PF - The Omnibus Edition

Yeah but that's from a Boss that likes to drown innocent bystanders lol.....

Hehehe........ Nice one though Miranda, but you lose a point for admitting to sloppy editing <grin>

:))

That one-liner was about as funny as Benny Hill on a bad day.

Seriously, quite pathetic.

Boss is a very capitalist concept. Colleague will do......

Nothing wrong with giving the peasants a wash in my book..

semantics


yes Boss!!!!!!!Nothing you do is wrong in my eyes;)

True. Ok, well I like what PGTX calls you, so a variation on that. Mr.Pie :))


True ! And I suppose you are being very charitable and like a great benefactor too. Because you don't charge them for the drenching. <I expect it is tax deductable > It figures !

:))

Ohh I feel so famous! ;)

Great roundup miranda keep up the good work!

:)

I welcome all suggestions for the next edition, however I would like to think that I am entitled to freedom of speech and Omnibus is the only thread besides random that is not effected by moderation.

Good work overall. Credit where credit is due.

Hmm, don't spit on my accomplishments, thank you. Besides what do you ever say, besides "Spot on Greg, his agenda is evident.." or some damn thing.

Hello Wahldo, I hope you had a good day :)

Me!

lol, you too man.

Here's to Wahldo, a rock solid and cool member of PF. A Doors fan to boot :)

just PM me then, or do you want to mention you:) in the next edition.

I sit here on the cold streets of London, homeless and without a job following the Editor’s decision to reduce the overheads of the corporation by replacing me with cheaper Eastern European labour. The rain is falling, my sleeping bag is wet and so far my busking has gotten me all of 57p, 20p of which came from a Big Issue seller that took pity on me. I have not eaten for three days and am waking up sweating following a repeated nightmare where a benefactor gives me a Guinness that I drop before a drop has passed my lips. The wife has left me and the kids explain my disappearance to their friends by claiming I was really a banker all along and that I’ve now been sent to jail.

This is a watershed in my life. I could descend into an alcohol fuelled life of despair or I could rise from this to regain my true status in this world, which is not a lot higher but enough to satisfy my modest requirements. The latter, of course, is the British way. To laugh in the face of adversity, to show the stiff upper lip, to relive the spirit of the Blitz – all of those things that make us great. After contemplating my options I have decided to attempt to make a go of it, mainly because it’s difficult to fall into an alcohol fuelled world of despair when you cannot afford any alcohol. Therefore my friends welcome to……

The Not PF Omnibus Edition

Now this may come as a shock to some of you (no names, no pack drill and no sheep) but there is actually a world outside of this Forum. This world has its own fair share of drama, humour, stupidity and love. It also has idiots, weirdos and mindless psychopaths. Not as many as exist on PF of course but they are out there. As a public service I therefore propose to provide you with a quick update on the real world.

Recession Watch

It may have escaped your attention but the global economy has gone down the pan. The River Credit has dried up, every day the newspapers announce more job losses, homes are repossessed and bankers have had their bonuses reduced. The only people who have escaped unscathed so far appear to be Premiership footballers. I wonder if there is a proper noun for a bubble within a bubble? Whole countries are at risk now. Rumour has it that Ukraine will be filing for Chapter 11. The UK’s National Debt is reported to be the equivalent of £33,000 for every single man, woman and child in the country. But every cloud has a silver lining. In this case it is the enrichment of our already rich language. Yes, the recession has changed the fabric of the language for ever. Dinner parties throughout the length and breadth of Kensington are now dominated by conversations along the lines of “Daaahhhhllling, have you seen that George and Tamara have just moved into a simply divine five bedroom detached toxic asset just off Brompton Road?” Hedge Funds have been renamed cesspits. At the same time though, some words have disappeared from use – mortgage, Porsche, Ferrari and recruitment being some examples.

