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My Polish girlfriend's mother called her a prostitute because we live together


southern 75 | 7,096
31 May 2011 #61
As long as the future groom is a decent white I have noticed that polish families are very happy.
Midas 1 | 571
31 May 2011 #62
So you suggest that Welsh is some kind

I think he was more referring to this odd fact of life, that in many Polish families the Polish side of the newly forming family is basically jumping up and down with joy while thinking that their new "son in law" will be a foreigner. Seriously doubt that it was a jab at Welsh people.

So that German guy must been very dissapointed that I didn't agree for a canoeing trip after 2 hour of our acquaintanceship...

Chances still are that if he goes through 3 Polish girls he'll find one that will agree based on the sole fact that he's a foreigner and therefore "cool".
Lodz_The_Boat 32 | 1,535
31 May 2011 #63
Answer me this.... why do you think that some people who have lived happily together for 20/30 years but have not wed, but then decide you know what lets do this, then get married and
after a few months or couple of years they separate and divorce.

Such people are living a hallucination. They are afraid of responsibilities, and once it comes infront of them they discover their internal disability and run away from it. They don't really look for a soulmate or a life partner, all they want is a free bed mate ... or something very un-family. You call it freelife? ... I call it misuse of liberty.

I disagree. I think if you have morals and values then however you live life they will remain with you, married or not.

You can very well disagree. I have no objection ... but your disagreement do not convert a wrong into a right.

Its not the right process because it lags the soul of "Love", which is devotion, commitment, responsibility, union and being a "unit". Marriage is a great institution which is devised to bring God in the spiritual sense into a union ... and also in the psychological sense it brings a known and declared commitment, also proves the couples resolve for being responsible to carry on this great support system between each other.

Marriage is also a legal bonding between a man and a woman which helps their rights and the rights of the child.

Marriage is also a great education for the child to know how to conduct himself in life. To know that with the great gift of love, comes the responsibility with it. To know what a family is, how it must work, how it is defined, and how he can grow up and make one of his own. The child can see its mother and father together, a single unit, a parent ... a complete family. THIS IS IMPORTANT.

I am not being religion here. I am all in favor of inter-religious marriage too. My own wife is a Buddhist and I am not. But the institution is vital, universal and holy (its followed in every proper and matured civilization). It is something very significant for humans.

So if you're not married, you are automatically unable to care for your partner, to be understanding, honest, or loving?

It means you are resisting the concept of taking your partners, and this relationships RESPONSIBILITY officially and ceremoniously. Why not? There is a big doubt and it is thus, not love ... but just fulfilling lust.

If you love someone deeply, you are in a committed relationship, married or not.

Marriage is that commitment and that responsibility ... it is a great institution. Just because you call it bullshit, overrated, or any other name ... doesn't make it something less. Only makes you a very ignorant person against it. If you don't like it, stay out of it. No one is forcing... its just about opinions ... and about values. You don't like it, don't take it. Be on someones bed for free no problem.

Being married has nothing to do with being in love.

It has alot ... but being married don't only mean a cake or a dance ... or a dress or a feast. It means much more ... it means the carrying out of it. This one is missed or maybe unknown to you?

So please don't try to tarnish its reality only because you don't know what MARRIAGE actually means in its entirely. Its not a "stage show" which many do and then suffer.

Marriage is about children, property, and inheritance rights and / or religion.

Marriage is about Love, it is about responsibility, value, commitment, rights (yes, it is also included), spirituality, sanctity and devotion ... it is the conversion of two into one.

It is a good idea to marry if you have or plan to have kids, just for the added security it gives your family. If it's just you and your partner, and you are not religiously inclined, marriage is IMHO largely overrated.

So this clearly confirms my point. Its a lustful thing, selfish and self centered - this FREESTYLE WESTERN CONCEPT OF LIVEINS without marriage. Its spreading, but it will fall on its face with or a very desolate future awaits for those who follow.

GO AHEAD ... your life at the end of the day.

I thought mothers and fathers just want their children to be happy!

And stay happy ... but just be with drug and with drowsy eyes say "oh I feel coool".

I thought that mothers are generally happy if their daughters are getting married to a decent men... no matter of what nationality.

That is the correct truth :) ...

But how to explain people who meet only the wrong ones in a strip club or perhaps a Polish construction worker and then think the whole of Poland is like that.

