I am a Pariah: My Horror Story

I think the problem might be that you tend to generalize. Even southern baptists are not all the same. Take time to meet people and judge them individually.

Maybe it's not the fact that you are Polish, or blond, that rubs people around you the wrong way.
For example, not ALL hip-hop is crap, I have enough Indian friends to develop an affinity for Indian food, I love to dance at Latin clubs, and definitely have been known to have some great times with bohemians and hipsters.

Finding open-minded, tolerant, unbiased people would do you much good. Maybe you should try talking to some of those "bohemians and hipsters" and shed some of your predjudices.

I already said they are not the all the same. But there are some weird breeds of them, and around here is one of the places.

Believe me, I have tried to think of everything in existence that could possibly rub people the wrong way.


Uuum yes. Maybe not every single one, but I've had countless people target my ethnicity in a semi-derogatory way. Some don't even have any idea that white ethnicities exist outside of Irish and Pilgrims. They think you're un-American if you're not just like them. This part def is not an exaggeration.

For example, I've been called a ditz, a white geisha, had one guy as me if I'm Polish and laugh (this was in history class) and had to deal with people whispering right in front of me, "She's a chuck", "I know."

Who knows, maybe they weren't talking about me, but they would look over at me and laugh.

They probably were calling me chuck because I have a jewish sounding last name (but is not really jewish). So they are probably not targeting my polish ancestry in particular, but they get the idea that I'm not all waspy like them and I'm treated as an outsider that gets demeaned and humiliated.

It sounds like you are surrounded by rude people.

Sometimes, especially when they're immature.

It shouldn`t be a formal rule, just poster`s self containment. Some people just skip lengthy posts consisting of many paragraphs. If you want to reach a wider group, try to be succinct. Make a few posts.

The USA is a huge place, there will be many towns and cities that have a diverse mixture of cultures and your ethic origins won't be of any consequence.

By the sounds of it you have nearly finished your education ( apologies if I'm wrong there), use it to travel, I'm sure there are still lots of opportunities for medical secretaries

despite the recession. Don't be put off by large numbers of people from other ethnic minorities, Blacks,Asians and Hispanics have culture and education too. It's probably in areas with diverse populations and lots of different ethnic mixes where you will find acceptance.

I've always fancied going to New Orleans myself but like China, Japan and numerous other places it will have to wait until the children have been to University unless I win the lottery!!!

Yes, I'm about a year away from finishing up my diploma (it took a couple of jobs and some careful thinking to figure out a skill that I could put to good use) and about another semester after that from finishing my Associate in Applied Science degree. I'm worried about being considered "overqualified" so I may not finish my A.A.S. I will have to do some more research and put some thought into it and maybe consult a career counselor. I just wish that I had more spare money so that I could travel to prospective places I might want to live. It will probably be at least another 2 or 3 years before I move though because I have to get some job experience where I can get hired and I have to save up money for moving expenses and all the stuff I'll need for my apartment.

Oh I know I will have a lot of opportunity to live where I want being either a medical secretary or a medical records technician, that's part of why I picked that job. I'm not saying the US isn't a diverse place, I KNOW that traveling in the U.S. can be like going to a different country sometimes lol. There's every kind of people in America. I've lived in the city before where all the black folk are, and it gets very bothersome after awhile. Most don't even want to associate with you anyway. Why do you think there is so much white flight into the suburbs? I don't mind if there is a black community, I just don't want them to make up a really large percentage of the population. Actually, I'll have to say though, the poor latinos are almost more annoying than the blacks, so I would rather there be a larger black population and little or no hispanic population than a little bit of both like you get in the south. I know that these people have culture and education, but when you go somewhere with a high minority population there are more undesirable people than the educated ones make up for.

Of course Pittsburgh is charming, upstate NY has some really nice spots, there's some things I like about Chicago, Virginia Beach could be a possibility because the economy is good. Unless I could get over the idea of moving West, that's pretty much it though so I guess I don't have too much to pick through.

Upstate New York gets tons of snow.

Yes, and so does Chicago.

