PF - The Omnibus Edition

*get's comfy*

:)

SEXIST!!!!


Care to elaborate???


Are you sure that is soap residue on the keyboard?

what a tease, aphro!!!!!
;)

She must be hard at work...

Sounds interesting!

That old periscope looks just like another rusty pipe, the longer I stare at it the more uncanny the resemblance seems... It's been 17 hours and now I'm 100% positive it is just an old rusty pipe. Poor Szarly.

But as they say the show must go on. So I shuffle the deck of cards in a slow and deliberate manner but they all look the same. To kill the monotony I decide to look at their faces instead... Facial features are so overrated; give me a soap figurine any time.

The war never ends...

Or it may have, but nobody told me about it. That reminds me of the simplified reading story I served my students the other day about the Russian man who spend 47 years hiding in the forest because he criticized Stalin. No contact with the outside world sure has its disadvantages which I am begging to find out. The rusty pipe, the only physical connection to the outside world is picking up some noises. I put my ear to it and this is what I hear:

Woman's Voice:
Why do you think that I am after your money, eh? Just because I am Polish?
Of course you have to buy me dinners, clean the house and go to work. I am busy enough with all that stuff I am busy with. Wait. Where it my "to do" list?

Here it is: nails, hairdresser, clothes shopping, meeting with Kasia in the fitness club, suntanning salon.
I am just too busy to give you a BJ at the moment, but I can schedule you for next month. Deal?
Man's Voice:
OK, but you promised. Where do you want to have dinner tonight? Valentinos?
their voices are getting muffled in the distance

I look at the facial features of the naked men on the deck of cards and they appear to be from all over the world. Printed in Canada in 1971. Hmm.....Pierre was in power at that time.

I keep looking around the place and I am sure that Szarly must have felt quite bored in here most of the time and the only relief from boredom was to turn on the computer. I fire up the old machine and it takes about 3 minutes for the screen to light up. It's Pentium I.

I go directly to the history, although there are many word documents on the desktop. I will check them later. I click and it appears that he was looking at................

(no more pericope, but I can handle it)

.....PF of all things.
Had been checking it out, while I heard the rusty pipe going into vibration. It produced a ball of paint, which landed next to my foot. It was red. I heard the running steps over my head and some dust fell off the ceiling. I heard shots and yells. Another ball of paint felt and this time it was blue and white.

What the......is going on out there? My curiosity was growing by the minute and I decided to stop reading. I put my war attire on: a pair of black boots, an old ancient looking Helmet (how the hell did it end up in the bunker). I also found a pair of a military pants, a leather jacket and an air gun. I was ready to come out. All I need is my cell phone in case I want to take pictures or call the police.

By the time I was able to open the somewhat rusty doors, which finally gave the way, everybody was gone. All that was left was a bunch of paint balls, some of them smashed against the trees making little abstract decoration in all colours of the rainbow. I forgot about the potential danger and pulled out my cell phone to take the pic of the vivid splashes of paint against the pine bark. I collect images anywhere I go, so I couldn’t resist this time around.

Suddenly I heard male voices. I hid in the nearby bush and turned on the microphone in my cell phone (I was collecting sounds too). I lowered my head to the ground in order not to be seen and I realized that my face is buried in a mixture of red and white paint, grass and morning dew. I couldn’t remember if there was a sink in the bunker. Damn, Szarly is a man, so probably there isn’t any.

My ears could hear the steps approaching. A tall man was standing a couple of meters away from the bush I was hiding in. I heard another one approaching.

Man’s Voice 1:
OMG, I am so tired of those PolAm rednecks. They are such losers. They are even more stupid then the average American folks. Must be due to eating too much kielbasa and reading those silly PolishAm newspapers.

Man’s Voice 2:
I hear you. Gotta a fag? I quit 2 years ago, but those PolAms make me really annoyed. Never mind those PolAms. They can be excused. The worst are the transplants, born in Poland, moved to America and after a few years you have an amalgamation of somebody who is even more confused about their identity.

