men make.

Why don't you just put yourself on the line, be brave, and tell her you fancy her?

It usually comes down to looks and looks only.

I know people go on about personality and all that jazz but everyone knows the only way aesthetically displeasing men pull attractive women is if they have a few bob. And yes, it's a sad world we live in.

Goodluck with this girl anyway.
Szenk88HTAFC 2 | 47
30 Oct 2014 #13
This is so awkward to read I'm squirming in my chair on your behalf.

Why would the girl feel the need to be distant towards you if she had turned down a very routine question with a very routine answer.

What did you want her to do? Lock herself away from the world and sob for days on end at the thought of the man that she just turned down?

Of course not, and rather than let you feel like asking her a question like that would significantly alter your working relationship, she has brushed it off and got on with her life in the same way she'd expect any other adult to.

You have had experiences with women before, right?
OP Officemaster
30 Oct 2014 #14
Szenk at 30 I was hoping this would have been my first experience but tough luck!

U got my point totally wrong, but anyway I appreciate all the opinions. Thx

EG thank you as well.

Any constructive ideas how to turn this around?
1172ftj 6 | 17
30 Oct 2014 #15
I would say you can do what Edinburgh girl said and tell her how you feel.

be honest and brave and say you like her and would like to get to know her better. I don't have much experience with the dating scene either but it's better to be honest. If she wants to she will :)

Goodluck!
OP Officemaster
30 Oct 2014 #16
Thanks but that sounds like a kamikaze mission considering the latest incidents.

I think we we have made the diagnosis here very well thanks to you all. Now we need to come up with a cure/treatment.

I am thinking more like a shock therapy - make her jealous?

All ideas welcomed.
cms 9 | 1,271
31 Oct 2014 #17
Ask her again - she might like the persistence or you might catch a time when she is either bored or needy. If after 4 asks its still no then move on to the next one.
johnny reb 28 | 5,074
31 Oct 2014 #18
All ideas welcomed.

Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker.
1172ftj 6 | 17
31 Oct 2014 #19
Still, to me, I don't see any harm in asking her out again.

Or at least for lunch? People get busy and have their own things to take care of from time to time.

I would try a few more times every once in a while and if she continually is busy then you'll know she isn't interested.

All the best to you :)
Sparks11 - | 335
31 Oct 2014 #20
Is this what the world has come to? Yeah, get off of the internet, put on a nice shirt, be cool and casual talk to her again, make some jokes, remember, all the while being cool and casual and slip a suggestion that you go for lunch, drinks, coffee, etc. This is how we interact with other human organisms
OP Officemaster
1 Nov 2014 #21
Sparks dont u read above we past that stage.
freeeespirit
1 Nov 2014 #22
Sparks is closest so far.

A girl will open up to you in her own time - depending on how you approach her. Polish girls need to be warmed-up. If she does not fancy you she will continue to be polite and eventually get annoyed. If she does fancy you its impossible to say how and when she will open up to you as it depends on so many different things, but the main thing is to remain cool and mysterious - keep up normal conversation and occasionally ignore her. Love is chemical. The visual (good looks) is just lust and will not go far. If the chemistry is good she will gradually fall for you - if you play your cards right. No simple answer unfortunately. No I'm no expert - just going from my modest experience and what supposed experts have told me.
Sparks11 - | 335
2 Nov 2014 #23
Sparks dont u read above we past that stage.

Yeah, I got that, but you can rinse and repeat that dandy little piece of advice for many/all social situations :)
OP Officemaster
3 Nov 2014 #24
Freespirit thats very good advice. Thx
Szenk88HTAFC 2 | 47
3 Nov 2014 #25
You might as well go all out and kidnap her, force her to eat a meal with you and then demand that she be yours forevermore until death do you part.

My God, the woman turned you down in the nicest manner possible, I wish I was there to watch you attempt a repeat performance only to crash and burn.

Booze might work though......
OP Officemaster
3 Nov 2014 #26
Szenk ur suggestion is nonsense, lets not dramatize the situation.

What is the point in packing up and going back. Got rejected yes, but so what? I see no harm in being persistent without being annoying.
Freeespirit
8 Nov 2014 #27
My God, the woman turned you down in the nicest manner possible, I wish I was there to watch you attempt a repeat performance only to crash and burn.

My friend got rejected 4 times. 5th time she married him. That can also work the other way - which is why this whole subject is like a mine field. Another friend was rejected because of the colour of his shoes. Yes.
OP Officemaster
8 Nov 2014 #28
Also wondering how office affairs are perceived in poland?
Szenk88HTAFC 2 | 47
8 Nov 2014 #29
Szenk ur suggestion is nonsense, lets not dramatize the situation.

I know I'm being overly dramatic but when you came out with the phrase

I am thinking more like a shock therapy

She's a person, not a detainee at Guantanamo Bay.
johnny reb 28 | 5,074
8 Nov 2014 #30
My daddy once told me,
"Son, you want to eat meat you're gonna have to learn how to kill it yourself."
Have you ever entertained the thought that MATURITY may be a factor here ?
Could be her standards are higher then what you have to offer.


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