My wife wants to return to Poland...but I want to stay in the US

Honestly don't leave the US to come here, Let her come back to Poland and i'm sure once she remembers what its like she'll go back to the states, People always remember things and places to be better than they actually are. Anyway how can she expect you to move to a country where you don't speak the language etc and get a job? It seems a bit unrealistic and rather selfish.

This is true.

People who watch themselves on tape or video are frequently horrified to see themselves behave in a manner which surprises them. In the inner heat of emotion people often do not remember the vitriolic words or the rancorous 'tone' they use. After watching themselves it is not unusual to hear them say, "I can't believe that was me".

New and informative information seems to shock you.


Feminist (and so called "empowered") women and manginas do this; real men don't.


The above is a "typical" sexist comment by a female. Bashing men is second nature to lots of women. Think about it. Oh, I forgot, you don't do thinking, you do 'feeling'.


That's the unfairness. There is little a man can do about the children issue. This is an undisputed aspect of inequality where the woman gets the kid unless she is on drugs, booze, or has done something really wacko (illegal). I understand and sympathize with you on this most important issue. Many women do not comprehend a father's deep love and those who do don't care because at that point it's all about them(selves).


Absolutely!!
Single parent families have a dismal record when it comes to raising children. By far, statistics show that children raised in one-parent families commit more antisocial behavior

which includes crime, drugs, alcohol and violence. If need be, get an attorney that specializes in proactive profather divorces.


Perhaps it only stopped functioning for her? ...but then, that would be the full story and not just hers.

If she's a house wife it's not that easy to have friends. Not true friends. The US (and Canada) is not exactly the same as Europe where you pass people in the street. Here you pass other cars on the road.


May happen but not a sure thing at all.

My daughter, born in the US, brought up mostly in Canada saw Poland a few years ago and decided to go for a bit longer. At this point, after nearly a year she said she'll be coming back to complete her studies and then goes back to Poland to live there. Initially I thought it was just a youthful fad, but now that she's got a boyfriend things look a little more serious.

Look at the many foreigners living in Poland. Some are members of this forum, and some of them, in spite of their obvious display of hatred towards most things Polish, still stick around for one reason or another.

I lived in the US too and after 5 years I decided to leave. I was doing great with my business and I had nothing against the country or the people. Something simply didn't jive for me. I'm happy in Canada with increasingly frequent thoughts of returning to Poland where people don't smile, crowd buses and street cars, and where cashiers never have change when you pay with a larger bill.

Resentment transfer - I expect so. I can't speak for all females - just me - but it sounds an embarrassingly-possible situation.

I would recommend you help her plan a trip and get enthusiastic about it. She might never come back but if that's on the cards it will happen anyway. Surely better to have happy memories of her excitement and anticipation than drift apart in depressed recrimination?

Has she been home even for a holiday (especially since your child was born) ? I need to go home every so often - it seems to get something out of my system. In any case, once I think I "cannot" go, I want to ...

Friends and family.
I can understand her problem there.
Finding friends takes effort - you have to go looking for them, and be satisfied with a lot of acquaintances in the hope of finding a real friend. I haven't sorted this out in Poland yet - my 'real' friends are online.

Family is a tricky one - especially if they are hitting her emotionally - the lamenting that little Jimmy in America will never know the soil of his homeland. Any of that happening?

"Should I let her go?". What do you mean ? What would "I won't let her go" mean?

/cjj
p.s.
If she were to come back *right now* it's so bl88dy cold that she might never leave the airport ....

Couldn't disagree more Scrappleton. I married a Polish woman that I met here in the states(I'm American, born & raised) after she was here only a couple of years. We've been together 10 years now, happily married. All her family is in Poland. We go, we visit, we come home. Polish Mother-in-law comes and spends time with us here occasionally. My wife & I have Ex-Pat Polish and American friends here. No problem. We both love Poland but always look forward to coming home to America after our trips to Europe. Everyone is different.


I agree 100%. People tend to romanticize good memories and forget the bad. I would not move to Poland unless I was bringing at least $500,000-$750,000 USD with me.

It worked out well for you Ron but in general it's a bad idea. Besides I think you said you have money. No wonder things are so nice. Who the hell isn't happy when you've got money? Slavic women are so good looking everybody loses their mind and makes stupid decisions I think. Then they turn into champion complainers and belittle and henpeck their husbands all the time. I can't speak from experience but I've known plenty of people who've told me about it plus this forum talks about it all the time.

Bottomline: You'd would be out of your damn mind to move to Poland if you have a good job in the States. But hey she's stamping her precious little foot and demanding it.. so this guy has to get with it and make it happen. I read about this all the time on the forum and then the Yank guy rights from Poland that he's miserable. Haha. I thank God I am single everyday... I really do.

