6 months with my Polish girlfriend and I still don't understand her..

true but also depends on how close of friends they are. I've heard some crazy sh*t in my days :)....but I'm old

Mr F, I suppose it depends on who your friends are and who you know, I personally dont discuss my personal stuff with friends no matter how close they are, its just not me, Im not comfortable talking about certain things, I suppose it comes down to, I wouldnt like a guy talking about personal stuff to his friends....

Also its nice to just have something between you and your partners...

Thanks everyone,

Yeah, I spoke to her last night for an hour. She didn't mention anything about this friendship thing until I asked her.

To be honest things just don't add up? Something has happened since my visit at Christmas to make her think like this. Before then everything was ok. At Christmas we met another of her friends from her village, he was laughing and joking with her, when I asked her what was wrong she said now he knows I'm not single????

She did say to be as well that I wasn't very chatty with her family, was that a put off for her? With the language problem both ways I tried my best, probably would have been better with time. We didn't hold hands, kiss, cuddle or anything in view of her family and friends, bascially I didn't know how she would have reacted, this sort of thing produced negative responses in the begining.

Another thing she told me, is that she is taking her Police exams. Perhaps she thinks it would be better being single to get through that and not have any distractions (me)

Well globetrotter, i get what your saying. I spoke to her last night, I feel like having a chat today with her, but don't want to put the guilt trip on her, perhaps I will leave it a few days and then call her.

Am i willing to change, yes of course, she knows that. I was prepared to give my job up and relocate to Poland, my father offered to buy a house out there, I am trying to learn Polish, I am getting my birth certificate registered to get confirmation of citizenship to get a passport (father is Polish)..........................................??????????????????

I am not angry at her, just need more questions answering, because none of this makes sense to me, too many things she told me are not adding up!

Most men who are married for even 50 years never truly understand their ladies :)

Good call. Bottom line is the more you keep going with this the more it's going to hurt if it all falls through. Against that you have to balance a lifetime of regrets if you don't try and if she means that much to you. Only you can make the call.

"that she is taking her Police exams"

Dude lucky you got away now, can you imagine if you'd end up with a copper!!!!!!!!!

I'm feel for you rejection is never a positive experience, however, if one can learn from one's mistakes and ideally others mistakes you will emerge a better man.

Chin up.

anyway remember LIFE IS PAIN.

Yeah, i realise its going to hurt more it i'm going to chase this.

But I can't let go just yet, there's so many things I need to know from her.

The main thing, is what happend since christmas to make her feel like this, its just so sudden, it's not as if things were going wrong up until then. Another Polish friend told me before Xmas, she was so happy that I was coming to Poland to see her.

She did send me a text last night to say she was sorry if she hurt me, she didn't want to.

I think there is more to this than she is letting on.

I presume this topic will not result in any reasonable answer to this universal situation.

The best... talk with the girl, tell her that you have a goal in life and would be happy if the relationship results in something meaningful, sooner than later!...

of course there is more to it than she is letting on... as i said many posts ago, she is messing with your head... how kind of her to say she is sorry if she hurt you cliche cliche but it seems that she hasnt had the courtesy to tell you what you need to know...

mate... rejection hurts... it happens to all of us... get over it already... plenty more fish cliche cliche

I agree with BW, she is messing you about and she is not being honest, best thing to do is knock it on the head and move on....easier said than done but what's point if the feelings are only one sided.

yeah, i know, perhaps with time I'll get over her.

I just thought she was the one for me.

If i think about it perhaps the signs were there all along.

I don't blame Poland on this one girl, my love for the country is still strong, maybe we just weren't compatible, like many people have said to me here and off-line, you can't make someone love you if they don't feel the same. There is a women out there who would appreciate the love I have to offer, and would show it all back to me.

Sparky all good things come to those who wait.....love is found in the most unexpected places honey...good luck

mate... ive feked up enough relationships to be only too familiar with the pain of rejection and heartache... it bloody hurts... but life does go on and we do recover... no matter how unlikely it seems at the time...

... i dont like telling you to just get over it and move on... because this is not what i would want to hear in your position... but i do know its the best thing to do... and i have also had enough experience to know when someone is embarking on a bit of head messing... which really looks like the case here...

be cool dude... lots of luck and happiness... :)

If i am truly honest,

Monday night was a good nights sleep, the weeks of uncertainty are at an end, perhaps all i needed was closure.

Glad you slept well, Sparky. It does get easier with time. Hang in there and remember you are not alone.:)

I think I understand her now.......................

People who posted onto this topic may say.....you're a fool, leave it be, move on, she is still messing with your head etc.

But..............after a long chat last night, things have become clearer to me, about this whole situation.

It appears, as i thought, that it was my last visit that changed things with her. Apparently she said she thought it would change things with us, but it didn't.

And i knew, what tha meant straight away, the lack of affection I showed to her in the whole visit. I had nothig to lose, so I opened up my heart and told her why.

I said she couldn't imagine the number of times i wanted to hold her, hold her hand, brush the hair out of her eyes and kiss her, I love you. I told her I was sat watching her staring out of the window one day, and all i wanted to do was walk up behind her and hug her lovingly. I suppose I didn't because I knew she was hurt bad in the past, and didn't know the reaction it would generate, more the fool me for not trying.

It was quiet on the phone, she listened.

The end result was, she said she would have a think over the weekend and let me know how things stood, perhaps others here will say, mate its still mind games, but I couldn't let go altogether until I had found the real reason behind this.

