Polish mother of my child - 'No money, no daughter' - ADVICE NEEDED

Hello I am British citizen who lives and worked in Holland, now I am a benefit allowance of 1000 euro a month for the last years due to health issues.

I met a polski woman working in Holland 5 Years ago after the death of my only son 2 years before.
She lived all her life with her old mother 75 years old in a rent free appartment her father gave them.
And now was working in Holland.

During this time we formed a relationship and I was seeing her weekends and I fell in love.
She promised me the world, and being together every thing.

And wanted a child as it was her last chance in life to have this opportunity.
As soon as she became pregnant she returned to poland with promises to return, promise after promise excuse after excuses.
I was frequently traveling to poland to feel part of the pregnancy.

I had my doubts of signing my childs birth certificate when my ex told me she could not tell me when she will return to holland

and that she would visit some times in the vacations times and wanted to illegally claim child benefit from Holland to Poland.
I did not sign my childs birth certificate I felt I was being set up and did not want to be part of any thing illegal.

I said I will sign when you return to Holland.

She said thats good now I can claim single parent money and its better for her.

Endless promises of returning to me month after month and me often on the bus to poland.
And supporting her and my child. I was cheated on and lied to and used.
4 years of travelling to poland and missing them both and promises next month and next year and missing my daughter.
Since i found out she was in a relationship with another man in poland and used me and stole off me and now black mails me

all the time,,,,

NO MONEY NO DAUGHTER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NOT MY PROBLEM YOUR IN HOLLAND !!
YOU MUST PAY!!!!!!

Phone calls not answer,d , blocked me off skype, facebook, watsapp, only sometimes answering the phone to me.
NO MONEY NO DAUGHTER.

Really no respect for me calling me a idiot and you must pay provoking me.
I feel sorry for my little daughter , she misses me also, my parents never saw her, yet continue to send her clothes and gifts.
Not even a acknowledement from my ex of arrival.

The laptop I bought to see my daughter on skype is no longer used.
The phone I sent for free calls via watsapp is not used.

I have to pay for every phone call.

I feel so unhappy and depressed at the situation and most of all sorry for my daughter who on the phone says please papa I come to papas house please papa.

My ex wont talk or any thing only NO MONEY NO DAUGHTER.

Now my daughter says PAPA WHERE IS MY MONEY.

Now my ex says no name on birth paper you will never see daughter again if you go to court.
In poland is very bad when idiot not give child name.

PAY OR NO DAUGHTER.

Every day when i call money money money.

I feel so sorry for my daughter to hear this name calling her father and screaming at me for money.

I cant afford to go to court and she knows this.

I have to for my own sanity and for my daughter I have to cut off from her and my ex now.
I dont want her seeing this constantly.
I am in a no win situation and its like this for almost 5 years promises and hope and lies.

My ex says she will make me do DNA and I will have to pay and she will make sure I never see my daughter again.

I have been to 2 advacaats in poland and they are to expensive and not helpful.

I wish someone could give me some good advice what to do :(:(

So sorry that you had to find out, this way, what the poles are truly like.
They have no conscience at all.
I can see why the dutch (as well as the english) are changing their outlook on the poles.
The previous generations of poles were great men and women... however, this generation , is not.
They are trading their fore father's good reputation away. Shame on them.
I would say, that the poles do not think as you do, my friend. They take and take and take, yet give nothing back.
Europe is sick of them.
Try and break away from her, and find a modern european from western europe.
She has shown her true eastern european, scrounging, character.
Tot Ziens.

She sounds like a mean *****. But I live in a country of 50% divorce rate and many problems so it seems normal to me. Everyone that got hitched that we knew is seperated the proceedings were bitter and divisive. Far worse than what.you have described. The money greed here reaches from the poor to the top of the government. It's a dog.eat dog world. Having travelled all over the world I see nothing at all modern about west europe or uk for that matter. The most modern societies I have seen are in asia. What I see in western europe is a bunch of dinosaurs still running the joint and influencing young peiple to their obsolete ways which will not help them in the new modern world. I doubt you got the wrong nationality just the wrong person and the.description matches plenty of people.here. I hate to say this but it sounds like you didn't explore your legal options beforehand which is crucial these days. Had you come on here before acting plenty of people could have helped you to protect youself but it seems too late.

