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Love without chemistry? (Asian in love with a Polish woman)


Matowy - | 295
28 Jun 2010 #181
I thought "Asian" in the U.S only meant East Asian? Even though he does sound like a South Asian...
OP gg4
28 Jun 2010 #182
The point that everyone is trying to make is that you're not accepting the results

The results have not come yet. At least in a few more months. I am surprised that most of you guys/girls give up too easily. Is it true only in love, or in all aspects of your life, in your career too?

Have you tried touching her like when you are passionately talking about something? Are you passionate at all? Have you tried having fun with her like taking her to a comedy club or the theatre etc? Do you introduce her to your friends?

I have sthing solid to believe that our relationship has a chance. Either if it will not, I will not regret having given it a chance. Thanks for your advice, very realistic specific advice for a good move.
A J 4 | 1,088
28 Jun 2010 #183
I guess you would quickly walk away from a woman who doesn't understand you.

Depends on her reaction, and ofcourse we can always be friends.

;)

How much time you would give a woman to understand you? First few minutes, hours?

Hey, she either does, or she doesn't? I'm not giving her any time schedules actually, I'm simply enjoying myself and if she thinks she wants more.. Well, who am I to object? To keep a long story short; I don't really have too many expectations whenever I talk to a girl, I'm just simply living my life and usually try to enjoy myself.

;)

How long you can keep that understanding and laugh, without all the realities (or needs per your definition).

How long? Hey, it takes two people to Tango, but it seems you just can't grasp that concept, since you seem to believe that you can create chemistry where it's completely absent. No offense, but you sound a bit humourless, and from what I've gathered you don't show too much initiave when it comes to involving her in fun things, so maybe you should do something with that little piece of information! Who knows what it might do for you in the future?

You're not married yet.

I plan to study, and marriage is overrated anyway. (It's just a piece of paper really!)

When you are, you may change your mind as how much time is necessary for two people to understand each other, how much effort and change of self and sacrifies are required to keep the laugh in the house.

Why do you think you have to change yourself? Just do yourself a favour, and try to look for someone who understands you, who's a bit like you, who can laugh with you, and more importantly; Someone who feels butterflies for you! Oh, and I'm fully aware of the fact that some situations require a compromise, and I'm not the type to run away from any of my responsibilities either. Effort? When I'm really enjoying her company, the entertainment comes naturally. I mean to say that I don't see anything as something I have to do for her, but something I like doing for her. (Maybe I'm lucky in that aspect?)

It's not simply a matter of chemistry click.

It is. Ofcourse other things matter, but like I've said, you have to be able to be naturally you with her, and excite her, otherwise it just isn't meant to be.

By the way, what is the longest time you have laugh with a woman who understands you, if you don't mind telling? It's a learning experience to me.

Twenty years, five months, eightteen days, about twelve hours and a few minutes. But let's ask a few women here a question; How often do you smirk, grin, chuckle, smile, giggle, blush, laugh and think: ''Silly!'' when you're reading from me? (Just be honest!) How often do I píss you off and annoy you? (I bet just as often!) My point is gg4, you don't always have to make a woman laugh because you want something from her, but simply because you kinda like them.

;)

There're already some happy feelings among us in other matters, except that in sex.

Uh-oh.

It may take a little more time to get things smooth, or I will have to go away.

A little? Dude, if she isn't sleeping with you within a few months, it means she's either frigid, a Lesbian, she hates sex or that she's ultra-religious. (Or could it be that she kinda likes your friendly gestures, but that she doesn't really feel anything for you?) It sounds like she could be a good friend to you, but you're going to lose her completely if you're going down this road..

As I said, I give it a few more months, may be longer if she would think it may work out in the end.

Hey, forget I've said anything! I'm just a figment of your imagination..

xD

First, we need to commit into a real relationship with each other. Then, if she would do that, I'll take it a memory to keep, a little bitter, a little sweet, and salty.

I'd recommend a Taco with Chili peppers and a bottle of Tequila to flush!

;)

But before we commit to a real relationship, we will figure out how to solve the financial issue, the children issue (if we will have any), and other issues. We will have to plan for our future.

