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English girl. Do Polish men afraid to show their feelings or they are just not comfortable in UK?


ukgirl 1 | 7
4 Feb 2009 #1
i am an English girl who has been seeing a Polish man for 6 months .
although we meet regularly in each others home he never shows any interest in going out, when i ask him about this i never get a straight answer. now i am thinking maybe polish people don't feel safe or comfortable socializing in English pubs, clubs etc .

would appreciate some views on this
JustysiaS 13 | 2,240
4 Feb 2009 #2
some do and some don't. there are even British people out there who don't enjoy going clubbing you know lol. what sort of a night out do you have in mind, is it just the two of you going for a meal and a couple of drinks and a chat, just the two of you getting drunk out in town clubbing all night long, or meeting up with some friends and drinking with them? some guys (not just Polish) only like to go out and get drunk with their mates and maybe that's why he's avoiding the answer. most men don't like to see their woman drunk! if there's a bunch of you, people he knows and people you know, then maybe that will convince him to give it a go... it may also be a money issue, i know the drinks and taxis cost quite a lot. just ask him for an honest answer, he can't avoid the subject forever.
time means 5 | 1,310
4 Feb 2009 #3
i think justy has hit the nail on the head a friend of mine (english) hasn`t been to the pub for years. he would rather entertain at home.
DRJ - | 11
4 Feb 2009 #4
My wife (scottish) and I (polish) are the opposite. I enjoy going out clubbing, to the pub, etc, and she much prefers having quiet nights in; and shes a 21 year old student!

each to their own I think! I'm not so sure it has anything to do with either of our nationalities but rather a personality trait.
OP ukgirl 1 | 7
4 Feb 2009 #5
just the usual meal, drinks and getting to know you better stuff.
it seems that even when he is drinking with his polish mates they stay at home, and although i have asked he has never invited me to join them! all this to me is a lttle strange and upsetting , i don't know a lot about the polish way of life and can't work out if this is normal practice , or if i should have reason to feel concerned.
Misty 5 | 144
4 Feb 2009 #6
it may also be a money issue

That's the thing that crossed my mind. I think they feel safe enough going out. If it is the money issue he may feel embarrassed talking to you about it. Certainly my friends and I are meeting in houses more and maybe on the pub once a month or less.
time means 5 | 1,310
4 Feb 2009 #7
with his polish mates they stay at home, and although i have asked he has never invited me to join them! all this to me is a lttle strange and upsetting ,

if this is just with the guys i wouldn`t worry, guys like to get together and talk utter bollocks. as long as he is not trying to hide you away i would not worry.
JustysiaS 13 | 2,240
4 Feb 2009 #8
it seems that even when he is drinking with his polish mates they stay at home, and although i have asked he has never invited me to join them!

it's a bloke thing, they usually dont bring their gf's along for a lads night in. and if you think about it you really don't wanna be there when they get together and start drinking and shouting in Polish all night, it's not fun to be there without understanding a word. my advice is to be more independent and not rely on him to entertain you so much, try go out with the girls or have a girly night in. everybody's different but a guy will always need some time alone with his buddies and you can't take that away from him.
OP ukgirl 1 | 7
4 Feb 2009 #9
are there any polish guys who can tell me , do you feel happy to go out in england? do you have racism fears?
I know JustysiaS is right, i just have to ask him for honest answer, maybe i am just paronoid there is a problem with me !! would he be embarrassed to have english girlfriend???!!! which is why i don't meet his friends????!!!!...... am i just being a little insane now?????
time means 5 | 1,310
4 Feb 2009 #10
have you met any of his friends? does he keep you a secret?
OP ukgirl 1 | 7
4 Feb 2009 #11
you are completley right JustysiaS . thanks x

i have never met any of his friend so have no idea if they know about me but i do always feel he wants to keep me completley seperate
JustysiaS 13 | 2,240
4 Feb 2009 #12
maybe i am just paronoid there is a problem with me !! would he be embarrassed to have english girlfriend???!!!