My advice:
1. Find a really good solicitor/lawyer to fight your case.
2. You must have confirmation that the child is yours (i.e. evidence) then you can fight for custody.
3. It shows once again, that without a marriage certificate...you are in a sticky situation.
4. Tel her that you have as much right to see the child as she does and that you will make sure that you get full custody of the child as you will drag her through national and international courts.

5. I do not need to tell you that you need to gather sufficient evidence to support your view that she is an unfit mother for doing what she is doing to you. Keep evidence of every communication to show to the courts.

By not signing child birth certificate you basically didn't admit the kid. Now because of it you first have to prove the kid is yours. For now she is a single mother and the kid has an unknown father. Sorry but that's the consequence of your decision, not her's. And I also wonder a bit about your child support payment arrangements. If you have proof of sending her money your situation is better. If you didn't pay then it's like this:

You didn't want to admit the kid and you don't want to pay for it's support.
So if you want the right to the kid (with all the responsiblities that come with it) go to the court.
And no, it's not the picture of Poles

I agree with Lenka.
If you had been serious about being a father, you would have insisted on having your name on the birth cert.
From what you have said, you were in Poland for the birth and refused to sign? Is that right? That must have been a horrible time for your ex, having a child with a man who refused to put his name to it.

So now your daughter has a line through 'father's name', right? That is not very nice for her is it?
Sorry but if you had been less selfish in the first place, you wouldnt be in this situation now.

I mean the way you have described it does make her sound like a calculating greedy biatch. However I am sure if she described it, it would be quite a different story, and that the truth would be somewhere in the middle.

Also the loss of your first child probably affected you deeply in ways that you were not able to acknowledge.

Don't get me wrong, I do feel sorry for the OP and I don't want to make the mother a saint. I more tried to show that at least in two instances you can look at it from a different angle (his- I was scared she was tricking me, hers- he doesn't want to a knowledge the kid). For the daughters sake I hope they will come to an agreement.

They r certainly uncaring ******* - a dozen to the zloty.
All take take take - all too keen to run away to mother poland with their brood - because,,,,, don't you know poland is truly the land of milk and honey ....it's soooo lovveeely - the land of beuracracy and backward family courts ...what a dump!

And to think that literally every year dozens of protestor /marches across the country protest against immigrants in their country (poland for the polish indeed ) - truly they should be so lucky, and really do flatter themselves-who the blooming hell wants to go and live in poland ?answer....single polish mummys thats who

Simple but effective advice mate - NEVER ...but NEVER! datę or screw any woman east of Berlin and your safe

And at that point in time a thing called MARRIAGE in the Church takes place between a man and woman with the man manning up for responsibility and accountability for the mother and child's care until death do us part.

Then if she bolted to Poland you could claim abandonment of the marriage and her woman duties.
Then by documenting the money that you had sent her for the child the courts would most likely at the least give you visitation rights or possible sole custody without her having squat to say about it and make her pay you support.

But since you chose to have a child out of wedlock, refuse to man up and put your name on the birth certificate you must now suffer and pay the Piper.

This happens in EVERY Country of the industrialized world, not just Poland, as a means of welfare income and a way of life for many women.

Marriage has become a business in this day and age and you have to treat it like that by having pre-nuptial written contracts signed by the both of you.

If she refuses to sign then you automatically know just how much she really loves you and what her intentions could be.
Best thing you can do now is disappear to maybe Aussie and start over as you still have tools to make another child yet.
Only this time do the correct way and marry her first before you deposit your seed.

I did not sign the birth certificate because she was addiment she wanted to claim child support from both countries and this was normal what polish people do.