I'm not rich but I make a very decent living from a business I started years ago in my garage working 18 hours a day for three years before I was able to quit my regular job to work for myself full-time. BUT..... my Polish wife is highly educated and has managed to find work in this country making just as much money as I do. She could easily leave me and buy herself a house of her own and be quite comfortable. She came here to find a better life and worked her ass off to get to where she is today. She has assimilated and embraces the American way of life. She criticizes what she doesn't like and sometimes makes comparisons to Poland but doesn't have an ass-burning desire to move back. Point being,

A. Money is nice, yes.
B. She's not using me for mine, she makes her own.
C. We enjoy being married.
D. If you come here, work hard and assimilate you can make something of yourself.
E. Then, you'll make enough money to fly back to Poland and visit anytime you want.
F. Not everyone wants to remain single, if it works for you, then great but don't tell everyone not get married to European women.

G. Like I said, everyone's different.

No.. I will tell them. You're an exception, not the rule. I'm real glad you two run around barefoot through flower fields but more often than not it's a bad idea to marry them. I'm glad you're happy I really am but they're usually too hard to please and Europe is too different from the States. It's not that I hate them but more often than not it doesn't work. At least these young guys who come on here for advice should be made conscious of that.

You have an affair with a European woman, buy them chocolates, wine / dine this kind of thing.. but don't put a ring on their finger or she'll put a dog collar on you.

Hahaha........sounds like a lot of American women I know that are married to my jealous buddies.


More like football fields, she loves the NFL!


Have you..???


This part from your previous post I have to agree with.

Whew.. yours really is the exception. Hats off to that.


Sure.. one English girl when I was in the Army, she left me for a damn major. No worries, I got what I wanted. He got the headaches as he married her. Another tall Romanian girl.. I liked quite a bit. Wouldn't mind having her back but not to marry. Maybe it's kind of crass but I'd rather bed hop, when they start to complain I'm off to another. All you have to do is hit the weights, diet a little.. get a decent car. Easy stuff.. and any guy can do it. Beats being some henpecked and emotionally dependent fool. Lol.

Hahaha.those days are over for me. (except the hot car I'm currently restoring) You're probably a lot younger than I am. I had my women chasing days and it was a lot of fun but eventually I settled down and am glad I did. First wife was an American loser selfish bit#*. Then after divorce, dated many other gold-digging American women(remember, I'm American) until I met my lovely, gorgeous, generous, Polish lady. I guess I got lucky because she 's not a bullsh**, plastic, fake boobed LA type. All my friends are jealous and always asking if she has any Polish lady friends they could possibly be introduced to. By the way, in addition to loving American football, she loves old American Muscle Cars too!

Yeah, you've got a genuine point there.. that's about 75% of our women the other 25% look like Rosie O'Donnell or something. Hmm , maybe European women aren't so bad. Haha.


Well that's cool man, I'm glad to see somebody happy and not cynical about marriage. There's hope for the rest of us then. But remember, she embraces American life not like this other guy's predicament (the OP of this thread). Part in parcel of your happiness with YOUR Polish honey is that she likes American culture. Now see, he has to give all that up.. cold turkey. Kind of changes things. Actually I'm not sure if this the rule with Polish women but I hear a lot of stories like that on here. Some of them pretty comical from afar. Crazy Babcias.. the whole nine yards. I'd like a Polish girlfriend.. just not some rolling pin swinger.

I hear ya bro, No one needs that.

well looks like you have two choices before you: let her go hang out in Poland for a while or go with her. have you ever been to Poland on an extended stay? Tell her that if you can get a job here you will consider hanging out with her for a while. You may love it and decide to stay. Or you may both finally decide that it is for the dogs and escape back to the USA....stranger things have happened, my friend.

Once again, thank you everyone for your Advice. I'm really thinking of planning a trip to Poland this summer. I'm hoping the high unemployment rate, the crowded buses, and the high cost of living will set my wife straight.

Btw, I have been to Poland a little over 10 times in my life. I speak Polish, and have a general understanding of Polish writing.

About her not having friends, well she had a good amount when she was working. But their conversations seemed to dwindle when she was out of the working environment.

Honestly, I think I would be able to live in Poland. But I simply can't leave my family when one of my parents are sick. It wouldn't be right...

Do you know how long it lasts ?

No offense intended, just asking the question, only I read it can start several months after giving birth and last for up to 2years. ( not the childs age of 2yrs ) It can also recur after successful treatment.

amen

go with her

thats is generalization and stupid one, if both sides had different expectations, **** happens, and I wouldn't blame women but stupid loser's who expected pretty wife and maid for free at the same time!

And don;t use this term Slavic - people from Poland don't think about themselves in those
terms!