Games Consoles Rot Your Brain, But Wii Don’t Care

This week saw the publication of yet another report on the potential harmful effects of the youth of today spending too much time on games consoles, the internet and watching the TV here in the UK. Apparently the research seems to indicate that such activity is destroying the ability of teenagers to concentrate and reducing their communication skills to those of a new born baby. Funny that, in my experience even when I was a teenager I used to grunt at the parents. “Szar your lunch is ready” “Ugh” “It’s getting cold” “So”. My Mum used to attribute the symptoms from spending too much time playing with my Action Men (in a military sense of course). On a serious note the research seemed to indicate that the changes to brain function were quite serious. The real issue is whether this will evolve into a rapid evolutionary change such that in three generations people will only be grunting at each other. Come to think of it Billericay could be a control experiment.

Maxximus Power.

One for the petrol heads amongst you. This week saw the unveiling of the most lethal road car yet. The Maxximus G-Force can cover 0-60 miles an hour in 2.134 seconds and 0-100 mph in 4.541 seconds. The previous best equivalent figures for a legal road car were 2.6 and 5.3 seconds. So it is seriously quick with a massive rear spoiler to keep it on the road. The Stig should love it. It should be the perfect vehicle for the rush hour trip around the M25 (note to non UK residents, this is the London orbital motorway where you’re more likely to cover 2.134 miles in 60 hours).

USA in Poodle Shock.

Mrs Obama has announced to the world that to honour her husband’s promise to their children she has selected the dog for the White House. Apparently it’s a Portuguese Water Dog that looks like a bigger version of a Poodle. White House aides were heard to quip that it was the second poodle destined for residence, the first being called Tony Blair.

Israel Bombards English Cathedral City

Well they might well soon. The English city of Worcester (that’s pronounced Wussster Yankees, not War sester) is considering proposals to twin their city with Gaza. I must say the similarities between the two are not immediately obvious. If it goes ahead though you can expect armed patrol boats zooming up the River Severn and tanks in Cathedral Square. Maybe Hamas will open up a local branch. They could set up shop in the old Woolworths.

Talking of Gazza

I refer of course to Mr Paul Gascoigne (aka Gazza) who was at once the best footballer in this country and also the biggest idiot in the country. He has been fighting alcohol addiction and underwent a course of treatment which was a little bit different from the Betty Ford approach. It involved talking to horses. Gazza spent hours working with the animals as part of a pioneering treatment known as Equine Assisted Psychotherapy.

The 41-year-old, who is fighting a well-documented battle against alcoholism and depression, has recently finished an intensive 28-day period of rehabilitation at the Sporting Chance clinic set up by former Arsenal and England captain Tony Adams. He told The Sun newspaper: "The first time we went to work with the horses we were taken into the field and were encouraged to interact with them.

"I was stood near this one particular horse and as I was thinking about it, it came over and started nudging me. It was incredible.

"It is a fairly new type of treatment and some people might think it sounds odd but believe me, it is very powerful."

Gazza and a horse were later spotted down the Dog and Duck having a few beers together, sharing a trough.

You Keep Me Hanging on the Telephone

Well if you were in Bangladesh you would still be hanging on. The government there has closed the mobile networks to stop rebel forces communicating. It could catch on. “Employment figures are bad Prime Minister” “OK, shut down the mobile networks, close down the internet” “What about the papers PM?” “No worries, noone can read in the country anymore”

It is indeed a funny world out here. Got to go now folks. I have to get enough money for a ham sandwich.

Let me take you by the hand and lead you through the Streets of London.

“God bless you guv’nor”

he, he......I am just filling in:)

Brilliant as always. Thank you.

Still got expensive tastes I see........isnt there a thread somewhere about what luxuries you can do without.

Economise, hold on the ham !

:)

Really enjoyed 'The Not PF Omnibus Edition'.

Lir throws some loose change in Mr.Pies little pile <every little helps > hehe !

Gor blimey, thank you milady...

That's true, and damn proud of it ;) PF Pollars → P§


Baby? Come on, i'm sure i'm not the youngest on PF ;) I'll turn 21 in a couple of months, i'm getting old, Miranda!!!! Whether you like or not, i am, lol.