Before what? She already told you she doesn't feel too much for you.

This may sound too much conditioning and not natural, as most people, esp. young people only believe in love and disregard the consequences.

No, it doesn't sound natural at all, it sounds creepy, forced, sad and obsessive! Oh, and if you're willing to work your ass off for the girl who loves you, things will be alright. I mean, nobody's perfect, and every relationship will have it ups and downs.

They always think that "we love each other, we will solve all the problems, we do not need to talk about money, that's not real love".

I don't think that, but I guess I'll tell you again; Money doesn't buy her heart. Besides, most working couples don't have to worry about money too much and you know it. It's funny how some people on the internet are always the most succesful though! I prefer to be realistic, and just say that about 90% of the people aren't too rich, thanks. You make it sound as if being succesful automatically ensures a happy and satisfying relationship, so I guess you're the one who's a little naive here..

;)

How can I have any chance if I ignore her feelings?

*sigh*

We had great moments.

I'm sure you've had those moments, otherwise you wouldn't be here telling us all about it, but I still think it's hopeless.

I believe that she would be fine with me in all aspects, except sex that we do not have sth in common yet, b/c of physical appearance. It may take some time, or never, I don't know by now.

So she doesn't think you're attractive either? You must really like her a lot! I think you should just treat her as friendly female company you can learn something from then, and who knows she might appreciate you for your help..

I may have been overexaggerating the situation, because all I lack are some biceps, triceps, quadriceps, major pectoralis. As for the Ischio cavernous and Bulbo cavernous, I am fine.

Who says you're lacking anything? Some women actually like slim guys you know..

;)

Personality matters. Other factors do too.

Hey, other factors always help, but if she isn't really there because of you.. (I don't have to explain this one, do I?)

;)
southern 75 | 7,096
28 Jun 2010 #184
For me it is quite simple.If a girl rejects the benefits arising from my superior balkan presence she is simply not worth the effort.There are orange trees which make oranges in other places too as we say in my country.
f stop 25 | 2,513
28 Jun 2010 #185
some handicraft souvenirs (not expensive at all),

this made me think of a guy we had here... probably a year or so ago, that send a girl some gifts, and when that didn't have desired results he demanded the gifts back, saying that this was a test and she was not supposed to accept them... that was not you, was it, gg4?

southern - well said! lol
Patrycja19 63 | 2,699
28 Jun 2010 #186
If a girl rejects the benefits arising from my superior balkan presence

Southern , in some cases, women might not be interested and its her choice just as
it would be yours if you arent attracted to someone.. if its not there its not there.

no need to be superior about anything.
OP gg4
28 Jun 2010 #187
Before what? She already told you she doesn't feel too much for you.

Love is complex. Emotion is affected by many factors. It may change with age and life experiences over time. A woman may find you very physically/chemistry attractive now, yet look at that same physical attractiveness with disgusted eyes some time later if you cheat her, if you over emphasize that appearance, boasting about it, or if she found out some other characters about you. A woman may also feel you're not physically attractive now, yet later on want to have intimacy with you, and settle down with you for a family, based on your characters, that she feel secured with you, that her kids will have a caring father. You may not believe it now, but you may later. If you don't, that's OK, because we're very different.

I plan to study, and marriage is overrated anyway. (It's just a piece of paper really!)

A little? Dude, if she isn't sleeping with you within a few months, it means she's either frigid, a Lesbian, she hates sex or that she's ultra-religious.

I'm simply enjoying myself and if she thinks she wants more.. Well, who am I to object? To keep a long story short; I don't really have too many expectations whenever I talk to a girl, I'm just simply living my life and usually try to enjoy myself.

Why do you think you have to change yourself? Just do yourself a favour, and try to look for someone who understands you, who's a bit like you, who can laugh with you, and more importantly; Someone who feels butterflies for you!

Thanks for your comments. We're very different. I guess we don't actually appreciate and understand each other's points. Yet I respect yours. It's OK though.

I'm sure you've had those moments, otherwise you wouldn't be here telling us all about it, but I still think it's hopeless

There you go. Why is it hopeless when we've had those moments, and when she's still free to make a final decision for her life? It's just what you think because of your life experiences and belief, which are different from mine.

