Am I wasting my time with this Polish guy ?

I have been with a polish guy for almost 2 years. I love him dearly. But i fear it is about to end because i have expectations he said in a relationship that he cannot manage. In January this year I discovered he was checking his emails for profile pics sent to him from a dating site..He says it means nothing. It has hurt me. And in doing this it feels he was still looking for someone else. I am English. The dating site was polish. Secondly . . Sex is a major problem. He claims he doesn't need it that much. A sexual relationship to him isn't that important and i should consider myself lucky to be with him . His lack of care and attention to my needs are having a negative effect on my life and not being wanted in a relationship by him is making me so unhappy. Every time I try to talk to him he is nasty and sarcastic causing me to be frustrated even more. It's like he really doesn't care how i feel. I know he is tired. I appreciate that and don't see him for nights during the week. But when the weekend is here he prefers to play games to unwind and relax than spend quality time with me. We see each other for a little while during the week but almost just as mates. Is this relationship the normal type of way for polish guys..i hate to say that but I just don't understand him as a man..maybe it's a culture difference too big for me to handle. We spend 3 nights a week together but he would rather sleep or play phone games than share ourselves. Yet when he is on holiday from work he wants me around in his company.. He never ever instigates sex though..definitely never during the day. And rarely at night . I know i am not ugly.. In fact I get a lot of attention but i only want it from him. I feel totally alone and lost when I should be feeling so happy. If i didn't love him it would be simple for me to walk away..as i have done from others. He is 36.

the guy is not a typical Polish guy - I don't believe he will get any better either - I'm not really sure if he loves you at all - I don't envy you

no I dont think his problems are to do with nationality, he sounds like a closet gay. Which could be to do with nationality now I think of it.

if he were a gay he wouldn't visit Polish dating sites (I presume he was reading girls' profiles)

the guy is pretty strange in that he does not need a lot of sex - but I am personally even stranger because I don't need sex at all - but I'm not in a relationship so this is not hurting anyone

Oh i don't believe he is gay..He looks endlessly at women when we are out..In fact so much so it confuses me all the more how he feels about me.

Can you undertake that a women need to be desired when in a relationship..obviously when you are not in one sex isn't really an issue. But the connection between two people it is necessary or as a man do you think differently ??

Yes, you are wasting your time. Sorry to be blunt but you sound like a great catch, and he doesn't deserve you. He won't change.

just dump him treasure - it won't get any better

I would think sex is necessary in a loving relationship and a woman has every right to seek sexual fulfillment in a relationship - the thing is I believe it would be difficult for you to 'unlove' the guy - but maybe the step will become necessary at some point

Thanks gumishu. Maybe he will listen. maybe he won't. If he doesn't then I will learn to love but live without him. Thanks you again. It's helpful to hear a man's opinion. Us women are always too polite and say what we want to hear rather then the reality. Hence my reason for asking out aloud.

It isn't that rare. I know at least two guys who prefer playing computer games at nights than to be in a relationship. Look at me. I don't want to be with woman because I love freedom and comfortable life. I'm not a family guy. Of course it would be nice to have a female friend who pick you up from hospital when you broke a leg but when she expects more than friendship alert lights turn on and it's time to take a tight turn over the left wing.


Where do you live? I don't like UK (country, not people) maybe he doesn't like too. Are you ready to relocate? Probably not. Maybe he is practical.

These are only to show you that his behaviour isn't rare nowadays.

Sounds like bollocks to me.

Either he has a problem, or he isn't really into you - so either way, this isn't really going anywhere good for you. Ditch him. Polish guys can be amazing, but as with all guys, you have to find the right one ...

Thanks all for replies... i plucked up the courage to discuss this directly with him. He is here to stay. Loves me and wants to make all the necessary changes .. There is issues with him not me caused by his past. As feeling inadequate . It does pay to talk and find a level ground. If you love someone you fight for them. And that's what he is doing too. Thank you all... In my desperate plea in understanding him i needed to hear from others from Poland to establish whether I just have to accept due to culture . .or learn to cope because it's just him. I hear you all. And hope I have the mentality to endure what lays ahead..hopefully a bright happy future. Kind regards all.

That just doesn't happen. You have to accept him how he is or walk away. People do not change like that for someone.


This is true.

I have faith in that change is possible. For many people they have issues and with their own determination they make changes. . I seen it done before with things far more dangerous..like drug addicts. They can turn it around if they really want to. He says he does and has already made a massive change in 24 hours. Long may it continue. The rest of our relationship is perfect...far better than most other relationships but this one bit is the icing on the cake that needs to be met. And will be. Anything would be an improvement ... i am truly in love with him and want the rest of my life with him . ..so i am prepared to give it time. Speaking out on here and strengthened what i already knew I felt about him but also gave me the willpower to communicate with him .

Thousands before you have said that.


And that statement may well be tested the hard way, since the person you love is also someone you want to change.


No reason why not - there are more Polish sites than some might think.

I'm a England Guy and from a Mans point of view you need to get out.
If any man gets nasty and Sarcastic & don't show any empathy for you or your feelings, then it's only going to get worse love. Sorry.

That's not love, and he sure does not love or care about you or your feelings.

I can even imagine if and when you say you're leaving then he will get mad, To me this is a Guy that's not wanting you, nor is he wanting to be alone and clings on until something better comes along (In his mind)

Look you deserve better, and i think you know you do, I understand it's not the easiest thing to do when you've to walk away, and he'll almost say anything to make you change your mind and stay.

I'm 44 and seen this many a time. and i feel for you, and for your mental well being and sanity you have to be strong here & leave.

I don't think it has nothing to do with nationality. He is just being guy. Guys are insensitive excepts feminine ones. I have the polish guy with same attitude like yours but mine is not using dating site yet.

Men are not insensitive, they just don't throw a hissy fit over every little thing.