Confused . . . did I Misunderstand Him? Found out he is from Poland.

Hi everyone, I'm new on here and would appreciate any thoughts and feedback on my post.
I've had a look around and see there other in similar situations. So, here goes:
I visit a local gym a few times each week. About a month or so before Christmas, I was aware of this guy watching me and then gradually he seemed to be around me a bit more. Also he had been glancing at me from the road when he left the building. Tbh, I thought I was imagining this and ignored it. As an older woman, I just didn't believe anyone would be particularly interested that way and certainly not a younger man. I realised there was something different about him and have now found out that he was Polish.

So, in January, back to the gym and it starts again. He has been close by whilst I have completed a particular exercise - almost sort of protective (I know that may sound a little odd). A few times he has ended up next to me on the recovery area - however at no time has

he spoken to me, even in a general sense, but there has been fairly intense eye-contact. However, it has been difficult to have a conversation as there are always other people around. Except for one morning when we both finished at the same time, he turned and looked at me, smiled - I asked him if he was ok, there was no reply - and he turned and logged out. He seemed to be willing me somehow to follow. I didn't that morning but I have since managed to time it so we have left the gym together. However, still no conversation.

So, ten days ago, I thought I would suggest we talk. I have to say, for me, this was nerve-wracking as I'm now starting to think about him a great deal. I muttered something about being confused and not sure what was happening. He suggested we take a few minutes in the gym coffee-bar. I completely seized up, it was impossible for me to say anything else - there were people at other tables. So I asked him some general questions; What did he do; how long had he been here; what was his name (I knew nothing of any of this).

I told him my name - he said it was nice to meet me. I felt as though the ground was going to open and swallow me up - it must have showed because he asked me if I was ok. Finally, time was up, and he said if there's anything I can help with, just let me know. We got up, he went his way, I mine. Strangely, he never asked me anything about myself, so apart from my name now, he knows nothing.

I haven't seen him since, He wasn't in the gym the next morning, or the two after that. Then I wasn't there for three days due to extra work hours. We have a school break this week (he teaches). So, I'm not sure if I blew it because of my nervousness - perhaps he thought I was weird (couldn't blame him, I suppose :))

Next week, well we'll see. But it's gone on for a number of weeks and I have never experienced anything like this before.

So, is this it??

Hmmmm is this what ? Sorry I do not understand the question , your thread gripped me it was like reading from a romance book . I do hope you see him again and can continue to let this story unfold .

take care

What do you mean by "older" woman?


If you mean 30s or 40s, some men in their 20s and 30s prefer women of that age. In the UK, there is a bit of a shortage of women in some regions, so men do sometimes look to date older women.

Some 'younger' men are also attracted to affluent opposite sex partners, just as some young women are.

To be honest, you might have blown it with him. But, sounds like you're quite hot so it won't be long until another chap comes along. What you doing Friday night? ;o)

[you'd be reaching for the sick bucket if you saw my face, so I'm only joshin']

If he's 30 or 40 years younger and you're a cougar, why hesitate.

If its just a 10 or 20 year difference, that's small in the scheme of things and since you evidently go to the gym, I doubt you look like Queen Victoria.

Go for it.

Thank you all for your comments. You really did make me laugh when I was feeling 'blue'.)


Hi Katheryn 65 - yes, the comment was a little obtuse :) I suppose I meant "Is this the end of him now?"
Perhaps I ought to start writing novels then :)


Hi InWroclaw - I'm not sure of his age, but I would suspect quite late 30s-ish. I, however, can add another 25 onto that, eek!

(Although I'm told I look younger) - big admission and really embarrassed now :) And this is why I couldn't believe what was apparently happening.


No affluence here, I'm afraid - still working hard to pay the bills :)


Yes, I agree, it's quite possible - seems like avoidance from him. Not sure what I should have done at the time or how to progress things on, in one direction or another. I thought that talking would have given him the opportunity to maybe open up (if he was perhaps shy about approaching me more - called 'benefit of the doubt' - I'm shy too). As it was, it felt like I was a 'rabbit caught in the headlights' - sorry, that's a bit dramatic, but true.


I'll consult my diary :D Sounds like you've gotta heart.


Hi Jon357, Although I knew what a cougar was, I've never thought of myself in that way, ha. Especially when you Google 'WikiHow' on the matter "10 Steps to Knowing if a Woman is a Cougar".

This situation is new to me and I've felt quite out of my depth.


Ha, ha, no, not quite - what a lovely analogy :)

Thanks again all.