I am pressing my head to the ground even closer, fidgeting a bit since I can feel the paint getting dry on my face. Fvck. Why did I leave the bunker? Two men finish their cigarettes and finally walk away. I can hear their laugh from the distance. I get up slowly and sit down, pull the cell phone, take a picture of myself and look at it. I have some smeared paint on my face with grass and dirt imprints. No time to think about it. I look around and see a couple approaching. I quickly hide behind the bush, this time sitting.

Woman’s voice:

I don’t understand why all those foreigners post on PF – they have nothing in common with Poland, they don’t understand Poland they way Poles and me understand Poland. I cannot stand them and I hate them with passion. They occupy the only space I am able to control – the virtual reality and even there I have to deal with those morons.

The Man’s Voice:

Don’t worry about them dear, you are a true Polish patriot and a Lady, so you have nothing to worry about.

The Lady throws a cigarette butt, which lands in front of my face. I can see in a small print that she smokes. It says: du Maurier.

The couple walks away laughing.

I get up and walk back into the bunker. I am a bit disappointed, since I was all ready for the war and it seems that I missed the action all together, except for the involuntary face painting and the faint smell of a cigarette butts. I lock the door, turn on the fluorescent light and lie down. I need to eat something. I get up and walk around the place. The walls are covered with old posters with the rock groups from the 80s. I examine them looking for hidden storage of food. How did Szarly get his food down here. He sure must have gotten hungry. Well, for now I will order Pizza online. They must deliver here.

I lie down again. I am awaken by the laud music. It sounds Balkan. I hear a loud know on the door and hear somebody yelling on the outside: Pizzaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

TBC

Nice :)

Keep up the good work corporal :)

more more more.. lol

Was there anything else with that helmet? I think the owner may have thrown his toys out of his pram a couple of weeks ago:)

Simples. i simply phoned Harrods and a man delivered it.

great, is the account still active then? It should be- you know:)

For you yes. Phone Mr Al Faed and tell him you are a friend of 'El Pie'. You will then be given a 90 day credit facility up to my old limit of £3.25 which should keep you in sardines for about a da;)

Nice reporting on The War btw. Are you in Triploi?

atta man - gee, thanks:). Looks like I have to go to option #2 and have southern cook for me.


nah, to noisy down there;)


I open the door with struggle (Szarlotka must have had another exist since the doors are rusty and don't open easily) and see an old, beaten Rabitt parked outside. I don't see the driver. Suddenly, he appears just about when I am ready to close the door. He looks at me with some curiosity and the shy smile appears on his face. I see a front tooth missing.

-Pizza- he yells in my face.
-How much?
-Well, Szarly has an open account with Balkan Pizza, so we just charge him directly.
- Great.
I give him a tip in old Polish zlotys. He is still standing and waiting for something.

-What?- I ask.
-Well, Szarly let me use the internet when I delivered for him. Can I?
I back off and with the Pizza box I retreat into the bunker and shut the door. I can still see the driver's long hair covered in some kind of shiny grease.

The Pizza smells good and I hear the banging on the door.
-Open up! I need to use the phone!!!!!!!!

I slowly walk into the corner of the bunker, turn up the music and start munching on pizza, which is actually fresh.
-What did Szarly do for fun besides reading PF and having his Pizza delivered by this Feta boy?

I finish another piece and get up. I keep looking for another exit. I finally find it at the end of the bunker behind the King Crimson poster. The doors are made of steel and glass. I open them with easy and I see.................

TBC

I'm waiting. The Guinness has run out, the world didn't end so come on.........

O'Bama drank it all??? The fekker!

tell me about it !!!!!!!!!!!;)The rusty pipe must have been a left over from your failed attempt to built a little beer pipe from Ireland. Blame it on WB, who shot too many outdated paint balls into it.

An update on what I have missed, that has come to pass, over the past couple of months.

Our beloved Polish forums was hacked, sending the world as we know it, into complete chaos.

Admin was busy getting everything up and running, while disturbances to the peace rose dramatically across the globe.
Long time PF users/abusers took to the streets to repeat their inane comments about things nobody cared about. At bus stops, laundrettes, doctor's waiting rooms... anywhere where there was a captive audiance.

Pfers were shouting out their views from sunset until sunrise, not being accustomed to "natural" sun light they quickly scurried back to their parent's basement when the "fire ball" in the sky appeared.

Delfi was given several warnings by the police for telling Polish people they weren't Polish enough.

