The Goal: 3000pln a month, Lets make it happen!

I've been in Krakow for a some months, call it a 2 week vacation gone terribly super awesome. I'm gonna stay.
I have a new residence permit, and I'm eligible for citizenship, if I want it.
My extensive extended family have adopted me as their long lost adult child.
I have to fend Polish women off with a stick. (guess what stick I use to perform this function)
I cashed 1/3 of my total net worth into Zloty ~66,000 pln. Millennium bank is pretty sweet and I really like the interest rates, they crush what is offered in the US. Then I read Poland had 4.5% inflation, so that is annoying because after tax I'm getting something like 2.95% fixed return in a money market type account. It ain't no thang thou. The other two thirds of my very modest wealth are in dollars and the US stock market plus the BRIC markets to be specific. I'm looking to get out of at least the rest of my dollars, the greenback is on a mini tear against most European currencies so I think it is as good a time as there is gonna be to sell, maybe I'll move into some gold too. My investments are in an American tax shelter which penalizes early withdraw, so I'll probably just stand pat on those.

Right now I'm physically back in the States, mostly trying to sell my crap, like this computer, and to explain to friends why I am moving to Poland. They do not understand, but they are not Polish. I am. I even speak Polish fairly poorly. So it will be an seamless transition. When I return in the very near future I have been offered a room to live in by family for as long as I wish. This is so very kind, but I'll be honest, I'd feel guilty and insist on paying some rent. However, if I'm gonna pay for shelter I need to live on my own, or with roommates...(i.e. college girls).

I'll be okay with money for a while, maybe even a long fcking time, and I'll have a sweet crib to romance the ladies.

But I wanna start earning ASAP, I don't mind working, in fact I like it and I like making money even more, but I want to do work that ideally fits the following criteria: flexible hours/days, people orientated, I can speak English, and pays in cash. I guess a bank transfer would be okay too, but shieeet,I want to be under the radar for as long as possible, I ain't looking to pay into ZUS anytime soon. As a foreigner, I could use this money to wipe my ass and get way more utility out of it then paying into a pension/health scheme I have no chance to collect from, or don't want to contribute too, I hear it is a lost cause for Poles my age, peoples in their late twenties. But that is okay, it is the same story with American social security and most pension programs through out the developed world, doomed to geezer demographics.

So yes, English lessons would fit these requirements, perfectly in fact, but I am looking for other options, they must exist. (Yes, I talk like this in real life, and my grammar sucks, that is why I'm not keen on getting the CELTA or whatever training and going down that road, plus I'd undercut all of yous) I'll give you all an example of what I'm leaning towards, it is not specific to Krakow or Poland but I think it is valid.

I was in Budapest. After a couple days of doing bad things, I took it easy and did some sight seeing. I went on a tour. The tour was free (with the expectation that you tip the guide upon completion, it stated this on the brochure). Of course this was no problem for me. The only problem was the weather, it was raining cats and dogs, but still, 13 people including myself braved the elements and showed up for the tour. This was actually the same day Pope John Paul was made a saint in Rome, we couldn't tour St. Stephen's cathedral in Budapest because of this (but ended up sneaking in) and outside of the church in the square was a very large crowd of worshipers watching the program on a giant projector in the rain. Any way, it was a great tour and the guide was really funny and informative. In a very polite, tact, and sincere manner... she simply asked the participants at the end of the tour to spare what they can and tip her. Life ain't easy in Hungary, even when compared to Poland where a lot of people have it rough, and if you step outside of Budapest, its tragic. Any way, most every one tipped her, I gave her 1000Huf and pretty much every one else gave her this amount (thats like $5.50), one person gave more, I don't know how much but it was defiantly more then I gave. Anyway, she easily made over $50, maybe much more, for 1 and a half hours work in what can best be described as far from friendly weather.

All she was armed with was information about Budapest, an umbrella, and personality, and this is her business model, she and 4 other partners give tours of Budapest for free and pocket the tips. Other then shared costs for a website and brochure printing, she keeps all of her tips and only crazy people in Hungary pay their taxes if they don't have too. She told me that she enjoys sharing her city with people and at least on a per-hour basis, the money is very good, its the best of her 3 other jobs. :( Also, she told me if there are not enough people present at the beginning of a scheduled tour, she doesn't even bother and refers them to other tours operating near by. Obviously, she doesn't give tours every day or doesn't make the $50+ every time, but this seems like a pretty good part time gig so long as you guide a certain quota of people and you work the tip angle correctly. In this case, her earnings certainly obliterated the Polish minimum wage rate per 1 hour and a half.

