PF - The Omnibus Edition

Ha ha. I know. It is the main reason why I'm barred from diving in the Red Sea without my 'minder' being there. No lads trips to Sharm for me!

Hmm... I could be your excuse! You can say that an old friend in dire need is in trouble and needs you to pick him up in Cairo. That is safe, and then we rent auto and drive to Sharm for a few days. auto subsequently breaks down and the trip is extended and so on and then your passport is misplaced and then....

I'm out of here this evening. Talk amongst yourselves for a while.

Please, supreme being - let me return unscathed this year.

You just reminded me that my Russian girlfrien wants to go skiing
I have never done this sport. I have occasionally gone tubing behind a 4 wheeler
I guess I could wrap my arms around her and hold on

I would wrap my arms around my wallet! Be carefull with those Russian woman,
If she asks you to buy her a plane ticket...Run ,,lol

Learning to ski is one of the best times of all in skiing. Being taught by a drop dead goregous girl would be even better;) My first ski instructor was a six foot tall Royal Marine NCO with all the charm and patience of a Mafia hitman.

You have the best stories. She is 5-9 and I am 6-2 " So she can teach me! That makes it all better


I don't even need a wallet with her. She pays for everything and is buying me the ticket.

great has she any friends lol. if she makes you happy then go for it.

She has one friend. She is kind of thick though, but she can dance like no one I have ever seen. She lives in Siberia and drinks Vodka

Polish women still have the cutest facial features

Your stories are not too shabby either!

Since I am in pre skiing jubilant mode I can tell you one last story. Two years ago in Chamonix on the lads escape weekend we got into a drinking game with some Russians. The last challenge was to dring a glass of Vodka that was on the floor without using your hands ,only your mouth. We had various tries lying on the floor but spilling loads of the stuff. The Russians then intoduced their champion, a very attractive brunette who was about 6 feet 2 inches tall with the longest legs I've ever seen. She proceeeded to do the splits and leaning forwards at the end picked up the glass in her mouth and drank it down in one. She then proceeded to do it three more times by which time most of the blokes in the bar were jibbering wrecks.

I would have liked to have been the mouse in her bunk! Back at yah american style . I used to spend time on the california beaches. one day I met two college professor women who suggested later meeting up on the beach for beers. So, later that night we were walking along and they decided to go cliff diving at night naked. Scary I tell yah. One stood on top of the others shoulders and jumped off into a dark ocean and then the other faced backwards and did a hand stand on the edge and flipped. Me .. well I had no part of that . these two were colllege divers and were good at it as well they new this spot well I was glad to meet them at the bottom and keep them warm

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR

Firstly, I would like to apologise for the absence, yet again, of an Omnibus Edition this week. I would like to assure you all that we are taking the increasingly erratic behaviour of Mr Szarlotka very seriously and have placed him on formal notice of underperformance with a view to terminating his contract unless he pulls his socks up. In the meantime, I would like to share with you all some of the letters we have received recently and my own responses to them.

Dear Omnibus Edition,

I would like to draw your attention to the beastly way in which I am being treated on the Forum. As you will appreciate I have made many incisive and thought provoking contributions on a number of threads concerning recent Polish history and the appalling way in which the British let us down at the end of WWII. In all of my contributions I have set out balanced views that have been backed up with numerous links to authoritative sources that support my views. I have also, as you know, provided incontrovertible evidence that Russia is not to be trusted on anything. For my efforts I have been rewarded with nothing but vitriol from the likes of Harry, Sasha and ConstantineK. It really is not fair and I am at my wits end trying to see how I can make them see that I am right on all these matters.

With best regards

Carol

Dear Carol,

To my mind this is yet another example of the folly of using the written word to convey serious commentary on political and historical matters. It’s just too black and white you see. It doesn’t convey the subtle nuances of humour and irony that would be obvious in a face to face debate. Therefore my advice to you is to arrange dinner between the four of you to iron out your differences. I know the geography makes this difficult to arrange but you really ought to consider doing it. My only request is that you don’t choose London as the venue – just in case it doesn’t go according to plan.