Southern muttered something inaudible to some girls at a bus stop but as soon as they looked up, he had vanished.

Crow was spotted in lower East side Manhattan telling a gaggle of geese about "Mother Serbia".

PolskiMoc was ranting to a load of Indians about how Polish people were the super-race because "we" have the R1a gene, only to be laughed at because India has a higher rate of R1a genes than Poland.

And I was beaten up for accusing people of doing things they'd never do ;)

In other news...

A snail has slid away from his shell because his mortgage was in Swiss Franks, leaving a non-Newtonian fluid all over the forum.

The FBI have reduced their spending on intel due to people willingly posting their faces.

Poles in the U.K. are not as PF portrays, according to eyewitness accounts. Many of the hardcore PFers are setting to it, that reality is a strict reflection of PF and not the other way round.

Up next- How many PFers does it take to screw in a light bulb? all this and more in the next Omnibus Edition.

Nice job Sean :)

You've been hacking into my phone haven't you?

Can you hack phones? (I assume if they are on the internet)

Are there phone viruses., like there are computer viruses?

Yes and yes. As phones get more and more like mini computers they become easier to infect with viruses. Mine has the flu at the moment.

Apparently yes phone viruses are spreading fast, not kidding, 95% of smart phones have no virus protection software installed whatsoever and still people do their banking and other e-transactions via smart phones, pretty risky.

Yes, there was an i-phone virus going around recently where your phone wallpaper is changed to a picture ofRick Astley, it happened to one of my bosses at work.

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/8349905.stm

can somebody infect my farm with a virus and change the wallpaper please...

but not Risk Astley....

I have 200 rolls of ghastly sixties flowery flock wallpaper with 12 inch wide orange flowers on a hideous lime green background that you can have free (postage and packaging will be around £15000). Guaranteed lack of Rick Astley.

PS why can't I see the latest threads view on my machine (too friggin' lazy to work it out for myself)

It sounds wonderfull....

Sadly i can,t afford the postage....

Groans from the still living fill the early morning air. Everywhere there are burnt out heaps of twisted metal that used to be computers. A few brave souls, presumably officers, walk among the carnage that wasthe Battle of PF, a battle that had been threatening for some time and that was finally instigated by a removal of privileges for the lower ranks.

Now, as I sit here in the fox holes of hell I hear that some escaped the horror by joining another battle. Has the cause been lost? What once we all would defend to the end no longer so important? If so it is a dark day.

It beggars belief how the wit and humour of a few years ago has been replaced by anger and rancour and that the actions of a relatively few self opinionated and intolerant people have buggered this place up to the extent that some of the good people have and are seeking a new place to talk and discuss.

I am a simple man. In real life I would say that I get on well with maybe 90% of the people I meet. Of the rest I probably actively dislike maybe 1 in 10. From the bile posted here lately it would appear that I am in minority.

What a sad theme for my last ever Omnibus post. PF will of course continue and over time, with a new influx of members , maybe thrive again to become the vibrant and informative place that it most certainly used to be.

So it's goodbye from me (and it's goodbye from Ed)

Szarkozy! baby!, this is what I hate about sentimentality, over time people's perception of the past changes (which in fact changes history itself).
There were plenty of fighting before and there are more punters these days ergo more fights.
Remember noimmigration and all the horrid, attention seeking stuff he used to post?

The internet is a big place (okay, you caught me, I have no idea how big the internet is or could be) BUT :) there is enough room for two forums.

I was thinking about it last night, on one of my many meditations about PF and the internet.
The new forum is not like PF, if anything it might help PF get to where I think Admin wants it to be i.e. less about personal attacks, using it as a chatroom with all the bells and whistles and more about written content, points based discussions about Poland.

If some are unhappy with the way things are here they can use the other forum, it might save the mods a lot of time on this one. I am not yet sure where the other forum is headed, it has many many buttons that I have never seen before but it remains to be seen how the general vibe goes, so far, so good.

"Everything will be all right in the end. If it's not all right, then it's not the end."

you said that before, however I know where you are coming from. I totally lost an interest in posting on PF. It took me years, but without analyzing it too much and blaming anybody in particular I find that there are many better places to be at the moment:).