PF - The Omnibus Edition

A very Merry X-mas and Happy New Year,
With adventure, love and a dash of cold beer.

So much has happened these 365 days past,
I don't know where to start, I hope it won't last.

Lets hope that everyone has peace this year,
That families reunite and not live in fear.

Matters not if it's karp, turkey or just a microwave meal,
So long as friends and family are making the deal,

And so another year's almost up,
To this we should all raise a cup!

A precious princess was brought into this world,
As our hearts, they did melt, when we saw this little girl.

Sons were united with fathers unknown,
The seeds of good relations have this year been sown.

From Texas, came a cowgirl at last,
Who came to see Krakow and visit her past.

Some made fine grooms while others made brides,
A union of which, fills us with pride.

Matters not if you are Muslim or Jew,
This X-mas we'll all start a new.

With family and friends we'll forget all our woes,
Eat, drink and sleep! and forgive all our foes.

With make-ups and break-ups to make up some more,
A drink for yourself, I hope you will pour.

With generalisms, ologies and isms galore!
We try to turn away but we howl out for more.

So I'll end this ryme, this season greeting,
On Polish Forums, we are always meeting.

And to all those who love and love to hate,
I'll catch you on other threads, now that's a date ;)

Remember dear Poland keeps us all together,
Under Admin's flagship we brave the weather.

With a kick in our step and a gleam in our eye,
You'd think butter wouldn't melt and we were all nice as pie.

So a rich man or beggar, you be.
Merry Christmas to all, I do decree!

I've had the first thing you've mentioned, I will probably never experience the second you've mentioned, and I guess I will have to leave the rest of that sentence to the better people aswell.


I can't say I can say the same.


Hmm.. Alright, I'll toast to that!


It actually does matter, because I'm allergic to spicy food. (Seriously!)


I'll toast to that one aswell! (It's probably just me, but why do I already have the feeling I'll be drunk after reading this whole poem?)


*miraculously decides - just in time - that it's probably better to keep his seething mouth shut for moment or two*


Rejoice! *burp*


*knocks himself unconscious with a Scottish warhammer*


*regains conscienceness, opens his eyes, and moans about the bright white background of PF because it hurts his eyes, and reads something about marriages*

*faints again*


I hope so, so I guess I'll raise another glass to that one! (Isn't it great to use a poem as an excuse to get properly pissed?)

:)

Na zdrowie!


Are you sure?


Cheers! *hiccup*


*smirk*


Tak!


Trust me, I'd rather have a date with a hot blonde, but I guess your bar-tales along with drowning myself in a barrel of Tyskie will solve most of my problems for now..


Don't you think he's going to need a whole lot more of superglue to keep some of us together?


Fruitcakes man, it's all about the fruitcakes!


Hey, atleast I've read your damn poem? (Seriously, I think you're just trying to depress some of our resident artistic talents?)

*grumpy*

Alright, alright!

:)

Na zdrowie!

Well that's it I'm tired of waiting for MG to get off his arse and give us part 2 of his epic grass in Poland tale. He's got time to compose new music tracks and post them on the web but obviously sees the update of this august thread as a lower priority. The youth of today eh? No commitment to see anything through to a conclusion. I bet he's been playing guitar hero on the Xbox as well. SIgh. I've told Ed to withhold his fees.

I am therefore going to have to spend some of my valuable time composing the next edition, which is provisionally titled 'Heroes and Villains of 2009'. It will name and shame and there will be no holds barred.

Sounds like you drank that edition :)


Sounds like a comic book, I look forward to it.

I probably belong to 2010 heroes.

nothing yet from Szar;(

Its WHIP, sorry WIP. Give us a break. I've had no beer for 12 days now and my creativity is suffering.

That is very alarming indeed:(

How can we help?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ReALLY SZAR - there are 2 threads I read on PF and this is one of them.

Another Year Older and Deeper in Debt

Tempus fugit and another year has gone by. Out in the real world we’ve seen the usual shenanigans; another US President has come in, bankers have been found out, bailed out and once again been paid out, Russia has flexed its muscles, terrorists have terrorised, prices for the basic commodities in life (cheese and Guinness) have continued to rise and Wroclaw Boy is still in Poland.

Here in the tranquil backwater of the internet that is Polish Forums, there have also been changes. The high standard of good natured and informed debate that we have come to expect has, of course, persisted. Not for us any senseless name calling, product endorsement, attempted fraud, desperate attempts at cheesy chat up or zealous entreaties to embrace obscure religions or beliefs. These things may riddle other meeting places on the web but we are immune. (Ed – what are you on now you’re off the beer mate?) If forums were clubs we would be a comfortable but slightly faded affair with old leather armchairs and a waiter called George who remembers serving the young gentleman and ladies on their R & R days off from the Battle of Britain. As opposed to a garish, chrome clad former warehouse with a loud but cheap sound system, club anthems remixed upon themselves to blare out white noise, earnest but spotty young males in Armani clothes and willowy blondes teetering upon Jimmy Choos.

