Fell in love with a Polish girl, but find it difficult to approach her

Ken, just ask her out!

Seconded.

All that matters is you take your best shot. I know from experience that it is far better to have some sort of answer than to hang in uncertainty and wonder what might have been.

Challenge yourself, you can do this.

F**k, f**k, f**k, lol.

I knew this was coming. There is no easy way round it. I will not make any promises but I will try to summon something from somewhere and do it.

And, has she turned you down yet or not?
Failure here is only not asking. Being turned down is not a failure as is quite likely!

Thanks L for asking. She hasn't been in work for the last couple of days but I start work in an hour so hopefully she will be there today.

I'm getting a better perspective of things now. I know I will be calmer talking to her. Before I got in a bit of a panic, I had rehearsed our initial conversation so many times beforehand and when things didn't go according to the plan I had envisaged, I got flustered.

That is not the case now, what will happen will happen. I will treat her like I would treat any of my friends. Before I was intimidated by a beautiful women and felt a failure if they didn't immediately agree to marry me and have my children. Ridiculous or what!

What I am basically trying to do is to get her to leave her boyfriend and go with me, but I can see the bigger picture too, she could do that and down the line leave me for someone new as well. I will try my best, thats all I can do.

Maybe she will reject you because she likes mulattos.

There are probably one million reasons why she would reject me but that is not the issue. The important thing is that I try. It is a big barrier for me, like the four minute mile or walking on the moon.

It is not a big barrier.Try to prove her you are worth more than her boss and the mulattos.

Not really in the whole wide scheme of things but it's momumental to me at present.
Feeling a bit upset with myself today, I bottled the opportunity to talk to her this afternoon. I was all ready to do it but fear got the better of me at the very end. I'm ashamed of myself for not being man enough to do a simple thing like talking to her. I will try and gather myself and have another go tomorrow. I can see that the longer I leave it the more difficult it gets and the less likelihood of a successful outcome. I must do this, regardless of outcome in order to move on or else I'll be stuck like this forever.

You can do it Ken, we all got our fingers crossed here.

Just don't try too much and take it easy, enjoy your life. If it suppoed to happen it will happen for sure.

Times i've been told that. Here i am 3 years later still waiting.

What may work for you Justyna (I see the picture) does not usually work for men, who have to do all the hard work...

Yep, we have to make the approach.

Agreed, a picture speaks a thousand words and a beautiful picture speaks many more.


Sounds like you are a bit of a dreamer.
The idea of fate and destiny is alot of crap if you ask me.
I believed it all for too long, that there was that special person out there just waiting and when you met, you would just know that they are the one. What utter bulls hit.

If you don't get up off you're ass and actually do something about your life and where its going then you'll never get anywhere. (By the way, this is nothing personal, I'm just having a wee rant at myself)

Very true statement


LOl not really just tried to be nice to you

Ken Noddy now you have to chose.It is a critical decision.Will you turn to justyna or are you willing to give unicornes a chance?Both girls anticipate your decision.They hold your breath til you make your statement.

Who will be the lucky girl to join Ken Noddy to the sea of hapiness?
Both girls have to struggle to win his favour.

LMAO southern you're pathetic.. It sounds like.......why can't it be me and not Ken? LOL

oh i'm sure that you've met southern on a <insert favourite method of public transport here matron> already J, you just don't remember it yet. :)

He's a one man banned. I never knew Admin was Italian Luigi.

ken, I didnt mean for it to sound so harsh, its more of a get you going post.

I know your not alone in being shy, alot of people are shy. but why are your
standards so high that you would be so afraid of someone. or intimidated by
someone?

its funny, my husband, when we met, I thought he was a jerk. he came up
next to me at the bar. I thought to myself, how arrogant and stuck on himself
and didnt know he was doing this to impress me.. anyway, he didnt look at me at
first, I sat there mad as hell, thinking, go away.. but he looked up and smiled
and said hi. and I melted. but I didnt show that, I more or less played the hard to
get.. so even if you think its rejection , it might be just the hard to get, because
not always does a woman want to show she is weak in the knees around a man.

this isnt good for our female state of mind. give in the first time, and its all over with.

so yes, we have to hold back too, what you think is to reserved is just our inner
person holding back the excitement.. the day that I met my husband, i had the girl
meeting in the bathroom with my friends, and they all were asking me what he said
and all I could do was get a hold of myself and go back out and act non chalant so that he didnt get the impression that i was more then excited..

and ken, I bet your better looking then you think, everyone is critical of themselfs
you can always find something wrong, but everyone has imperfections, so dont
be all depressed that your different, cause your not.

like I said, go out, buy that new suit, spend some cash on yourself.
smile at the guy in the mirror..

I don't know. I'm guessing that I've subconsciously given women total power over me. They are the ones who can ultimately determine my life. They are the ones who reject my advances, they are the ones who can decide if I'm happy or sad. I think I have given other people way too much control over my life. Taking this power back is difficult, I feel that I am being selfish. I have always put the needs of others before my own and I'm just a bit fed up with life, the universe and everything at the moment.

