'Battered husbands' - still a taboo subject in Poland

In the US they don,t need so much to push anyone into therapy , as quite often one of the couple winds up shot dead...!

because of bad economy?
:)

if you say so:)

Eh..? i would have thought the Policja records would do the job ok...?

u're right. i'll assume what i heard was bull.

Haha, it would be the same in Poland if guns were easily available :)

Totally David, lets kick your mothers ass first!

In the U.S. women hit men as often as men hit women. It is probably the same in Poland because in personal relationships size does not matter. People know each other and usually know how much the other person in the relationship will take. Oftentimes, men will not hit back and their abusive spouses know that; and of course there is the old 'take it like a man' approach which our cultures seem to demand.

Despite the fact that women physically abuse their mates as often as men do, the feminist template has been that only women are victims and they have been extremely successful in propagating that false agenda. Some women here continue to justify that myth.

Several times I have presented in these forums dozens of links including hundreds of studies which of course female apologists prefer to ignore. Indeed, they become emotional about their preferred false beliefs. In their jaundiced world, men must be seen as 'bad' and women must be seen as 'good'. In that sense, the feminist propaganda war against men has been very successful because even the general media constantly carries their stories.

so maybe it's the time for men to speak up...

ZIMMY, you make a good point. Domestic violence is a pattern in a relationship and any time the police are called or it occurs, it is a clear indication the relationship is dysfunctional and severely damaged. Change is needed and someone needs to step in and pressure the couple into realizing they are in a destructive pattern that requires altering. It doesn't help to point to either the man or the woman and blame them. Sometimes, it's button pushing followed by a reaction. If it doesn't stop, the only thing to do is spend time apart, if they don't believe in divorce, or divorce if they do believe it's okay.

The key is to get the couple to notice when they are headed toward a fight and get them apart before it happens, so they can clear their heads and think logically, without emotion interferring. Both of them have to make an effort for it to work. If either of them refuses to acknowledge a problem and that it needs to stop, no excuses, the intervention will be a failure.

You have not, I asked you directly to post such links in this thread "End of Marriage" and you responded with this


Truth is Zimmy all you have posted is links to blogs and such there by cheapening the issue.

Any guy thats been in a relationship with a loopy woman knows very well that a woman can push even the most mild mannered man towards violence....

My first experiance of it was way back when i lived in London...she would push and push the argument untill i wanted to hit her....My reaction was to go out for a ride on my bike and come back when she was in a better mood , but she would then threaten to trash the house , and some very expensive racing machinery , in other words , she wanted to give me no chance to avoid violence...

She grew up with her mum and dad smacking each other about , and i am sure she saw it as the normal way to go on...

Recently i was in touch with this woman again , after a 28 year gap , as she is the mother of my son , thankfully she has chilled out a lot , but i was not entirely suprised to find out that she has been in several abusive reationships , and also that her mum is now in a nuthouse , perhaps its in the blood....?

I don,t agree that violence is right , especially against a woman , but if some woman punches me in the face , she is quite likely to get one back , whatever the result is going to be....

The best option if its got to this stage is to walk away...but that option becomes difficult if you share a home and have kids...

You have to walk away, anyway, if only for a few minutes, or overnight, if necessary. You can't let someone's threats hold you hostage. If someone acts that way because you have taken a break, it's their responsibility. All you can do is regulate your response to it, so it doesn't come back on you.

Marriage counseling might be the only hope.

Oh, poor men! How they suffer with those terrible women! All those centuries of being denied human rights and of the inequality! And today it's not much better - rapes, assaults and domestic violence! Not to mention the constant threat of being targeted by people conducting human trafficking! I can always see terror in the eyes of men who are walking next to me on the empty, dark street! And they can't even be safe at home, which is why so many men are killed every year by their abusive wifes! They have nowhere to escape, after all they have no way of providing for themselves with the current system, in which they're often paid less than women or aren't hired at all! It's so tough being a man in Poland!

you got a point here...

but no abuse to anyone...

Men can be jerks, but you wonder how it all starts. What makes them that way? Perhaps they had domestic violence in their household and witnessed it as kids. They lost their souls along the way.

Men getting more money at work is a different matter. You have to change the mentality. People still consider the man to be the one bringing home the main income while the woman takes care of the kids, so the men get more money.