And how you call Americans? mongrels :P

My post should NOT have been moved... Józek - hope things work out between the two of you!

the long post was removed for being off topic.

the short post referred to the long post, as well as the op.

members have been informed that if a post is in part off topic the whole post may be sent to Random.

we know, we know.. people from Poland think of themselves as west Europeans, and the champions of Christendom.

Jozek-
I really feel for you esp considering your fear that your wife may take your child to Poland and never come back. When we had to make the same decision, we lived together for a couple of years in each country and then sat down to hash out the details. I am American and my husband is Polish and we are both fond of Poland and America. The conversation between us was not each one of us defending our own country. Honestly, we were not sure which place would be better for us. At that time we chose Poland and here we are. Sometimes we second guess our decision but we re-evaluate and move on trying not to idealize the other country and demonize the one we are living in. If possible go with your wife for an agreed trip explaining that you cannot move now. Collect info about jobs, prices etc and try to sit down and have a sincere discussion about what would be best for your family as a whole, not just your wife.

Good luck and take care.

excellent advice, and the heart of the matter

Jozek, in Private International Family Law, the most important maxim is 'the welfare of the child is paramount'. I didn't pick up on the age of the child but I feel that, with a knowledge of the key case-law, the child has already set roots down and severing those roots may mean that harm will ensue. Courts take this very seriously and is a major factor against the natural presumption that custody should go to the mother. If it came to that, you'd have to play that up as this isn't a standard custody/access case where you could see the kid through access rights granted by the court. It's an all-out custody battle.

Tell her that Poland is freezing at the moment and encourage her to use Skype in order to establish contact with her family. I miss my family and all that entails but I have many contact options in today's connected world. Trust me, it's a romantic ideal that they have. They glamourise and idealise their country from afar but bit*h and moan when they are here.

Thanks again everyone. I think that Chris' approach seems quite fair. Plus I think a part of the solution is my wife being able to secure a job. Not from financial standpoint, but from an emotional one.

I never expected that she would get PND, but it appears she has it. Even yesterday she mentioned that she's extremely depressed. Winter also doesn't help. I too would be depressed being stuck in a house with a little child all day long with no adult contact...

I also can't send to Poland because the winter there is much worse. All I can do is wait...

Once Again, thank you everyone. You have been a huge help. Will give you an update as things progress..

Take care

J

Józek - right after my military service in Sweden I worked for almost two years in a zink and an iron-ore mine to save up some money. I was a rookie and while I was there it was mandated by our union and the company for all of us to use "light treatment" for seasonal depression (I think there were several suicides right before I arrived).

Northern parts of Sweden do not get much sun light to begin with - there's even less of that deep inside a mine - LOL

Don't know what kind of light bulbs they used and am not sure how it works but it was a large "cafeteria" type of a room and 50 or so guys at a time would spend about 30 minutes a day in that room reading papers, etc.. I never believed in this treatment until one day one of the grumpiest and oldest SOBs who drank 2 gallons of coffee a day started cracking jokes - and the jokes were funny too...

Maybe see a doctor if they have more info on that?

alaskanorthernlights.com/ther_dep.php

Also, my sister lives in Norway and she suffers from SAD. (Although I believe she has SAD because she chose to marry a Norwegian!) LOL

u silly


zimmy give some advice not your *MALE* opinion..

Jozek,

put yourself in her shoes. she came here, she married you, why dont you make
the effort to live in poland? its not like people arent moving there.

then you will know what she is going thru.

if you love her, then go with her, make arrangements. she is your wife, she
should honor the marriage, but at the same time, letting her go isnt solving
the delimma, because you will be hearbroken.

that little baby girl is both of yours, she belongs to both of you together.
you should sit down with your wife and explain to her how much you love them
maybe start going out more with her, take the baby to the sitters and have some
fun together.. life become routine, you dont have to be polish to feel like this
anyone can get homesick if the life they are living isnt completely happy, and
I am no expert, but sometimes men get to working and come home and forget
that its hard on some of the women and if you think your giving enough just ask
her, i am sure she wants to see more then just the four walls everyday. especially
when she is home 24/7. maybe she should work part time just to have a get a
way from the home. people need to have a social life, thats what she is missing
thats not a polish thing, she misses home because thats her comfort zone.

best of luck :)

Yes, uproot your life and go to Poland. Dump a bunch of money into your adventure, have your daughter taken away from you here in Poland once she realizes that she was actually unhappy in the marriage. On the upside, you'll be able to find plenty of strong willed Polish women here who aren't confused about life, and will make sure that you know how they foresee your future together before you tie the knot.

Hopefully I'm wrong, and everything will work out. But...for some reason...a bit doubtful.

Never lose sight of the golden rule that it is the welfare of the child that matters the most. Ask your kid how they feel about the US. Getting set up in Poland after a lengthy absence takes some doing. Don't let idealism blight realism.

If you come here, you might need to get used to 'the way of the voodoo' ;) ;)