Your story of how you met your husband is nice. The moral I guess is to never judge a book by its cover.

I have always put the needs of others before myself, theres nothing wrong with
that, and as Ive said before in another thread, its better to say I have loved
then to never have loved at all. not knowing this feeling or denying it is denying
oneself the chance to feel.. so just because you have a caring nature, doesnt mean
your less of a man, it makes you more a man to show this rather then hide it behind
a masked smile.

Being fed up with life? only because you cant accept rejection? its part of life, if
someone isnt attracted to someone , its part of acceptance. being scared is
a natural feeling, but you have to be able to handle the blow, we all have rejection
the Word No exists in our language and it always will. theres someone for everyone
you have to remember that. and you might get several Nos before you get to the
yes I will have dinner with you tonight. physical attraction and mental attraction
both have to be two sided. you dont want this person going with you just because
they feel sorry for you. bring the man back to the table ken. you dont have to be
rough on the exterior, just hold your head up high and confident. but do some
things for yourself too. maybe take up going to the gym. or find spiritual advisor?

and for god sakes date someone who matches you, not someone you feel is out
of your league, you cant experience love that way, your be fumbling to please and
this isnt love, this is lust.. love is entirely different. its not a fantasy, its real.


we still are together, spite the days when I want to ring his neck.. lol but we do
love each other, not everything is perfect, nor should anyone expect it to be.
marriage is something you have to work at.. even in the toughest times.

At the moment I feel that everyone is out of my league. I know in the past I have gone for unrealistic women, I think my current target is even more unrealistic. How do I know who is and isn't a realistic person to go for?

You're thinking waaaay too much about it Ken. Just be a man and do your thing. Have you ever thought you might not be interested in women at all? You shouldn't be having a hard time talking with women..it's natural for a man to do. Is she smoking hot or sth and you're scared?

Ken,

Hope you don't mind me asking this and feel free to tell me to butt out (I won't be offended in any way) but do your problems start because of the unease you feel of actually talking to the girls you fancy? Is it that you know want you want to say but just have a lack of confidence in saying it? Because if it's just nerves there are proven techniques to train your brain to calm you down and relax you. I was petrified of public speaking even on subjects that I knew backwards and one simple trick 'cured' me within 2 or 3 minutes.

i'd like to know the secret!

well, what type of person do you feel you are..

outspoken? quiet, people watcher? energetic?

do you like indoors? outdoors? clubs or fine dining? walks on a beach or partys in
the sand?

thats what I meant about finding yourself first. do you want someone like you or
oppsite?

are you avid reader? do you go to librarys ?

all these things you need to find out about yourself first. how can you know what
you want out of life if you cant figure out what you love in your life?

Ken, you may email me, we shall get you thru this. somehow , some way.
but keep talking about it, what you feel daily is important. did you go get that
spiffy suit yet?

another thing, take a first step towards confidence. post your picture or put it
in your profile so we can know you as you are. were all friends here, so no ones
going to judge , its just a step forward thats all. you dont have to, but I do
encourage it, most of the time people are afraid of what others will think, and we
want to get past that , do it, say I dont care what you think this is me accept it
or kiss my :)

If you're serious I'd be happy to share it with you.

very much so, please do

but I'm going off the net now, will be back online tomorrow.

OK glowa..... here goes.

It is a simple technique that was taught to me by an actor friend of mine who when he is in between parts teaches presentation skills for some of the big UK corporates. He claims that it works in about 80-90% of cases.

The pre-requisite is that at some time in your life you must have been really, really scared. The basic process is to sit down,close your eyes, lots of deep breathing and try to clear your mind of all thoughts. Then you are asked by a friend to remember the scary experience. You have to think very deeply about the experience, to recall your emotions when scared, sweaty hands, shallow breathing or whatver your reactions were. Think about the moment for 30 seconds. Then (since you're still alive and must have come out of the experience) you have to remember the time when your fear started to subside. Feel the emotions of relief that you had. Follow the calming process in your mind until you reach the point when you were 'safe' once more. Think of one word that sums up something that happended to make you begin to feel safe. Say this word out loud just once or twice. Open your eyes again. The idea is that word becomes your trigger for the brain to release the chemicals upon demand when you need to feel calm. When you want to feel calm simply say this word out loud as quietly as you like and you should feel the calmness spreading over you. Sounds wacky but it worked and still works for me.

It's difficult to write it down like this. My example may help. When I was learning to hang glide the time came for my first solo flight of any distance as a part of my training. I was told to fly over a small ridge and land at the bottom of the slope. I didn't know that over the small ridge was a 700 foot drop! When I cleared the ridge I was scared stiff. I froze and all the training disappeared. Then the instructor called me on the two way radio. The radio crackled into life and his calm reassuring voice came over. He talked me through the flight and from being scared I relaxed and started to enjoy the fantatstic feeling of flying like a bird. The word I chose was 'crackle'. Even today, 20 years after I was 'programmed' it still works.

Long winded post - sorry. Give it a go