Our changes have been mainly in the mix, number and quality of our posters and posts. The subjects under debate have, as is the nature of a resource that is tapped into by new participants, largely been the same as in previous years. An unscientific assessment by my good self (Ed – all your assessments are like that) has concluded that the hottest topics, in no particular order, remain:

• Problems with understanding my Polish Girl/Boy Friend.
• Problems with finding a Polish Girl/Boy Friend.
• Problems with finding a Polish Girl Friends in order to gain entry into the EU.
• Are Poles racist?
• Are other nations racist?
• Are racists in fact racist or just misunderstood?
• The Holocaust didn’t happen.
• It did happen but it wasn’t our fault.
• The Poles are stealing our jobs, women/men and my wheel trims.
• Recipes (yummy).
• Our beer/vodka is the best.
• Genealogy searches that uncover relatives who in hindsight you wish you hadn’t.
• <insert name here> is a worse place to live than Poland
• Random abuse

However, the song does not remain the same because we all put a different slant on things. Which takes us back to the posters and my ridiculous pledge to pen the PF New Years Honours List aka Heroes and Villains 2009. The trouble with the task in hand is the sheer number of people on here these days and the risk of offending people – not by insulting them but by omitting them. (Ed – not to mention of the risk of us being sued Szar).

But a promise is a promise so the list will be shortly available. Its release will coincide with my going off for a few days. I learned this trick from the HR partner of the firm I used to work for- he always went on holiday when the pay rises and promotions were announced.

Until then - keep on posting, be nice and take care y'all.

that is a miracle.


Cheers guv.

Yeah, I'm hoping I'll be the number one supervillain of PF this year.. See, I've been thinking, and I've been watching too many movies, and did you know the bad guys always get all the bad chicks?

;P


Huzzaa!

xD

The Feminists are against this and think it should be "Heroines and Villainess''.
The Religious think it sounds too comical and should be called "Angels and Demons''.
The Atheists think it sounds to deist and think it should be called ''The Good and The Bad''.
The Buddhists think there is no good or bad and think it should be called ''Is''.

What about the pagans???

They are religious, last I heard and have angels and demons, no?

Erm...no...*leaves pouting*

The Feminists are against this and think it should be "Heroines and Villainess''.
The Religious think it sounds too comical and should be called "Angels and Demons''.
The Religious pagans think it doesn't sound pagan enough so they want to change it to "gods and goddesses".
The Atheists think it sounds to deist and think it should be called ''The Good and The Bad''.
The Buddhists think there is no good or bad and think it should be called ''Is''.


I now completely understand what you mean ;)

Splendid. Can you tell me what I meant then cos I've got to idea;)

get a PR for christ sake !!!!!!!!;0

What a splendid idea. I'll advertise here first.

Exciting vacancy for highly motivated individual

A position for a senior PA has arisen at Szarlotka Enterprises plc. The post is working for the CEO, Owner and only intelligent employee Mr Szarlotka himself.

Duties will include:

· Getting into the office first and making sure it is warm and cosy
· Making damned fine coffee
· Being inventive with the excuses why Szarlotka is out of the office
· Answering the telephone
· Compiling Szarlotka's expense claims and answering queries from HM revenue & Customs on them
· Answering customer queries with a polite but firm 'No way'.
· Buying Mrs Szarlotka's birthday and anniversary presents & cards
· Writing the PF Omnibus Edition and taking responsibility for any complaints.

Hours of Work

· 9-5 Monday to Friday with the occasional overseas trip

Educational Requirements

· Dependent upon length of legs. As a minimum you should be able to spell education.

Personal qualities

· Highly motivated (because your boss isn't)
· Good negotiation skills (to get 10% off the price of Guinness at the Red Lion)
· Up to ten words per minute typing using the start of the art Amstrad PC
· Preferably drop dead gorgeous (but with the ability to instantly look dowdy and plain should Mrs Szarlotka turn up unexpectedly)

Renumeration

· £6.00 per hour and a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc per day (non negotiable)

Please apply in person at the aforementioned Red Lion anytime after 10:30am (best not leave it much past 2pm)

ha, ha, brilliant as always, but where the .........is the Omnibus issue. You are very creative with your excuses - charming;)

Szarlotka is on an unofficial strike again (poor him) - bless his soul. This man has been working soooo hard over the years on the Omnibus editions, so he deserves all the glory and all the time off he can get!!!!!!!!!!!!

POLSKA SA£ATKA JARZYNOWA z majoneze on PF (POLISH VEGETABLE SALAD with majo on)
For those who have ever tried, made, tasted, experienced the simple, yet very nourishing and tasty salad know that you either hate it, or love it.

It is a simple recipe (so is setting and running any forum), but the key to success is in the ingredience and the person who prepares the salad, you- the cook, on PF the ADM/Mods.