Also I believed I had I had a certain amount of time to always put my name on later.
And I agree,d to sign when she returned to me in Holland.
She made it clear she did not know when she would return although would return for holidays throughout the year with our daughter.
And also she needed to return to Holland any way as she said needed to work in Holland when the child was older anyway.
Within this waiting time of promises and lies I supported my child the best way I could.
Being on benefits I could not pay and travel to see my child.
So i collected unwanted things from people and neighbours to take with me to poland so she could sell on the sunday market.
This brought her 150 - 200 a month.
So for the last 4 years I have contributed the best way I could find.
During my waiting game and promises of having more quality time with my child.
The quality time became less and less and her demands for more things to sell got more and more.
Now I have asked for a reciept that I have given her things to sell for my child.
She says I never payed anything for your child in 4 years.
And the money she got for selling was infact her income her work.
Now I have refused to take any thing again and nowmshe wont let me have contact and tells me you can only see the child when you sign DNA .

And its not in my interest if you see your child again not my problem.
No Money no daughter.
I am over 1400 km away and on benefits I see a no win situation.

Lenka.
I did not fail to admit I am my childs father.
I supported my child and was there for her for all this time.
How many fathers sign and never even see or visit there child.
I was protecting myself from a greedy calculating woman that made it clear what her intentions where after becoming pregnant.
She already told me this was her last chance in life to have a child.
And I honestly believed I could always put my name on the document when she returned to Holland.
Now she says she doesnt want my name on it as she is finamcially beter off as a single mum in poland.
And if I want to see my daughter again I must pay or do DNA and let the courts decide.
Although I have been told due to the courts in poland being behind times commuism thinking my chances of seeing my child again will be basically NIL due to like you said I failed to admit for 4 years she is my child.

Basically in Poland Documents mean a lot more than Actions.
I am a father on benefits I was used and put into a vunerable position and told promises and lies and lied to and cheated on behind my back.

I dont even have money to pay a advacaat anymore as the ones I have seen in Poland have only taken my money for advice and never got back to me.

Basically told me mothers in Poland have all the rights and fathers basically have no rights.
And they told me if she takes me to court due to me living in holland and the mentality of the judges and courts my income of 1000 pounds, I am likely to be made to pay at least 200 - 500 euro.

which I can not afford.

Sorry but you refused when she asked you to legally be the father of the kid.
You didn't send child support (not even 25 euros a month it seems) and instead gave her an unwanted second hand stuff that she had to try and sell. That's not a child support. If you sold it yourself and gave her money then it would be child support.

And unless you are abusive or dangerous the court would grant you visits (full custody is almost impossible unless you have proof that she is dangerous for the kid). The courts may be in favour of the mothers but they wouldn't strip you of your rights to visit just because she tells them to.

And when you say you are father on benefits that's been cheated and all that...
If she moved to The Netherlands how would you help to support your kid? Why would you be willing to sign you are a father then?

It may be that I read you wrong but your story looks more fishy to me the more you tell us about that situation.

Lenka.
I will make it short so you can understand.
My ex stated it was her last chance in life for a child and wanted to be in Holland with me.
Her plans where to be with me and as a family.
As I would look after my child so she could work parttime.
This happens often in Modern times.
She understood I am unable to work due to health issues.
I had no intentions of being a father 1400km and especially when I cant not support financially and cannot have valuable time with my child.

As soon as she became pregnant her plans changed, only for the interest of getting money to poland
by me to illegally claim child benefit. which I refused.
I forgot to tell you during her pregnancy I caught her on dating sites writing to other men.
And a fake fb account full of forigen men.
By now it was to late to trust her intentions.

So to take a car full of things for her to sell she liked doing this on a sunday it gave her 150 - 200 a month sometimes more.

I have offered to send what I can a money, and I get told to shove it in my RS.
She wants the stuff I collect from markets here so she can sell and get the 200 euro.
So I am doing my part to supply her with the things they dont grow on tree,s and to drive them there.
Only she will not sign or say this is helping for my child.
So I have stopped taking the things to her and she has stopped me seeing my child.
She has been offered work in a supermarket for 200 euro a month which she does not want to do
as 40 hours a week is to much for her.
Lenka are you polish your self?
Is this a sight for support or to be judged ??

