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Best way to find a Polish husband...ideas?


PolkaTagAlong 10 | 186
22 Jul 2012 #1
I am stumped as to how I can find a guy who is move in or husband material, everyone I come across that I think might be turns out to want casual sex? Do you think its just because I attract the wrong thing? I think so, but I don't think it's my fault. I am innocent, polite, shy, i look like I could get taken advantage of, but they underestimate how sharp I am. I think I tend to attract guys who are either controlling/abusive or just looking for casual sex. I honestly think when I go out to places I have very little to choose from, not many in my age category (25 or younger), single, and not even close to my type. I want someone who is sane to the core, responsible/moral, classy, tall, white, and has his life on track but not overly religious. This is virtually impossible to find while at the same time be approached by. I have been approached by classy hispanics (no seriously don't laugh, guess they're trying to climb the race ladder) but they don't meet my height requirement and I feel uncomfortable with them, no white men. Is it unreasonable to give up? I just think it's because there is a low population of bachelors my age, the area I live in is full of old people.

Honestly I think a good Polish-American would be right up my ally. We would mostly likely have similar ways of doing things and stuff we expect from the other person. We would both sensitive and affectionate and serious about love. That is out of the question though because of my location.
PlasticPole 7 | 2,649
22 Jul 2012 #2
What happened to your boyfriend? I thought you posted you had one.
OP PolkaTagAlong 10 | 186
22 Jul 2012 #3
We broke up after a month. He took things too quickly or he was just trying to use me all along. Guys in med school do that. The sooner we broke up the better though, because now that some time has passed by I have realized just how WRONG of a person he was for me.
PlasticPole 7 | 2,649
22 Jul 2012 #4
You can try going to a singles night at a local church.
OP PolkaTagAlong 10 | 186
22 Jul 2012 #5
Hmm, could be a good idea, but I dislike church people around here very much. It probably just depends on the church though.
PlasticPole 7 | 2,649
22 Jul 2012 #6
If you want quality, commitment minded men, isn't that a good place to look?

Well, okay then. But it's hard to find people who want relationships among the general populous.
OP PolkaTagAlong 10 | 186
22 Jul 2012 #7
Could be, but a lot of bad men are avid churchgoers, it's part of their act.

it's hard to find people who want relationships among the general populous.

You're definitely right about that. It's just hard for me to go to a church I've never been too when I'm not even religious.

I don't even think there are too many singles nights at local churches, I dunno these people are weird about that kind of stuff.
PlasticPole 7 | 2,649
22 Jul 2012 #8
Churches want men and women to meet and get married, so there are plenty of them that host singles night. In fact, my mom's friend and co worker met her husband at one.
f stop 25 | 2,513
22 Jul 2012 #9
Best way to find a husband is not too look for one.
As far as casual sex, you have to be a mind reader.
There is a point at which every guy, even the "responsible/moral, classy, tall" kind, is going to try and figure out how much of a bargaining chip sex with you is going to be.

Most of us hope that if we find the right one, sex is impossible to resist.
OP PolkaTagAlong 10 | 186
22 Jul 2012 #10
Yes, but I am good at resisting it, because I am highly sensitized. I don't think its realistic to assume that the man I find is going to be irresistibly attractive. Uber attractive men are a pain in the butt and picky most of the time. Most likely they will live with you, and get uninterested and move to another girl when they find that you smell after exercising or don't give a good enough hand job. Because, quite realistically, they can get anything they want with the way they are, and everyone wants the best they can possibly get. I don't want to live up to those ridiculous standards. There are very few decent, attractive men. I can be in love with someone that i'm not as attracted to and be infatuated with the person i'm more attracted to.

You have to let the men find you, yes, you are right, but you have to make yourself AVAILABLE to be found. Because if they don't see you, or get acquainted, they will never know you're available will they?

Most of the time, men who are looking for casual sex are not that interested in a relationship, but are just looking for a pussy to bang. Once they find out they can't convince you to jump right in bed with them, they're not interested at all and you never hear from them again. Then there is the type who is more artful at getting you to think he is serious and is more willing to work at it. I have been burned so many times, I am just not going to let this happen anymore. This happens 90% of the time when a guy approaches me.
PlasticPole 7 | 2,649
22 Jul 2012 #11
This is why you have to go to the churches, Polkatagalong.
OP PolkaTagAlong 10 | 186
22 Jul 2012 #12
Yes, but I find it so weird because I can't be convinced that there is a God, I just can't. And you have to donate some of your income to the church, that is NOT happening. I am worried about finding someone who is very religious because I'm not religious, and it's kind of deceitful to pretend like you are.
f stop 25 | 2,513
22 Jul 2012 #13
I don't think its realistic to assume that the man I find is going to be irresistibly attractive.

Ahh, but it is all in the eye of the beholder. On one hand, you don't want an uber attractive guy, but you also imply that only those turn you on.

