I was getting at the tack taken in the north may be somewhat looser than that amongst more traditional folk in the south. Northerners may be more direct and even confrontational. Generalising is not good and I want to avoid it but there might be sth in that.
Some girls are very scatty on nights out and can quickly shift from one thing to another. You are rarely truly the centre of attention.
as a sweeping gen' Id say southeners are more wary maybe? When Ive worked down in the big smoke or been visiting mates in Kent it tickles me how shy they are,bless 'em. Walk into a shop and say Hi to the person behind the counter you can see them reaching for the panic button,general pleasantries and banter between strangers seems totally taboo darn sarf too so???????????????
Edit, he's from bloody LEEDS he's more Northern than me !!! :)
It could well be that, yes. They tend to be quieter and more conservative. Therefore, I'd argue that the approach to etiquette may well have been a factor here. The Polish girl should have known better but, then again, maybe she expected a reaction from confused82. Polish women often expect the guy to take the lead. It's cemented in the culture here.
But then she went mental at me when I did, normally I would have told the guy to f&*k off, but she is such a nice girl, I wanted to impress and missed the mark. @seanus
If there were no rules I would have broken his jaw @grubas
Guys, guys, no need to get rude or aggressive, there's plenty of Polish women in England left for everyone, the majority of them aren't exactly nuns, so I'm sure that in due time both you and your last night's competition will get what you're looking for :-)
Regarding the incident itself:
First things first, the guy behaved like a first class ******, even considering that the English do have a reputation for cock-blocking.
Other than that I hate to break it to You, "confused", but you'll have to chalk up her behaviour to "cultural differences".
Your average UK, American or Western European woman that is already out of her teens indeed understands the concept of a date quite well and is aware that a man who takes her out on a date has the right to expect her to offer him at least some attention. Agreeing to go out on a date with Johnny and then spending 90% of the time chatting with Darren who decided to swoop in is in our societies considered very rude and impolite. Not to mention a girl who'd pull such a trick more than a few times would be branded a slut. Thus most girls from our cultural circle would have told the "other" guy, politely at first, to leave them and their date alone.
Now Polish women and women from Eastern Europe...well... quite often they don't understand the "dating" concept quite like we do. Due to the way they were raised they believe it is perfectly ok to hold spontaneous competitions during the date between the chap who asked them out and the dashing gentleman who for some reason just really, really needs to sit down with a couple. Then they just sit around, watch the boys compete for their attention and feel really good with themselves, since in their minds they figure they must be pretty damn special if "guys are fighting over them". Of course, since all of this is "out of their hands" they also consider their behaviour to be perfectly ok and not slutty at all.
Now, I personally think that your competitor had slightly more insight into the mind of an Eastern European woman than you did, which is precisely why he acted the way he did.
If you want to continue this particular "relationship" you'd better be ready for such shenanigans every other night you go out with that broad. Sorry to say, but all these stereotypes about the promiscuity of women from Eastern Europe didn't just materalize from thin air.
The guy does work in a factory with a lot of polish people so you could be on the money, to be honest I didn't even look at the chump as competition until this morning. It's ok, he said he goes in that bar regularly and so do I, he will be told in no uncertain terms next time I see him if that happens again I won't be telling him I don't appreciate his behaviour next time. I gotta give the guy credit I suppose, he tried his luck and seems to have worked but I won't have it again. And I wasn't specifically looking for some polish p&%^y, there would be much easier ways to get that than treating this girl so good. @midas
And you play straight into her hands then mate.............see,she must be a princess,she has two englishmen fighting over her...........walk away mate,if she is into you she will follow,if not,no loss,at the end of the day they all pull the same gurning face if you do things right ;)
You are right, I was a chump. Walking off would have been the best thing and that would have had her either following me or on the phone within an hour. @isthatus2
Me being Jewish doesn't influence the fact that I've spent a ton of time in Poland ( I am in bloody Poland right now, as a matter of fact ) and even a lot more time working with Polish people. I know a bit or two about Poles, Polish women and Poland.
Other than that, my doctor says that my health is golden so I don't plan to be doing any burning in hell in a while, sorry.
confused:
In my humble opinion you sir are dealing with what is called a "Polish princess".
If I was in your shoes that night ( and that wouldn't happen since, for a variety of reasons, I don't date women from Eastern Europe nowadays ) I'd have simply stood up and left. That was the best, simple and elegant solution.
Now you can either indulge her and her games ( from what you wrote so far - there's going to be plenty of them ), kick her to the curb ( which I recommend ) or ignore her completely ( I do mean completely ) and await that 3AM text message asking why you don't call her anymore.
I think I will ignore her until she gets in touch, but she will not get the special treatment from me again and will be just like any other chick I've dealt with since I split with the mother of my child and maybe in another 3 years something else will catch my eye that I think is worth putting some effort into @midas
Thank you guys for all your time and thoughts, if I don't keep in touch with this chick I'll probably have no reason to come here but you guys have been awesome.
Confused, weve all been there mate,dont worry about it. I apologise again for the label I first gave you,but,with the caveat that I still say this is how you could come across to *some* women, at the worst,at the best,they will see you as either a soft touch or way too clingy if by the second date you are showering her with compliments,treating her like a princess etc etc.
