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Aliments and abortion (I was married to a Polish guy)

Rysavy 10 | 308
11 Dec 2012 #61
By account, it is not like she was originally an illegal and for that reason got knocked up to have a citizen child on the benefit system ( not to be facetious..wouldn't UK be better in that case? )

We can color her story by our own experiences or those of someone close.. but even as some of you paint her as somehow getting this guy's love in order to have an 'anchor' baby... the other side is the type of guy who is a user and cad

ie. like my father in law was(and to some extent his son). He married a younger wife saying we'll have kids later..meanwhile expecting her to raise his two children

When she got pregnant 2 years later when a sudden trip had her unable to fill prescription. He beat her constantly when he found out (so says his sisters, friends as well as MIL). Then he wanted abortion because physician worried one of her "falls" may have done damage. And then was angry because coerced sex got her pregnant again before she was eligible for birth control again. He threw her out of house and divorced her the week the youngest was in daycare. Used her 'homelesness' as his tool for custody.

My own X was angry when my 13th pregnancy (I miscarried often..mostly for physical duress) arrived ; his mother whisked me away on a "vacation", gave him the bird (she remarried wealth and her kids who sadly hated her, licked her arse to get their shares) and I enjoyed a mostly problem free pregnancy.

My youngest child was concieved past three forms of birth control(was on set 3 of Depo shots. technically I am not supposed to even use hormones because my blood disorder. I liked and wanted kids so sterilization was not MY option. I did every other thing in my power to avoid it).

My middle child was after my x-spouse had first vasectomy (yes genetically his and I was on Ortho 777). He also was one who said I did it on purpose. 0_0

my point of sharing this personal information is that truth is stranger than fiction... never say never.... for every stereotype story there is the ones that did not follow any norms. And that benefit of the doubt should exercised rather than indirect attacks on the girl's motives and honor. Dude was an atty... and a XXX(edit: oh he never even married teh GF with kids.Not a divorce.oops) ; you think if she had been simply after citizenship he couldn't sniff that out before legalizing her position with him?

OP says her man said to effect "we can have kids in about 5 years". From my bias, different from those expressed previous; I suspect this was a trick to get her best years...what he really meant was NEVER. Oh gee-Lucky him, he ALREADY has children so doesn't need more or care. It would behoove him to marry a hard worker -sans children- since all their joint resources (tho he seems to make plenty) would be going to support his former family (nice..not!) still giving him a bed warmer, cook, maid and errand runner with attractive looks to rub in Ex's face. And someone dependent on him as far as communication and transport local.

I can understand about not wanting to "return home", specially if not been there for some time. I am currently in location where I spent teen years to tie up some business. And I despise it as much here in podunk now, as I did as teen. Define "go back home". Being born somewhere does not make it necessarily "home".

If you are not 'returning' to open loving arms and understanding from a parent or generous sibling..why buy further stress? Why go back? None can abuse your inner soul harsher than blood kin. Is old home a better place for a mixed child? Or new home?

Plus leaving before divorce/mediation/separation makes her "abandoning him" giving him more rights to do wrong by her. While she is trying to establish a stable presence "back home" she will be a no_show for court since she is not likely to get due process while "unaddressable". She could lose alimony, support..even custody itself! How awful to have him come with an int'l warrant to take her new born baby after struggling alone in pregnancy? Not even knowing he had won such a decree (My X tried this but FAILED and I beat his sleazy arse with no lawyer in court...but it was not easy and I had NO savings years after. I can't imagine how waiting on Visas would have effected my outcome).

Call me a paranoid. but being on my toes has me ready to fight every non jurisdictional hearing that crops up every 2 years. Maybe her guy is not that low...maybe he is lower. The fact he used threats to coerce an abortion she clearly does not want..says plenty about his character already. I am sure he already is aware if she comes from a culture that believes in or personaly believes in abortion as an option for removing inconvenience.

But to say he MUST have a reason? What?! that kinda thinking is why DV still is so strong and so shameful to admit suffering under... he can "freak out " from being a control freak, a manipulator and having never had any intention of having children with OP.

ie. my X lost his higher security clearance because he was caught breaking Order of Protection by Post Office security camera. Just because he was not allowed at house without supervisor. I always bowed down to him and did what he said with utter fear for a decade. His "losing" and my daring to (his words) 'DEFY him', made him an ugly person who constantly put his job at risk. I usually live in location that is more than 1500 miles away from him.

...I didn't kiss a pile of frogs to find my polish Prince... I was shackled to a starved Saltwater Crocodile.. and I have the bite scars to prove it.
OP champchamp 1 | 21
11 Dec 2012 #62
? Did you need to marry for an immigration issue?

We know each other since 2009. He was always telling me ill marry you each time he asks me to come back and I never asked him if he's gonna marry me. Im not that desperate but I love the guy. In my original post i stated that we were on and off so if I wanted to get pregnant in the first place i couldve done it 3 years ago. I married him and he even asked me for separate marital agreement which i did not think twice of signing it coz probably he's scared of his assest but fine i did not make it a big issue. All I wanted was to be with him and there's nothing such as hidden agenda.

Thanks Rysavy for being fair :)

ehm btw guys i dont know why esp Fstop think that it's all about the money or passport but I never said I'll never leave did I? So if you were in my situation you'd just leave... that's your choice, I have another decision and that is to stay for a while until the child is born.. I am just asking for support until I give birth then i'll disappear. He already dumped me 4x in his life. To ditch me this time with a child is something else. Whatever I am doing, it's all because of my child. If he could support his other children with 2 diff women, why exclude our child? I am his wife and I will do whatever I can for the child.
natasia 3 | 368
12 Dec 2012 #63
If he doesn't want to be with you, and have the child, does he want a divorce?

His behaviour just seems so inconsistent and strange, that I can't quite follow even a warped logic there ... must be very hard for you.

I just think you sound rather alone in Poland. I think that is why people have said why not go back to your parents. But I can understand why if you like Europe, you want to stay. That was presumably your plan, in marrying a European guy and living in Poland, so why should it change now because he turned out to be an idiot? I understand.
OP champchamp 1 | 21
12 Dec 2012 #64
But I can understand why if you like Europe, you want to stay. That was presumably your plan, in marrying a European guy and living in Poland, so why should it change now because he turned out to be an idiot? I understand.

Europe is nice but I love tropical weather more than 4 seasons. I came here coz of him and that's the most important reason why I am here. I could be anywhere with him it doesn't matter. Yes, I am alone but I don't feel like that coz of the child. I am very sad and I am already getting used to it anyway changing places would not change the situation at all.

It was only horrible one time he asked me if I was hungry coz he knows the money wasnt enough and he seemed like mocking about it as if telling me if i had enough already then i should leave Poland soon. Of course he wanted me to leave soon coz he was scared I might find out about him being with his X again and leaving to Egypt soon while I am going back home with all the pain in the world he could not imagine. Regarding divorce, i heard he already consulted a lawyer about it so he is only waiting till i leave so he could say I left him and so on.

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