don't worry, i've been with my bf for nearly 3 yrs and only met 3 of his mates, and that was like once or twice - plus he is not Polish. it's not that he's trying to hide you from them, maybe he just doesn't want you to be around when they get together talking about some rubbish, swearing and being rude. guys tend to act differently and more 'macho' around each other, they can't sit there in front of their buddies and gaze into your eyes and lovingly stroke your hand ha ha, their mates would take the p*ss outta them for months to come! it's a sign of 'weakness', and other guys might get nasty or jealous. not all of your bf's friends will be as nice as he is, they often hang out with guys they don't really like that much so they always try to impress each other and be cool. that's what i have noticed anyway. as long as you are absolutely sure he is seing his mates, there is absolutely nothing wrong or unusual about it.
time means 5 | 1,310
4 Feb 2009 #13
for a female justy is quite astute in the ways of males, and like i said previous guys love to talk complete shite when in a group and act basically like kids. i think you have nothing to worry about.
OP ukgirl 1 | 7
4 Feb 2009 #14
cheers guys! :)
Seanus 15 | 19,706
4 Feb 2009 #15
Looks like Justy should win an award for her posting. So many truths there and she's right on the money. Nice one lassie :)
Grzegorz_ 51 | 6,163
5 Feb 2009 #16
for a female justy is quite astute in the ways of males

maybe she's a guy...
cjjc 29 | 408
5 Feb 2009 #17
ukgirl

Just a thought:

Maybe he is just thinking it won't be much fun for you, I mean of the Poles I've known they generally live with other Poles and then where they live they have a few parties etc but generally there are only Polish people there and they only speak in Polish. Maybe he is just aware of that fact that you might feel left out because you don't understand what is going on...

(I'm making the presumption you don't speak Polish)

:)
David_18 68 | 982
5 Feb 2009 #18
When I'm traveling to the Uk and visiting the pubs. I only meet drunk fat english people with a bad atitude.

But i guess the Clubs in the Uk are okey. Aslong the booring brits don't invade the club.
ShelleyS 14 | 2,893
5 Feb 2009 #19
don't worry, i've been with my bf for nearly 3 yrs and only met 3 of his mates, and that was like once or twice - plus he is not Polish.

You are talking about some teenager there aren't you?

When I'm traveling to the Uk and visiting the pubs. I only meet drunk fat english people with a bad atitude.

Shows what kind of cheap shitty pubs you go in, try something a little bit more "up market" next time and you might be surprised to find there are quite a few slim attractive English women out there!

As to your Polish boyfriend, don't worry too much, maybe he just wants to get to know you a little bit better, christ I didn't introduce my b/f to my parents for 15 months :) I did however meet his friends on a regular basis, everyone is different, maybe the language barrier is a problem, maybe his friends don't speak very good English.
szarlotka 8 | 2,209
5 Feb 2009 #20
I only meet drunk fat english people with a bad atitude.

Perhaps you attract them as a matter of course.

Interestingly enough, in all my years on planet Earth the only person to have thrown up on me was Swedish.
Matyjasz 2 | 1,544
5 Feb 2009 #21
You are talking about some teenager there aren't you?

This is exactly what I was thinking.
time means 5 | 1,310
5 Feb 2009 #22
I only meet drunk fat english people with a bad atitude

birds of a feather flock together :-)
Mister H 11 | 761
5 Feb 2009 #23
although we meet regually in each others home he never shows any interest in going out, when i ask him about this i never get a straight answer.

He may just prefer to stay in or he could be broke, but to never want to go out with you does seem a little odd. I would expect someone, even if it was just once a month on pay-day, to take his girlfriend out somewhere.

i have never met any of his friend so have no idea if they know about me but i do always feel he wants to keep me completley seperate

He's either married or got another girlfriend that doesn't know about you either.

If his friends are all Polish that speak little or no English, then he should just say so.
ShelleyS 14 | 2,893
5 Feb 2009 #24
This is exactly what I was thinking.