Keep looking until you find something else in a man that is sexy, besides his looks. Take your time. It looks like you're ready to make some bad compromises.

If you marry a man that you are not attracted to, you're making a bed both of you are going to have to sleep in. Pun intended.

Most of the time, men who are looking for casual sex are not that interested in a relationship,

Oh, Polka, practically all men, even the "good ones" are looking for sex.
They all hope for a relationship that will be a steady and comfortable (but exciting) source of it.
If they tell you they are not interested in a relationship, then you are not the one.
Sooo...
Probably the easiest way to get a man is with sex. But you have to mean it, feel it, and want it. Otherwise you are just trading it and .. you know what that is called.
PlasticPole 7 | 2,649
22 Jul 2012 #14
that is NOT happening.

Only a dollar maybe. You don't have to give them a lot. When my mom's friend went to these singles nights at this one church, there were some really religious people there and she wasn't attracted to the men that were like that but there were also some there who weren't religious fanatics.
OP PolkaTagAlong 10 | 186
22 Jul 2012 #15
I am attracted to men that aren't super good looking, just in a different way. Like if a guy has an edge to him, and he's good looking, but he's not a ken doll, I defnitely still find sex pleasureable. There are different levels of attractiveness, obviously!

Only a dollar maybe. You don't have to give them a lot.

Really, my parents say it has to be like 5-10% of your income. I'm plenty ok with giving a small amount to charity, that is if it's a legit one that truly goes to a good cause. That may be the case with the churches where you are, but I'm pretty sure it's not the case here.

Oh, Polka, practically all men, even the "good ones" are looking for sex. They all hope for a relationship that will be a steady and comfortable (but exciting) source of it. If they tell you they are not interested in a relationship, then you are not the one.Sooo...Probably the easiest way to get a man is with sex. But you have to mean it, feel it, and want it. Otherwise you are just trading it and .. you know what that is called.

I didn't say they aren't looking for sex! I WANT a man to desire me, he just has to know that I am not going to give him what he wants until he gives something to me, and that is protection and commitment. If you give a man the prize, what incentive does he have to carry on with the relationship? It shatters any chemistry there may be. They would never say they aren't interested in a relationship, they just mean it and they think the woman is stupid enough not to realize what they're doing, or they're just so impulsive and frustrated they can't help it.
f stop 25 | 2,513
22 Jul 2012 #16
All the single engineers around here stop by somewhere on the way home from work for something to eat and maybe a beer. At least once a week, most of the time on Friday. What do they do in Poland? Go to church??

he just has to know that I am not going to give him what he wants until he gives something to me

..and therein lies the rub..
PlasticPole 7 | 2,649
22 Jul 2012 #17
Go to church??

Church is where a lot of single men hang out.

Then you have club guys but most of them do not want anything serious and are only looking to get laid. Club guys are cooler than church guys on average but the two are not looking for the same things.
f stop 25 | 2,513
22 Jul 2012 #18
Church is where a lot of single men hang out.

that is weird. I'm not sure one of those would turn me on. They all believe in creationism?

Re: club, I'm not talking about clubs. They go straight home after work? What about well to do guys that don't want to cook? Or want to hang out with their co-workers after work? You don't have those?
OP PolkaTagAlong 10 | 186
22 Jul 2012 #19
Re: club, I'm not talking about clubs. They go straight home after work? What about well to do guys that don't want to cook? Or want to hang out with their co-workers after work? You don't have those?

We don't have those where I live, it's not a sophistocated place. And the "sophistocated" people around here are virtually dry of young bachelors that are my type (not talking about looks necessarily).

I'm thinking if I ever am to find the right person, I will have to move somewhere after I get my degree. It will be difficult living where I have no connections or family but it's do or die.
jasondmzk
22 Jul 2012 #20
You're trying to capture lightning in a bottle. There's no looking for serendipity, there's only finding it. Don't sweat the too hot/too cold porridge, the more desperate you become, the higher the likelihood somebody will look juuuuust right. Hunger is the greatest spice of all, right?
f stop 25 | 2,513
22 Jul 2012 #21
I'm thinking if I ever am to find the right person, I will have to move somewhere after I get my degree. It will be difficult living where I have no connections or family but it's do or die.

I never had problems finding them because I picked a profession where women are a minority. But I see my poor guys, looking for a place they can go to grab something to eat, asking their coworkers if they want to go... because they don't want to go home yet, even if their mama is cooking.. Go to a concert of the kind of music you like. Museum. Art gallery. But go alone. If a guy's trying to pick you up that you don't like, tell him you're waiting for someone. But talking to people is good. Everytime you meet someone new, you expand your circle of friends.
PlasticPole 7 | 2,649
22 Jul 2012 #22
that is weird. I'm not sure one of those would turn me on. They all believe in creationism?

