Hi,I am married for the past 5 years,hubby from Poland and I'm not polish.we live in UK. My polish sister in law,who also lives in UK,has lot of control on my husband.my husband listens to her blindly.3years ago,I had an argument with my sister in law and I called her B**** and her son a son of a B****.after,I apologized to her.I thought everything was ok after I apologized to her but lately,my hubby told me since the day I told her these words...his family hates me.but why is the whole family judging me?my husband blames me that his family doesn't visit coz of me.Wat can I do now?
seriously, if your in-laws are like my ex-in-laws, you are done! Poles of their ilk can carry a grudge like nobody's business (my Mom, God rest her soul, included). What can you do? Depends If you want to make peace and bring things back to where they were (more or less), then apologize. If you don't give a rat's a.., do nothing (as my ex did). Good Luck! It ain't easy I know
I have 5 sisters in law, they r all illeterate and useless. The only thing they know is insulting me and treating me like dirt - even though i don't stay with them evertime i see them they have to leave me with a sad feeling or do unpleasant things. They r just jelous because i am independant, earn more money like their brother, and my mother in law(their mother) loves me still.
I am going to tell my hubby to choose between me and his sisters - i am tired of those illeterate stones who give birth like pigs!
choose between you and his family? You are setting yourself up for failure. What you actually need to do is explain to him, because this is his responsibility, not yours, that he needs to lay down the law with his family- and it goes something like this.....
"This is my wife that you treat like garbage. I have chosen her to be my wife/partner/girlfriend, and my treating her like garbage you are insulting me and ultimately giving me a slap in the face. If you cannot control your behaviour with regards to my wife, then you are not welcome in my home. I will not stand by and watch you insult and hurt the woman I love.
What goes on between me and her is none of your business and it is not your right to impose your values/beliefs/opinions/suggestions unless they are otherwise asked.
I am sure you do not like it when somebody questions your relationships, so please don't do it to mine."
Polish men need to stand up to their families. I have lived this situation--the only difference was that my battle was with my mother-in-law. It is not up to you to set the rules, it is up to your husband. Once the family sees that your husband supports you then the ********* in law will retreat. But it should be done by him. Tell him to take his panties off and stand up to his family.
thanks all for these advices, i am sick and tired of telling my husband to stand up and do something but as usual, his family is right and i am to be blamed.the other day in an argument, he told me his family doesnot like me, so i told him....its fine with me, i don't have to tolerate their nonsense from now on.i know anything good i will do your sister will always prove me wrong and gossip about me to the rest of the family. anyway, he noticed that i don't give a **** about them anymore.his sister has no husband, has a child out of an affair with a married man,and the whole family worships her like god.... i don't regret to call her a B**** even though i apologised to her afterwards.
my husband can't stand up for me in front of his godly sister. i think as KUKU said, i think they are jealous of me, ihave a highly paid profession, i don't depend on husband money, i have my own place, car and i am pretty. whenever i go to poland, his aunty says in polish that i am like a MADAM...i dont know what she mean by that but for sure i am not of their class.
I feel sorry for you... didn't you know about this behave of your husband when you met him (defending his family over you), someone told me one day, when you think on marry to someone ask yourself who is the most important person in your life, the one for whom you can leave everything/anyone else? If the answer is not your girlfriend/boyfriend, then you are not ready for taking this step... saying that it's obvious that I think no matter what he should support your point of view even if you are wrong! Of course later he could tell you, you are wrong, but as a default a couple should defend each other no matter what... more or less like a mother/father should defend/love their child no matter what! But this is only my opinion... I know my mother will understand and even be glad when she will start to be the second woman I love the most in the world...
before we got married, my husband never showed me that behaviour. always i was everything for him.but few months before marriage, my husband moved in my place, then also, everything was great.after marriage everything changed. his sister has to know about everything we do, where we were going on holidays and at times she wanted to come with us too.and my husband just listens to her blindly. everything was according to what his sister wants. and if i objected, in Poland his family is awared of what is going on in my house and in our life.seriously, i visited his family only once before marriage and they were so nice to me but after marriage, everything change.my sister in law has given me a very bad image in that family. also, after marraiage, i found out that my husband gives money everymonth to his sister. on top of that, he is also paying a loan for her sister, that he himself doesnot know what was the loan for.
but as i say, some polish women can break marriage of others just for their benefits. my husband is blind in their love.but i love him truly and i want to be with him, i hope he will realise this one day.