1- her saying it's her last chance to have a baby has nothing to do with it
2- it's admirable you looked at the future for you as a couple but in every relationship you have to see that there is a possibility things may go differently and you may split or your partner dies. How would you support the kid if you got full custody or your ex died?

3- her dating profile however awful doesn't change anything in your child situation
4- once you say she wants money then you say she doesn't want the money she wants the things you bring from The Netherlands...which one is it?

5- I doubt any court would agree that bringing that stuff that she has to sell is a child support. Her signing you do it has nothing to do with it. It's not money and it's not stuff for the kid. It does help her a lot but it's not supporting your kid.

6- you are getting 1000 euros and not working but you smirk when she doesn't want to work 40 hours for 200 ( she should move her as* to work if she can imo). You say you don't have money but think she will be ok on 200 euros supporting herself and the kid?

I am Polish but this is neither. It's two adults who can't solve their problems and the kid suffers in the end. She sounds like a b**ch but you sound like an as*. It seems to me you are worth each other tbh.

My advice is this- either save money and get a lawyer or as you said yourself

Lenka
The 150 - 200 euro is what she tells me she gets.
Her friend selling with her told me she makes more.
Yes I recieve 1000 euro for not working does that surprise you???
Its the same valuation in Holland as it would be you getting 250 euro unemployment benefit.
Where a small appartment in poland cost 500 zl a month.
I pay almost 500 euro 150 gas and electric health insurance 120 council tax 90 with water.
That leaves 100 euro over for food.
Now you understand why I collect things for her to sell in Poland so at least she had some thing for my child.
I saw your eyes where soon wide open when I told you I had 1000 euro a month :)
Just like my ex thought the same.

@Victor12345

What makes you think that you will be ordered to pay 200-500 euros per month for child support ? Did you go to court ?
Is your ex demanding certain amount from you ? If so ,what is it based on ? To me she is not interested in your child well being , as well as your child having both parents . She seems like very high conflict person with no regards for you as a father .

My advice to you is collect all the evidence that you might have ( emails , letters , txt messages ) from her demanding money in exchange for visitations with your daughter. When you have enough evidence find a lawyer , lay it all out and at the end of the day you may just have a case against her . I maybe wrong but ..don't you get free legal advice / lawyer from the EU since your income is so low ?

Again-how would you support your kid if you got the custody?
You say 1000 Euro is like 250 Euro in Poland yet you think she can support herself and the kid for 200 which is as if they cut your benefits to 800. And she does it for money? Somehow I don't see that huge profit for her.

If she sells the stuff illegally then you have some kind of leverage but then you brought stuff to Poland with the intention of it being sold so it puts you in a dodgy position as well.

I don't know what kind of advice you expected but there are only 3 options:
-keep peace with you ex and leave things as they were.
-find legal advice and become legally the father of the kid
-forget about them
What you do is up to you but that is all. There is no other option for you


Seriously? Believe me your money is of no interest to me beside as a part of the discussion.

Probably the same way his wife is having it now , only she would be the payer ...( highly unlikely though )
I also don't see him mentioning anything about him trying for custody . His wife is having custody right now and she is denying him the access , which is wrong ....the kid has two parents and should be able to spend time with both .

Because legally he's not the father. He refused to sign the birth certificate.
I agree that cutting off one parent is wrong however sometimes (and I'm not saying that's necessarily what's going on here) it's a way to pressure the parent to support it's kid. If someone hides their income (like signing company over to some family member) and say they don't have any income it may be the only way.

I agree 100% that he must support his child and find a way to generate more income , but from the law perspective ( I think ) she has no right to use a child as a tool to force him to pay . If he is deadbeat dad , then she should go after him through court system . I don't want to pass a judgment on neither one of them , but sure as hell their child is not the number 1 priority in this mess...

Exactly, men often do that and this ........ has come here complaining while he is the ...... artist. Good on the Polish woman for doing what she did (if this story is true at all).

oh please, don't insult Lenka, why on earth would a woman who doesn't know you get excited about your paltry income....