So I must admit, I've never been on a tour of Krakow, well I have, but only with family. I've pretty much seen it all 3 times, and I am a hobby historian as fate would have it. With additional and through research, and more exposure of simply being a Pole living in Poland, in Europe's greatest city, I can essentially do in Krakow what this women does in Budapest, probably just as good too, I'll be milking those middle aged English ladies for their cash. I didn't live through socialism, but I was born and raised in the US ,and not Poland, because of the communists and what they did to my family... Its all a great big giant circle you see. I'm qualified to do this.

Could it be possible to make say 1000pln or more a month doing tours in a similar manner as described above? (maybe exclude winter?) Then I'd just have 2000 more to go in order to hit my initial goal of 3000pln a month. Again I want work that is flexible, I would be very appreciative if any one can offer me other suggestions. I can pretty much count the things I won't do on one hand. Off the top of my head my qualifications, skills, and interests include: Accounting degree, American CPA license, American real estate "tax" expertise (fcking useless experience in Poland, in other accounting fields that might not be the case, but that ain't me), I make world class hamburgers and pretty good chili-dogs, I can grow incredibly dank marijuana any where, I enjoy European history (as mentioned), golf, horse racing, firearms, funny and offensive jokes (that is why they are funny, because they offend), and of course sex with women. Again, my goal is 3000pln a month cash doing essentially odd jobs part time. If you have any ideas, I beg you, do share. :)

Cross being a guide off your list: you need to be licensed in order to do it in Poland and guess which is the only language the exams are in.

BTW Allior bank are currently offering 6.1%.

You're living in cloud cuckoo land!!

You can direct people to the nearest toilets for groszy :)

If you have an American CPA license surely you can put up with doing some accounting work for a week and sititng around doing nothing for the other 3 weeks. Might be boring I'm sure that would give you 3000 and wouldnt involve showing any tourists around in the rain.

Ah, the life of an American with fantasies about being a sex god SOMEWHERE.


I've never known Polish women to go crazy over a guy with a net worth of less than $100,000. Given that an average sized flat here goes for more than $100k...


Generally speaking, ladies aren't impressed by a bedroom in a student flat.


You aren't qualified. To give tours to more than 9 people in many Polish cities, you need a licence - and the city guards are very, very quick to ask for one. The loophole of 'tips, please' won't work here - and you'll land yourself a criminal record. Ladies certainly won't be impressed with a petty criminal, that's for sure. Incidentally, I know several qualified guides - and all of them openly admit to reporting illegal guides.

Good luck to you - you'll certainly need it.

It's true what they say about the license and the police (city guards) - even when in my case my "group" consisted of my mom and dad.

so basically, he wants to find the easiest way to make money, party and get high as much as possible and screw lots of women out of his league before he gets too old and fat.

i mean.....it's basically a great plan.

You've got better chances of making money by playing lotto..if you know what I mean!

All these haters...

Just so you know here in Europe we have an negatively attitude towards individuality and success, something that you americans aint used to.

Just do your thing man and all will be fine. You can make tour guides without an licence, the only thing the guards can do to you is to tell you to stop, without proofs all they can do is threat you or in the worst case put you in the arrest.

If you really want an "tour guide" license then you just need to find some school that got some kinda tour guide program or smth and then ask your relatives in Poland to you help you out.

You speak for the whole of Europe do you?

The guy is obviously a halfwit.

Just what Poland needs....Some dope growing dope who doesn't want to contribute to the good and betterment of Poland.

Not exactly concrete advice.


Exactly. He should try somewhere else, like Bangkok to bum around in.

No, what they can do is quite easily give you a fine for a decent amount of cash. No cash on the spot? Then off to the police station with you until you come up with the cash. The law is black and white - those without citizenship (or permanent residency) cannot pay later. As for the fine - as I recall, it's 500PLN.

Now, who is going to pay a tour guide that's just been busted for giving an illegal tour?

There's no such thing as "being helped out" - there's a State exam that has to be passed, only in Polish. Of course, you can do the exam with a sworn translator (like any exam in Poland) - but the cost of that is going to be huge.