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Is this a common way to be treated as a guest in Poland?


1172ftj 6 | 17
8 Oct 2013 #1
So, my family is Polish and my father goes each year to visit. I was 4 when we moved and haven't been back in 18 years. Last year when my father went he asked an old family friends daughter to invite me on facebook. At the time I am not sure if it was meant for her and I to be In a relationship or not but she was 17, and I was 21. I am pretty sure she ended up asking me if I had a girlfriend - unless it was a friend of hers who took control of her facebook and asked instead (quite sure it was her). I had her attention maybe for the first month or so then we talked on/off since then mainly me saying hi. Now, a year later I came to visit. Just a few weeks before I was arriving she asked me when exactly I will be there so I assumed she was wanting to meet me eventhough I told her the dates when I told her I was coming 2 months before.

I came Thursday and told her i was in town, she messaged me a few hours later on facebook telling me i could have come. I was expecting to be invited from her/her family but we never did get a formal invitation. My father said anyway to stop by like that on Friday night. The time we went no one was home but 15 minutes later my dad walked by again and her father was there and her and her mom/brother went to take care of some school stuff. My mother/sister both said to bring flowers for her mom, and my father brought a bottle for the dad so I got choclates for her. I felt weird walking in with flowers and chocolate while it was just her father there. Later they came and her brother walked in shook our hands and said good evening hten left, a minute later she came in with her mother I gave them the gifts. I was nervous and shy and I feel she was the same. Most of the conversation that time revolved between her parents and my father/uncle. It was just her sitting there listening and me the same. There was a part later where she called her mom from the kitchen and she was gone for some time. Later her mom said she was in the bathroom and she was tired from driving earlier. When it came time to leave i shook everyones hand again and i am not sure if it was my father or her family who initiated it but i got invited the next day again. We got invited to stop again to help finish the bottle we brought. I noticed her a few times look at me the whole evening though.

I understood it as me coming the next day to help her find a car but instead i was invited to see a car she wanted. The next day i walked to her house and her brother was on the shed prepping the roof to paint, i said hi awkwardly and he replied awkwardly too. i rang the bell and no one answered so i walked the corner and her dad was outside talking we shook hands and invited me in. the night before i said i can show pictures and they asked to see pictures so i showed them. i got invited by her to go upstairs but instead i asked if she can take me to buy a sim card so we went. she said she needed to be back by 1 since her brother needed to pick someone up. we came back a little later and she told me that they were going to this town and it would be a little while til they come back if i wanted to come too so i came with. The time her and i were alone we didn't talk that much.

it was her father, brother, family friend who knew cars, her, and myself who went. most of the time it was those 3 talking and sometimes her adding a few comments to the conversation. when we came to the car they were taking care of their own business so i felt awkward and didn't really want to impose so i kept to myself. It was mainly the 3 guys talking looking around and then her father asked me how i liked the car - i said it was nice but i like a bigger car. Then she went with 2 guys and i was with the father when they test drove it and he asked me about the car again. they came back and then it was me and her standing while they tested the car again. I was keeping to myself and she walked by and smiled and asked how i liked the car. Then we left and the drive back was the same just the guys talking to themselves. I noticed the whole time that when it came to enter/leave the car it was always from the other door, not the one i was at.

When we got to her home the 3 guys sat in the kitchen and i was invited to sit for dinner but i sat in the dining room just about 1 meter away from them. I ended up eating alone but a few minutes later the girl sat next to me and ate her soup and then left to wash a car. She changed and came by me telling me she will go wash a car if that was ok - i offered help but her mom said to finish my dinner. Later her mom mentioned to the other guy that i am from the states and it was just a simple chat about me and the states and how that is. After i finished i sat around the table with the guys talking, it was her father telling some story about some neighbor guy they have, i noticed her brother look at me a few times. Then her father got up and they all left talking outside and i was left alone. I ended up going to the living room and sat with her mom watching tv and we did some chit chat. Then the girl came back and sat on the couch next to me and she was helping me with my sim card trying to get it to work. Then later on she said she was going out and she was going to get ready and after a few minutes she came back and said she was going to be leaving soon so i said i will leave. Her mother told me to come by again so i won't be bored and i told the girl she can message me on facebook but they didn't have internet available but the girl said we can talk since i have the sim card now. So I told her mom thanks for everything and told the girl by and just left. I am not sure if i looked disappointed after i left but the whole time i kept to myself both from the situation and me being tired. I was planning on having her contact me since she has my number, but should i be the one to talk to her again? She helped me a few times throughout trying to get my sim card to work.