It's of course illegal to stop the other parent visits without a reason (if the guy is listed as father and the OP isn't) however it still happens.

I don't want to judge the OP as we don't know all the facts but the whole story sounds fishy.


Thank you Roz. I don't understand it either. Does he think now I will want to have his baby? Hilarious

Please read my post above.
But once again:
1. You have to have PROOF that you are the father (evidence to be taken to court)
2. You have to take her to court for visitation rights/custody.
3. You have to have a lawyer/solicitor to fight your case.
4. You have to have EVIDENCE that you have supported her and the child and that she has prevented you from seeing the child. EVIDENCE means all paperwork, copies of everything.

5. You have to come to court with 'clean hands' i.e. NO evidence against you - here, the fact that your name is not on the birth certificate and the way you acted will be used against you. You have to get ready for a real fight.

Hahaha I would never want a child with another polski.
Ive seen so many woman running back to Poland after falling pregnant.
I have how ever some very nice polski friends in holland who admit them selfs that the woman use men for there own advantage.
Its seems a well known fact all over the internet and media.
How ever since I am not originally from Holland, I find poland a very beautiful country and the older generation are very nice with good morals and friendly.

My last visit to my daughter was not so nice, I drove 15 hours with the red tractor I promised my daughter which I had shown her on skype

ideal to sit on and play in the play ground :)
As I arrived and rang the door bell my daughter was delighted to see me and the tractor.
I was turned away by my ex and told to take the tractor away this is for BOY not girl you idiot.

As my daughter was at the window crying for her papa.
My heart broke into 1000 pieces.
I went to the police station to make a complaint I had come all this way to see my daughter and turned away.
Noone spoke english noone understood.
So they came along to my exes house with me, the police said I was not the father and not welcome.
I returned to my bed and breakfast and the next day the police where at my hotel they said I had to come to the station.

I asked why ???? they didnt know pppfffff
I said well you beter go away I filled a complaint against my ex and they where at my door to take me in.
I told them to go away.
The next day my ex was at my bed and breakfast with my daughter and said this is first time police ever came to my home.

I said I make trouble for you when you do any thing like this.
I let you see daughter if you give me the things in your car to sell.
I agree,d and had 2 hours with my daughter and ex took them to a nice little polski restaurant which was lovely food and my daughter

enjoyed her self to.
At the end my ex said I dont say thank you to you for this food.
You say thank you to me for letting you see daughter, and next time you go to police I make sure you never see daughter again.

when I tried to talk about making any kind of arrangements of any kind.
I am told beter you keep your mouth shut and let me make the choices I am mother.
Child not need father grandma can give as much love as father.
You pay you see child. Not my problem you in Holland I not interest in this.
When you have no money to pay stay in holland.

I have seen lawyers and they tell me the justice system and courts are so far behind in thinking.
They will see me as a unfit father because for 4 years my name is not on the birth paper.
The fact I have supported my daughter and visited her for vacations and birthdays and christmas and some times in the weekend.
My actions as a good father will not be seen in a Polish court I have been told.
They will focus more on why I have not my name on the birth certificate for 4 years.
I had my reason for not signing I will not be part of any illegal fraud for trying to make false claims for child benefit from holland whilst she is living in poland. Now she refuses to put my name on the paper saying better for her is single parent as now she get money from poland and me. And maybe later she will put my name on I have to wait and see.

When I ask her to sign for any thing I give her she refuses and says oke NO MONEY NO DAUGHTER.
Go do a dna and proof you are father.
So to me its black mail.

@Victor12345

"My actions as a good father will not be seen in a Polish court I have been told.
They will focus more on why I have not my name on the birth certificate for 4 years."

Says who ?

"I had my reason for not signing I will not be part of any illegal fraud for trying to make false claims for child benefit from holland whilst she is living in poland."

So you had legitimate reason for not signing birth certificate , you are law abiding citizen who refused to scam the system .

" Now she refuses to put my name on the paper saying better for her is single parent as now she get money from poland and me. "

Do you have this on "paper " ? If so then you have the proof that she is milking the system ...no?

