PolkaTagAlong 10 | 186
25 Jul 2012 / #1
I ask this because I inherited this from my grandmother, who was raised in a Polish family, but I am suspicious of the fact that I am like this because I was ignored/shunned in school a lot for being quiet. We both thrive on negative attention, with the difference being that she liked to turn everyone against each other and sit back and watch the show, while I like the attention to be more directed at me and I like to fight with people, because if I don't fight with other people, I fight with myself and feel like I have all these disagreeing sides to myself. When I was young people would often comment that I have a lot of opposing thoughts and that I was extremely defensive lol. My father is just like his mother and will try to get everyone in the family to disagree and have drama with each other, especially when he's miserable.
What I'm asking is, is this a thing that happens a lot in Polish culture? Have any Polish people on here ever had experiences like this in their family?
Being hated by other people and being thought of as things like "scandalous" or "rebellious" or "disagreeable" literally makes me feel good. Entertainment for me is having a big dramatic verbal fight or tirade with people and defending myself or my beliefs. It's like getting a massage or watching a really good movie. The bigger the drama and the deeper it goes, the more euphoric it makes me feel. When I was in high school and my new womanly looks and rich style created a sensation it made me so excited and bold I felt like a new superior person that was oppressed by all these inferior losers. Having fights and envrious enemies was better to me than having friends. Having a million boys after me and teasing them all and rejecting them was better than having an actual boyfriend. I loved to have all these intellectual arguments with authority or teacher and have a lot of people listening in. I loved to say just enough to make myself interesting but mysterious. I'd try to make myself come across to people in a certain way. My biggest act was playing the mysterious, oppressed woman who says and does things you wouldn't expect, and has all these sides to her. When people stopped talking and caring about me, I fell into a severe depression and started doing harmful things, like not eating to be as skinny as a skeleton and huffing hairspray so that I would feel like I was in a trance.
I loved chaotic situations, like fire drills and natural disasters, because I liked to see people struggling when everything is not like it should be.
This is not something that just came to be, when I was little I couldn't find a single friend that I actually got along with, and I preferred playing alone, because I didn't like other children's ideas. I would also make up these big dramatic lies to people to see how they would react, but they were so realistic I often got adults to believe me. I think that my attention seeking dramatic behavior is probably something I inherit, with my personal experiences giving it it's own little "touch." I'm just not sure if it's a "mental illness" though in a medical sense. It could just be a cultural tendency that was worsened by my negative experiences with other kids in school.
I wouldn't say I like completely negative attention, for example, when I was a teenager I like to be viewed as some kind of sinful vixen, but I wouldn't want to be viewed as a whore. Getting positive attention to me was one of the most embarrasing things that could happen, I couldn't accept compliments.
What I'm asking is, is this a thing that happens a lot in Polish culture? Have any Polish people on here ever had experiences like this in their family?
Being hated by other people and being thought of as things like "scandalous" or "rebellious" or "disagreeable" literally makes me feel good. Entertainment for me is having a big dramatic verbal fight or tirade with people and defending myself or my beliefs. It's like getting a massage or watching a really good movie. The bigger the drama and the deeper it goes, the more euphoric it makes me feel. When I was in high school and my new womanly looks and rich style created a sensation it made me so excited and bold I felt like a new superior person that was oppressed by all these inferior losers. Having fights and envrious enemies was better to me than having friends. Having a million boys after me and teasing them all and rejecting them was better than having an actual boyfriend. I loved to have all these intellectual arguments with authority or teacher and have a lot of people listening in. I loved to say just enough to make myself interesting but mysterious. I'd try to make myself come across to people in a certain way. My biggest act was playing the mysterious, oppressed woman who says and does things you wouldn't expect, and has all these sides to her. When people stopped talking and caring about me, I fell into a severe depression and started doing harmful things, like not eating to be as skinny as a skeleton and huffing hairspray so that I would feel like I was in a trance.
I loved chaotic situations, like fire drills and natural disasters, because I liked to see people struggling when everything is not like it should be.
This is not something that just came to be, when I was little I couldn't find a single friend that I actually got along with, and I preferred playing alone, because I didn't like other children's ideas. I would also make up these big dramatic lies to people to see how they would react, but they were so realistic I often got adults to believe me. I think that my attention seeking dramatic behavior is probably something I inherit, with my personal experiences giving it it's own little "touch." I'm just not sure if it's a "mental illness" though in a medical sense. It could just be a cultural tendency that was worsened by my negative experiences with other kids in school.
I wouldn't say I like completely negative attention, for example, when I was a teenager I like to be viewed as some kind of sinful vixen, but I wouldn't want to be viewed as a whore. Getting positive attention to me was one of the most embarrasing things that could happen, I couldn't accept compliments.