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My boyfriend is on a Polish dating site


Ranj 21 | 948
10 Jul 2008 #61
This girl has been with her guy for 3 years, you would expect a certain degree of respect and trust in that time

Yes, one would expect there to be respect and trust after that period of time, but based on what she has written, sounds like he's been using her all along.
ShelleyS 14 | 2,893
10 Jul 2008 #62
sounds like he's been using her all along.

some people are built like that and are out for what they can get and then move on when it dries up....I've always had a policy of never lending b/f's money..
Ranj 21 | 948
10 Jul 2008 #63
I've always had a policy of never lending b/f's money..

That's a good policy to have:)
isthatu2 4 | 2,703
10 Jul 2008 #64
You and Fireif seem to have a lot in common.....

Funny,I said exactly the same yesterday but it appears the mods didnt agree........
OP zabko 1 | 21
10 Jul 2008 #65
thanks to all those who responded without taking the ****. Folllowing my last post he has confessed everything to me and said that he became addicted to the internet thing for a while and had a brief fling with someone. He is now begging me to forgive him. I know you will all think Im crazy, but I genuinely believe that he still loves me and I love him bardzo, so I have decided to give him one more chance. Probably I will regret it as he may do the same again, but after 3 years together I feel I have too much to lose and at least if I stay with him for a while I may get my money back. He has promised to pay me everything and I do believe that he will, he is not a total loser, just a man who fcuked up and now regrets it. I am taking it day by day at the moment as we are still living together and we have yet to make the decision whether to move together or separately.
Wroclaw 44 | 5,385
10 Jul 2008 #67
zabko,

Glad to hear that you now have some answers. I would consider myself very fortunate, if I were in his position. Some people might not be so forgiving.
VaFunkoolo 6 | 654
10 Jul 2008 #68
I would consider myself very fortunate, if I were in his position.

Lets hope he is not seeing it as a green light to continue taking the p!ss
Ranj 21 | 948
10 Jul 2008 #69
I hope all works out for you, zabko, but it's been my experience, once a cheater, always a cheater.

Lets hope he is not seeing it as a green light to continue taking the p!ss

Exactly.
OP zabko 1 | 21
10 Jul 2008 #70
i know you are right and he does have a history of cheating,on his exes, which I have always known about, but chose to ignore. He says that he genuinely does want to change his ways, but is not 100% certain that he will be able to as he admits to having a problem. I have told him that if I even suspect anything again that will be it for sure, and I do mean it this time, so lets see. He also says he feels angry with me for accepting the situation as if it was the other way round he wouldnt. The strange thing is that since I found out our sex life has been better than ever, thats weird isnt it.
wildrover 98 | 4,451
10 Jul 2008 #71
he does have a history of cheating

I wish you luck...i really do...but i doubt he can change , even if he wants to.....I hope it does work out for you....
Ranj 21 | 948
10 Jul 2008 #72
I hope you stick to that.....unfortunately, I have a friend who's dating a Polish guy who is completely psychotic. He's cheated on her, taken money from her and done some other things which are much worse, which I won't go into, yet she seems to always take him back because she "loves" him and believes that he loves her....he's a smooth talker, and their sex life is great, according to her, but there's more to a relationship than just good sex.

Good luck, I truly hope it works out in your favor.
OP zabko 1 | 21
10 Jul 2008 #73
thanks guys. i will keep you posted.
Grzegorz_ 51 | 6,161
10 Jul 2008 #74
he does have a history of cheating,on his exes

Who doesn't...
Ranj 21 | 948
10 Jul 2008 #75
he does have a history of cheating,on his exes

Who doesn't...

most people with some maturity and integrity.
miranda
10 Jul 2008 #76
UFO?
krysia 23 | 3,057
10 Jul 2008 #77
I have a friend who's dating a Polish guy who is completely psychotic.

Hehe, I knew one of those. Got rid of him like a hot potato. Never looked back.
BubbaWoo 33 | 3,510
10 Jul 2008 #78
but is not 100% certain that he will be able to as he admits to having a problem

oh dear. thats a cop out clause if ever i saw one

The strange thing is that since I found out our sex life has been better than ever, thats weird isnt it.

yes. the expression is 'fukt silly'. the sex is so good you make silly decisions

take sex out of thbe equation and ask yourself would you still put up with his sh!t if you werent sleeping with him. if the answer is 'no', then youve been fukt silly.

if the answer is yes then perhaps you are just the sort of person who lets others walk all over you. in which case, could you lend me a few grand so i can buy a new car.

i promise to pay you back. honest
OP zabko 1 | 21
10 Jul 2008 #79
Who doesn't...

thats what I am beginning to wonder too. He says that all men are the same and although I really dont want to think like that, past experience and speaking to male friends says different, that most men if they think they can get away with it, will cheat, no matter how good their relationship is or what is at stake. I certainly know that all his Polish male friends in the UK are cheating on their wives and girlfriends back home, so maybe its a Polish trait.

And no, our relationship is not only about sex..if it was I would have left him long ago ;0)
Ranj 21 | 948
10 Jul 2008 #80
Hehe, I knew one of those. Got rid of him like a hot potato. Never looked back.