Ok, let me tackle this.

Yup, it happens in Poland probably more often than in many Western European states or U.S. Although "battered" isn't the most accurate term to describe it.

Polish men, in general, are taught in a very young age to be extremely respectful towards women. A woman in Poland is worthy of respect just because she was born into a certain gender.

Hence if You come to Poland from U.S., for example, you will be seriously surprised with the amount of **** Polish guys put up with on a daily basis. Emotional blackmail, yelling, ordering them around - you name it. Your average Polish Kowalsky is mentally conditioned to just take that stuff.

When compared with, for example, U.S. or U.K. you'll find that loads, I mean loads of Polish guys, even ones that are comparatively well off, are firmly held by their ladies by the short curlies. With most Anglo-Saxon, Jewish or Italian men it's fairly common to see them draw the line somewhere and tell the girl to bugger off if she crosses it. Not so amongst Polish men.

Yes,some polish women told me they were beaten by their husbands,other told me that they beat their bfs,so some beating must be going on.However women told most often that they used objects not just their hands.

Just answer these questions to yourself;

How would you feel if you saw a guy - a guy you really like - who's genuinely interested and who flirts with you for weeks, suddenly - in just a matter of seconds - turns around and chases another woman right infront of you, right after he heard it was the boss' niece?

How would you feel if you found out that this was done on purpose, just because the other guys who work with you thought it was funny to play with your feelings?

How would you feel if this happened to you all the time?

How would you feel if alot of guys in your town pull ugly faces at you, insult you and threaten you, or give you angry and hateful stares whenever you're near or look in their direction?

How would you feel if a lot of people in your environment tell you that you're thinking all kinds of weird things, when they've never even bothered to talk to you?

How would you feel when you see that most of the guys are all going out with the other girls, and are having fun, but everytime you show up they do their best to make you feel really unwelcome, only to collectively accuse you of being anti-social once you've given up on socializing?

How would you feel if a lot of guys in your town called you a lesbian, while they're refusing to even say hello to you?

How would you feel if you say hello to someone who seems friendly at first, only to hear that you're a disgusting individual right after you greet him?

How would you feel if total strangers start to talk - right out of the blue - about all kinds of personal and private stuff about you in public as soon as you're in hearing distance?

How would you feel if people communicated with you indirectly, as if you're way too dangerous to approach?

How would you feel when guys call you a dirtbag or a pervert for every time you react to their flirting?

How would you feel if the person who once said he loved you, asked other girls to pull your hair, spit in your face and assualt you?

How would you feel after your neighbours kept you awake for seven days straight by making all kinds of noise, or talking very loud - about you - infront of your window when you're trying to sleep? How would you feel if they all fled inside - bunch of cowards - as soon as you come outside to confront them with their own bullshít?

How would you feel when little children have been told to scream lesbian at you?

How would you feel if parents pick up their kids or pull them away from you with scared looks on their faces as you walk by, as *if* you're going to hurt their kids? (While telling them: ''She's very evil, that girl.'')

How would you feel if all of this weird behaviour suddenly stopped, after years, and people asked you all kinds of questions like: Why are you so bitter? (When you're not.) Why are you so angry? (While you're not.)

How would you feel if people pretended as if nothing ever happened, and told you that you've imagined all of this? Or even better: Use this as an excuse to call you crazy and shun you some more?

;)

I think i would become a serial killer...and hunt them down one by one to kill them as slowly as possible....

Do you know somebody this happened to...?

It would make your blood boil, wouldn't it?I seriously doubt you would, but I know some people would lose it, that's for sure.

How would you feel if some handsome guys were asking people who barely know you all kind of things about you when you're actually present? How would you feel if you've heard they rejected you based on what these strangers have told them? (While you're present.)

How would you feel if a guy who shows interest in you, and when you've reacted to that a few times because he insisted, he disappears for a while, and some other guy shows up to show an interest in you? (Repeat this process for like twenty times, or for as long as it takes you to figure out people are playing games with you again.)

How would you feel if the first guy shows up again, and says he's no longer interested in you, and that you're a creep and a weirdo, just because you were talking to other guys who were showing interest in you? (While he was gone without a trace, and you were still perfectly single all that time?)