Anyway, nice article. Wait, someone's calling me on my phone...Mr Toni Corleone..do you know him? ;)

Anyone know the exchange rate with Osiolian Florins? I just think the word dollar is used in more than enough currencies already. I like the quirky old names of currencies, some of which have now disappeared. The dullest name for any currency has to be the Euro.

No idea... I think they're quite close.


Where did you see the word dollar here? We're talking about PPPollars, like PPPatrick ;)


Eh, that depends in which language you say it.

Greek is best for this. It's pronounced Evros.


I didn't until I placed the cursor over the lower half of the letter P.

French is okay too [øro].

OK, I used it in a symbolic way. 21 is indeed really old:).


;)


orgho ;)
impossible to pronunce:)

It really is!! ;)


Not orgho, but euro >>> uh-Ro, quite easy actually.

No omnibus from me cos

a) I've had too much to drink
b) I want to go and live in North Korea
c) Nothing's happened

I thought I would do an omnibus, having not been on for more than 5 minutes this week.
I am probably the least qualified for the job and therefore the most likely to get it. (I expect a big fat severance bonus).
I hope to achieve for the writers of this thread, what Bush did for Obama.

So I will assume the norm has continued unlike everything else, consistency in a world gone mad.

Speaking of Guinness,
The male owl, with the girlie cake name, went to Kazakhstan to promote Guinness.
Only to have had a sudden thirst on him,
like the Nairobi dessert, mid flight and broke into the cargo bay and drink it dry.
In a last ditch attempt of redemption he made up a concoction of water, window wiper fluid, black shoe polish and shaving foam to impersonate Guinness.

Only, he had a little Irish flue and it was so good that he drank that and all.

Polish Forums...
I never understood the necessity for the plural,
more than likely there are other forums that I am unaware of.
But my loyalties lie here. ha ha ha

Polonius3 and Seanus have been insider dealing, "You set'em up and I'll stir it up".
Polonius3 on a quick glance has at least slowed down his rampage but Seanus is keeping his end of the bargain and resurrecting threads like an evangelist on fire.

A special award for Seanus is in order, passing the winter blues by, he is an example of a true PF member (no insult meant he he he).

Some none-Poles,
If there are any on here???;)
Have been wondering why their girlfriend parts their hair to the right
and has a dodgy recording of "Prefab Sprout - The King of Rock n' Roll",
which apparently only people from this gene pool have???.

There has to be something about the way the Polish hate Jews,
there couldn't be a day that goes by without a "good auld" Jew hating debate,
unfortunately none of these people have actually been to Poland.
Frozen dew on the car does not count.

Big talk about the retaliation for the muslins, no doubt, I am a blinds man meself (easier to vacuum without tearing).

Not to forget all the rest of the other racists, heroically fighting problems the rest of us don't have.

Speaking of communism, there is a leak in North Korea, who has access to the internet amazingly enough.
Our new? comrade is a red through and through, although he communicates with us, capitalist pigs, he is on a one way course of re-educating us, there in lies the problem, to re-educate we have to be educated first off.

In technology, it has been noted that on here, we are all in fact Spy-Bots, that is why we do not change our minds and stick to our agendas.

The car manufacturers are having a Pink party with the ressionator.
Proving once again that they have stacks of cash in reserves.

In the midst of life we are in death of winter, it seems on PF we have an early spring.
Some of the seasonal birds have flown back, like a blossoming flower in the snow and like everything precious, it should be appreciated.

Others have left,
for a while anyway,
Change is as good as an arrest.
So go on get yourself arrested.

Spring is sprung, the grass is rising
New prose comes from a source most surprising
Sean has taken the plunge and penned an edition
I just hope Miranda thinks it’s not sedition

Nice one Sean

I do not know who this Sokrates fellow is, but I don't like to be 'replaced.' I'm still alive, my brain is still functioning, although I suffered a close call not too long ago. It'll take more to put me down, I believe.

It is good to be back from the dead, ladies and gentlemen.

SeanBM garbling out some post-Guinness musings, aka guff.

Stir it up, I feel things need spice sometimes.