i don't understand why you guys would think i'm a troll
Hehe, you must be new here.
Don't worry Friend, I'm not joking at you - what I mean is that this place is filled up to the back teeth with posers and conspiracy theorists: you sort of get used to the threads taking a paranoid or just plain weird turn after a while.
Anyway - my humble take on the M-i-L issue. First, you've obviously got more interpersonal intelligence than the husband in many relationships I'm familiar with here in Poland - that will help. Second, as someone said a bit further up the thread, but let me express it slightly differently: an 'interfering' in-law (or, for that matter, parent) often sees themself as failing in their duty if they DON'T get involved, often to the point of pain. A tricky one - especially when you're living under the same roof.
a cultural thing, but not confined to Poland: I've noticed that for Continental Europeans (and maybe it's just the Catholic countries) when you come of age or get married, not only do you not stop being a son/daughter (good) - you also don't stop being a boy/girl (a lot less good). That and in very traditional set-ups, the man isn't really expected to do much in the kitchen or child-rearing departments (a rubbish state of affairs the blokes usually take advantage of).
So, how to work that one out?
- Keep that bond with your child, I take it you have time with work and all that. Keep that and the other issues will seem relatively manageable. Can you get two hour-long times to play with them at the beginning and end of each day? The girls will appreciate the break :)
- Keep that bond with your wife. Same as above - how much time do just the pair of you get alone together? Make some and stick to it (and don't use it to put over your point of view too much re. child-rearing etc) - take a rest. Mother in law will enjoy driving solo for a bit.
- Grow a bond with your Mother-in-law. Ask her what goes in the soups, ask her what it was like bringing up her daughter. Compare with your upbringing if you're comfortable talking about it. Not only will she appreciate being valued (which, at root, is what this is all about), but also you get to put your point across from time to time without being confrontational.
It'll take time - but introduce a few routines and you might, just might, get somewhere.
Good luck Fella!