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Cultural misscommunication, or is he trying to send me a message? Working with Polish dude.


paul_w_LA
7 Jun 2011  #1
Can someone give me some insight. I work with a cool polish dude, he moved here about 10 years ago with family, etc. But over the past 2 years, I have sensed that he has been 'kicking it' to me. I'm an American, not from Chicago area (los angeles) and i'm not sure what to make of this stuff ... Here are some examples:

1. When I came back from a vacation, he told me over the phone 'I wish I was there to welcome you back in person'.
2. Asked me over the phone if he could 'do anything for me?', after I approved some days off for him. When he said this to me, in was with a sexual tone, in my view.

3. Lets his leg touch mine in meetings, or standing in groups in the office.
4. When a few of us traveled to a conference together, I knocked on his door to get him for dinner, and he had his shirt open, and his trousers opened ... before he tucked them in, as he opened the door.

5. When we all retreated for the night, and headed back to our rooms, he walked with me and as I stopped at my room, he stared at me and slowly kept going.

5. Everytime we are talking about smartphones, i.e. 'The latest Droid is really big', he uses the opp to say to me, 'That's what she said'. Finds ways to bring this up when we are alone in my office.

So, is this just a cultural misscommunication, or is he trying to send me a message? He's mid-30's, single, talks about girls but never has a girlfriend.

Argh ... confused metro-hip, American guy.
wildrover 98 | 4,452
7 Jun 2011  #2
Just ask him if he is gay.....

it will save a whole lot of guessing....?
OP paul_w_LA
7 Jun 2011  #3
I want to ... but too uncomfortable to ask it.

Is it typical of Polish dudes to get married after 35? Him being single throws me off, but maybe that is the norm in the culture ????
EdWilczynski 3 | 98
7 Jun 2011  #5
Sorry, but what is a:

confused metro-hip, American guy

Marynka11 4 | 675
7 Jun 2011  #6
I want to ... but too uncomfortable to ask it.

Just ask yourself, what's the worst that can happen if you ask him? You might not loose that much even if he says he is into girls.
sleeping_beauty 1 | 25
7 Jun 2011  #7
Is it typical of Polish dudes to get married after 35?

Big NO!

Just new here in Poland and met few friends of my husband and I also asked him.

But according to my husband, gays are not common here and Polish people is having difficulties in accepting gays.
He had this friend that been to a bar, not knowing its an "absolutely" gay bar, with her friend who is gay, but hiding his real identity, and she was amazed how many gays now in Poland. :)

So your question if he is a gay? He probably is or (no offense!) vise versa.
OP paul_w_LA
7 Jun 2011  #8
What I mean is, I am 'confused' about the guy I work with, and I am not the typical married guy with 2 kids and a dog guy from Chicago. I'm single, from LA, sort of different then the guys here.

btw - Last summer, he told me that he 'didn't want to leave me', when he was considering taking a new job with a different company.

I am just confused by all of this because frankly, (and I know this 'types' poorly) I didn't think polish dudes typically were gay. He spends a ton of time with his Mom, or his family on weekends, when I would think he would be dating, etc. And he has a ton of friends who are chicks. Told me last summer he spent the weekend at an expensive hotel with a girlfriend for his birthday, so I said, 'did you have amazing sex all weekend?' He said No, she's just a friend.
EdWilczynski 3 | 98
7 Jun 2011  #9
Ok Paul, I am really sorry but I had to google the metro thing............

So you don't play the pink oboe then but you could well look like the guy below.......

New territory for me fella....So I am of no use to you.

But if you ever fancy a beer and football match in a purely hetro kind of way then I'm your man.

All that remains to say is....Good Luck



Wroclaw 44 | 5,388
7 Jun 2011  #10
i'm not sure i understand.

paul, are you gay and do u want a relationship with this guy ?

or, u are single and he thinks u are gay.

just tell him that u feel he is getting close and:
a) u like it
b) u don't like it.
EdWilczynski 3 | 98
7 Jun 2011  #11
paul, are you gay and do u want a relationship with this guy ?

