I'm American. I've hung out with this Polish girl for approximately the last four months. We've spent a lot of time together during these past months. We talked for hours, I've drew portraits of her, went to movies, out to eat, and she's now even living in an extra room in my apartment. I've directly and indirectly expressed that I love her through word and deed. But she won't touch. I've tried to hold her hand, she won't. She gets really stiff, and even laughs about it. I can put my hand on her knee, and it seems it can be there for a while, but it's not like I want to move toward her feet, and of course the other way along her leg would be her crotch and that would be just too fast. So I'm stuck only with a knee. I'd rather have her hand. Ok, I've tried her back. Like my arm around her, but she won't let me do that for very long either.
Of course, all this has set some tension about trying to kiss, so I haven't tried that. I've tried to ask her about about it. She never says a thing. I don't know what's happening. I've only been with American girls and they all let me to first base by now. This stiff hand thing and all the running from my touches has got me so confused. I'm trying to be patient, but I just blind about something?
All this stiffness at first kinda hurt at first. The next phase I just laughed with her about it. I'm really in love with her personality and she is so sexy and I just can't stand this stagnation any longer, I feel a strong need to move forward. Not be able to be affectionate even just a little bit, like cuddling during a movie, it just makes me sad. I don't know how much longer I can take it as it tears me up.
What should I do? I don't know any other Polish girls, is it cultural maybe? Can someone talk to me about this, because she clams up and stares as if I've made her angry when I approach the subject. I hate having to do this, because I hate secrets, I feel as if I'm betraying the confidence of a private situation, but she won't talk, and I need to know what is going on, because I can't figure it out on my own, so help me someone.
It is clear that she does not want more from you. She don't like it when you touch her, so please stop. She does not love you, like you love her, only your money attracts her in some way. You sure pay most when you do things with her, she thinks you're rich because you are American and she can stay in your apartment it costs no money or less I suppose. Please stop to touch her, we Polish women are not like Americans. We are mostly a bit shy and cautious, but still, in this case she does not love you, stop bothering her, pay and stay friends with her.
Wroclaw: I do give her space. It's not like I'm trying to touch her every hour or every day. Maybe a little more info would help on this. When I do touch her, I don't do it in an inappropriate spot, too often, or pick bad timing. I do it when I feel it's right, when it is obvious we are both feeling good together, been laughing or something or say for instance we just didn't get done talking about 'vomiting' or 'explosive diarrhoea'.
Wroclaw: We are both fairly new to the city and have no new close friends in which we would eat popcorn with over a dvd movie. I am quite picky about making new close friends. I feel she is the same way too. We are both artists and introverts. We do not have a need for a bunch of gabby people smothering us. This is one of our compatibility points. Space is something we understand with each other. So, lonliness motivating her to use me as a prop just doesn't sound right. But, I'd like to rule out me being used as a prop Wroclaw.
king polkakamon: I've put more than that in her hand, even though I don't have much. Consider too, she has no living cost right now. She has her own room, free shelter. She has free food. I have a culinary diploma, so I enjoy cooking, but this is benefit for her that I make meals. I even wash the dishes. I'm in a financially transitional part of my life. I am an artist too. Due to this, I don't have much extra to give, but she knows I share everything with her. I've helped her out with a few things badly needed, and even gave her money to send gifts back to Poland to family and friends. If I wanted to pay for touching, even with my struggling budget, a street walker would be much cheaper and less emotionally taxing, but I don't like prostitutes. Realistically, I could just get an American artist girlfriend if I'll wanted was an introvert that would touch, but I my heart is set on her. Life has thrown us together for a reason.
David 18: She, not into me? But she is in my life, let me emphasize 'in', more than anyone else's life now and for awhile. That makes me wonder about her motives. She doesn't have to be with me, she chooses. This makes it all the more confusing.
Maybe she only wants me as a friend. I'm usually have no problem compromising, I know it's the reasonable thing to do and makes situations go great and bad when you don't. But I feel like I'm the bendiest guy in the world now, a professional contortionist that could make money in the circus. I'm bending over backwards really far, and she knows it. How can I know for sure if she only wants to be friends?
