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Can 'engaged' soon to marry Polish men say I love you to their female friend?


EpicMe
31 May 2010 #1
Hello, I'm about to make a decision whether to drop my engagement or not. Well, I'm still devasted, but I found an email from my fiance's email account (He gave me the password) sent to his long-time female friend and said, "I love you 'X' - Do you love me too?" Of course his alibi is, "Polish men say I love you all the time to their female friends." Actually, I'm so 'lost', I don't even know what to ask anyone about this . . .
PlasticPole 7 | 2,649
31 May 2010 #2
That would be disheartening, to find an email like that. You have to decide what you will put up with. It's about what you are comfortable with. If you don't mind having an "open" relationship, then it's okay to wink and turn the head. If this really bothers you, you must forbid the dude having any kind of correspondences like this in the future and if he does, dump him.
frd 7 | 1,399
31 May 2010 #3
"Polish men say I love you all the time to their female friends."

First of all there's no "Polish men say", some men do say that most don't and Poles are not different. Most Polish people that I know would never say that, they could speak like that to a family member not to a friend. I can imagine there are people whose friendship is so deep they could use the "L" word.

It's strange to me how can somebody be so stupid - give password to the email account that has proofs of adultery on it.
wildrover 98 | 4,451
31 May 2010 #4
What he says could be true.....dump him anyway...
OP EpicMe
31 May 2010 #5
This is a man I am about to marry 5 months down the road. There wasn't any hint of 'cheating' from emails, etc., although some 'flirting to strangers', until the other day . . . He insisted it's in the Polish culture to express love for friends, doesn't matter male or female. But would one say "I love you, do you love me too?" to his male friends? Deep down, I feel it's very wrong because I've always ignored any man's rendition of interest towards me. I have never met the 'girlfriend' who lives in Poland, but having emailed me once stating to me that my fiance is "fond" of me, I felt that there was a hint of some sort of competition with me. I am very intuitive btw..
richasis 1 | 420
31 May 2010 #6
Maybe the three of you could somehow be happy together? :/
Stu 12 | 522
31 May 2010 #7
Sorry to say this, but I see two very big red flags, just waving in front of you:

flirting to strangers

I love you 'X' - Do you love me too?

I can't blame you that you have the feeling of being in competition with this other girl.
PlasticPole 7 | 2,649
31 May 2010 #8
I have never met the 'girlfriend' who lives in Poland, but having emailed me once stating to me that my fiance is "fond" of me, I felt that there was a hint of some sort of competition with me. I am very intuitive btw..

It also depends on where you live. If it's not in Poland and this third party is, then what does it matter?
wildrover 98 | 4,451
31 May 2010 #9
I smell a very big Polish rat here...!
z_darius 14 | 3,968
31 May 2010 #10
"Polish men say I love you all the time to their female friends."

No, this would be very unusual, especially considering his question about whether the feeling is reciprocated.

Sorry to say, but this doesn't look good.
OP EpicMe
31 May 2010 #11
Last Q. Unlike American men, in general, where their fiance or wife can request their man to stop friendship with some female friend, would I sound 'demanding' if I ask him to stop friendship with this friend? I mean, he's got her email add in every email account he has. He said they became friends with him helping her out from a heroine addiction. She's ok now, with 2 kids but unhappily married.
richasis 1 | 420
31 May 2010 #12
She's ok now, with 2 kids but unhappily married.