Is this common hospitaility when it comes to having a guest over? I was expecting more than that - but i understand they have their own business to take care of and i am assuming that her brother went to work outside and same for her dad since he has his own home business. Her mom was resting after cleaning the house and i am not sure if the girl already had those plans or if she was just wanting to leave. I understand also that i do not know their family nor do they know me personally. They went to my baptism when i was younger and her dad once worked for my grandfather and my father visits them once in a while when he goes to Poland. They just live across the street from my uncle. I also do not know if it is because i do not speak polish the best. This all happened Saturday and i was thinking of letting some time pass and then send her an sms Thursday and try some chit chat and maybe see if i can spend time alone with her. I met her the day after arriving so i was just used to being in Poland and felt out of place. I am feeling more comfortable now so i feel i can talk to her better. But was I treated with disrespect, or was this just everyone minding their own business? Thanks and sorry for any trouble! Could it be me misinterpreting her feelings, or me over doing it or is it just me being shy same as her? It seems and always has seemed strange and awkward talking with her. I just hoped that me being here her and i would be able to spend some time together and get to know each other better. I was planning on respecting her, and her families space from the very beginning since i am here on a vacation and they are all living their normal lives. She is 18 1/2 - in her final year of primary school and i am just turned 22. She wished me happy birthday and the day after was when she asked when it was i was going to be in town exactly. Thanks in advance!

last year at the time my father also invited her to come work for us and she may end up coming by me next summer. I figured it would be polite of me so she can meet me so she can at least know me.if she would come and work
DominicB - | 2,704
8 Oct 2013 #2
tl;dr

You've really gotta learn to be concise, kid.
Terry Zazoff
8 Oct 2013 #3
You haven't said what she looked like.
Monitor 14 | 1,820
8 Oct 2013 #4
can you write summary of that long text?
Magdalena 3 | 1,837
8 Oct 2013 #5
The way you described it could have been anything from them snubbing you to them including you in their closest family circle. I would tentatively say that they were just going about their business and included you in their day as a matter of course. I would call the girl and maybe ask her about things I could do in town, places to see etc. If she is reluctant to help, that's a major clue. I'm sure you'll figure it out. PS Polish people tend to be very informal around people they a) like a lot or b) dislike a lot. So until you get in touch again, you'll keep on wondering.
el_easy 2 | 54
8 Oct 2013 #6
Damn!! I got headache with such a long story
Buggsy 8 | 98
8 Oct 2013 #7
Looking at the time the OP wrote this post- no wonder it's not the shortest!
Maybe you could tell us what you expected from this particular visit.
It's certainly not normal to be treated in such a way but if you wanted some quality time with the girl alone,
you could have at least proposed to go to some interesting place together.
As to how 18 year old girls behave, I have no idea but I'm sure there will be some people on here young enough to

explain if that's a normal behaviour or not..
OP 1172ftj 6 | 17
8 Oct 2013 #8
Thanks guys for taking the time to read and help. I was more expecting to not really feel ignored and maybe be more included in a way. At least have been asked a few questions more about myself and how I like Poland and everything.

But I know it was not a formal gathering or invitation so I understand that. Just not quite sure if I should make an effort to get to know her or not. I do think she is nice and she is pretty and I had her on my mind a lot the year I've chatted on/off with her. I would like to at least get to know her better but I feel the situation - at least in my point of view is complicated.

Might have to wait and see as the days go by but I would at least like to make sense of the feelings I did have and hopefully hers too by the time I leave. Thanks !


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