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Can 'engaged' soon to marry Polish men say I love you to their female friend?


OP EpicMe
31 May 2010 #31
Yes, those were the exact words, I just copied and pasted. I actually didn't even care anymore what the Polish part was. The "I love you" alone was just . . . I had just guessed the Polish part because it was in a question form (Sorry). And btw, he wrote it on top of our email (my finace and I) exchanges. He also refuted that, "You see I even wrote it with our emails to show Kasia how much we love each other". However it was actually an email were we were sort of having a conflict, there wasn't any 'loving' exchange. But I think he just made a mistake, didn't click on New Message.
nincompoop_not 2 | 192
31 May 2010 #32
"Kochana Kasiu" is quite different than "kochana moja Kasiu",

unless you've never wrote a real letter in your life

The whole thing depends very much on the context of the whole letter/email
Taken out of the context - of course red flags will fly; maybe unnecessary.

edit: I'd smack him for sending any part of our private email exchange to his friend, doesn't matter man/woman;but I recognise the behaviour pattern and gullibility
OP EpicMe
31 May 2010 #33
I was really confrontational with him 'sharing' our emails but he would always tell almost everyone he's so in love with me, etc.. That's why I was really shocked with that email. Maybe I should have him read this blog. Maybe you guys can take the truth out from him (?) Because times we shared were 'loving', it is worth saving, but I know things with me will be different already.
Stu 12 | 522
31 May 2010 #34
but I know things with me will be different already

As they say ... trust comes on foot and runs on horseback ... .
z_darius 14 | 3,968
31 May 2010 #35
unless you've never wrote a real letter in your life

Incidentally, I did and the other person's name was Kasia :)

Given the context, the letter is not that of a non-romantic friendship.
Amathyst 19 | 2,702
31 May 2010 #36
where their fiance or wife can request their man to stop friendship with some female friend, would I sound 'demanding'

Yes, if you dont trust a man to have female friends then there is a problem, regardless of nationality.

As for the whole "I love you" he's talking boll*x and using his nationality to cover up lies..Its not normal to say to an ex "I love you" "do you love me"

Either sit him down and call him out on this (but dont demand anything) or finish it..What you do depends on how much you love him and how insecure you are.
wildrover 98 | 4,451
31 May 2010 #37
Once the trust is gone , its almost impossible to get it back...and a relationship without trust is doomed....

You are going to wind up checking his every email , he is going to resent it....its going to be difficult to save this one...
SouthMancPolak - | 104
31 May 2010 #38
It's strange to me how can somebody be so stupid - give password to the email account that has proofs of adultery on it.

Agreed. if you're going to cheat, or are cheating, you make sure that the password is as safe as possible!

However, I once went through something similar many years ago, in the days when I wasn't quite the computer expert (so I'm told, lol) I am now, and had an ISP with a particularly dodgy email system.

An email was addressed to my then wife, but managed to find it's way into my email box. She had been communicating with someone on Usenet, and one of the messages said "well, in that case maybe you SHOULD have an affair with that friend of yours".

I angrily emailed the guy, who of course claimed that I had taken the message "out of context", but clearly the damage was done. I had already suspected that something wasn't right, and lo and behold, 18 months later, she left me - again denying that anyone else was involved.

A few years later, I found out that she had married the guy I long suspected was "more than just a friend from work".
Seanus 15 | 19,706
31 May 2010 #39
Well said, wildrover. You have to be aware of how the concept of trust is moving along. It is a given that I won't cheat as trust is so implicit. When you set off down the path of betrayal, there is often no turning back.
wildrover 98 | 4,451
31 May 2010 #40
I wonder how many people have been dropped in it by modern technology....text messages and emails that got into the wrong hands.....???
Seanus 15 | 19,706
31 May 2010 #41
I can only hazard a guess that MANY have been. What they often forget is to erase the delivery reports. They erase the sent messages and forget to wipe out the delivery reports too. A costly mistake!!
wildrover 98 | 4,451
31 May 2010 #42
Thankfully i don,t do the cheating lying thing , so i dont have to worry about getting caught out....

I can remember my only infidelity many years back...the stress was huge...it was not a good time..and of course in the end i was caught out...

Its not something i would want to do again....
OP EpicMe
1 Jun 2010 #43
There is a lot of empathy here, thank you.

I am really just too inexperienced with men. Now I am just thinking too much about things that he would repeatedly tel me without even any cause or impetus like, "We must trust each other," and "You are the best," like among how many.

And to think I built his website (And even wrote all the contents in it) all for free and I was at the stage of Search Engine Optimization and he did this. And there even is a huge auto-marketing task he 'requests' me to do.