Well, sounds like you're still turning heads. You've still got it, baby! Yeah! :o) Perhaps he thinks you were much nearer his age, but even if he's now vanished it doesn't matter, sounds like you can have your pick and meet someone a bit older than him and who you can really connect with. Gyms are very looks-focused places, so if you can pull in there then you can probably pull anywhere, frankly!

I had considered this, hmmm. Perhaps he has found out.

I just don't want him thinking I'm a 'mad woman' after our last meeting.
Had hoped to apologise for my weirdness.

Anyway, thank you for your 'vote of confidence'. Will update if any further news. :)

I am still waiting for more of the novel please lol

Nevermind if you don't see him again. I'm sure you will be meeting a lot more younger men in the future.(ahhh, cherish the feeling and be flattered.Means you're still hot!). Although I do wonder what will be the ending of your story with him. Hope you will still get to see him though,....

Well, there may be another chapter this next week - watch this space :)


Thank you, SingleFemale. School break over and it's back to normal tomorrow - so, I don't know and feeling very nervous. Speak soon :)



So . . . . I didn't share this earlier but I decided to write a brief note to him. He was in the gym on the Monday morning. I told him that I had left a note. It was quite business-like - (thanks for the brief conversation, nice to have met him, apologies for my strange behaviour, Tried to keep it light, left my email address and hoped I would see him soon.

On the Tuesday, he wasn't in - wanted to kick myself. Stupid thing to do, etc etc. On the Wednesday, he was there again. I had to do one of my exercises right next to him and lol, the heart rate indicator kept showing high. He seemed cool, no glances - I scarpered as quickly as possible. Thursday & Friday I had extra work hours so didn't go in - which was probably best.

This Monday I summoned up all the courage I could and went in. He was there again but left before me. I decided that, if he was in on Tuesday, I would have to mention the note, as he hadn't. I was working out at other end and not aware of who was coming in and out. But, my shock and surprise, when I returned to the recovery area, he was there (not sure if by design). He looked up at me (my heart racing) and I just said sorry if I had overstepped the mark & that I was trying to explain how I had felt. He shook his head, no you havent, dont worry about it. End of time, we said goodbye.

Yesterday, we were both in but apart from eye contact, I ended up leaving beforehand as I hadn't coincided the timing properly (eyes to heaven :)). Today, he wasn't there at all (although he had mentioned there was a lot of work involved with his job).

Tomorrow - fingers crossed. At least, he is still around. But, what to make of it all? I had thought of asking him for a coffee somewhere (so we could have a longer chat). However, that seems very forward to me though - nothing wrong with it as such, but he might freak out and as I'm still unsure what is really going on . . . . . I would hate to put him in a position where he might feel awkward.

But, I have to say, he melts my heart and I have withdrawal symptoms if I don't see him.

Should I take the plunge? I wrote the note? I apologised for it? Am I brave or completely bonkers - lol

I know you're attracted to him, and I don't want to sound harsh, but I think you should find someone else. You obviously have strong feelings of love inside of you to give to another person. My advice is to wait and unleash them on the right man.

I'd have to advise just leaving it alone at this point.

Maybe in some movie stroke of luck there will be another real opportunity to begin a connect; like the coffee invite. But let him come from his direction and simply give simple friendly smile when you see him looking at you.

But I wouldn't hold my breath in your case or hold out for him to point of refusing another 's offer to hang and maybe date. But I wish You Luck.

Yes, it sounds like he had an interest. He may have been waiting an opportunity because shy about his citizen status, accent, your looks compared to his...wotever.

But sadly that first round you probably botched.

And you should have waited til he had time to digest and take action on that note. Though if your note was anywhere as confusing as your first post it is likely going to make him look at you different.

Age 0R gender aside , your behavior was kinda sketchy. And if your note apologized for showing interest it may have snuffed the interest beyond rekindling.

Asking here is ...asking for what exactly. About if his quiet approach was Polish male behavior? He is Polish, yes. But how Polish? he already is broken away and working in UK? as professional? So anything typical of Polish men might not apply. He is younger but was previously attracted by all your descriptions, which is unusual for traditional raised guys but not impossible.

Poles do seem to like to be the chas-er in the romantic department.
Granted ...it is all supposition on my part. I can be socially clueless sometimes when body language is all there is (Asperger's). My hunny had to drop barrages of hints and outright blunt interest before I actually said "huh ..what... who? Me?". But we had the comfortable setting of a solid couple year of very close friendship before that and daily conversation. I admired him as a person very much.

Still do :)

Hi Author Cindy and Rysavy

Many thanks for your reponses and taken on board :).

Rysavy - I have PM'd you but it is saying that your Inbox is full :)