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Love without chemistry? (Asian in love with a Polish woman)


JustysiaS 13 | 2,240
27 Jun 2010 #151
How long could you be alone?

errr lol! i don't need someone to take care of me, i want an equal partner, also preferably someone who is a stronger personality than me. and if i don't find them attractive then it's probably not gonna work for me. sorry gg4 but that bit from your post i just quoted where you say about whispering in my ear and sweet perfume made my blood run cold...

I found out that some of the stalker's characters may apply to my case. To be exact, only 3 out 8 characters applied.

ha ha that's bad enough! some women like the attention and all, but don't take it overboard and don't turn your life around just to make their every wish come true. soon enough they'll get bored and take you for granted.

You will not take no for an answer.

this seems to be the case with a lot of Asian men i hear. apparently their method is to convince a woman she is wrong when she's not interested in them, and pester her until she gives in no matter how long it takes. it's a cultural thing. creepy but yeah.
OP gg4
27 Jun 2010 #152
sorry gg4 but that bit from your post i just quoted where you say about whispering in my ear and sweet perfume made my blood run cold...

So, ugly guys should stay away from you. No matter how smart, how caring they are, they should learn how to recognize a lady like you and stay away right at the beginning. Sorry to make you feel cold. Hopefully my woman is not your type. If she will be, I have no regret having spent so much time and effort for her. I'll take it a memory, bitter, sweet, salty, like I said.

this seems to be the case with a lot of Asian men i hear. apparently their method is to convince a woman she is wrong when she's not interested in them, and pester her until she gives in no matter how long it takes. it's a cultural thing. creepy but yeah

If insulting the other race is your pleasure, I have no comments. As for method of convincing a woman, what is your method?
southern 75 | 7,096
27 Jun 2010 #153
Women do not listen to reasonable arguments.They listen to emotions one creates.To create emotions you need some shiny things and being fast,generally women sense some things how intelligent you are how much you will spend for them,they smell it I don't know how so if you are miserable you will appear as such.
Natasa 1 | 580
27 Jun 2010 #154
To create emotions you need some shiny things and being fast

That is a way I distract my dog. He also does not respond to reasonable arguments:)
OP gg4
27 Jun 2010 #155
Women do not listen to reasonable arguments.They listen to emotions one creates.To create emotions you need some shiny things and being fast,generally women sense some things how intelligent you are how much you will spend for them,they smell it I don't know how so if you are miserable you will appear as such.

You're right. Emotions control. I may already have the proper components, just not yet known how to get them work. Emotion, emotion, emotion. Sound like Location, location, location!
JustysiaS 13 | 2,240
27 Jun 2010 #156
Hopefully my woman is not your type. If she will be, I have no regret having spent so much time and effort for her

maybe it's time to call it quits if she's not responding to your grooming techniques yet?

So, ugly guys should stay away from you.

they usually do, for their own sake lol

As for method of convincing a woman, what is your method?

if being yourself is not enough for her and you have to convince her then it's a lost battle

If insulting the other race is your pleasure, I have no comments

i wouldn't call it a pleasure, just saying what i have heard

I may already have the proper components, just not yet known how to get them work.

oh where is zimmy when you need him to tell a man how to be a man?!
OP gg4
27 Jun 2010 #157
maybe it's time to call it quits if she's not responding to your grooming techniques yet?

if being yourself is not enough for her and you have to convince her then it's a lost battle

oh where is zimmy when you need him to tell a man how to be a man

You have a very different background from me. We believe in very different things, and very different ways to get things done. It's good to hear from you and know about something different from my world and my thoughts. You sound very confident. Great. Good luck. Well, I may not need to say good luck, because you may not even need luck. You just believe in being yourself, nothing else.
Lodz_The_Boat 32 | 1,535
27 Jun 2010 #158
Love happens when let it happen. To let it happen we walk the path of simplicity...
JustysiaS 13 | 2,240
27 Jun 2010 #159
You just believe in being yourself, nothing else.

of course i do, it never fails. you should try it.
OP gg4
27 Jun 2010 #160
Love happens when let it happen. To let it happen we walk the path of simplicity

I wish everything in this world is simple. Any way, congratulations to your happiness. One who is not worried about things and take things simple would have a peaceful mind.
Lodz_The_Boat 32 | 1,535
27 Jun 2010 #161
Hey thank you so much.