LOL....you're so bad, Krysia;)

i promise to pay you back. honest

ROFLMAO.....and you are downright rotten, BW;)
BubbaWoo 33 | 3,510
10 Jul 2008 #81
and you are downright rotten

yes. we all know that ;)

but its true tho
OP zabko 1 | 21
10 Jul 2008 #82
but its true tho

I am glad that you can laugh at others misfortune, must make you a big man huh. Maybe one day you will know the pain I am going through.
Ranj 21 | 948
10 Jul 2008 #83
I certainly know that all his Polish male friends in the UK are cheating on their wives and girlfriends back home

That doesn't make it right.....I guess if you truly are willing to be with a person like that, then more power to you......

He says that all men are the same and although I really dont want to think like that, past experience and speaking to male friends says different

Of course "HE" says that (is he trying to convince you it's ok), and I'll admit, that there are plenty of self-absorbed lil boys all over the place, but I know just as many men with honesty and integrity that don't cheat as I know men that do.
kissingcows 4 | 7
10 Jul 2008 #84
dont worry , he only probably wanted to have sex with other people

Hell! :(

So, when a married woman should worry?

Are you used to it? :)
IronsE11 2 | 442
10 Jul 2008 #85
I am glad that you can laugh at others misfortune, must make you a big man huh. Maybe one day you will know the pain I am going through.

With the greatest of respect... It would appear that you do it to yourself.
JustysiaS 13 | 2,240
10 Jul 2008 #86
he admits to having a problem

yeah the problem is that he's a jerk, and you are taking him back but beware because this probably wasn't the last time he'd done this. i'd be so hurt if i found out my bloke had a fling behind my back or payed for membership on dating websites, i'd never be able to trust him again. if you are taking him back, get him to sign a document where he declares to pay you your money back or something, call a solicitor and ask them how to do it properly (cos i really ain't sure tbh) just in case he did cheat again and you kicked him out. if you can find it in yourself to forgive him and try to move on, good on you for having a big heart and not wanting to throw away the last 3 years of your life with that man, but bear in mind that you might be throwing away a few years more on top of that if your boyfriend decides not to change his ways. internet addiction is a known problem, but his problem doesn't limit just to the virtual world, he actually goes out there and meets women. a man who feels the need to get out there and 'prove to himself he's still got it' is in fact a very insecure, troubled guy nad he needs to see a psychologist in order to overcome his insecurities if this really is such a problem. there is nothing you can do to stop him though, if you start controlling him he will just find another way of hiding things from you and accuse you of being paranoid and not trusting him. really be careful, it's quite likely that he will break your heart again. but good luck anyway!
OP zabko 1 | 21
10 Jul 2008 #87
well maybe I am stupid, especially for posting on here. To be honest I dont even really care about the money, I just want everything to be alright between us again.

He has only met one woman off the internet twice and now its over as he told her he had a girlfriend. I know he has chatted to others but he hasnt met them. You are right that he is insecure, that is exactly the problem.. he needs to constantly reassure himself that he has 'still got it' as he is approaching middle age. I told him that he needs to choose between his virtual fantasy and false friends or me. He says he has chosen me and he is staying away from the laptop as much as possible, but I know it must be killing him as I know how addictive it can be.
Ranj 21 | 948
10 Jul 2008 #88
well maybe I am stupid, especially for posting on here. To be honest I dont even really care about the money, I just want everything to be alright between us again.

You are not stupid, zabko! I think you regret posting here because people are telling you things you know to be the truth and you are not ready to accept that now, which is fine. As for the money, it's true, there are more important things in life.....as for everything being alright between you 2 again, I truly hope that happens, but I would be lying if I said I think it will. Good luck and I am truly sorry you are hurting....nobody deserves to go through what you have.
JustysiaS 13 | 2,240
10 Jul 2008 #89
To be honest I dont even really care about the money, I just want everything to be alright between us again.

we all know that money cant buy you all the hapiness and love and i do realise that you want your relationship back on track, but i'm just saying that if it doesn't work out then at least you'll have funds for some retail therapy! lol. i know everyone at some point chats and flirts to someone of the opposite sex over the internet, but if you are in a relationship you should always make it clear, and don't meet anyone unless it's just friends... you will have to be very strong and keep an eye on him every now and again, if he truly does want to change and he feels guilty that he betrayed you, there is of course a chance everything will be fine from now on. but switch your intuition on and anytime you feel something is outta order, confront him and be firm. if he carries on using the excuse of having a 'problem', just leave him to sort it out himself. nobody deserves to be cheated on, there is no excuse for that.
wildrover 98 | 4,451
10 Jul 2008 #90
In defence of men...Pehaps most men would cheat if they could get away with it , but not all i can assure you...When i was a racing driver i had many pretty girls hanging around in the hope that they could get to tell their friends that they slept with a champion , many of my friends accepted their offers , but i can say in all honesty that i never did...I had a girlfriend that i loved , and there was no way i was going to be dishonest to her...besides , i didn,t find it flattering that some girl wanted to sleep with me because i was a well known driver with a bit of money......I was proud that i was not so shallow as my friends and remained faithfull untill she left me after a bad crash in which a guy was killed....i refused to stop racing...she walked.....looking back i don,t blame her for that...but she knows , even now that i was never untrue to her.....it may be normal for guys to play around , but its not right , and should not be accepted by any girl....


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