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Polish Girl Doesn't Want To Touch.


trener zolwia 1 | 939
25 Sep 2010 #61
I've never operated on this level due to my preference for honesty and the high price that it pays.

Good man. Yeah, skip the games.

who would want to be with someone who had little or no interest in them?

Seems you should be asking yourself this question.
OP popcorn 1 | 27
25 Sep 2010 #62
Seems you should be asking yourself this question.

And, therefore I'm here.
pawian 178 | 15,547
25 Sep 2010 #63
I am afraid you are not her type.

Sorry.
OP popcorn 1 | 27
25 Sep 2010 #64
No need to be sorry. I don't like people that aren't my type either. Why do you think she would hang on when she knows the way I feel about her?
pawian 178 | 15,547
25 Sep 2010 #65
Why do you think she would hang on when she knows the way I feel about her?

You should know better than I. Let me remind you:

I've drew portraits of her, went to movies, out to eat, and she's now even living in an extra room in my apartment.
OP popcorn 1 | 27
25 Sep 2010 #66
Ok. I'm considering were are not each other's type. But, why do all this with someone not your type? It's not so simple for me to believe it, all things considered.
Seanus 15 | 19,706
25 Sep 2010 #67
If you know how to touch, wow, the sky's the limit and the day is yours :) It's worth learning, trust me!
OP popcorn 1 | 27
25 Sep 2010 #68
I don't think the landscape is something that can be learned before hand. Everyone has different terrain. Discovery is part of the fun, but knowing a person well is something no stranger to the land can hope to achieve the first time around. I know how to explore and be attentive and communicate well. I know how to discover The How of walking the land. Access is the issue here. You suggested teasing and some cheerfull drink. Ok. I'm taking that seriously.
Seanus 15 | 19,706
25 Sep 2010 #69
Well, quite :) Girls usually like to stroke horses, what's wrong with her? ;)
OP popcorn 1 | 27
25 Sep 2010 #70
My horse has been ready to jump the fence and make a mad dash across her meadow for some time. Even a dark and stormy night probably would not bring him back to the barn.
Seanus 15 | 19,706
25 Sep 2010 #71
Well, you must beat your horse and get it under control :)
Paulina 10 | 1,780
26 Sep 2010 #72
Popcorn, I think there are all kinds of possible explanations:

1. She just wants to be friends with you.
2. She had traumatic experience with men (as Zetigrek wrote) and that's why doesn't want to be touched and doesn't want to explain why she doesn't want to be touched.

3. She's using you (a room for free, food for free).
4. She's a virgin or she's ashamed of her body (but I don't know if that's the case as you wrote that she's "sexy").

5. She doesn't believe you have feelings for her and thinks that you tell her bs just to have sex with her.
6. She's a lesbian and she's not aware of this lol ;)

I don't know any other Polish girls, is it cultural maybe?

I don't think so, not to such an extent.
Judging by what I read here on this forum Polish people are not as easy-going and open as Americans. But holding hands for a couple in Poland is pretty normal. There are people who may find it childish and laugh about it. But it seems she doesn't want anything that can be associated with a romantic relationship.

So it looks like she doesn't see you two as a couple.
I am a bit of introvert myself, but I would behave like her only in such situations, I guess:
- when a guy is too fast for me, and I need time to decide what I want,
- when I think that a guy is doing some sweet talk just to get me into his bed,
- and when there's no physical attraction and I have problems with saying this to a man as I don't want to hurt his feelings, because I like him.

Four months for some people maybe enough time, for others - not enough. It's really hard to say, as I don't know this girl.

I think some more info would be useful, like:
- when she moved in to your place, was she already aware of your feelings and your physical attraction to her?
- how old is she? What's the age difference between you two?
- does she have a job, any money?
- did she have any boyfriends before?
- how good is her English?

She should know better than to take me that way

Are you sure? How long have you known each other?

Access is the issue here. You suggested teasing and some cheerfull drink. Ok. I'm taking that seriously.

I think you should simply confront her, tell her that you don't understand the situation and what is it that she wants. Being friends or romantic relationship. Maybe she will be more relaxed after a drink and will be more talkative. I don't know if trying to touch her when she's tipsy is a good idea. She may understand this in the wrong way - that you want to make her drunk and more "accessible" (and it kinda looks like it).

The next phase I just laughed with her about it.

Then maybe don't laugh about it anymore, talk to her and tell her how difficult this situation is for you. Tell her that you prefer her to be honest with you.

That's my two cents ;)
Seanus 15 | 19,706
26 Sep 2010 #73
Popcorn, the tipsy idea was to see if she'd make a move, not you. I would never ply a girl with drink in order to get closer to her. She should take some initiative if she wants to.
shewolf 5 | 1,077
26 Sep 2010 #74
But I feel like I'm the bendiest guy in the world now, a professional contortionist that could make money in the circus. I'm bending over backwards really far

wow. Can we see a picture of that? ;)

I have asked. She becomes expressionless, almost slightly irritable. Even if calm, and sweet in the asking, she avoids eye contact and says nothing. She will even walk away without saying goodbye. She has done it several times.