I'm just so traumatized, I didn't think heading towards marriage would be this way, I don't think i'll ever be willing to trust the next one anymore. To think that the Kasia looks like a drunken dope drowning in depression and always playing with his sympathy.
Amathyst 19 | 2,702
1 Jun 2010 #44
So wind up it...if your relationship is over...Its not his website, its yours, he hasnt paid for your services, so it does belong to you.

I'm just so traumatized, I didn't think heading towards marriage would be this way, I don't think i'll ever be willing to trust the next one anymore. To think that the Kasia looks like a drunken dope drowning in depression and always playing with his sympathy.

Onwards and upwards...As for the druken dope..he's playing on her sympathy too "do you love me" came from him too.... :(

Good luck and dont think all men are the same, there are some real diamonds out there..
wildrover 98 | 4,451
1 Jun 2010 #45
I don't think i'll ever be willing to trust

Yes you will...i have been stung before , lost heaps of money , houses , you name it , due to trusting the wrong people , but i have recently met a Russian lady and i trust her completly...When somebody you can trust comes along , you will know it , and your trust will return...we are not all pigs you know...!
hague1cmaeron 14 | 1,377
1 Jun 2010 #46
give password to the email account that has proofs of adultery on it.

That is going a bit far, it could quire conceivably be platonic in nature.

Besides were is this friend of his, is she is in another country? I would suggest to you that this might be a bit of a storm in a teacup if she is not even in the same country. You would be the best placed know if what he says is accurate in any case.
sleeping_beauty 1 | 25
4 Jun 2010 #47
........"There's no formula for finding happiness or love that lasts. Each person, each couple must arrive at their own calculus."....................
nymph888 2 | 31
4 Jun 2010 #48
Good luck and dont think all men are the same, there are some real diamonds out there..

Agree ... :)

Also, heed what your instincts tell you. Take some time off and be on your own for awhile. Thoughts and opinions of our friends here really open up our minds in decision-making, but at the end of the day... it's gonna be you and your heart and your brain that make all the reflections and decisions... take time to recollect the happenings and encounters you had together before, and until the engagement... as well as to-date.

True enough, that once trust is broken, it's really hard to patch up and carry on with good faith... but... we are just people... bound to make mistakes...

Though it gave you this opportunity to see that side of him, reading his emails is probably not very advisable to do... Regardless, if you are willing to go through life as being married to someone, both parties have to trust each other... respect each other's privacy, as well as, no cheating :)

I hope you'll find the best move for yourself... no hurry as decisions like this one can be taxing... take your time.

Be it moving on without him, or, trying to patch things up... either way, whatever makes you happy....

After all, life is too short to wish you've lived it differently. Take care!
pgtx 30 | 3,156
4 Jun 2010 #49
couldn't it also be used as "my dear Katie?"

no!!! her name is KASIA!!! not Katie!!!!!!!

"Polish men say I love you all the time to their female friends."

hehe... yeah right... some guys can sell girls some good bullsh!t... and OFCOURSE! it's all woman's fault... give me a break...
shush 1 | 212
4 Jun 2010 #50
"I love you 'X' - Do you love me too?

I think that says it all - he has serious feelings for that other girl and he may be using you coz

And to think I built his website (And even wrote all the contents in it) all for free and I was at the stage of Search Engine Optimization and he did this. And there even is a huge auto-marketing task he 'requests' me to do.

and apparently using the other girl as well.

Perhaps it's better to finish it now, you dont want to worry all your life if he loves you or if he is cheating on you and as Amathyst noted wisely

What you do depends on how much you love him and how insecure you are.

suzanna - | 10
13 Jun 2010 #51
my fiance is polish and i don't think it has to do with being polish...some men are adulterers, some are not. i would tell him that you dont feel comfortable with him telling female friends he loves them, and see what happens. he trusted you enough to give you his password, so he's either a lazy adulterer or he's just telling the truth that he loves her as a friend. follow your gut instinct...women know whn men are lying yes? x As an soley English speaking person I find it hard sometimes when I don't know what my Polish fiance is saying to other Polish women...but you really shouldn't be worried if you know that he loves you romantically. I love my male friends and sometimes say Love You without thinking- just casually! Maybe I'm a bit too relaxed about these things though. If you feel hurt...move on. Good luck x
Sokrates 8 | 3,346
13 Jun 2010 #52
"Polish men say I love you all the time to their female friends."