===================================

As for the topic ... the mother in right in her place. She is disgusted ... and the topic poster can be assured that this mother will not abandon her daughter ... although the daughter certainly did puncture her heart.
Maaarysia
31 May 2011 #64
German

So that German guy must been very dissapointed that I didn't agree for a canoeing trip after 2 hour of our acquaintanceship...
guesswho 4 | 1,289
31 May 2011 #65
So you suggest that Welsh is some kind of worse breed

where the hell you got this notion from? I described a case I know without suggesting anything at all. We don't have any problems with neither Welsh nor with any other Brits here.

I think he was

almost right but she would sound even better :-)
Maaarysia
31 May 2011 #66
where the hell you got this notion from? I described a case I know without suggesting anything at all. We don't have any problems with neither Welsh nor with any other Brits here.

So what's weird about a mother being happy of her daughter's wedding? Maybe she just genuinely liked that Welshman.
Lodz_The_Boat 32 | 1,535
31 May 2011 #67
For then nothing can be beyond racial superiority or inferiority ... or perversion of good values and positive feelings. You will notice ... its always the same.
guesswho 4 | 1,289
31 May 2011 #68
So what's weird about a mother being happy of her daughter's wedding?

I said her whole family but just to answer question, no there's nothing wrong with it.

Maybe she just genuinely liked that Welshman

anything is possible, your version of course too.
Magdalena 3 | 1,837
31 May 2011 #69
Be on someones bed for free no problem.

Ay, and there's the rub. You just stepped in it BIG TIME, mister. You just dropped a whole load of bricks. ;->
I hope you can see what you said, and what the implications are. But if you don't, just let me know and I'll explain.

Its a lustful thing, selfish and self centered

Just because you wear blinkers and see everything as either a holy union or sinful copulation does not mean that you actually know what goes on in other people's lives and relationships.

So please don't try to tarnish its reality only because you don't know what MARRIAGE actually means in its entirely.

You might be happily married but other people are not. An unhappy marriage is as real as a happy one. And don't start preaching on how maybe the unhappy spouse hasn't been trying hard enough. You don't have to try so terribly hard when there is love and acceptance on both sides.
Midas 1 | 571
31 May 2011 #70
almost right but she would sound even better :-)

Oops, sorry for that.
Lodz_The_Boat 32 | 1,535
31 May 2011 #72
I hope you can see what you said, and what the implications are. But if you don't, just let me know and I'll explain.

My intentions were correct, but my English might not be impeccable, I am not an Englishman.

As for the meaning of what I said: I meant that being on someone's bed for free of responsibility, free of a official, noteworthy relationship ... free of rights and free of respect ... is not praiseworthy. It is free of the magnitude of what makes a couple truly one.

Just because you wear blinkers and see everything as either a holy union or sinful copulation does not mean that you actually know what goes on in other people's lives and relationships.

I wear blinkers?

I see a marriage and its place. People's lives would be good had they chose their partners not on the basis of the exterior, and not just for their immediate need. But they would choose someone educated, caring, responsible ... through a walk or a talk or a little bit of time (maybe a year or two) of knowing each other, behavior and lifestyle.

Then ofcourse, consult each others parents. If there is a race or language or religious difference, then explain the parents with logic and reasoning why this marriage can also be a successful one.

Then, parents of such children are usually never so rigid when they realize that the boy or girl is someone who is a family-type and can raise a home together. They do allow, always.

But then those parents who make chaos on racist or other such matters ... without considering any logic or reasoning, are parents whose children often don't really care ... or are always derailed.

There is a process and structure to every phenomena. Marriage is a phenomena with a structure and a process. Just the word "MARRIAGE" certainly don't mean anything without its total structure and process. Something which you repeatedly don't understand (or try not to understand).

You might be happily married but other people are not. An unhappy marriage is as real as a happy one. And don't start preaching on how maybe the unhappy spouse hasn't been trying hard enough. You don't have to try so terribly hard when there is love and acceptance on both sides.

Again, as I mentioned... you do not want to or try to understand what the concept of marriage really means.

Unhappy marriage are often sometimes self creations. Honesty and love remains there but with time it must also evolve ... 20s it behaves differently, then in 30s its different ... these things are stuff that my mom and dad taught me, and I await to evolve with my relationship. While doing well in my career is also a great testimony of their efforts. It is very important to have a parent who can lead by example, and even FOR THAT, MARRIAGE BECOMES IMPORTANT. Had they not been a proper couple, I would perhaps find it difficult to understand the concept of marriage.

YOU ALWAYS MUST WORK HARD AND REMAIN ALERT at every point in your life ... whether work, raising a child, or your marriage. This world is a world of tests and issues, in which the spouses hold each others hands and cross every line. Keeping and guarding their honesty, love, responsibilities and their future.