That means "no".

Did you tell her that you had romantic feelings for her before she moved in with you?
OP popcorn 1 | 27
26 Sep 2010 #75
Well, you must beat your horse and get it under control :)

ok, that's enough joking for me. thanks seanus. it's alway good to laugh.
trener zolwia 1 | 939
26 Sep 2010 #76
@Paulina All very good possibilities.

If you know how to touch, wow, the sky's the limit and the day is yours :) It's worth learning, trust me!

Lol. I think we're beyond the touching here, Medicated Man. :)
I don't think this is about touching at all, really. Seems to me that lack of touching is the least of his worries. The lack of touching is just a symptom of the bigger problem.

I would never ply a girl with drink in order to get closer to her.

I think we all have done things to get things moving along in the past. ;) But as I've gotten older I find I haven't the energy for all the games. Now I'm all about what's real and getting to know someone. Even bedding them has taken a back seat to communication and emotional intimacy and just enjoying the complete person.

(Ew, I sound like a chick! :p )
OP popcorn 1 | 27
26 Sep 2010 #77
I've given each of these things consideration, I'm a bit surprised you brought thought of a list similar to my own. It's as if you are an insider and familiar with things. I've hinted indirectly at all of them at some time or another with her either through accidental conversation that reveal such things or just talked with her because I was curious one of them may be true and explain everything, but she has led me to believe some are not true and the others she just freezes and abruptly ends the conversation.

I'm glad to hear this about Polish women, although it doesn't make my situation seem brighter.

I'm definitely not too fast, but not shy. I just have to know a girl is turned on already to touch them or getting turned on right away in order to keep touching, so as you can see I'm very sensitive to their mood and/or response. Half the time, girls make the move on me or make it real obvious there is an invitation. American girls only. Well English too, oh yes French, and German, they like me too.

I'm not trying to sweet talk her. If that was really what I was trying to do, I could have already gotten a girl everyday of the week with a clean outfit, some clever lies, just hanging at the bar, it's just not my style, but I tampered with the idea to test my potential to make it work, and it does. It just feels stupid, so I don't do it.

Well, I find it deceptive to not tell a guy there is no romantic attraction. There are so many ways to say it without being rude, then go on with your life. Hiding things is cowardly, when a person would loose benefits by being honest. Why waste time with people you aren't serious about? Why waste their time? Obviously a so called friends life is not worth much if you are just wasting it by being a coward and not saying something that should be stated.

I don't want to be too specific. I'm trying to keep this anonymous. So age and money is out of this. Let's keep this to personality differences, which is what matters most. If age or money was an issue, I'm sure we wouldn't have got this far. She has known about these feeling from day one. I reminded her many times with compliments and doing nice things for her. She speaks good English. She says she has had boyfriends.

It's about the 4 months. It's that we've been over the slutty, sleezy issue several times. She knows it makes me sick. I don't have sexual hang ups, I don't think nudity or sex is nasty. I don't add filth to romance, love or affection, especially to monogamous affairs. Let's leave that to the moralists or the ones that really are nasty.

I don't think it's an ideal way, but I wouldn't rule out something that might just lighten things up, maybe get the ball going. It may or may not be the lynch pin. I can't take drinking seriously, I really don't like it, but occasionally it can be fun romantically, if taken in moderation of course.

She just gets stiff and doesn't respond, no matter how sweet I am about bringing it up. No, I don't want to get her drunk and take advantage of her. That's really taken out of context and not meant that way. If I wanted a prostitute, or easy girl, there are plenty of them and good looking at that. I know many guys act this way or are this way, but there are exceptions. The ones who aren't fulfilled by such shallow thrills and are quite offended to be accused of it. It's not a moral insult, it an insult to intelligence. Slutty is just stupid. enough said. As if we can't have a drink with a girl without making it seems like we are trying to turn them against their will. It's just for a little fun, to lighten up a bit.

Thanks Paulina. I may laugh a little, but I did say the third stage was just kinda being sad about it. Honesty? Openess? I've been trying to say, that's why I am here, because the subject is not so successful to approach with her. I can still try, but I if I want to have any kind of quality day I don't bring it up. It's as if she punishes me with silence when I do. So, again, I'm here trying to get this figured out. Thanks for such a lengthy and thoughtful reply.

Stay with me, you all find out how it goes, because I intend on getting to the bottom of this one way or another.

Seanus: of course, I got what you meant by the drink.

