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Need Advice: I have fallen in love with a Polish woman...


trevness 1 | 17
25 Jul 2010 #1
I have fallen in love with a Polish woman who lives in England and she also loves me .We have known each other for about a year. She is married and her husband will not come to England .She has 2 children who live with her aged 17 and 20. and she will not go back to Poland.

I have asked her to get divorced and live with me but she is catholic and cannot make a decision .anyone been in this situation before ? Thanks
beckski 12 | 1,617
25 Jul 2010 #2
anyone been in this situation before ? Thanks

Take a look at other threads. There's only about a million similar situations.
OP trevness 1 | 17
25 Jul 2010 #3
Sorry Beckski I am new to this forum how do I do that ??
Thanks
A J 4 | 1,088
25 Jul 2010 #4
In the upper right corner of your screen should be a search engine.

;)
opts 10 | 260
25 Jul 2010 #5
I have asked her to get divorced and live with me but she is catholic and cannot make a decision

She is a catholic and can’t get divorced, but she it is ok for her to be an adulterous.
The best solution to your problems, since she can’t get divorced, is for you to move with her and her husband, and her husband and you can share her.
Seanus 15 | 19,706
25 Jul 2010 #6
Mods, please step in. This is EXACTLY the kind of thing I was talking about. I am gonna take this to Admin and insist that a stand be taken as this is just taking the mickey.

She has a husband, for crying out loud! If she is any kind of Catholic at all, she will honour that. I'm not a Catholic but learned the morality of faithfulness LONG ago without any church.
OP trevness 1 | 17
25 Jul 2010 #7
cathoilcs do get divorced as I know a few of them . and if 2 people love each other why not get married and be happy together .
A J 4 | 1,088
25 Jul 2010 #8
her husband and you can share her.

I bet she would love that, but I guess her husband will attempt to kill the guy, so maybe this isn't really a great idea.

xD
Seanus 15 | 19,706
25 Jul 2010 #9
Catholics are just people, of course they get divorced ;) ;) However, a court decree is onerous and involves some cost on her side.

Well, she's off to a bad start from what I can see. Wouldn't you say? Does she care what her offspring say?
zetigrek
25 Jul 2010 #10
catholics can divorce. They only can't take another church marriage.
OP trevness 1 | 17
25 Jul 2010 #11
I only asked for advice, didn`t think it would cause this much trouble. Sorry
A J 4 | 1,088
25 Jul 2010 #12
It doesn't cause any trouble, although some people think it does. Hey, if you don't do it, someone else will.

:)
opts 10 | 260
25 Jul 2010 #13
is for you to move with her and her husband,

I was being sarcastic when I said that. What I was implying is for trevness to look elsewhere for a mate and not to destroy a marriage.
Seanus 15 | 19,706
25 Jul 2010 #14
She can't make a decision says it all, really. Even if she said yes to marrying you, you'd be with a woman with baggage. Is that what you want? Sorry, I have trenchant views on marriage and to part with my wife would be anathema to me. Why did I marry? For many good reasons. Retaking vows is also a sensible thing. Marriage is another contract that needs to be worked on, like having a kid. That's why, prima facie, I'm against divorce and abortion but they are complicated issues that don't call for the taking of black and white positions.

What kind of advice were you expecting?
A J 4 | 1,088
25 Jul 2010 #15
I was being sarcastic when I said that. What I was implying is for trevness to look elsewhere for a mate and not to destroy a marriage.

I know, and my answer was a joke aswell! But seriously; She will look elsewhere for another guy, because she's obviously done with someone. Does it matter? Isn't this marriage already dead?

:)
OP trevness 1 | 17
25 Jul 2010 #16
the marriage has been not good for a few year thats why she had to come and work in England. We both love each other and we are both happy. we dont even live together we are 200 miles apart .
pgtx 29 | 3,159
25 Jul 2010 #17
because she's obviously done with someone. Does it matter? Isn't this marriage already dead?

well, so she should finish it up and get divorced before she moves on... first clean up an old mess to start a new one...
Seanus 15 | 19,706
25 Jul 2010 #18
So she escaped without even trying any salvage operation? Wow, what a great Catholic. In Scotland, the most common cause of divorce is 'irretrievable breakdown of marriage'. It's not that easy to prove. You have to try all sorts to keep the relationship alive.