No he's metro.....(yeah I had to google it)
Wroclaw 44 | 5,388
7 Jun 2011  #12
No he's metro.....(

simple. the other guy can't read the signs. an ordinary guy (paul) who lives a little out of the ordinary.
OP paul_w_LA
7 Jun 2011  #13
Does my sexuality really matter here? I consider myself open to being with a person (girl or guy) that I vibe with. Mostly been with girls, but I wouldn't say to no to anyone, irrespective of gender.
wildrover 98 | 4,452
7 Jun 2011  #14
Does my sexuality really matter here?

It does if you are asking relationship advice....

The advice you will get if you are straight is going to be a bit different to what you would get if you are gay or bisexual....
OP paul_w_LA
7 Jun 2011  #15
Fair enough. I would say that I am intrigued by his 'behavior' towards me.
JonnyM 11 | 2,621
7 Jun 2011  #16
but I wouldn't say to no

So you fancy him - he's noticed already, believe me.
PlasticPole 7 | 2,649
7 Jun 2011  #17
Fair enough. I would say that I am intrigued by his 'behavior' towards me.

Do you work with him and are you his boss?
OP paul_w_LA
7 Jun 2011  #18
Work with him .... If I was his boss, I would have said that up-front. That would change this discussion, 'cause I wouldn't risk my mortgage for that kind of shite.
EdWilczynski 3 | 98
7 Jun 2011  #20
Does my sexuality really matter here?

Huh???

Of course it matters.

Solution:

Buy one of these............



OP paul_w_LA
7 Jun 2011  #22
Really? Well, I def. have not initiated anything with him over the past 2 years+.

btw - This started when he said to me in front of others at a meeting, 'I know you, I know what you like', in response to a group discussion over movies. His comment took me aback, and made me feel really awkward in the group.
Monia
8 Jun 2011  #23
Paul , in my opinion you are a gay and this guy is probably too . Don`t say you are metro hip American guy or stuff like that .It is obvious that you are interested in this guy so much.In every situation when this guy refers to you , you try to find some special meaning of his words or behaviour towards you .

You know what, just ask him to ride a bike with you during the next weekend , if he agrees you will have plenty occasions to find out if he is gay or if he likes you .

I would never ramble about such things if another girl made such comments about me, you simply belabor too much that it makes for me so obvious who you are .
OP paul_w_LA
8 Jun 2011  #24
I'm not, but that's ok. The meaning and question behind this thread are lost on you. I was trying to figure out if this guy's behavior was a cultural miscommunication. That's all.
isthatu2 4 | 2,708
8 Jun 2011  #25
yeah dude,just man up and ask him on a date......or dont,its really simple,either you are up for it or you aint.

Im an ex Dancer so Ive had plenty of cases of dudes thinking I must be friends with Dorethy its either a 2 or a 3 word answer to their questions/advances,in my case,the 3 words were "Im not gay",for you the option may be "Im gay".

Come on Paul,life is way to short for you and him.
I know the States can be a few decades behind the rest of the civilised world when it comes to LGBT stuff,but Chicago doesnt screem to me bigoted small town America....

er,cultural misconception,hardly,if anything Polish guys tend to act far too "straight" ,if that makes sense,no,this guy sounds like he gotta thing for you :)
Pinching Pete - | 558
8 Jun 2011  #26
I know the States can be a few decades behind the rest of the civilised world when it comes to LGBT stuff

Yeah well, thankfully you're here to field all the "hard" questions :- \
isthatu2 4 | 2,708
8 Jun 2011  #27
Yups pete,you live in a land of the free that gets people fired for who they choose to sleep with/love,so yes,be thankfull most of the world isnt like your rightwing bible bashing fruit loop of a country eh.....
Jimmu 2 | 157
6 Mar 2012  #28
you live in a land of the free that gets people fired for who they choose to sleep with

as opposed to most of the civilized world where now, or in the recent past, it gets them executed! lol
isthatu2 4 | 2,708
6 Mar 2012  #29
Dont talk arse fella. No one has been executed in Free europe for being gay in hundreds of years......Alabama had decapitation on its law books for gays well into the 1960s. So yes, i stand by what I say, you are in a country where right wing bible bashing hypocrites still call the shots, a savage barbarian culture of executions and represion in half the states that make up the land of the free.......
Jimmu 2 | 157
8 Mar 2012  #30
you are in a country where right wing bible bashing hypocrites still call the shots,

Actually, I'm in Poland.
And England and Wales repealed buggery laws in 1967.


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