Shewolf: Yes, she's know from the start.
ShawnH 8 | 1,507
26 Sep 2010 #78
Stay with me, you all find out how it goes, because I intend on getting to the bottom of this one way or another.

Let us know when you have gotten to her bottom.
southern 75 | 7,096
26 Sep 2010 #79
You overanalyze you get nowhere.Mental masturbation from overanalyzing.Offer your room to another girl.
Pinching Pete - | 558
26 Sep 2010 #80
I would never ply a girl with drink in order to get closer to her. She should take some initiative if she wants to.

Well, you must have spent many a loney night playing with yourself.
f stop 25 | 2,513
26 Sep 2010 #81
Well, holding her hand is not your goal, lets be honest, and she probably knows that.
There are still women out there that do not want to give 'it' up until they are married. Until then she might not want any sign of impropriety, or be accused of being a tease.

Maybe, living with you she's grilled by her family if you're sleeping together, and she swore to them she's not.
Stop trying to paw her, you're making her uncomfortable. Hold back, become her friend, earn her trust, maybe then she will tell you what she wants.

Also, be careful, if she is a legal tenant, can what you're doing be considerd harassment?
Chicago Pollock 7 | 504
26 Sep 2010 #82
I've turned down more. There are a lot of intelligent, very gorgeous American artist women who are monogamous and who'd have sex like in the first week of dating.

Love shouldn't be this difficult. Sometimes a guy has to learn to walk away from those who don't love and learn to love those who do love.
OP popcorn 1 | 27
26 Sep 2010 #83
Update: We just talked about it. I'm so surprised. I told her again how I felt and what I need. I assured her she got a place and we gonna be friends either way, but she must consider I have needs as a man, I need to have some sign of pursuit. Should I prepare myself to look elsewhere, or could I count on her, because she is really where I want things to go. I told her I could go as slow as she needs, but I need to know what I'm doing with my life. Someone else, or should I find some nice girl in a circle of artists here in the city. Finally, she said she needs a couple days and she'll give me an answer. But I wasn't sure she knew what question I was asking. So I clarified. I said, it is whether we can go further. She let me know that's the answer she will give in two days. I said, is it gonna be a simple yes or no, or something more complicated. She said more complicated probably. You have no idea how awesome it is to hear her say I will get an answer. I've gone bi-polar because I imagine a no answer and I'm filled with anxiety and hell and fear, then I hear a yes and I'm elated, I can only imagine how nice we could feel together. Then back again to hell.

Also, I said I've talked to some people about her. I told them some of what you all have said. I said it it's on-line forum. I said she just has been so quiet about it, so I had to try and figure out someway, somehow, what she is not telling me. I told her about you people. I said I can even tell you where to find these people and you could see everything said. She really wanted to know, so I told her the polishforums.com. I said, you could probably figure out where to go on the site. And she did. She types in the browser bar and the page loads. She begins scrolling down, then points at this thread right away and says is this it? I say, oh, is that something I might say? I smile. So she goes to another thread "How to find an English speaking boyfriend in Poland" and asks "is this it?" Great, now she thinks I'm gay. But, I guess that would be off topic. I probably should start another thread.
f stop 25 | 2,513
26 Sep 2010 #84
but she must consider I have needs as a man,

Run girl, run!!!
Szukaj innego mieszkania!
trener zolwia 1 | 939
26 Sep 2010 #85
Dude, don't get you're hopes too high.

I told her about you people.

This is just crazy! Do you really want her seeing all this? :D
Seanus 15 | 19,706
26 Sep 2010 #86
Nah, Pete, I just never needed to resort to that like some ;) ;)

I've had GFs most of the time so don't need to go to bars and play the fool.
jamesams1357 - | 35
26 Sep 2010 #87
go and talk with a physiatrist about you problem
Seanus 15 | 19,706
26 Sep 2010 #88
Popcorn, don't fall into the trap of clinging to false hope because she is extremely pretty. Unfortunately, life deals out bummer situations. Personally, I'd far rather have a pretty girl that was normal. Choose your country. Almost everywhere you go, the top ones are either narcissists or have major complexes in one form or another.
Wroclaw Boy
26 Sep 2010 #89
I said I can even tell you where to find these people and you could see everything said. She really wanted to know, so I told her the polishforums.com.

Of course she would want to know, but man that was one dumb thing to do.
Natasa 1 | 580
26 Sep 2010 #90
Seems you should be asking yourself this question.

This is a crucial question. You mentioned fate when you described your feelings to her, I think it's your decision, to live with sexually inadequate partner and frustrate your needs. Why did you do that is for more serious conversation and different circumstances.

As we day in Greece begged

Here it's completely different, sth like it's not a good f. if you don't have to go through hell to get to the organ.(?)

We also have a saying/joke "why did I f. if I can't talk about it"( for men from Montenegro, it's mean and incorrect!)

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