Dear Omnibus Edition,

I would like to register a formal complaint about the unacceptable way in which I have been treated since I graced this forum with my presence and informed commentary, Some of your members are incapable of recognising that I am obviously right and choose to indulge in puerile name calling in lieu of agreeing with me.

Yours,

Hatefulbunch397

Dear Bunch

It’s all about first impressions in my opinion. Have you considered to changing your user name to something, shall we say, more gentle. You could call yourself Primrose or, if the bunch thing is important to you, Bunch of Primroses. By doing this I think people will, in general, react more positively to your opinions rather than being instantly wound up.

Dear Editor,

I am not sure whether you have any influence over the owners of this Forum. I sincerely hope that you do as I would like to bring to the world’s attention that I am being stalked on here. Every time I post one of my eagerly awaited views then it is instantly retracted by my alter ego, noimmigration1. People are being confused by this to the extent that I have had PMs congratulating me on my more reasoned and compassionate approach to the Polish invasion of Govan. I have not changed my hard line stance at all but the antics of the stalker are leading to a perception that I have. Please, please have this impostor removed before it affects my long term mental stability.

Noimmi

Dear noimmigration,

Instead of wallowing in self pity, why not just change your user name to noimmitation? As for the danger of your real views being ignored I think it is safe to say that this is not a widespread problem. Most of us understand your position all too well.

Dear Omnibus Edition

We, the undersigned, have long had concerns about the inherent national bias within the Omnibus Edition. Whilst the coverage has, just about, managed to incorporate reviews of matters concerning Poland and the Polish people, it continues to exhibit a distinct bias towards the English when discussing British affairs to the extent that the number of times reference to any of us as individuals within the Edition can be counted on the fingers of one hand. We would just like to remind your author that without the contributions of our compatriots he would not be able to watch the television, receive the gift for the man who has everything (penicillin) or pop out in this inclement weather for a game of curling. Can we please have your personal reassurance that future editions will include a more balanced view of the contributions of both us and our fellow countrymen?

Yours sincerely

Seanus
Scotjock
skotja2007
dtaylor

Dear Jocks,

This is indeed a serious allegation. I have reviewed all of the posts in this thread and others where our author has been active of late. On the face of it your allegations do appear to have some substance. The only reference that I can find is where Szarlotka spoke at length about the good things that come out of Scotland in which he listed whisky, The Proclaimers, Big Country and the M74. After due consideration we have jointly agreed to take your views into account in future Editions. This would be made easier if you could use your undoubted influence to remove your fellow Scot from Number 10 before his antics further damage our health and wealth, PS – are there any Scots actually not in Poland these days?

Dear Editor,

I find it difficult to understand why there has been no mention of my upcoming marriage to a fellow Forum member within the Omnibus Edition. I can think of no other item that comes close to this in importance but the silence has been deafening. Surely this oversight needs to be addressed?

Regards

PolishgirlTX

Dear Supreme Moderator,

I think it is safe to say that we are unsure as to whether the marriage is for real. As a long standing member of the Forum you will realise that there have been a number of spoof threads along these lines before. If this is not a spoof then please accept both our apologies and congratulations. We will be the first in line to present you both with a small gift – I hear you can get Waterford Crystal cheap these days.

We hope to have the next edition of the Omnibus Edition with you shortly.......

class, just pure class man.

I got a mention for the first time ever.....

....

;)

London buses.... here comes another one. Your user name is very, very similar to my initials which confuses me....

All in much aggreement . SZ you are in high regards. the highest

Actually it's my initials forwards then backwards but anyways, I'm happy to get my first mention.
Keep it up Szar.
:)

I am noimmigration.

Szarly was the Moderator that unfortunately never was, the unheralded guy of wit and a great ambassador for England.

Hail Szarly, a guy even I'd shout for all night, that's being Scottish too.

Language lesson. In Polish, na can mean many things. For and at being two of them. I stand by my choice, shout for not shout at. I should really help out more in the language threads rather than waste my time going round in circles in terror threads.