Im not saying "treat em mean,keep em keen" as that,although with some poor cows with low self esteem that can work, but on the second date its only in hollywood musicals that people start falling in love :)
Also,remember ,if she is as fit and tidy as you make out,frankly she will be bored witless of lads fawning over her. As a kid I was always puzzled how a mate of mine always got outstandingly gorgeous GFs when he was nothing to look at. Looking back it was precisly because he didnt treat them like godesses to begin with,he treated them like mates who he could have a good laugh with while still making it obvious he fancied them....jammy sod had it sewn even at 16 :)
You have to understand that I'm only like that with chicks that I see something special in and to be honest the only one who I've been like that so quick with other than this chick - is the mother of my child and that didn't go too well either. I'm not like some hopeless romantic, just thought there was something about this chick, guess there was she was as midas put it a "polish princess". @isthatu2
I actually stopped drinking and don't drink pints either, last thing I want is a drink when I'm annoyed, I want whatever is annoying me to stop! @Wroclaw
There is a missing piece of the story here. How did she find out about your discussion with her colleague? Did you tell her? Did the other chap tell her? Did she overhear?
Since you admit to being a bit tipsy, perhaps your tone was nasty? You probably looked like a slob more so than you realized.
Your choices include; 1/Tell her you were inappropriate but you just wanted to spend time with her and not with him. (women love being paid attention to). 2/Tell her she overreacted but that you forgive her. (if she walks away angry, drop her; if she continues the discussion with you then she likes you).
3/Tell her to stop jocky-ing for dominance because you don't need to play that silly girls game. 4/Tell her to pick you up at 7pm so that the two of you can clear the air. Light up a cigar once you get into her car and puff furiously.
5/Tell her she looks fat in that dress. Then ask her if she likes honest guys.
I didn't read the discussion, I directly answer to the original post. Ok, so I think that pub, club are not places where you can expect intimacy (unlike in a restaurant or cafe). Dating in pub or club may be consider loosely as something between a date and social meeting therefore someone can join a couple. Of course it's my solely own opinion and someone can not agree with me.
Her fault is that knowing it's a date she shouldn't let you felt left alone, and that's quite rude of her. On your side you never should treating her friend like that. He was a stranger for you and it's not you who should tell him that he was interrupting.
As I said, they will stick with what they have until the next best thing comes along. They have very limited dedication to anything and will leave you in the lurch if it suits their agenda.
He got up and walked off as soon as she arrived back at the table, I was just moving back to my seat because I sat beside him to ensure he understood what I meant, he actually tried to half threaten me. Tried to say he was house mates with the bouncer, but I honestly couldn't care less who he is friends with. She asked me why he left and I was honest with her, she went mental and to be fair, yes I was slightly aggressive when telling her if she comes out with me, shes out with me not her friends. @zimmy
I agree, it is not ideal for a date, but after leaving bowling she wasn't hungry and neither of us were ready to go home so we decided on drinking. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything to the guy but I thought I'd made it clear to her I didn't want him around with looks etc. He knew what he was doing I think in hindsight, at the time I just thought he was a chump. @plggrl
Maybe she did like him better, I don't think he is better looking, more intelligent, would treat her better or has a better job but they have more common interests @wroclaw boy
you were right to say what you said, but probably more to her than him.
Why to her?
I'd have just stood up left them to it personally.
Seems to me that you like making scenes like a 15 y/o girl.You don't leave a women you came with just like that no matter what.You Brits have no class nor manners.
He should tell her "I am about to leave,do you want me to take/walk you home?".Geez,you Brits are boors.
Thank you guys for all your time and thoughts, if I don't keep in touch with this chick I'll probably have no reason to come here but you guys have been awesome.
We are happy to share our wealth of knowledge about Poland and Polish females with you.
Other than that confused:
I fully understand where you're coming from. You probably treated her very well and in return she came back at you with the behaviour that in the UK isn't exactly expected from women older than 18. You sat there, took it and waited politely for her to do the right thing and when she didn't you did what every guy would do ( told the other dude to beat it ). In response she of all people started complaining...
Yeah, unless one gets what the "Polish Princess" syndrome does to a girl's mind it is incredibly difficult to understand this situation.
You are indeed correct that ignoring her is the only option. Either she'll just bugger off or she'll get back to you in a week/month/two months asking what's wrong with you and why you're not calling her. If that happens just remember not to treat her like she's anything special and bring your A game to the table next time.
On your side you never should treating her friend like that. He was a stranger for you and it's not you who should tell him that he was interrupting.
Madam, you're showing exactly what I'm talking about. Confused mentioned that his lady friend made this "contest" go on for 2 hours before nipping off to the loo. 20 minutes of buddy chat and then her telling him "I'm sorry, look, date, uhm, uhm, isn't there some other place you got to be" is what is expected of a woman in most places ( ok, perhaps not from a Polish Princess in Poland or a Russian girl in Vladivostok ). After two bloody hours Confused was more than entitled to ask the guy to leave.
Confused82, I know you say you love her but it's often not worth the hassle. Many think looks should get them star treatment but looks are acquired, not earned/merited. In light of that, judge her by her actions. A total lack of tact on her part!
I thought this was my a game haha, but maybe I got too sucked in by her apparent kindness and thought she would appreciate the manners etc. The old saying treat em mean is true. @midas
Not love my friend but was very interested, I'm used to having pretty girls though, it's nothing to me. She really seemed to have the nicest personality until this @SeanusThreads
