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Getting to know a Polish Man who's first time he'e ever been in the USA


rlo2476 1 | 4
30 Oct 2010 #1
Hi all,

I don't speak any Polish but have found an interest in an individual who has recently moved to the USA. He is very wrapped around his work and showed some interest before. I asked him out and I am thinking this may have been the wrong thing to do. Is it not acceptable for a woman to approach a Pole and ask him out in Polish culture? We did have a very nice time but I am not sure if I should ask again. I think he may be a bit overwhelmed by the American culture. I just want to be friends right now...I don't expect anything. I'm relatively new to the area and haven't made many friends, he seems very interesting and I'd like to just get to know him a little more but again, I'm a bit nervous to just ask if he'd like to grab coffee. I see him regularly around work and he is very professional, I keep it that way as well but I sense a little interest and I'm not sure if he is just shy or if it just takes a really long time to get to know people from the Polish perspective. When no one is around we talk and he smiles the entire time...is this normal behavior to smile all the time when talking to someone or is it an indication that maybe he likes me but is just shy? Keep in mind, he is an older man, in his 40's, quite handsome and grew up during the fall of communism so he is not a typical man, not anything like the men you'd find in the States. He is very reserved and very work oriented, doesn't have much of a social life either. Would it be appropriate to just ask for coffee/tea or should I leave it alone?
Wroclaw 44 | 5,384
30 Oct 2010 #2
When no one is around we talk and he smiles the entire time...

possibly: polite interest. he doesn't understand everything u are saying.
OP rlo2476 1 | 4
30 Oct 2010 #3
Could be but, he speaks English very well. Better than most Americans. I am afraid my energy may have overwhelmed him a little. is it ok to ask him for coffee? Just as friends to get to know him? I'm told it takes a long time for Polish men to open up to women. Is this true?

Thank you so much!
Wroclaw 44 | 5,384
30 Oct 2010 #4
is it ok to ask him for coffee?

u could try getting him out of the office at lunch break.

not all Polish men fit the stereotype
OP rlo2476 1 | 4
30 Oct 2010 #5
"not all Polish men fit the stereotype"

funny thing, I'm not sure what the stereotype of Polish men are...well, the older crowd that is. :) I have Polish-American friends who are all "Americanised"

So, even if we already went out once and I asked, it's still ok to just call him up and say "hey, wanna grab some coffee?"

again, I don't want to seem pushy, I'm not looking for a relationship right now, just a friendship and he's very interesting.

Thanks again for your candid responses :)
Wroclaw 44 | 5,384
30 Oct 2010 #6
I don't want to seem pushy,

but something excites u, right?

I'm not looking for a relationship right now, just a friendship and he's very interesting.

then u have to let him understand this before u go out. he might be keeping quiet about someone anyway.

if there is what he thinks is an age difference then u have to overcome his fears/attitude.

at the moment i feel u know too little about him. careful how u go.
OP rlo2476 1 | 4
30 Oct 2010 #7
but something excites u, right?

Yes, something does excite me and I am interested in him but I think it would be best to start a friendship first. I did feel a connection but since we went out once he has seemed scared.

u know too little about him

I don't know a lot about him, he is military. I know that he was dating someone a while ago and they broke up because she did not want to move to Poland...that's understandable.

I do know that he is very work oriented and has a difficult time relaxing. But when we do talk, it's always really nice and he smiles a lot.

if there is what he thinks is an age difference

I think he is about 6 or 7 years older than I am. I have tried not to get personal with him in the fear that I might scare him off. I'd like to keep that personal side on his terms so I don't freak him out.

One more thing, I have a child from a former marriage (I was married almost 10 years). He has never been married and has no children so I think that my having a child may have been a setback in a sense. Maybe that scares him too.

:) Thank you again
Exaggerated - | 9
16 Dec 2010 #8
It could be the culture shock that most newcomers experience. Or he may have a little fear of rejection himself considering he's never been married. Maybe if you make him comfortable and allow him to gain confidence in you, he will be the one asking you out, you never know :).If you have the patience, time will tell my friend.

Good Luck! : )
Marynka11 4 | 676
16 Dec 2010 #9
u could try getting him out of the office at lunch break.

I would go for that option as well. It's casual enough not to have the going on date feeling and you can get to know each other better. And if he is traditional it still leaves him the option to ask you on a real date first.
skysoulmate 14 | 1,296
16 Dec 2010 #10
I don't know a lot about him, he is military. I know that he was dating someone a while ago and they broke up because she did not want to move to Poland...that's understandable.
I do know that he is very work oriented and has a difficult time relaxing. But when we do talk, it's always really nice and he smiles a lot.

I think you worry too much about him being from a different culture or him being a man. I think you should do what you'd want him to do. If you're hoping that he'll ask you out -> ask him out. Most of us men do not bite (unless you insist ;) and it's about time you leave the old school dating rules behind and do what feels natural. Once the dating becomes "official" we can easily unleash the gentleman that's lurking within all of us and chivalry becomes our second nature but initially some of us might need a gentle push in the right direction - yes, sometimes we're fairly clueless (or maybe it's just me?).

You say he's preoccupied with his work... well it could very well be BUT many of us, and I think men in particular like to bury ourselves in work when grieving past relationships. I know that my work (I have 2 jobs ;) was my savior after the divorce. It's been 2 years and I'm just now learning how to breathe again. He too could be "slow" in getting over his past failures.

Personally I think you can never go wrong with being kind to him, with showing an interest and maybe taking him out for coffee evey now and then. Sounds like you're doing all that so I say keep it up without being too intrusive.

Maybe a nice Christmas card with a greeting in Polish would make him smile. I certainly wouldn't mind getting a similar card from a lady and don't see why he would either.

Good luck to you, hope it works out...

PS. Don't by the "setback" theory in you having a child from a previous relationship. Kids are a gift whether they're "yours" or not. I've never ever heard any of my friends say "I like her BUT she has a child from her previous marriage." IF that's how he thinks (which I seriously doubt) then he isn't worth you, as simple as that.

Timed out in editing my post but the last sentence was supposed to say:

"...then he isn't worthy of having you as his partner, as simple as that."
trener zolwia 1 | 939
16 Dec 2010 #11
"I like her BUT she has a child

I've heard guys say this. Heck, I've said this.

She's already asked him out once (not good in my book). They went out and had a nice time. So the ice is fully broken. If he were interested he'd ask her out again. He hasn't.

He might just not like her... he might not like aggressive/ assertive girls... Or it might be the kid thing.

This thread is a month and a half old. It would interesting to hear an update.
tygrys 3 | 295
16 Dec 2010 #12
Some people take longer to adjust to a new country, everything is new to him. He just came here to make money, like most Poles do. He works hard because then he can make more money. He's not here for relationships, he wants to make money and go back to Poland, rich. He has certain goals which you don't even know about. He doesn't want to get involved, some Polish guys have an opinion made about American women, that they are loose and easy even though this is a generalization and a misconception they fail to understand. So be careful, don't get too involved in him, he doesn't think much about you. Get to know him first, Polish men like to hide things, they are not as open with their thoughts as the Americans which makes it hard to understand them, not knowing what they are really about. They always are hiding something, and he is not telling you everyting. You opened up to him but he won't open up to you. Be careful.


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