Anyway, nice one Szarly :)

MORE LETTERS TO THE EDITOR

Dear Ed,

Having read your previous correspondence I feel compelled to draw your attention to my own issues and concerns. I recently posted some sound advice on the possibilities for consumers purchasing PCs in Poland to negotiate discounts when refusing the proffered bundled Microsoft products and sensibly installing Open Source equivalents. I also pointed out the numbers of illegal copies of Microsoft products that exist in Poland and the need to avoid costly law suits by ensuring that this practice ceases forthwith. For my pains I received a number of off topic comments and insults. In addition I had to endure a long stream of techno-geek babble from people who plainly have too much spare time on their hands. How do you think I should reinforce my messages to your members?

Yours sincerely

Ela-lawyer.

Dear Ela-L,

Firstly I would like to make it clear that this is in no way a formal consultation with yourself so you can turn that clock off now. Now, in your answer to your question I can only point out that getting sense out of some of the Forum members is a bit like herding sheep. So my advice is don’t bother and let them be sued or pay over the odds for their next upgrades. Incidentally, aren’t you in danger of putting your own firm’s revenue stream at risk? I mean Microsoft is one of the few organisations spending any cash at the moment. You must want a piece of their legal actions, surely? Just a thought.

My Esteemed Editor,

Like many of my countrymen I have taken the well trodden path to the United Kingdom to work. Unlike some of them I was not motivated purely by economic reasons. I intended to improve my English substantially but have ended up working exclusively with my countrymen. How can I find better opportunities to improve my English?

Yours

Mattyjazz

Dear Satchmo,

I fear that you may find it extremely difficult to meet your objective. In the first place you will not find that many Englishmen that want to actually do your job, unless of course you are an investment banker and we all know that opportunities in that field are somewhat limited at present. Secondly there is a good chance that your English is already better than some of your potential work colleagues. So I suggest you change tack and improve your English down at the pub with Szarlotka and I. Best to get her sooner rather than later in the evening though.

Dear Omnibus Edition,

I took the decision some weeks ago to stop participating on the Forum. A number of both posts and people began to offend me to the extent that I had ceased to gain any enjoyment from my participation. I would dearly like to return but would have to be convinced that the behaviours on here are to change back to those of reasoned debate and helpful assistance. My question to you is will this ever happen?

M

Dear M

007 sends his regards. I wouldn’t cancel the vacation plans just yet.

Sz ? How was the ski trip?

Good thanks. All too short a duration. Snow was very good. Prices were ludicrous in France.

I could only imagine the beauty of it all though. We actually have a place to ski here . A 900 ft high hill and a snow machine

So you can practise before you ski with your new Russian friend then. Best of luck with skiing and the romance!!!!

Sz, she wants to come visit the US . However the visa requirements are putting a huge cost on doing so. If anyone knows any better options , I am open for suggestion?

I've not read all your posts, but if this is about a Russian woman visiting you... be careful.

Sending money to cover costs used to be a typical scam.

Thanks , but this is legite. SHe is paying for all of it and working 2 jobs to accomodate. As fo right now I am thinking the K! visa for marriage is the best way. I will go spend time in Russia and then she has 900 days in the US and we will see what comes about

Szarlotka - An Announcement

It is with great sadness that I have to inform you all that I have no intention of leaving PF in the near future. I realise that this will inevitably come as a great shock to many of you. I have shared this decision privately with some of you already and the reactions have made me understand that to leave at this point in time would open me up to accusations that I have run out of ideas for the Omnibus Edition. By staying I know that I run the risk of being accused of being a complete saddo with no life to speak of but my professional pride leaves me with no option but to plod on. Having taken this decision I would like to ask that you give me a little time and space to reflect and regain the inner strength necessary to wade through page after page of claim and counterclaim on Gaza, WWII and the best way of cooking eggs. For the foreseeable future I will only be taking calls from close family – unless of course Kaka needs an interpreter. Thank you for you consideration at this most difficult of times.

I will so NOT miss you!!! :)

As a show of support, I won't be leaving PF. We have got to make a stand on this.


I'm with wildrover on this one, who cares about a washed up footballer anyway?


yes important things like this keep me here.