I've been around alot ... just been too much busy with own life, work and trade. I've been reltively successful so didnt have the time basically.

Yes ... love is about simplicity. Complications come when things are not properly handled.

Mistakes are when we over do or under act on something. The optimum action is being simple and polite I feel.
OP gg4
27 Jun 2010 #162
of course i do, it never fails. you should try it

It never fails? Never? Any way, appreciate your advice. I did try being myself and just like that for 20 years. And I learnt that I will not know until I fail. I did fail, a big failure, down to the very bottom. And I had to start all over again. And I learnt that I need luck, I need help from others, I need to depend on others to get to my goals, make compromise a lot of times, that I need to care for others too, not just myself, that there're different ways to get things done, that I should go for what I believe, yet once I could not get it, take it a memory, not a failure, because I had been through that biggest failure of my life (so far!).
southern 75 | 7,096
27 Jun 2010 #163
Of course women are complicated and have very strange reactions but you have to control the frame.If she takes charge of the frame you are lost because you deepen in the female world of ambiguity where women are much more experienced.But women need freedom so I have to keep the strings loose I mean the woman has to realize that her choice to please me comes out of her freedom as an awareness of necessity.
SerbinaVonTeese - | 8
27 Jun 2010 #164
Maybe your girlfriend is too "sofisticated" to have sex with someone who's from far East?
southern 75 | 7,096
27 Jun 2010 #165
I wouldn't call polish women too sophisticated.This title goes to Russian girls.But Asians are weird for sure.I mean can you imagine a powerful Serbian guy in Tokyo?He would fek the Japanese girls and the local males would take photos and start speaking with Serbian accent.
SerbinaVonTeese - | 8
27 Jun 2010 #166
Did you feel that I tried to be sarcastic when I said "sophistcated"? ;)
southern 75 | 7,096
27 Jun 2010 #167
I was also ironic."Sophisticated Russian lady" is a common description on ads.Anyway I am tired now I will try to explain the unexplainable mysteries of Polki in another time.
JustysiaS 13 | 2,240
27 Jun 2010 #168
It never fails? Never?

nope, i keep my act together and give it my best shot so at the end of the day if things dont work out i don't have any reasons to blame myself. i would never change for anyone, i would get out of my way to please them every now and again but i don't believe there is anything wrong with me that needs fixing! i'm happy with myself :)

Of course women are complicated and have very strange reactions but you have to control the frame.

the problem with so many men is that they offer themselves on a plate just asking to get hurt. what's with all this vulnerability? just because you see a pretty face and a nice body should't make you lose all reason. if a man is balanced that is half of the success. don't let the woman shake you up!

Mistakes are when we over do or under act on something.

i think i might add this to my favourite quotes :)
southern 75 | 7,096
27 Jun 2010 #169
what's with all this vulnerability? just because you see a pretty face and a nice body should't make you lose all reason

It's exactly this.The rush of adrenaline caused by the gorgeous view causes an excitement and an intensity that impairs the reason in favor of the hedonistic pursue.It is the common torture of many men.
SerbinaVonTeese - | 8
27 Jun 2010 #170
I am tired now I will try to explain the unexplainable mysteries of Polki in another time.

OK, sorry, see ya when U get rest (in peace) :)))
A J 4 | 1,088
27 Jun 2010 #171
You sound like you never have problem in relationship, do you? Would be great if you could share more of your experiences.

I don't want to sound too arrogant, but I don't think I will have much problems with a woman who understands me.

No, i don't agree.

No? So you really think you can tell me that personality doesn't matter?

Lot of these marriages were broken because they were based on chemistry.

I'm about to disprove your whole theory, so stay tuned..

They came to each other because they simply like each other, without taking into account all the realities of life such as: convenience, security, materialistic needs and social status.

There's a difference between reality and needs sometimes. Now, about social status; Just take a good long look at famous and wealthy people, like moviestars for example, do they really have long relationships in comparison to less famous people? Quite the contrary I'm afraid.