I met my in holland she was working here.
She came to me weekends for about 6 months whilst she was working here.
She explained she lived all her life with her mother in a rent free appartment her father gave them and life was bad in Poland.

And wanted to work and have a normal life and a child as it was her last chance in life.
I told her my situation and discussed every thing and I said on my income its not possible to support her and a child.
She understood and said dont worry we will be together I can work as long as I can visit my mother some times will be oke.

I agree and when she became pregnant she only filled me full of hope and promises and returned to poland.
And said when my name is on birth certicate she can claim child benefit from holland and I can post it to Poland until she returns to Holland.

I said NO i dont do that its illegal.
She then started calling me a bad father as every polski does this in holland.
Then fear built up in me what where her motivations would I ever see my daughter again if I signed ?
1400 km away and no guarenthee,s I was put into a vunerable position.
I waited 4 years of promises and driving to poland and only promises and in the end she had another man.
Being on benefits due to health issues I was see it as my DNA was stolen and child.
And I was left in a no win situation.
Can anyone understand why I did not sign the document?????
I did ask to be a sperm donor and pay for a child I cannot be a father to.
More important for me is to be in my childs life and to be a good father.
How can I do this 1400km away and on health benefits.
Impossible.

Again- you are not a father legally so going to the police about that visit is like going to them because your neighbour doesn't want to let you into their house. If anything she may complain that some guy (you) is harassing her.

Signing birth certificate has nothing to do with claiming benefits so stop that crap. If you didn't apply you didn't commit a fraud. Plus you better read about benefits for single mothers in Poland before you make such claims because believe me she would be better of with a child support from you.

You are talking a lot of bollo*s

I have seen 2 lawyers and both have told me, that in Poland the court system is very behind in thinking and are always in favour of the mother.

And because I have not signed I will be seen as a unfit father that did not take his responsabilities and could be made to do a DNA and also made to pay and also not be allowed to see my daughter again.

This is polish system.

I have health issues and Mild learning difficulties as you might see by my gramaticca.
Although in real life I look like a handsome man without issues.
I have learning difficulties and I trust people very much so I am vunerable.
I have a beautiful home and garden and I am extremely talented and creative and I am a musician.
My ex saw my learning difficulties and soon took control and over powered me and left me in this position.

I did not want it this way I expected to be a full time father and with my daughter and ex.
I have been used lied to and cheated on and left in a difficult situation.
I miss my daughter very much and I feel part of me is missing and its difficult to handle alone like grieving again.
I am on benefit and financial unable to pay high court cost.
My ex knows this and has taken full control on a distance to blackmail me.
I am originally from UK.

Good, we like it that way, and if you don't like it then off with you, crawl back onto your donkey and welcome back beloved UK - good riddance! Poland does not need complaining foreigners.

Lenka
I would rather you dont make any further comments on my post please I am here for support
My ex wants to eat the cake from both ends.
Money as single parent and to sponge every penny from me.

And using my daughter as a meal ticket against me.
Just like her own father supports her divorced mother for the last 50 years.
And this is how most polski people think men must provide support.
Obvously you think its correct to the way she used and lied to me and gave me false hope and promises of being together as she

was in a relationship with another man in Poland.
I was used for a donor and left 1400 km and now she wants my money this is exactly how it is.
She knew I was on benefits.
Her excuse for not coming back to me was I didnt want my daughter speaking dutch.
I dont like holland. Yet to get pregnant by me is oke and leaving me.
When I asked can I come to poland live I am told no better you stay in Holland I will come to you when child is older

I need work in Holland to build up a pension for when I am older.
When you have other woman you will never see your child again.

There should be a law against men being tricked into having children and used this way financially.
But there isnt and ikts people like you that still believe that men should pay.
Yes I should pay and I do pay and also I should see my child also.
Not a backward justice system that say because my name isnt on the document I am a bad father.

How many fathers sign the birth paper and never even visit there child or pay a penny.

sussexguy 12:48 #32


Thats why UK have voted to pull out of the EU they dont need foreigners either right ?