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Polish friend cutting off contact indirectly - is this a cultural misunderstanding?


ConfusedFriend
16 Jun 2014  #1
I've been friends with a guy for almost 5 years. The last time we talked we had quite a lighthearted and nice conversation talking about what was going on in our lives, nothing dramatic or too eventful....we talked about the classes he was taking, his work, my work, my plans to travel, etc. He asked me to call him back later that day. I told him I might be busy and could call him the next day but he insisted I call him.

When I called him he didn't pick up my call. I called him several times that week and he didn't answer. Finally a month later I called him from another number and he answered immediately. When he heard my voice he hung up. I haven't heard from him since and it's been 3 months. For the life of me I can't figure out why he cut off contact with me. We've never had a conflict before - we're both easygoing people. Could it be a cultural difference that caused him to cut off contact indirectly instead of coming to me with what was on his mind?
Kingiwingii
16 Jun 2014  #2
I feel sorry for you, but remember that this could happen to anybody.. not just a Polish person, which is a bit stereotype causing...

He might of been warned or insulted to stay away from his 'english friend' which is you... Your problem will be solved only by talking with him :)
theAsianFriend
16 Jun 2014  #3
Sounds like he's immature. How do we even talk to such a person?

Or assuming you're the girl and he's a guy, then maybe he's just feeling rejected. Still it's immature.

It cannot be confined to just Polish people.

It's typical child-like, only the immature. I suggest you write him an email, after that just move on.
Wulkan - | 3,251
16 Jun 2014  #4
Could it be a cultural difference that caused him to cut off contact indirectly instead of coming to me with what was on his mind?

No.
SingleFemale 2 | 55
16 Jun 2014  #5
Ah, you've just met the typical immature man-boy( a boy trapped in a man's body).

Email him and if he doesn't respond, move on. Not worth your time, really. If he's really a true friend,he will tell you his reasons instead of shutting you out.
OP ConfusedFriend
17 Jun 2014  #6
Okay, thanks for all the answers :) I was just wondering if it's cultural, for instance I learned in a business class that in Japanese culture, they will avoid telling you "no" directly to your face.

I guess I just have to cut my losses (sucks though - we had been friends for years) since he refuses to have contact with me or give me a reason for cutting me off.
krecik89 3 | 60
17 Jun 2014  #7
I'm going to swim against the tide here. Stubbornness is a trait that I see quite often in Polish people - along with many good traits also. Stubbornness can be helpful when fighting the many countries that have invaded them. But also I find this trait cropping up when discussing with Poles. They can stand their ground often when there's little to gain by doing this. So maybe there's been a perceived slight and that's his reason. I'm afraid similar situations have happened to me. People get offended in all countries but I find Poles less flexible when they do get offended.
SingleFemale 2 | 55
17 Jun 2014  #8
Stubbornness is a trait that I see quite often in Polish people - along with many good traits also.

For that I also definitely agree(though I think Stubbornness can be both a good or bad trait, depending on the circumstances). In this scenario, I do think his stubbornness also plays a role.
single man - | 1
17 Jun 2014  #9
A possibility is that he is seeing someone else. I think in any nationality someone slighted will pick up eventually to tell you how they were slighted. I am afraid that you are suffering needlessly due to being in a vacuum. Sorry for you.
OP ConfusedFriend
17 Jun 2014  #10
We're just friends, not bf and gf.
PolishPierog
20 Jun 2014  #11
Well maybe he realized how ignorant you are about who he is. Assuming that cutting off contact with someone is "cultural" Polish thing? this is simply ignorant statement. News flash! it happens everywhere!

I told him I might be busy and could call him the next day but he insisted I call him.

indicates that something happened that made him upset.

So if Polish person cuts off contact, first thing that comes to your mind is ooo it's because he's Polish.. this is so dumb of you.. not, maybe he found out something about you that made him resent you and simply doesn't want to have any contact with you, (he might be non confrontational type). Maybe he was secretly in love with you and you deliberately hurted his feelings somehow. Avoiding contact might be childish but calling it cultural?
Nightglade 7 | 97
20 Jun 2014  #12
Avoiding contact might be childish but calling it cultural?

Could it be a cultural difference that caused him to cut off contact indirectly instead of coming to me with what was on his mind?

Have a pint, gov'nor and chill out. A perfectly legitimate question for people without much cultural experience. You never know when you might offend someone's cultural sensitivities, but this person cares enough to try and find out if it is a cultural misunderstanding or not. In response to the OP, it sounds like an issue that's only going to be resolved through a more illuminating backstory or finding a way to get in contact with him.
OP ConfusedFriend
20 Jun 2014  #13
I meant that it might be cultural that he would not tell me directly, since I know that in some cultures, like the Japanese, they prefer a non confrontational way. You sound mentally disturbed, hope you feel better :/

Nightglade, yes I miss him, we were friends for so long and one day, poof, nothing :/
lilyn - | 1
21 Jun 2014  #14
I guess there is misunderstanding, why not ask someone talk with him for you?
f stop 25 | 2,513
21 Jun 2014  #15
maybe your friend got a new significant other that does not appreciate your friendship


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