I feel sorry for you... didn't you know about this behave of your husband when you met him (defending his family over you),
It is not something that comes up in conversation. The thing is---from my experience, my husband was worried about hurting his mothers feelings. Most times, Polish men are quite oblivious to what is actually going on. This is not the first time I have heard a story like this. In my own situation- my husband was able to ignore the snide comments for something like 10 years. My mother in law learned her behaviour from her mother. I was the first person to stand up to her and it was over how I was raising my children, because as everybody in Poland knows, the mother in law knows everything and is the best at raising children....of course, it doesn't matter that her oldest son was on his second marriage and was still cheating.
Anyway, you have the right to say to your husband that until he sorts out this mess you will not visit his side of the family, nor are they welcome in your home.
This is learned behaviour- they have watched it go on in their own families so they think it is acceptable.
my husband never showed me that behaviour. always i was everything for him
The relationship is normal. First, never swear to in-laws; hard to amend afterwards. Keep your composure. You are everything to him. Respect is important. This relationship with your sister-in-law is provoking you. Don't let it. Show your love to your family; especially your husband. When you lean in on hard times together anything is possible. It seems both of you are distancing yourselves from one another. Pressure. It's easy to walk away, but I suspect instead of four hours on line playing games and having a baby is like having a second child. Both enjoy your baby. Bottom line...you need time with each other.. Daunting feelings, but not worth the negativity. Put the baby down early to bed and enjoy each other. Talk. Make-up sex is always the best...Make him a priority. It'll be fun.
This just an obsevation (3 years in a village in 'The Podkarpacie') families here do good and also do great wrong to its members...or rather that the problem is in the old fashioned way the family is run (hangs together). I,ll just give some examples to show how it works here. eg 1. Family we know were going to Sanok for a fun day for the children (both families had 3 children) with sisters family....sisters kids got sick,,,fun day cancelled? all of the children dissappointed...why? I asked why didn,t you go? "Oh we had arranged it together so we couldn,t go without them? This is where my brain makes that Brrrrrrring noise...it does not compute!!! eg 2. OK this applies more to peasants I suppose...but the grandma and grandad system where everyone lives in a house together.....great for babysitting purposes and grandma can help keep the house tidy.....but Wow!!! do these old people impose their 1950,s ideas on these poor kids...who poor little mites...go and believe all the crap and then have to be re-educted when they reach civilisation...confuses the hell out of them. eg 3. maybe only on farms...but the signing over of the farm 'lock stock and two smoking pigs' to the drunken alcoholic eldest son....when there are younger, non-alcoholic kids who would run the farm better (that one is my personal bugbear!) eg 4. Businesses likewise, small business Poles tend to employ relatives?? no matter those relatives are waste-of skin congenital idiots?? it,s something that I believe drags Poland down and does not encourage it to develop..small businesses run well become big businesses and help the country no hinder it. eg 5. The drunken loony at the wedding, that we find was not invited...and then we find that off her own bat, granny invited him...he spoils the whole wedding for everyone...but granny claims "He is Family, we must stick together" No granny...he is a psycho..and better off in prison or dead!!!! You see, there is a saying 'The family of the future is a family of friends who care about and trust each other' also 'You can choose your friends, you can,t choose your family' At the moment this family system where everything is close knit is spoiling it for some people, but it will eventually die out as the oldies croak and more and more young people travel, see new ideas about families that they can see work better, they will bring back these ideas and the Polish 'crazy gang family' will die out to be replaced by something looser that suits everyone, especially modern Poles. (on that day the interfering sister in law wont have such a 'pull' on her brother and will have receded to a mere legendary status)