Six in a relationship can complicate things.
PlasticPole 7 | 2,649
31 May 2010 #13
Well, if they are both in Poland and you are in another country, it could mean they are seeing each other in person behind your back. If you move to Poland after you marry, he could continue the affair, but, if the both of you are in a different country, not much chance of him carrying on the affair in person (he can still carry on in emails unless you confiscate the computer). He could always find someone else when he's with you. Sounds like the dude is a philanderer, so if you mind that, it would be a continuous strain on your relationship and source of stress for you.
Stu 12 | 522
31 May 2010 #14
would I sound 'demanding'

Of course you would, but I think you have the right to be demanding here, considering his "I love you, do you love me too?". I wouldn't feel entirely happy about it, if my wife would write such words in e-mails to a mail friend.
OP EpicMe
31 May 2010 #15
Thank you so much everyone. It's going to be tough but I have decided to break our engagement. I was thinking of sending him a copy of an email I could very well send to some fictitious email professing the same thing before the axe . . .
Stu 12 | 522
31 May 2010 #16
to be tough

Yes, it will ... and I really feel for you. I wish you strength and wisdom.
nincompoop_not 2 | 192
31 May 2010 #17
Yes, you would sound very demanding. Plus in his eyes you'd question the trust and that would be a no-no. Nobody question Polish man behaviour :)

But seriously, if she's a a former user and he helped her she may have feelings for him. He'd be the ideal guy for her she can't have.

The question is - does he have feelings for her?
If there's no chance for you to ever meet, I would be honest and tell him how you feel.
IF, and that's a big IF, she'd started to use again, would he leave you and be on the next plane to Poland? Somehow can't see it.

He's probably very flattered by her affection, but that's men for you - vain and subconsciously in constant demand of female attention.
PlasticPole 7 | 2,649
31 May 2010 #18
That's too bad :( Hope you aren't too depressed and find a new bf soon.
OP EpicMe
31 May 2010 #19
i love you, Moja kasia - kochana moja Kasiu ?????
wildrover 98 | 4,451
31 May 2010 #20
he is a rat..get rid of him....
OP EpicMe
31 May 2010 #21
I am sorry. I have been afraid to even have this translated because I would be more hurt. Can someone please translate this, literally and figuratively, please for me? Thank you.
z_darius 14 | 3,968
31 May 2010 #22
i love you, Moja kasia - kochana moja Kasiu ?????

Awwww, almost like Montecchi and copuleti, I mean Capuleti.
I would not tear the two apart so I'd let him be with Kasia.

The text means:

I love you, my Cathy - my beloved Cathy.
OP EpicMe
31 May 2010 #23
See, I just guessed the non-English part meant "Do you love me too?" I think I am stronger now and can 'take' what my fiance was asking:

i love you, Moja kasia - kochana moja Kasiu ?????
nincompoop_not 2 | 192
31 May 2010 #25
i love you, Moja kasia - kochana moja Kasiu ?????

If in a letter he uses 'kochana Kasiu/kochana moja Kasiu/moja Kasiu' - it's nothing wrong with it although some might dispute it as 'too fond'

If he writes: 'Kocham Cie moja Kasiu' - that's wrong
Ala
31 May 2010 #26
Was the first part originally in English?

"kochana moja kasiu" means "my lovely Kasia" but that's kind of expression which can be also used at the beginning of a letter to a close friend like "moja droga kasiu" which means "my dear Kasia".

Is this the question "do you love me" you mentioned earlier?

Because this sound like rather like the question if he can use "dear/lovely Kasia" in the letter or if this is to much (for her)...this IS NOT a declaration of love.
frd 7 | 1,399
31 May 2010 #27
kochana moja Kasiu

couldn't it also be used as "my dear Katie?" I've seen it being written in multiple letters non of them in an affecionate way... Although of course "I love you" leaves no place to guessing..
Ala
31 May 2010 #28
I this "I love you" was there in original way like this ;)

In my opinion part with "Kochana Kasiu" is nothing really bad for a close friend.
z_darius 14 | 3,968
31 May 2010 #29
couldn't it also be used as "my dear Katie?" I've seen it being written in multiple letters non of them in an affecionate way... Although of course "I love you" leaves no place to guessing..

Yes, it could be as you suggest, but in Polish the "my" in "my dear" gives it a bit stronger meaning.

"Kochana Kasiu" is quite different than "kochana moja Kasiu", and as you noticed the "I love you part" is pretty clear.
Ala
31 May 2010 #30
Why this letter partially Polish and partially English?


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