Who says you're lacking anything? Some women actually like slim guys you know

For this point, I totally agree! Thanks.

No offense, but you sound a bit humourless

I'd recommend a Taco with Chili peppers and a bottle of Tequila to flush

No offense either. But what seems to be funny to most people don't mean anything to some other. You're right that I'm a bit humourless. Actually I'm quite picky in everything, not easy to go with the crowd.

For me it is quite simple.If a girl rejects the benefits arising from my superior balkan presence she is simply not worth the effort.There are orange trees which make oranges in other places too as we say in my country.

Great saying.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR ALL YOU GUYS/GIRLS COMMENTS TO THIS THREAD. I AM GLAD THAT IT DRAWS MUCH ATTENTION. THAT MEANS IT'S REALLY INTERESTING AND DESERVES ATTENTION. MOST OF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN WHAT I AM CURRENTLY DOING. IT'S OK THOUGH. IT'S NOT A MATTER OF RIGHT OR WRONG. DIFFERENT PEOPLE HAVE DIFFERENT LIFE EXPERIENCES AND BELIEF. I DO LEARN SOMETHING THROUGHOUT DISCUSSION WITH YOU GUYS/GIRLS. THE IMPORTANT THING IS THAT WE RESPECT OTHERS. GOOD LUCK TO YOU ALL.

If you feel like jotting down more thoughts, I'll be glad to learn and discuss. Thanks again.
f stop 25 | 2,513
28 Jun 2010 #188
MOST OF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN WHAT I AM CURRENTLY DOING. IT'S OK THOUGH. IT'S NOT A MATTER OF RIGHT OR WRONG.

What does the woman in question think about what you're doing?
OP gg4
28 Jun 2010 #189
If I knew for sure, I would have either been holding her in my arms right now or walking away instead of creating this thread for discussion. Any way, women are mysterious, don't you think! I am not day dreaming, but if you read "Gone with the wind" (not many young people like those classic romance nowadays), you will find that Scarlett turned out to find out that Rhett is her real love in the end, not Ashley who she had chemistry with in the first place. I am not trying to compare with the novel's characters, it's nonesense. But I think such situations do happen not infrequently in real life too. The sad thing about the end of the novel is that Rhett became a little bit indifferent by then, after years keeping her in his focus - too much energy has been spent out, too many events happenning that can absolutely change anybody's love, emotion, thoughts. If you prefer humor to classic romance, watch the movie "Coming to America" starring by Eddie Murphy. Same situation, different ways of getting things done.
JustysiaS 13 | 2,240
28 Jun 2010 #190
If you prefer humor to classic romance, watch the movie "Coming to America" starring by Eddie Murphy. Same situation, different ways of getting things done.

I believe that in this film the girl actually fancied Eddie Murphy's character, after all she dumped her boyfriend for him. With you though, you've been told that there is no physical attraction involved and you are hoping that she will learn to love you with time. You are just a friend to this woman and as soon as you accept it instead of sticking to your deluded idea that you can make her feel stuff that is not there between you two, the better. Have some respect for yourself, just because she didn't throw you out (because you are a friend to her) doesn't mean that she wants you to pursue her, take the hint and look for someone who is interested in you the way you are interested in them. Why waste months of your precious time on something that YOU yourself know will not happen. I'm sick of reading your drivel and people are right on here, she will only ever stay with you because of convenience, not because of love. This is not India or Turkey where falling in love seems to be the last thing happening between a married couple. How will you feel if one day she'll bring a guy round and say hey, this is my boyfriend. Would that finally make you see straight and give it up, or would you wait around some more hoping they break up? This is a very unhealthy fixation not love that you feel, you want her only cos you can't have her and you daydream about how she will fall in love with you one day like in some movie. You're a grown man, stop being such a doormat, grow a pair and get a life! What does this drivel of yours have to do with Poland apart from a Polish woman in question who has no romantic interest in you?
A J 4 | 1,088
28 Jun 2010 #191
Love is complex.