You know what they say Mr Magic, great minds think alike :)
OP ukgirl 1 | 7
5 Feb 2009 #25
OK so i am really into this guy , it is the first time i have had a relationship with someone of a different nationality and i really want to learn as much about polish way of life as regards to relationships as possible, anything i should know ?? i mean i know everybody is different but is there anything in particular Polish men in general go for or expect from there partner?

people or always saying to me the Polish /English thing will never work long term! agree or disagree??
despite the language barrier , ( his English is quite good) we do get on great , i know he likes me but i think he does have concerns about our differences in language and culture and feel sometimes he backs off a bit because of this.
time means 5 | 1,310
5 Feb 2009 #26
people or always saying to me the polish /english thing will never work long term! agree or disgree??

who knows it`s the same with any relationship. he likes you , you like him. just go with the flow and enjoy it. the differences make it interesting.
sapphire 22 | 1,241
5 Feb 2009 #27
my bf is Polish and he doesnt like going to pubs. Ive put it down to the fact that its cheaper to drink vodka at home :)
JustysiaS 13 | 2,240
5 Feb 2009 #28
You are talking about some teenager there aren't you?

um no. it's a common thing that guys behave differently among other guys than they do when they're with their girlfriend. not all of them, but guys in their 20s (and of course their teens) very often do and you can't deny that.

I would expect someone, even if it was just once a month on pay-day, to take his girlfriend out somewhere.

that is what i asked, what exactly is the thread author talking about? going out to the movies, going out for dinner? or hitting the pubs and clubs and staying out all night? cos i don't know that many couples that go clubbing together, it always kinda seemed to me clubbing was best when you were single, or when your other half wasn't there, it's something you do with friends. but then that's me (and not like I'm up to no good when I'm out OK) lol

He's either married or got another girlfriend that doesn't know about you either.

oh yeah make the girl paranoid. the guy wants to spend time with his mates, they probably don't speak good English, the girl doesn't speak Polish, what's the fun in that? would be nice if he introduced her at least, but maybe he doesn't wanna get teased or he doesn't want them to upset her or make her feel left out. maybe he feels it's a bit early for that i dunno. it's difficult to please so many people at the same time. if anything, the thread author should have some me-time as well with her girlfriends, hit the shops or go down the pub when her bf is seeing his friends. men tend to prefer women who are independent and not needy or clingy.

maybe she's a guy...

and maybe you're a dog? gee your intelligence really shines through your comments doesn't it. forum leader PFFTTT.
cjjc 29 | 408
5 Feb 2009 #29
the guy wants to spend time with his mates, they probably don't speak good English, the girl doesn't speak Polish, what's the fun in that?

make her feel left out.

Exactly!

To be honest we don't have a clue what is going on! why doesn't she just......ASK HIM!

This is probably a 1 minute discussion between 2 people in a relationship and instead now it's a forum discussion.

Not being rude but JUST ASK HIM!

;)
OP ukgirl 1 | 7
5 Feb 2009 #30
but to never want to go out with you does seem a little odd. I would expect someone, even if it was just once a month on pay-day, to take his girlfriend out somewhere.

See this is the way i looked at it, and no clubbing was never on my to do list , i just want us to get to know each other better and surely going out , whether its a meal , a few drinks or just a walk or something is the way to do this , always staying home , we are never going to learn to much about each other.

doing stuff together does not have to be expensive.

the main issue for me is i get all the right signs that he wants to be with me but all in such a different way to any english relationship i have had, my confusion on the going out thing and not meeting his friends plus the feeling that everytime we get closer he seems to pull back again make me believe it must be a polish thing rather than the usual relationship issues i have expirienced.

I have tried to speak with him but i am not sure if some of what i say is lost in translation or he is just avoiding the issues as i never get a straight answer.

He's either married or got another girlfriend that doesn't know about you either.

I have thought of this before, i don't believe he is married but have wondered about a girlfriend , even asked him once , he just laughed !!!!!


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