Cheated on... instead of the PL boyfriend the other lover announced it on FB?

Met Polish Bf in the US, together for 6 years, broke up for a year (I stayed in US) but restarted relationship again in September. Because of his chaotic divorce in US, he ran away back to Poland and started another divorce proceedings. I changed profession to be with him and started to work here around late 2009 and come back and forth US-Poland as I am a US Citizen and basically live in US.

We always argue as always because he is a VERY jealous man, has guilt-inducing tactics to control, I can't have close friends as he finds it a threat to the relationship, very suspicious about everything I do, hates my having passwords (everyone has, including him!) but I shouldn't have. He hacks my FB account, all my accounts therefore knows everything I write or do on my laptop, even a comma. Meanwhile he has password on his phone, once in a while he disappears for a long time, incommunicado, comes home early morning. I of course don't just take it, that's why the fight every so often. My feelings are honestly sliding down the drain and cannot figure out anymore positive reason to stay; especially that he's jobless and owes a lot of child support money and the old mother still supporting. He is the most jealous and envious man, to the absolute power!

Now, I'm feeling trapped and in a dilemna. I found a shocking message (in google English) on my FB after coming back from US and it's from a Monika:

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I know that you came back
Tomasz is dating with me if you wanna know, he told me that I shouldn't tell you about this becouse you are bit crazy

and I want you to know that we are meeting for long time and we want be together and I don't understand what you want to do and why?

you should understand that this is the end and he don't want you , it is so hard to understand for you? are you blind?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Isn't this too audacious and ballsy and arrogant and cocky, therefore flabbergasting and jaw-dropping? I haven't met or have known of a woman like this until now. She did the dirty job of telling me because the coward guy couldn't. Of course, it's too good to have me and someone else who is oh-so-willing to have an affair with. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. What do you think guys?

You need to improve your story to make it more logical. :):):) I hope you understand it is silly for you to feel trapped today.

PS. Not bad but nothing special, either - we have read hundreds of this crap here before. :):)

I don't think you're mature enough to be in a serious relationship. In any case, it's patently obvious that this one is not going to work out. Break it off completely, never ever contact him or any of the other parties involved again, do not respond to their attempts to contact you, grow up, and then find someone else.

And come back to PF and tell us about it. :):)

She's done you a huge favour: you are far better off with a creep like him.

he was jealous and controlling as he was projecting his own infidelities onto you.
have you thought about getting a test for STI's and HIV?
she sounds like a charming lady, let us wish them a v happy future together.
better off without this one, kareof.

Hello Kareof,
Sorry for your troubles but I think you are better off without this man! He's controlling, not working, owes child support?? Sure you're better out of the situation. You won't win this one anyway, Polish women are very tenacious when it comes to getting their 'man' she'll make sure you are put in a

position where you will have to leave him, know that as surely as you know you'll die one day.

Sure you are going to feel like sh-t for a while but it will get better soon, you'll feel liberated!!
Just remember for the future that there are reasons for messy divorces and a man who does not support his child is surely not a man. There is always some kind of work where he could send at least some money for his kid.

As for Monika well she's obviously not too clever because if he can cheat on you he can cheat on her too!!!
You could write back in Polish on FB about what a desperate cow she is and how she's welcome to your cast offs, bit immature but good for the soul!!


Bit harsh, everyone can be foolish in love, happens all the time even to the best people.
Men can be equally taken in by women, sometimes by Polish or other European women, just hope it never happens to you.
Best of luck Kareof things will get better.

You should dump him as soon as possible. This whole thing sounds unhealthy.

No, it is normal. All women do it from time to time. You, too, and if not yet, you will one day.

no they do not, sorry, some of us have some integrity.

haha OP, here is a plan, message her back and suggest she goes for an HIV test, lol...:)

Nah, wait three or four months and then do that.

hehe harry, good one...yes.

Of course, that is natural. All men want it like that.

And if you try to prevent him, you will be very very selfish.


Until you run into a male of your life. Then your integrity vanishes and you do things you would never dream of doing before! :):)

Complete bollocks, many women would never dream of pinching another woman's man, no matter how cute he was, personal integrity is more important than having a boyfriend/partner/whatever!!!


Very true, if you can nick a man off another woman he really is not worth having!!!!!

hahahaha that is theory of course but practice is different.


Bollocks. I have seen a lot of relationships like that and those women who nicked their men don`t consider them worthless, quite the opposite. :):)

That is normal practice, already starts in pre school, I have seen it on the example of my sons, how little girls imitate adults and compete with each other to win the boy`s interest. They perfectly copy the behaviour of their mothers, aunts, female neighbours etc.

No it's not always different in practise! Many women would never ever consider pinching a man it's cheap and slutty! I grant you a woman can be conned into going out with some one who is taken but most when they find out what is going on get rid of the bloke!!


Perhaps these women have no self respect or are a bit dim, it's obvious that some one who will cheat on his partner is worth Jack sh-t! He will just as easily cheat on them. Would you accept a woman who had cheated on her partner with you????


Where I come from girls are taught to acknowledge the fact that when a man has a partner he is taboo and show respect for their fellow females, there is such a thing as sisterhood! I don't know what sort of females you mix with but I'm glad I don't have to mix with them, they sound appalling!

I still disagree but it doesn`t matter, really. :):):)

I suppose it only matters to each individual couple but I still think you need to meet some nicer females, lots of us are good!

Lots means sth like 20%? :):)
Actually, I don`t need to meet nicer women as I am happily married.
But I like observing people around me. I see that a lot of women are so desperate to find a good man who will be a good father for their children that they don`t hesitate to break up relationships, marriages in order to win this one.

No more like 80% to 90%


Well that's good to hear and I bet your wife is nice or you wouldn't have married her!


This is so sad, women should never be dependent on a man, you can have a very good life with or without one! The thing which is even sadder is that the men they are fighting over are NOT good men, a man who can cheat is not a real man!!

Actually, most women would disagree with you.


That is a wonderful theory but life is life.

Not in the UK, most women know that men are optional extras not necessities.
Obviously there are occupations that men are better at but women no longer need to form partnerships with men, they are able to bring up children by themselves and support themselves, men are no longer an economic or emotional requirement. If you do meet some one who you can happily share your life with, well that's lovely but it's not essential for happiness.


It's also an absolute fact! fortunately in the UK we don't have to tolerate 5th rate males we can throw them out if they are cheats and we don't need to pinch men who are taken, though sadly even in the UK a very very tiny minority still do pinch or put up with rubbish.

Logical or not this may sound to you but this is the story. As you wrote, life is life; sometimes you're caught unaware you're embroiling yourself into some crap.


All? That should include somebody's wife too, then.


Almost all women have the same virtue.Thank you! Decent women cringe when they hear about this woman's gall.

When you meet a guy who wants to please you, that's the one.

rozumiemnic,

thanks....
on my way out, almost... and never felt so free!

I asked by the way that very day I found out, if I don't move what are you gonna do about it? He said he will move to her, days after I asked why don't you move yet, he replied, no I'm not gonna do that, I don't want to lose my freedom. (?)

Complete @$$hole really.

Thanks Dominic, I'm back home in my beloved NY and can't thank God enough. I'm so fine now, enjoying and just loving life... thanks again!


...I did , right away! I went to Belgium, went for a vacation in South France in the summer! Now I'm back to New York!

Goodbye cheater! :)