"Co ty" - communication and expressions

Hello.
I just wonder if it is normal that polish people say "co ty" to each other or other similar polish words and expressions and if it is normal that a husband say this often to his wife when she says something to him or if wives use to say like this to their husbands in Poland? Do polish people think that this way of communicating with others is respectful or not? Would it not be more respectful to say for example "you are wrong in what you are saying" or "I don´t agree with you" or something else that sounds nicer than "co ty" or similar expressions?

Best regards from a woman in Sweden.

@dreamer19
Oh, come on!

That's pretty equivalent to 'co ty'. Would you consider 'come on' rude too?

I guess "come on" sounds nicer than "co ty" but I´m not from Poland so what I wondered is if the expression "co ty" is often used among people in Poland or relationships between husbands and wives. I´m from Sweden and maybe there are very different ways of communicating in Sweden and in Poland. Maybe the words "co ty" sounds more negative to me than they would sound for polish people.

best regards a woman in sweden.

For sure. It would be very weird if they were similar.

As a non-native speaker of Polish 'Co ty?' is one of those phrases where it's not the words, but the melody it's sung to that matter. It can be playful and affectionate or hostile and dismissive or just a kind of an empty answer when the person can't think of any other response.

I'd have to hear the 'co ty's in question to have any opinion on the intent of the speaker (and member the same intonation pattern can have different meanings in different languages)

When Polish people think you're wrong they let you know pretty directly but that doesn't mean they don't like you, friends can get in what look like pretty heated and hostile debates but it passes over pretty quickly and they don't hold grudges about it.

So if a husband say this to his wife when she says something and his tone of voice sounds like if "he thinks his wife is stupid" than he still does not mean anything bad with his words and the wife should not take it so seriously?

I guess the wife knows him well enough to say what he means. Are you the wife?
Poles are pretty straightforward. If you want someone to pass the sugar and say podaj mi cukier without proszę-please, most won't find that rude.

If a husband say this to his wife in a more playful way then it has no negative meaning.

Again, it's possible that Swedish ears would hear a neutral sentence as hostile (not saying that's the case, just that it's possible*). The best thing is to ask a native speaker or two of Polish who hear the husband in question as to whether he sounds hostile or dismissive.

Also it's very unlikely that this would be the only thing he does/says that indicates he thinks his wife is stupid. If he normally seems non-rude and this is the only thing then it just might be a verbal habit he has with no meaning. If it's part of an overall pattern then there's probably a problem that might need outside counselling to get at and solve.

*Germans often have problems in the US because their neutral intonation sounds rude to Americans...

I think it sounds more nice to say for example "can you pass me the sugar" than to say "pass me the sugar." To say "pass me the sugar" sounds more like and order to me. Maybe people more often say things like "pass me the sugar" in Poland than in Sweden and I guess they don´t mean anything negative with saying "pass me the sugar" instead of "can you pass me the sugar."

@dreamer19
Of course it sounds nicer, but lots of people just say casual pass me the sugar with nothing bad in mind.

In Polish "pass the sugar" can actually sound more intimate than "can you pass me the sugar" which sounds as if you're speaking to a work acquaintance.

The Polish linguist Anna Wierzbicka wrote that plain imperatives are preferred and more polite in Polish than more elaborate expressions since the imperative "pass me the sugar" is a direct address and close recognition of the person you're talking to while "could you please pass the sugar" creates more distance.

What is rude in Polish is to use plain infinitives "cukier podać" is very condescending and rude.

Maybe a polish word sentence can be neutral even if it does not sound neutral. I guess it must be difficult to say the words "co ty" in a neutral way. The tone may sound negative and I think the words also may sound negative. But I´m not from Poland. Polish people are probably used to those words.

'Co ty' is use very often. However, what it means is this: Co ty nie mowisz? - (what are you saying?)act of absolute surprise at what is being heard.

Co ty robisz? (what are you doing) - act of surprise or could be act of amazement or fear - it all depends on how it is said, it could be a soft question or a hard order.

Just aside, Poles do not often use the words 'please' in the same manner as would be expected of an English speaker. When someone for example asks for money for something that you have ordered in a bar, bought in a shop, it is usual in English to say...That will be 5, 10 pounds or 5,10 dollars PLEASE. You never hear the word 'please' (prosze) in any shop in Poland when they ask for the money. It is just the amount and that's all.

It is absolutely ok between people who know each other.


I feel sorry for the current situation in Sweden, I think you made a wise choice of learning Polish because one day you might have to move to our country.

interesting to hear your opinions about this.

I just think that when one say "can you pass the sugar?" it is more like a question and gives the other person a choice whether he wants /can pass the sugar or not but if someone say "pass the sugar" is sounds more like an order.

Here's the thing. It's often impossible to be polite in two cultures at the same time, because what's neutral or polite in one is rude in another.

I don't know much (almost nothing) about Swedish norms of politeness in language. But if the husband is in Sweden married to a Swedish woman then he needs to learn to be able to conform to Swedish standards (not necessarily all the time but he should be able to do so when needed). If the couple is in Poland then she needs to learn more about how Polish people interact.

If they're both somewhere else then they need to renegotiate how they communicate so that neither is feeling disrespected.

what do you mean current situation in Sweden? I think the situation in Sweden is not so bad.

How many hand grenades exploded in Sweden today? In Poland 0

youtu.be/nUz4oEq2PQQ

Wulkan, I did not learn Polish but I understand a lot of polish when polish people talk because I have heard the polish language so many times in so many years.

I live in a small town so I did not notice any problems in Sweden even if there may sometimes be some negative news on television.

mafketis, I think you are right that it is good to try to conform to the standards in the country where one is living.

mafketis, what you wrote about the use of "plain imperatives" was interesting.

You wrote:

"The Polish linguist Anna Wierzbicka wrote that plain imperatives are preferred and more polite in Polish than more elaborate expressions since the imperative "pass me the sugar" is a direct address and close recognition of the person you're talking to while "could you please pass the sugar" creates more distance.

What is rude in Polish is to use plain infinitives "cukier podać" is very condescending and rude."

Thanks for all the answers about the polish expression "co ty." It was interesting to read your answers.

You're welcome ;)
Take care :)

@dreamer19

Hi
"Co ty" or extended version "No co ty" in a communication you described, is a natural way of:
1. confirming that he is listening
2. expressing that her story is interesting and he is willing to hear more.

It's not rude but it is very informal.