You're a pretty girl and sound intelligent so I am surprised that you have so many problems with men. Not wanting to sound like a pick up line but if you I lived near you I would probably want to meet you, if nothing more, to chat about Poland and do some Polish stuff, so you do not feel so bad in your area. I personally am not in any way ashamed of my Polish background. I mean look at the different cultures and ethnic groups that prance about, proud of where they are from and what the believe, you can be proud too, and if you are happy with that, then honestly, you cares what people think. I am sorry to hear about your past but if anything, try to look at it as a toughening up process, not a miserable time that you have problems forgetting.

Everyone these days has problems with men :) When you are not socially affiliated, guys avoid you because the girls control the guys, and they forever ostrasize other women who try to run their own ship. If you are meek and desperate and cooperative but you're a boring person or something like that you might get some social affiliation. I like other people and am interested in them, but I'm anti prosocial. Having female friends requires commitment to cooperation, women who think on their own terms are always alone. It's a no brainer when you consider the circumstances, my personality, and understand what the people are like around me.

Also, most men could care less if a woman is intelligent. In fact, I know that a lot of guys intentionally pursue women they think are dumb.

The only reason I feel bad now is because I'm alone and I'm stuck here. My experience growing up was both a strengthening one and a miserable one, which shaped my outlook on life in a negative way. Don't worry, I can't forget my past, if I try to it comes back to haunt me with a vengeance. I'm proud of who I am and my FAMILY is and I don't care what people think. I don't need to go to a Polish fest or talk about Polish stuff to be proud of who I am (although it would be fun and interesting) my whole thing is I want to be around people who are genetically like me (share the same mannerisms, do things in a similar way etc.) so that I can truly feel connected to other people. I'm sick of being too white so that people hate me, and then not waspy enough I mean I just can't win. I'm not that Polish by blood, but I'm a lot more similar to them in every way than other group in my ethnicity. Its impossible to understand the stress and misery of growing up in an environment where you are considered abnormal and everything seems alien to what you are taught at home and what you are naturally accustomed to. Genetics are everything. They influence behavior, appearance, personality, what you're good at and what you're not. The Polish element in my ethnicity is strongly pronounced in me genetically for some reason (maybe it's because they're closely bred, that I have more than I think who knows) so I believe I should try to surround myself more with those other people in order to be happy and feel normal and have a strong sense of belonging.


You like philosophy and religion, so we'd probably have some good conversations. In a perfect world...

Deep down I was never ashamed of my Polish background, but I was associating my differences from other people with my misery. My grandfather was the only one of his family to change his name out of shame for being a polack. One gets all weird and desperate when they were in the situation I was in. It's like a surivival instinct to try to assimilate into the crowd.

Back then, lots of people with very ethnic sounding names changed them to ones that would fit in with Americans. It was common.

My Polish genes seem to be dominant as well.

PolkaTagAlong I was wondering if you considered trying to learn Polish [or perhaps you are but in your profile it says you do not speak it]. I know that it is a tough nut to crack but hey, if you were ever going to try and learn a language, that seems like the one to go to since you are Polish. I assume you do not speak the language because it is not spoken in your family as they are probably 2nd or 3rd generation or more? If you know some Polish you can feel even closer to your heritage.

I think that I'm too old to learn a language to really speak it in any useful way. I'm not saying I can't learn it, I'm just saying it's not worth it to me at this point. Polish is a very interesting and fun language to speak, but it's not of any use here (maybe if you lived in Chicago). Haha Polish was certainly never spoken in my home, and I don't even think it was spoken in the 1st or 2nd generation families either. We do, for example, use pet names (my nickname when I was very little was "bah") and add a "y" to many words though. I don't think it would make me feel closer to my heritage, or that I even need to but it would have been a neat thing to learn as a teenager.

I think I am considered 3rd or 4th generation, but I inherit 1/8 from my dad's side and possibly another small percentage from my mom's. The reason I know this is because on a genealogical test I keep seeing distant relatives (4th to 6th cousins which I estimate are probably not my dad's) with small amounts of Polish in their ancestry finders. People also say my mom looks East European and on the genealogical apps which break down the sub-groups of different races I usually get values of 37% for the East Europeans categories. If I am truly 1/4 or more Polish and other Slavic groups, I think it's reasonable to see West Slavs or Poles as my people or my identity. Most non East Europeans score some low values of that anywhere from 0-10% so there's probably a pretty wide error margin though.