R-f*cking-ubbish, my sex slave would murder me with a blunt spoon if i was sending stuff like that to other self propelled sexbots.
plk123 8 | 4,149
14 Jun 2010 #53
no!!! her name is KASIA!!! not Katie!!!!!!!

lol.. it is both, no? LOL

R-f*cking-ubbish,

exactly... trust your gut instinct.. it is NEVER wrong.
southern 75 | 7,096
14 Jun 2010 #54
Kochanie kochanka kochana I get confused sometimes.
ZIMMY 6 | 1,601
14 Jun 2010 #55
I found an email from my fiance's email account (He gave me the password) sent to his long-time female friend and said, "I love you 'X'

You "found an email"? Did it just float onto your lap? Was it lying on the ground?
A man is lucky if he is fortunate enough to have a relationship with a woman who doesn't go through his email, his wallet, his pants pockets, etc.

That would be disheartening, to find an email like that.

That's right, don't even question how she "found" the email. Just accept it as part of women's providence to do the sneaky stuff. So you wouldn't mind if I looked through your purse without you knowing it......right?

Now, EpicMe should do two things. Tell her beau to stop with the flirting language because
it's wrong. The guy sounds a bit immature. She should also apologize for snooping around his stuff without permission. In short, both were wrong but for different reasons.

Twice, I've had women snooping around my stuff and both times I told them they didn't have to do it anymore. I said, "I don't trust you, you seem insecure, and our relationship is finished, have a nice life."
plk123 8 | 4,149
14 Jun 2010 #56
She should also apologize for snooping around his stuff without permission. In short, both were wrong but for different reasons.

your comprehension must be null as she said he gave her the password to his email.. that implies "go ahead and read my emails" but then we already know you are slow and maybe that is the reason you are single..
southern 75 | 7,096
15 Jun 2010 #57
He gave it because she asked for it no man gives his e_mail like that.
PlasticPole 7 | 2,649
15 Jun 2010 #58
That's right, don't even question how she "found" the email. Just accept it as part of women's providence to do the sneaky stuff. So you wouldn't mind if I looked through your purse without you knowing it......right?

Leave it to ZIMMY to pick up on life's little subtleties. Actually, how she found the email was the last thing on my mind. She must have access to his account which means, he likely gave her the password, so why shouldn't she go have a look?

EpicMe can give him an ultimatum, he's got to stop sending the love letters or she's out of there. She owes him no apology since he gave her the password and told her she could look anytime.

Twice, I've had women snooping around my stuff and both times I told them they didn't have to do it anymore. I said, "I don't trust you, you seem insecure, and our relationship is finished, have a nice life."

How would they snoop around your stuff? Was it emails? There is no way a woman can find your emails unless you want her to. She can always hack, but most women aren't hackers, they just gain access because their boyfriends hand over the keys to the house.

Once inside, it's only human nature to have a look around.
skysoulmate 14 | 1,296
15 Jun 2010 #59
as she said he gave her the password to his email.. that implies "go ahead and read my emails" but then we already know you are slow and maybe that is the reason you are single..

Sort of uncool of you plk to get personal here just because you disagree with him, wouldn't you say? Doesn't sound like you...

EpicMe - I'm sort of torn here because it sounds like you ended an engagement based on an email and the possible innuendos in it??

Granted, I'm a guy and as such am very slow to comprehend certain things but surely there's more to the story, right? Is it possible he still has some feelings for his former girlfriend but that's as far as it gets? I don't know but I think part of my heart will always belong to my exwife even if one day I fall in love with someone else. I can see myself sending her a Christmas card or something saying Love Always and I'm sure she would do the same but it would never go any further. I've never cheated on a woman in my entire life, I believe in honesty but don't think cherishing one's past is bad.

I don't know, as I said I'm torn here because maybe he's a cheater or maybe he's just a clueless man like I am who wanted to say something kind to his former love? I'm not sure, I do think that he should've talked to you first before sending this email but I also hope you talked to him before breaking off your engagement due to your suspicions derived from an email.

Signed,

clueless...
plk123 8 | 4,149
15 Jun 2010 #60
Sort of uncool of you plk to get personal here just because you disagree with him, wouldn't you say? Doesn't sound like you...

yeah, i've been feeling like crap lately but my response was to that jack-a zimmy so it was actually appropriate but thanks sky. ;)

I can see myself sending her a Christmas card or something saying Love Always and I'm sure she would do the same but it would never go any further. I've never cheated on a woman in my entire life, I believe in honesty but don't think cherishing one's past is bad.

maybe you need to work on that.. doesn't sound healthy, especially if you were in another relationship.. let bygones be bygones.

clueless...

you don't give yourself enough credit, man. :)


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