She could likely love countless other men too, right? She still has a decision to make, otherwise you'll just be tagged along.
aphrodisiac 11 | 2,444
25 Jul 2010 #19
from another OP's post it appears that they talked before she came to England. Is that true?
Seanus 15 | 19,706
25 Jul 2010 #20
This should be merged with the long-distance love thread just below.
A J 4 | 1,088
25 Jul 2010 #21
well, so she should finish it up and get divorced before she moves on... first clean up an old mess to start a new one...

Just a minor detail which should be overlooked. (Who cares about that miserable guy in Poland, right?)

;P
OP trevness 1 | 17
25 Jul 2010 #22
The husband in Poland would not work and he would not look after the children thats why they came over to England. All he thinks about is himself. She has had to do everything for the family with out any help from him .
A J 4 | 1,088
25 Jul 2010 #23
Could be true, but then again some women will always blame the guy they wish to leave, so that's all guess-work. What matters is that she obviously doesn't want him anymore, and you two seem to like eachother. So don't justify yourself to anyone.

;)
opts 10 | 260
25 Jul 2010 #24
The husband in Poland would not work and he would not look after the children thats why they came over to England. All he thinks about is himself. She has had to do everything for the family with out any help from him .

And now, you are justifying your actions.

Do you have any honor?
OP trevness 1 | 17
25 Jul 2010 #25
I have met her husband so I know what I am talking about .I had 2 holidays in Poland and had my meals in her home .
Seanus 15 | 19,706
25 Jul 2010 #26
Well, there's always two sides to every coin. She should have considered that before marrying him. Be careful of being spun a yarn. People who go abroad often do that!
Lucyna67
25 Jul 2010 #27
trevness

the marriage has been not good for a few year thats why she had to come and work in England. We both love each other and we are both happy. we dont even live together we are 200 miles apart .

Besides being a woman who is attracted to men, you also have to understand who she is: a mother, it's a major part for females in being a woman and you have to understand one rule about mothers that usually never or rarely does it fail: No man can separate a mother from her children.

If her children dont like you, most likely things will end between the two of you.
If you want to build a stronger relationship with her then you have to earn likeness from her children, no matter how old they are.

Most likely they won't find you likable, but rather unethical if your's intentions are to help that woman divorce her husband.

Sorry, that's just the way life works.

She can't make a decision says it all, really. Even if she said yes to marrying you, you'd be with a woman with baggage. Is that what you want?

Yes she can make her own decision but shes not alone. Besides what kind of a mother would engage with a man who will not fancy her children, her own flesh. That is just very rare and if it did happen, this story would probably hit the screen in movie theaters!

But it looks like shes tight with her "mature children" since she dragged them all the way to England!
OP trevness 1 | 17
25 Jul 2010 #28
She did not drag her children to England and I get on very well with her daughter but her son is very quiet . Their father did not take any interest in them . and the daughter had to cook, clean and look after the father even when she had university work to do .
A J 4 | 1,088
25 Jul 2010 #29
Trevness; Stop justifying yourself. (I mean well.) Let them talk. They know everything.

:)
PlasticPole 7 | 2,649
25 Jul 2010 #30
Catholics can divorce, they just can't remarry because, according to the church, once you marry, you are married in the eyes of God to the same person forever and ever. If you get a divorce, you are still married in the eyes of God and remarrying can only mean adultry to God. This is why Catholics can never remarry. If you choose to stick with this woman, you will be living in what the church calls adulterous state. I, personally, would never go out with some married dude. With all the men and women out there, why would someone want to waste time with someone who is already committed to someone else?

If this woman is a devout catholic, you might not be able to convince her divorcing her husband is a good idea.


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