Yes, perhaps I am living over the next few days on false hope, maybe the answer will still be the same, but like globetrotter said, if you feel so strong about someone, and you don't make the call, you could live with a lifetime of regret if you didn't try.

I think if the answer is still the same, then i have to let go, I think I have said all i can now in two long phone calls this week, apart from telling her my feelings for her are so genuine, there is nothing more I can think of doing (short of offering her a ring, which i just think wouldn't work?)

Well everyone, it seems my situation has improved.

Spoke to my girl las night, she got my last e-mail, she said I should come over to her when the snow has cleared a bit (lives in a small place) and see how things go from there.

I am going to keep a very open mind about everything and not get excited until I am out actually out there with her, but I realise after the last three weeks, I might have to take things slow, perhaps I was to keen before and she felt trapped???

But it's right what others said, communication is the key, and in my case it has worked.

I'll just have to see how it goes from here.

(And if sparky is reading this posting, I didn't realise there were alternate versions of this username until I had signed up, I think people will know the difference between Sparky and sparky359)

Best wishes to both of you.

PS - I'll phone my ex-colleague again today to see if he's found any vacancies for you. Sounds like you might need that job out there now!

Thanks globetrotter,

I appreciate your help

Hey Globetrotter,

Just wandered if you had anymore news from your ex-colleague.

Cheers

He had not done much about looking. I gave him a reminder. Will chase him again

I am sorry but the offered help will not be delivered. The poster using the name globetrotter was an impostor with a grudge against me. The person concerned gained access to my computer and even went so far as to post a picture of my wife and I. I want to make it clear to everybody that there has been a case of cyber ID theft. I have not had the time to review all the posts made by the individual but I came across this one and wanted to let you know that no help will be forthcoming. If there are any other offers of help elsewhere then these too should be discounted. The person concerned has been identified. Suffice it so say that action will be taken but not too drastic I hope since he or she is dealing with some problems at the moment.

I suppose this is a graphic example of the power and the danger of the web.

Methinks Sparky's stalker is back.

What makes you think that Huegel?

Look - this is genuine. I did NOT make those posts. I am also in the process of cleaning up two other forums where the person concerned was a little less reserved. There will be no job offers coming through because nothing was done. The person does not know the senior partner - I DO. I posted here to let you know that.

Oh and by the way having my picture on the internet was not just unpleasant it had the chance of affecting the security of my family. Check it out - admin has removed my photo.

I just wanted you to know that nothing is going to happen.

Hi everyone,

well, might as well come clean, there's no good pretending that things are okay.

My situation finally came to a conclusion a couple of weeks ago, two days after I came back from Poland.

As you may have all read, things weren't a bed of roses during the last few months for me anyway, but I thought with a bit of hardwork, we could have worked things out, me going out more frequent to build on the relationship.

I went out about three weeks ago, womens day was on the Thursday, so I thought I would include that in my trip to see her. Perhaps there were signs then, I had been there nearly a week before she met up with me. Bottom line is we met on the Wednesday and Thursday, I gave her gifts and a pink tullip for womens day, we sat in the park, she opened the gifts we talked, smiled, laughed and joked, i thought things were going okay. Later that day she left, she kissed me goodbye, not the visit I had planned but we spent time together. I even got invited back out for her birthday.

Got back to the UK, and over the course of a few days, learnt that she had decided to give things another go with an ex boyfriend from a few years ago - talk about kick in the teeth. This wasn't a one day decision, they must have talked about this for some time, sorting out their previous differences etc.

We spoke on the phone, she cried, she probably didn't think I would be as calm as I was, she said she wanted to keep contact. I asked if the language was an issue, apparently it wasn't, but I think in a way it was, although from a Polish background, I wasn't born and raised there, so maybe I didn't have a proper understanding of the lifestyle and culture - I don't know?

I can't help think, if I had done things differently would everything be different now? Perhaps I was not good enough for her, a million things go through my head everyday.

Over the last two weeks, we have had contact a bit, text message here, 2 min phone call there, but generally contact is getting less.

It seems everything we ever did together, places we went, the good times we had, don't mean a thing to her now, I can't understand it! I was never bad to her, all i ever tried to be was good. :(

I am going back to Poland next week for Easter to see family, and thought about heading off to meet her for the day, like she said we could-as friends. But perhaps I am prolonging the pain, maybe what we shared together, will make it impossible for us to be friends I don't know?

im sorry to hear that Sparky.

<HUG> but best to leave her alone. If you want to be more than friends, you cannot 'be' friends.

Once that threshold is past. Its past!

its hard, its cruel but if you WANT to be friends and leave it at that - cool

Yeah, I know what you're saying daffy. I did say we could be friends for now, but whether it would be good in the future, I don't know, especially when she gets engaged, married, pregnant - that will hurt, but not as much if I meet someone else in that time.

do you seriously think when a girl say that can we just be friends ( after a relationship) and the guys says yeah sure y not. got to break the ice and say sorry mate that can never be possible. never happened and never will. that just the way it goes. go with what Daffy said. let it go. its better to leave now then later. cos then the pain will be hard to handle.

Yeah, I know RazZ, it's just going to be hard to let go for a while, but I know I have to, she has moved on without a care in the world. I tried calling her like she told me to for a chat, but straight to voicemail, maybe thats a clue to how she feels now?

Thanks 4 the advice RazZ

Sparky, maybe you should admit you are an *******. Polish girls are fabulous.

Maybe you are the a*s*s*hole.....obviously Sparky thinks his girl if fabulous, otherwise he wouldn't be feeling as bad as he does.