Probably but a lot of people aren't too religious outside of church even if they go to church on a regular basis. It just depends.
Meathead 5 | 470
22 Jul 2012 #23
Honestly I think a good Polish-American would be right up my ally. We would mostly likely have similar ways of doing things and stuff we expect from the other person. We would both sensitive and affectionate and serious about love. That is out of the question though because of my location.

Sensitive and affectionate guy? That's an oxymoron. Generally speaking men aren't sensitive.

Guys in med school do that

Guys in med school are BUSY, it's 8 AM to 12 AM 10 months out of the year. And for the most part they're nerds, so you're not going to get the attention which you want because their mind is somewhere else.

This is why you have to go to the churches, Polkatagalong.

Guys who hang out in churches are closet queens, Ted Haggerty comes to mind. Church going is a women's thingy.

Sex ain't about I give I get. It's something you and your significant other want to do together. Hold off on the sex for awhile and get to know some guys as friends, don't be so scrupulous about their looks or what ever. Learn to develop some casual platonic relationships with guys and when you get married, marry your best friend. It's that simple, have fun.

Oh, one last thing, men don't have the advantage over women. Those so called good looking guys aren't anymore successful than you are, so feel free to date 'em. Just don't jump into bed so quickly. Get to know 'em and let him get to know you.
OP PolkaTagAlong 10 | 186
22 Jul 2012 #24
The problem is, there really aren't a lot of places here like that to hang out and find the right crowd. No one hangs out at a museum or art gallery, it is a small town. There are no concerts, unless you count weird hippy stuff like a drum circle. There is a very strange divide of people here. The weird hippies/gays and old yuppies and the baptist country people.

Sex ain't about I give I get. It's something you and your significant other want to do together.

Some guys practically won't even have a good conversation with you until they know something is in it for them. If a guy wants premarital sex in a relationship, and the girl refuses to give it to him because she wants to make sure she is safe, or she is not in love with him yet, then the guy will go elsewhere. The only time a relationship has the potential for chemistry is when the man asks the woman out and pursues her, and I don't have any beautiful hunks chasing after me, just sayin, so I think I have to lower my standards. When there is real chemistry between two people, it is very hard and unnatural to develop a platonic relationship. That's not what I'm looking for. Real men don't do that.

What I'm trying to say is, the guy always wants it before I do, either because I don't like him as much as he does me, he is not ready for a real relationship and can't control himself, or he doesn't care about being with me he just wants to bang a pussy. Maybe young guys get frustrated because they are inexperienced and I am demanding and slow-moving.
Meathead 5 | 470
22 Jul 2012 #25
Some guys practically won't even have a good conversation with you until they know something is in it for them

You're not going to have a good conversation with someone if you don't know them or don't attempt to get to know them.

If a guy is attracted to you and he thinks that you are attracted to him he won't go elsewhere.

Premarital sex, what the hell is that? Marriage and sex are two different things. Using myself as an example, in college I used to meet a girl for lunch virtually everyday and we used to talk about all kinds of stuff and than one day we just ended up in bed together. i still don't know how that happened, but it did.

Fstop's statement about increasing your circle of friends is good advice.
WielkiPolak 58 | 1,034
22 Jul 2012 #26
I want someone who is sane to the core, responsible/moral, classy, tall, white, and has his life on track but not overly religious

Well you pretty much described me although I am a bit of a religious psycho + I don't live in the USA so, slight problem there. Plus you do not like it when a man pulls a cute/funny face to lighten to mood so we are just too different girl.
BBman - | 344
22 Jul 2012 #27
Most women your age are far too picky, demanding, spoiled, materialistic, and far from girlfriend material (i could go on with more reasons all day). This is precisely why you're having a hard time finding a man and why most guys are wary of serious relationships with girls your age.

You would probably be best off by finding an older man, someone 30+ years old.
OP PolkaTagAlong 10 | 186
22 Jul 2012 #28
You would probably be best off by finding an older man, someone 30+ years old.

ugh

You're not going to have a good conversation with someone if you don't know them or don't attempt to get to know them.

Its impossible to get to know someone when all they're interested in is getting in your pants. period. I try to get to know them and all they keep asking me is if I will give them a blow job.
NorthMancPolak 4 | 648
22 Jul 2012 #29
Most women your age are far too picky, demanding, spoiled, materialistic, and far from girlfriend material

If you think it gets any easier when they're approaching the menopause, you are sadly mistaken :D
OP PolkaTagAlong 10 | 186
22 Jul 2012 #30
Most women your age are far too picky, demanding, spoiled, materialistic, and far from girlfriend material (i could go on with more reasons all day). This is precisely why you're having a hard time finding a man and why most guys are wary of serious relationships with girls your age.

Most men are far too lazy, infantile, unsuccessful, and wanting to be pleased every second, and far from bedroom material. I could go on with more reasons all day, from the video game addictions to the dancing around the truth to the taking everything they want and not even thinking about the woman's needs. Most men cannot take criticism or admit when they're wrong, they can NEVER be at fault for anything.


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