I like mine chopped in rather large chunks, with some majo/mustard and lots of pepper. My niece likes her finally chopped and she would not eat mine, which is not a problem because there is more left for me.

*20 dkg of potatos (ziemniaki) (common, cheap vegetable with lots of carb - if one eats too much of it, there is a chance of weight gain, indigestion and an overall sluggishness often lasting for days)

*10 dkg of carrots (marchewka) (popular, cheap vegetable, sweet in taste and very good for one's eyesight- definitely a winner, not to mention the brilliant orange colour, which enhances the looks of the dish and the presentation)

*5 dkg of celery (apparently good for the overall stamina, if you know what I mean)

*5 dkg of parsley (pietruszka) (heavy duretic, a tad sweet, but with hardly any taste)

*10 dkg of sour pickles (sour only it its name, because it has so much value, that one would be foolish not to add it to the salad, not to mention the fact the green colour can add to the presentation and provide that slightly tangy taste)

*10 dkg of green peas (zielony groszek) (lovely for the presentation with its bright colour, crunchy on the outside, soft on the inside - mniam)

*10 dkg of sour apples (kwasne jablka)-(yes, those are essential to the salad, but don't overdue it please, otherwise you will end up with too much of the sour taste)

*1-2 hard boiled eggs (jajka na twardo)-(lots of protein, enhances texture)

*5 dkg of pickled mashrooms (grzyby marynowane) (I personally don't put those in my salad, but in the spirit of creativity one can)

*¼ l of majo (majonez) - either homemade or store bough
**(the problem with majo is the amount - one cannot add too much or too little, but the salad without majo is like a bicycle without wheels, or a forum without ADM/MODS, majo binds the salad and enhances its taste)

*salt and pepper to taste

*** Some recipes call for pickled herring (Sledz), but I personally don't add Sledz to mine - just never liked it in that combination.

So:
Boil potatoes, carrot, celery, eggs and so on. Chop, chop, chop like crazy. Mix it all up, add the majo/mustard, spices to taste and voila!!!!!!!!

You have one good Polish meal.
If you are drinking alcohol, add more majo since it contains a lot of fat and it is claimed to eliminate some of the unwanted alcohol consumption side -effects.

SMACZNEGO!!!!!
Aphro:)

So it has come to this. The Omnibus Edition is now officially renamed the ‘all you can eat’ food fest. Nice to see Aphrodisiac starting the ball rolling with a fine salad that, by the looks of the ingredients, can serve 5,000. Throw in a few loaves and fishes and we should all be able to see out the winter.

Never one to buck a trend (I said buck and trend) I am more than pleased to submit some simple recipes that are easy to prepare and will have guaranteed results.

Punch Up

Take one Harry, introduce a topic, any topic, and within seconds the catalytic reaction is sure to suck in any number of vicious responses. Really, the topic is entirely your choice.

Rev Up

Take one Wroclaw Boy, marinate overnight in red wine and simply give him the keys to a Ferrari F430. Just watch those revs rise. Note that the marinating is optional.

Bottoms Up

Take one Southern. Mix liberally with any Slavic lass and, if we can believe it, the reaction is so strong it will take your breath, and her clothes, away.

The Wildie

Take one Wildrover, sixteen cans of beans, three gallons of Prune Juice and a fistful of chilli seeds. Mix together well and get the hell out of there quickly.

And finally, the Piss Up

Nah – that would be teaching grandma to suck eggs……

Hasta la vista people. It’s the weekend.

Now you are talking....give me more beans......

The beans song:

He ate 16 cans and what'd you get?
A mighty full stomach and farting in bed.
I want to go to toilet, but I can't go...
There's still 6 cans left on the stove

(in the melody of the refrain of 16 tons by Tennessee Ernie Ford)

Like this:

youtube.com/watch?v=zUpTJg2EBpw

>^..^<

M-G (the bean song)

Beans are the answer to all the worlds problems....if everybody ate more beans the world would be a better place...Well , as long as there are plenty left for me...

BEANS MEANS FARTZ... light one up today...!

No omnibus?
Come on, how else am I meant to find out what has been happening short of actually reading the forums, pufft as if I would go and do that!

Szarlotka went on a dry spell from Guinness, he mumbled something about a bet and as a result he has low tolerance to alcohol and started posting in Russian.

He deserves a Noble Price in the Literary Excuse Category;)

No - all alcohol. It was hell.


No - sponsored fund raising for the local hospice.

I'm still a lazy waster though;)

Summary Omnibus - people bickered a lot.

It is worse than we thought.


Good man!


No they didn't that must be nonsense.
I am sure they all had polite but sometimes provocative, thought provoking discussions where everyone who took part and read the forums all came away a bit richer and enlightened from the sharing of experiences, asking intelligent questions and figuring out the meaning of it all together as one big happy family.

After all that is how I remember it :)

you are EXCUSED!!!!!!!!;)

I'm saving this post from random and nominating him as the post of the month