When chemistry is gone, what are they going to do?

Who says the chemistry will be gone if you really found someone you understand and can laugh with? Anyway, about your theory; You're trying to create chemistry between you and this woman, and she still doesn't seem to feel too much for you. But here you are, talking about what other people will do when the chemistry is gone? It seems to me you're contradicting yourself here?

For people who come to stay with each other after long time of building up trust and understanding, knowing what they want from their partners, it's more stable.

Wrong, if there are no happy feelings involved, then you can't possibly convince me that you really understand eachother. There's a fat chance she'll want to leave you as soon as she'll meet someone who really does turn her world upside down, and if on top of that his financial situation seems acceptable to her, then you can bet your bottom that that's what will happen, if she doesn't feel much for you. (Sorry!)

Ofcourse, physical attractiveness is also important. That's why I am trying to build up some more muscles!

Didn't a few women tell you already they value personality and character?

I never ignore feelings. I just want to build it up, not from chemistry as I am not lucky in that matter, but from other factors.

I'm sure your intentions aren't too bad, but I'm afraid you are completely ignoring her feelings for you. (Or should I say her lack of feelings for you?) Look, if you can't excite her, can't make her laugh, can't entertain her, and if she can't even tell you that she really loves you, then you're not exactly acting in her - or even your own - best interest by prolonging this emotional emptiness. (You're going to make her feel bad, and I doubt that's what you want.)

:)

I'm not the daddy type, sorry.

Small correction there by the way; I guess I shouldn't ever say never, but I probably meant that at this time in my life, I don't want to be a daddy, because I want to achieve a few other goals in life before I can honestly say I can offer my unborn child a bright future.

I think you should celebrate life with someone you really like.

..if he or she feels the same way about it that is. (Blame it on the beer!)

;)
JustysiaS 13 | 2,240
27 Jun 2010 #172
I'm afraid you are completely ignoring her feelings for you. (Or should I say her lack of feelings for you?)

if i tried and tried and tried and i wouldn't get me anywhere then i'd walk away. but i suppose some people just enjoy being hurt.
f stop 25 | 2,513
28 Jun 2010 #173
As for method of convincing a woman, what is your method?

Have you ever looked at a woman you don't know, and she looked back at you, and you knew she'd like to get to know you, too?

If you have not, maybe you should aim closer to your league. Honestly.
Otherwise, do what you're doing - keep paying and being everything you think she needs. And then maybe you'll become so indispensable, she'll stay with you - probably not because she learned to love you though, but out of convenience.
A J 4 | 1,088
28 Jun 2010 #174
if i tried and tried and tried and i wouldn't get me anywhere then i'd walk away. but i suppose some people just enjoy being hurt.

Hey, it just feels right for me or it doesn't, and I'm happy to tell you a lot of girls seem quite likeable to me.

:)
OP gg4
28 Jun 2010 #175
nope, i keep my act together and give it my best shot so at the end of the day if things dont work out i don't have any reasons to blame myself. i would never change for anyone, i would get out of my way to please them every now and again but i don't believe there is anything wrong with me that needs fixing! i'm happy with myself

Good. Confident as you are always. Until some day you may realize that there's sth wrong with you that needs to be fixed. Or some day you may want to change yourself for somebody. That day may come, or may not. Any way, you're an optimistic person.

don't let the woman shake you up!

Yes! Gentlemen, don't let the woman shake you up!

I don't want to sound too arrogant, but I don't think I will have much problems with a woman who understands me

Who says the chemistry will be gone if you really found someone you understand and can laugh with?

I guess you would quickly walk away from a woman who doesn't understand you. How much time you would give a woman to understand you? First few minutes, hours? How long you can keep that understanding and laugh, without all the realities (or needs per your definition). You're not married yet. When you are, you may change your mind as how much time is necessary for two people to understand each other, how much effort and change of self and sacrifies are required to keep the laugh in the house. It's not simply a matter of chemistry click. By the way, what is the longest time you have laugh with a woman who understands you, if you don't mind telling? It's a learning experience to me.

Wrong, if there are no happy feelings involved, then you can't possibly convince me that you really understand eachother

There're already some happy feelings among us in other matters, except that in sex. It may take a little more time to get things smooth, or I will have to go away. As I said, I give it a few more months, may be longer if she would think it may work out in the end.