Only as friends will not work for me. Fate has decided a very strong romantic feeling inside me. It's just one of those things in life. This particular passion is not something that can be tweaked anyway I want it. Either arms wide open, or this chapter must end. I don't want to close the book on her, but I have to consider it as a possible way to act, because like I said, this is tearing me up. I'm strong enough to end it, if and only if that must be done. But first, I must know romance is the wrong thing. I really want things to work out, I don't want the end thing.
monika87: You sound confident. I respect confidence. I don't want what you say to be true, but if it is, it is more important that not understanding. How can I be sure you are right she doesn't really care for me that way? Can you make me understand it. No American girl has done this outright, they always has some romantic physical interest that didn't need to be paid for. They didn't give me touches, they wanted to touch and be touched. It's the difference between doing things because of instinct vs. cultural conditioning. I'm not the wealthiest guy in the world, so they could have never been after money.
As a side point, it is very interesting how this situation has made me brainstorm ideas and possibilities, because I've had an epiphany on similarities between prostitutes and good moral women vs. the American woman. American women do what they want. If they feel they want sex, they go for it without a contract. They do it out of freedom to express their inner desires. They usually do this in a respectful monogamous way too. On the other hand, a prostitute and good moral woman demand some form of payment, either cash on hand or a promise of stability before sex occurs. The classic woman I thought couldn't look like a prostitute.
I don't want a I pay and stay friend. I cannot have self respect for myself, knowing she knows how I feel. Oh, she does know.
king polkakamon: What more could I wish for? You must be joking. A pay and stay friend? I don't need to wish for more, I've had more. I've turned down more. There are a lot of intelligent, very gorgeous American artist women who are monogamous and who'd have sex like in the first week of dating. It's four months and I can't even hold her hand, come on. I'm not GQ, but I'm not a rogue either. I've had some very nice women in my life. They've been willing to give things a try. I want a lover, not a friend, especially not a pay and stay friend.
I hope it's not true, but I won't deny if it's reasonable to conclude as such. She knows if she has no interest she is playing a game with me, because she has no need to be here. But she won't communicate, so I have to ask people that may understand her from her cultural point of view, because American woman just don't have time to play games, unless they are just stupid girls to begin with. Smart girls get what they want, they don't have time to play games with poor artists who vulnerable to passion.
warszawski: I grew up on the west coast of America. We are laid back, honest and free spirited. What's my age, I don't wan't to make things too specific, because I sort of have to respect some sense of anonymity, because this is not exactly something I like having to do (go online to find out things I should just get on my own). I may tell her about this anyway so she can read all your gossip, at least she'll know everything was from a truthful insider, yours truly. I'm not the kind to hide things like this (from the person it is about), but again, she is forcing me to try to understand her through others opinions, when she could just tell me to my face. She is encouraging gossip and potential misunderstanding. But I have not choice. Sometimes I wonder, if I am of so little value to her, that I don't deserve to hear her true feelings about me?
It is clear that she does not want more from you. She don't like it when you touch her, so please stop. She does not love you, like you love her, only your money attracts her in some way. You sure pay most when you do things with her, she thinks you're rich because you are American and she can stay in your apartment it costs no money or less I suppose.
I agree with this. The girl just doesn't have feelings for you, OP. Sounds like she's using you and will tolerate so much so as to not turn you away but she draws the line at touch. And she doesn't respond when you ask her about it because her only possible response would mean an end to her free ride.
pgtx: I do find it funny too. I have a great sense of humour, but in light of things said, can you imagine the expression that ends my laughter. It sucks.
Usually polish girls let me touch them after 5 minutes of pick-up sometimes intimate.They also let you touch their friends and cousins.Polki are very touchy like small cats.
Thank you for your honest opinion. If this is true, that she is only using me, how would you react to it? She is a friend, not that great of a friend if she is being insensitive and just using me.
I don't mean to sound cruel but such matters often require brutal honesty.
The only way for you to deal with this situation is to put her on the spot and ask her if she has feelings for you. And then tell her that if she doesn't that things are going to have to change.
If she doesn't answer you then you have your answer.
Id just go with the direct approach, kinda " girl you best start spending some time on your back cos this just aint working out for me".
Should have to say that. I've never had to ever, ever, ever. And I don't plan on it. But your funny though. You go on telling them, and I'll start ignoring the ones that I have to tell as I have.
I'm curious about this too. Seem like you have problems understanding girls.
Yeah, I do have a problem understanding girls, the ones that don't understand me. Fortunately, they're are intelligent and sexy girls that do, so such a comment only grazed the balls.