You can keep telling yourself that, but it's really simple actually. You really feel attracted to eachother for all kinds of reasons or you don't. I say 1+1=2. You say 1+0 could turn into 2.

Emotion is affected by many factors.

Yes, but at the same time it's all very simple. If she likes strawberry flavour, and really dislikes citrus flavour because it's all a bit too sour for her, then you can pretend to give her strawberry flavour all you want, but she'll taste the citrus flavour everytime. Why do that?

It may change with age and life experiences over time.

When I say chemistry I mean everything, the whole picture. I don't mean you have to fit her description perfectly, but she'll have to like something about you, right? I don't mean ''I appreciate the things you do for me and that's very nice of you'', I mean ''I'm really happy that you're the one who's doing those things for me''. There's a real big difference between those two lines, buddy. (Sorry, there just is!)

A woman may find you very physically/chemistry attractive now, yet look at that same physical attractiveness with disgusted eyes some time later if you cheat her, if you over emphasize that appearance, boasting about it, or if she found out some other characters about you.

I'm totally open about who I am, what I think and how I feel about a variety of matters, and if she doesn't like any of that, then it simply wasn't meant to be and you won't hear me cry about it for one second. (Yes, I've learned from every possible mistake I've made in the past, because I took a very long break to look at myself.) Oh, and I might've said a lot of things, but I've never cheated, and will never do so.

A woman may also feel you're not physically attractive now, yet later on want to have intimacy with you, and settle down with you for a family, based on your characters, that she feel secured with you, that her kids will have a caring father.

''Sayanora''.

;)

You're right that I'm a bit humourless.

Everybody has a sense of humour, and so do you, but you just have to find out what kind of humour you like best.

For this point, I totally agree! Thanks.

Hey, you don't have to agree, because it's just a simple truth.

;)

There you go. Why is it hopeless when we've had those moments, and when she's still free to make a final decision for her life? It's just what you think because of your life experiences and belief, which are different from mine.

It's hopeless because you've told us she doesn't feel much for you, because you've told us that she doesn't find you attractive, but mostly because of the fact that you don't really seem to acknowledge the importance of butterflies and strong feelings for eachother. (Whatever the reason!)

Thanks for your comments. We're very different. I guess we don't actually appreciate and understand each other's points. Yet I respect yours. It's OK though.

Good, because I'm not here to hurt your feelings.

:)

What does this drivel of yours have to do with Poland apart from a Polish woman in question who has no romantic interest in you?

Ofcourse there are more things on this forum which don't have anything to do with Poland, but these threads are about what occupies many people, and as you may already know, people are pretty much the same everywhere, even if you take all of our little differences into consideration. But you're right, I'm afraid he doesn't get it.

:S
JustysiaS 13 | 2,240
28 Jun 2010 #192
Desperation, delusion and fixation do not equal love.
dtaylor5632 18 | 2,007
28 Jun 2010 #193
Unfortunately for some that's exactly what it means. Then we wonder where all those stalking cases come from.
OP gg4
28 Jun 2010 #194
In summary, different people have different ideas. It may not be helpful nor healthy to keep arguing about the differences, as it may never end.

I am trying to focus on the things I have in common with my woman, and develop our relationship on those positive things. As for the negative things, I do recognize what are my weakness and trying to improve it. As for her, she is also doing the same. She has her own problems and has to solve them. I am always by her side when in need. Hopefully we may come out with a happy ending. If it's not, I just wish her happiness and move on. I just don't know when exactly is the time. Timing is difficult, especially for important things.

I appreciate your guys' input to this thread, yet I think it's time to close this thread, because it seems there's nothing new coming out but the arguments trying to prove whether it's right or wrong.

Thanks again for your participation. Good luck to you all.
JustysiaS 13 | 2,240
28 Jun 2010 #195
my woman

she's not your woman and i bet she would freak out if she knew you claimed she is

She has her own problems and has to solve them.

oh yeah they always say that they have problems to solve, probably her main problem is how to get rid of you without it ending in your suicide

but yes you'll do exactly as you say and cling on to this woman and try to brainwash her into thinking that you are god's gift to her. this is your asian logic. you need a reality check.

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