There's a fat chance she'll want to leave you as soon as she'll meet someone who really does turn her world upside down, and if on top of that his financial situation seems acceptable to her, then you can bet your bottom that that's what will happen, if she doesn't feel much for you. (Sorry!)

First, we need to commit into a real relationship with each other. Then, if she would do that, I'll take it a memory to keep, a little bitter, a little sweet, and salty. But before we commit to a real relationship, we will figure out how to solve the financial issue, the children issue (if we will have any), and other issues. We will have to plan for our future. This may sound too much conditioning and not natural, as most people, esp. young people only believe in love and disregard the consequences. They always think that "we love each other, we will solve all the problems, we do not need to talk about money, that's not real love".

I'm sure your intentions aren't too bad, but I'm afraid you are completely ignoring her feelings for you. (Or should I say her lack of feelings for you?) Look, if you can't excite her, can't make her laugh, can't entertain her, and if she can't even tell you that she really loves you, then you're not exactly acting in her - or even your own - best interest by prolonging this emotional emptiness. (You're going to make her feel bad, and I doubt that's what you want.)

How can I have any chance if I ignore her feelings? We had great moments. I believe that she would be fine with me in all aspects, except sex that we do not have sth in common yet, b/c of physical appearance. It may take some time, or never, I don't know by now. I may have been overexaggerating the situation, because all I lack are some biceps, triceps, quadriceps, major pectoralis. As for the Ischio cavernous and Bulbo cavernous, I am fine.

No? So you really think you can tell me that personality doesn't matter?

Personality matters. Other factors do too.

Have you ever looked at a woman you don't know, and she looked back at you, and you knew she'd like to get to know you, too?

I did. Some times I was right, some times I was wrong. How about you, you're always right?

if i tried and tried and tried and i wouldn't get me anywhere then i'd walk away. but i suppose some people just enjoy being hurt.

How long can you try before walking away? Few days, weeks? I may be able to try longer than you are, that's the difference.

Otherwise, do what you're doing - keep paying and being everything you think she needs. And then maybe you'll become so indispensable, she'll stay with you - probably not because she learned to love you though, but out of convenience

To be honest, I never have paid anything for her so far, except some dinners, cookies, drinks, some handicraft souvenirs (not expensive at all), that I consider normal and a man must do.
f stop 25 | 2,513
28 Jun 2010 #176
Some times I was right, some times I was wrong. How about you, you're always right?

No, I am not, but I never insisted on going after someone who I didn't think was just as interested. Let alone TOLD me there is no physical attraction!
OP gg4
28 Jun 2010 #177
So you're not. But you sound like you're experienced. Nothing venture, nothing gain. It's up to you what phylosophy you live up with. Either you never try anything and be happy with that, or take risk in sth, try your best and accept the results. It's not a matter of right or wrong, just how you want to live your life.
Matowy - | 295
28 Jun 2010 #178
try your best and accept the results

The point that everyone is trying to make is that you're not accepting the results.
nodoubt 1 | 3
28 Jun 2010 #179
Be careful not to gear too much towards psychology of polish women from Ilawa because women from Olsztyn are completely different.

If you are talking about the different classes of society then I completely understand. Otherwise, women are basically women no matter where in the world you are. They are all pretty much the same. Pretty much as in values differ and may differ greatly for some.

gg4,
Have you tried touching her like when you are passionately talking about something? Are you passionate at all? Have you tried having fun with her like taking her to a comedy club or the theatre etc? Do you introduce her to your friends? Having fun together should come naturally now matter how much money you have. You most certainly have to make her laugh. Find out what she likes or wants to do and show her how you roll.
King Sobieski 2 | 716
28 Jun 2010 #180
i think what we gotta remember is that gg seems to come from a culture of arranged marriages where you dont exactly get to choose who you marry and you grow to like the person chosen. having spoken to a couple of indian ladies about this they told me there was a fair amount of guilt and honour (the parents of course) involved in making it work.

he is now incorrectly trying to apply this theory of people growing to like each other to women outside of his culture.

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