Petty things, little quarrels, a little anger ... maybe sometimes more ... but then they together eventually sit and sought it out as they know that together is their world ... and they never disrespect each other ... and always come to each others support and defenses ... no matter what.

If I make no sense ... then lets not bother beyond it. For such things to make sense, words are not always enough.

Take care.
stinkybugger - | 56
31 May 2011 #73
People's lives would be good had they chose their partners not on the basis of the exterior, and not just for their immediate need. But they would choose someone educated, caring, responsible.

Why can't it be successful without marriage?
Why do you believe people do not care about education/ability to care and responsibility when choosing ones partner regardless of marriage.

If someone is going to date someone short term or long term obviously these are important issues to some degree....people want caring responsible individuals.

If i was going to date someone....I have values and morals and I would expect the person that I see to have the same otherwise they would not be with me.

I think marriage suits you and thats all well and good.
I have high expectations but I don't need to be married to that person to expect them to be met. I expect them to be met regardless.
Crow 146 | 9,140
31 May 2011 #74
My girlfriend's mother called her a prostitute because we live together

wait,... did she used word `prostitute` (in Polish of course) or kurva?
Magdalena 3 | 1,837
31 May 2011 #75
As for the meaning of what I said: I meant that being on someone's bed for free of responsibility, free of a official, noteworthy relationship ... free of rights and free of respect ... is not praiseworthy. It is free of the magnitude of what makes a couple truly one.

Well, that's definitely not what you DID say... "For free" can only mean "without being paid for it" and thus by implication a wife would be paid for sex, while an unmarried partner would not. I know you did not mean it that way, but that's the way it came out and maybe you should be more careful about how you say things in future. Others might not be as understanding and rip you to shreds before you realise what you did ;-p

People's lives would be good had they chose their partners not on the basis of the exterior, and not just for their immediate need.

I did just that, and I am not married.

I suppose I am a bit too old to be consulting my parents. Have you ever considered the possibility that some people in relationships might be older than 20?

You seem to be telling me that all this is possible only within marriage. How come I am doing this and more while remaining unmarried?

Petty things, little quarrels, a little anger ... maybe sometimes more ...

Again - according to you, impossible outside marriage? So I guess my partner and myself are deluding ourselves, because we did not sign a contract and say a bunch of promises in front of people?

If I make no sense ... then lets not bother beyond it.

Unless and until you concede that love is not in itself a product of marriage, and that marriage is nothing more than an institution to formalise and legalise a loving relationship, we may as well not bother beyond it.
pgtx 30 | 3,156
31 May 2011 #76
Unhappy marriage are often sometimes self creations.

undecided?

Honesty and love remains there but with time it must also evolve ... 20s it behaves differently, then in 30s its different ...

people mature, love matures....
Ironside 50 | 10,917
31 May 2011 #77
in Poland back in the 80's

thats fine but it was back then and now is now, on the other hand what percent of the population you are talking here 6-10? I think is no much different that other countries and it is all about circumstances, and you come back to it again and again, what is that obsession of yours? nostalgia ?

Well, her mother her standards........WIYP?
Lodz_The_Boat 32 | 1,535
31 May 2011 #78
Unless and until you concede that love is not in itself a product of marriage, and that marriage is nothing more than an institution to formalise and legalise a loving relationship, we may as well not bother beyond it.

No matter what you did ... you still escaped that declaration of marriage. This makes you a person with doubt.

Tell me why if everything is there between you two that you didn't get married? What kept you away from marriage? Fear? Hatred towards this institution (and why that?)? Some hidden doubt against each other? Keep looking still?

No, you can bring in lots of wits but you cannot beat that. Marriage is marriage and it cannot be replaced by anything else. You can keep saying I got everything, a house - a car - a this and a that ... but all this cannot constitute a home ... even though they can make it into a house.

You were not given the explanation by the right people for marriage. Had that happened, today we would not be arguing on something so simple to understand.

A marriage is a way two people unite into one, and keeping the community alive. This is the process by which two souls become one ... did it ever cross your mind that you would live with him and his essence even had he just passed away tomorrow?

Those are very deep feelings ... and they get deeper and more confident with marriage. Lets say that you are having everything (or think you are having), but still nothing is yours truly...

undecided?

Just trying not to generalize.

people mature, love matures....

Yes ... matures ... evolves ... like the weathers...