How would you feel if you saw girls who weren't even half as pretty as you with really handsome guys, smirking at you as you walk by?

How would you feel if these girls weren't even half as smart as you, but they would recieve all the opportunities in the world on a golden platter, just because they were accepted in the little gossip club, and you're not because..? Well, because. Because no one ever told you the reason.

How would you feel if guys told you it's definitely you, while you're one hundred percent positive that it's definitely them?

How would you feel if groups of girls constantly ganged up on you when you're alone, and call you a coward because you don't want to fight a dozen girls? How would you feel if other guys called those girls really sweet girls, but those guys look at you like you're some kind of monster because these girls tell them all about you?

And I quote: ''He's always so angry and aggressive.'' (Which in your case, as a woman, would sound like: ''She's always so..'' I'm sure you get the idea?)

How would you feel when two six year old boys chase you all over town, saying things like: ''I'm in love with you.'' How would you feel when people call you a pedophile because of that, just because you're the weird one who's still single?

How would you feel if you knew you couldn't beat the crap out of anyone who's not actually touching you, because they would all report you to the police? Would you feel powerless? Humiliated?

Yeah, it's definitely you.

xD

For real?
That's crazy, she shouda been turfed out and made to move back with her folks or an auntie or cousin or whatever, but if it was my place then there's no way I'd let her stay and I'd make sure that my lawyers got the same result in court too

I did not have the inclination to go over the same ground with you that I've frequently gone over in various threads with others; so my book recommendation was a sufficient response to you. You are probably unaware that I've posted this interesting link among several others4 previous times (as posters here will attest).

csulb.edu/~mfiebert/assault.htm


There is probably too much truth in this blog for you.

mediaradar.org

(Lots of informative articles)


Your emotionally snide commentary is the lowest form of discourse, let alone honest conversation. Your attitude is unfortunately typical of the modern brain-washed woman. Perhaps you took too many women's studies classes.......?


Yet, it is women who have been taught that if a man does anything remotely close to the above then he is "abusive". Women legalize these so-called abuses by filing complaints, men don't.


Statistically, women use objects more often than men when they abuse their mates.

menstuff.org/issues/byissue/femaledv.html

AJ, your "how would you feel.......?" questions put the shoe on a female foot. Interesting.

Thanks Midas - I've only lived here for 18 years so being dumb it hadn't clicked yet. How you Polish guys accept being pushed around is beyond my understanding. I often hear from my pals that they have to go - the wife has called -it's 11 o'clock - and they've been married 20 years for fukks sake - and no, it's not like we're not having a hoot ( the craic is ggod).

No, the boys are nervous and have to get home to face the music. They're running scared. :))

I'm 53 and too old to change, although I've calmed alot from my rabble-rousing days. Iif I come home at 4 or 5 in the morning after a wee drink and the missus doesn't like it - tough. And it is, for 2 or three days lol


A very eloquent and heartfelt post AJ - but for reasons of my own I am totally ripped - can you please explain in hard language what your point is?

Thanks a lot mate in advance!

it's XXI century, not middle ages...


that should be mandatory...


so grow some balls and start...


no jak nie kijem go to pałą.... proste....


they let their marriage run that way... so what's the problem? you don't like it? speak up!

Well, in the Anglo-Saxon culture we would say they are mice, not men, They (some Poles) work hard all week,and then are dominated by their wives.

It wouldn't matter how foxy my woman was - I need my space!

so let her know about it... can't you communicate on daily basis?

Your knowledge of the ages is amazing.


Brainwashing should be outlawed.


Mine are too big already.


"Let me have my way exactly in everything, and you will find that a pleasanter creature does not exist."...............................Thomas Carlyle (Scottish satirical writer, essayist, historian, teacher, philosopher and grouchy wise man)

i know.... i actually realize what year we live in... unlike you...


yes, they cover your eyes and you can't see clearly...

It sounds pretty ridiculous, doesn't it? I think people should talk before they act, and actually think twice before they jump on the bandwagon. I think that might solve a lot of problems for both men and women in the future.


I took some of my experiences and turned them into hypothetical questions to describe a few situations from a woman's perspective, because PlasticPole was wondering why some guys lose their faith in love.


I guess you're welcome.

:)