My dad once told me what his dad told him when he saw my grandfather kiss my grandma a year before her died. It was a bit funny ... because they were being romantic at that age (he died when he was 83). He said that when you love someone, love matures. You don't just love her youth, but her aging days... all her days you find her new, and fall in love with each of her colors ... each of her seasons ... and never look back with an attitude that you lost those days, but with an attitude that those days were so much good, but cannot compare to the current day, because the current day is too unique to be compared :) ...

Well its longer than that, but I tried to put it in a nutshell. My dad said these things to me when I were supposed to know. His dad told him because he should know at that age ...

When I did model for a suiting company ... the concern of my mom was that I would not remain in favor of my family values which we have uphold since a long time (forefathers, and we are a good dynasty). I did think of such stuff as perhaps not necessary. However, they were not unacceptable in my heart either (I mean the marriage). I did prefer waiting for someone special, and when she came along, I somehow knew inside of me that I wanted this to be a marriage. By belief in marriage was firm since then.

I don't blame anybody if they think differently. All I am saying is what I firmly believe in ... and I have seen proper marriages in their fullness to be quite successful. They give way to families, and families are important.

Thats my idea of life ... and I would like to give my views to my children. Lets see what my father's grandsons think about them :). I will try never to tell anyone anything that I did myself not follow. Surely.
BBman - | 344
31 May 2011 #79
Her mom clearly doesn't like you. Are you not Caucasian?

As for her mom calling her a prostitute, well, sometimes all marriages/relationships seem like prostitution.
Magdalena 3 | 1,837
1 Jun 2011 #80
Tell me why if everything is there between you two that you didn't get married?

Exactly because of that. A piece of paper ain't gonna change anything between us.
urszula 1 | 253
1 Jun 2011 #81
My Polish girlfriend's mother called her a prostitute because we live together

I'm not surprised. Living together before marriage is considered a sin, and so is sex before marriage. Even though I've never done it, I have heard people call others prostitutes because of that reason.
MaryAnn
1 Jun 2011 #82
[quote=Lodz_The_Boat]

wOW Mr. Lodz, I love your idea on merriage. Will you marry me? (J/K i know u already r)

I'm not surprised. Living together before marriage is considered a sin, and so is sex before marriage. Even though I've never done it, I have heard people call others prostitutes because of that reason.

Actually it's a double sin b/c she is "dishonoring her mother's" wishes. after all it's her mother. A mother knows whats best for her child and she should listen to her if it's for her own good. She should at least get engaged before she moves in to live with someone and get a civil wedding, they are not that important only a piece of paper.
Maaarysia
1 Jun 2011 #83
Living together before marriage is considered a sin, and so is sex before marriage.

Who cares nowadays...
Lodz_The_Boat 32 | 1,535
1 Jun 2011 #84
There are those who care ... and they live in peace.
mafketis 24 | 9,158
1 Jun 2011 #85
Without reading every single comment so far, this is a little extreme on the mother's part.

As far as I can tell there's never been any special idea in Poland of pre-marital sex being wrong. If anything it's expected. Parents aren't necessarily happy about it but it's what they did and so they don't have a lot of room to complain.

On the other hand, living together without being married was considered wrong (and still is often enough). I'm not surprised at all that her mother is unhappy for her co-habitating with some guy in a foreign country with no plans of marriage on the horizon. That's completely understandable.

On the other hand her reaction was kind of .... extreme. I assume that there is more going on here than we're being told.
urszula 1 | 253
2 Jun 2011 #86
Who cares nowadays

Some people do care about their morality and self worth. Some trash doesn't.

As far as I can tell there's never been any special idea in Poland of pre-marital sex being wrong.

yes there is, the catholic church teaches it and so does the bible. And many girls I know don't do it before marriage. Your girlfriend's mother has high moral standards and doesn't like her daughter being so loose.
Trolbert - | 15
2 Jun 2011 #87
My Polish girlfriend's mother called her a prostitute because we live together

Do you dress like a Pimp?
Seanus 15 | 19,706
2 Jun 2011 #88
My Polish mother-in-law couldn't be more supportive! She is a gem of a woman who looks far more for commonalities than be instantly dismissive based on nationality or anything else. I think you just got an overly traditional and bigoted one, OP.
Trolbert - | 15
2 Jun 2011 #89
I think you just got an overly traditional and bigoted one, OP.

Oh well, you can always make her a pancake. And add some pesticides.
Seanus 15 | 19,706
2 Jun 2011 #90
Instant solutions are proudly brought to you today by 'Trolbert' :)

Some people here need to learn when to stick their beaks out of sth. The problem often stems from boredom and having nothing constructive to do. When coupled with excessive conservatism, there is a huge problem.


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