Poland after one year of living here

Thanks,

Replied :)

For some reason I have meet quite a lot of these types...

@Luke
a local coffee shop, restaurant, barber I knew everyone and we chatted.

There's your problem, in general most Poles don't like small talk with strangers. Unless there is a common ground (Euro 2016 anyone?). Some don't like small talk at all,

You need to find yourself a friend or two. Generally weekend is a time for socializing, invite a friend from work for a grill and a drink (maybe try to force a beer on yourself :)) Then you can chat.

Some hobbies to consider: ASG (local ASG club), climbing, running or crossfit (I'm sure there are local clubs), Zumba? ;)

@nope God yes!! My wife has a cousin who is the type you described: knows everything better

That's a Polish thing. We say that in Poland everyone is a best doctor, football specialist, f1 specialist, ski jumping specialist etc. I guess we argue a lot.

Hi Mike,

I have noticed that Poles don't like small talk with strangers. My problem with socializing at work is that my work is at home, I don't have colleagues at work... They all are in other locations - UK, US, Japan etc

With these kind of hobbies I would need to lose some weight first, 125KG 182cm.... (19.5 stones, almost 6ft)

luke, sound like you need to loose some weight :)) Start with a bike and gradually move from crossfit to running.
Here: maratonypolskie.pl/mp_index.php you can find runs in małopolskie in July :)

Definitely, I gained weight as I'm sitting all day and looking for excuses to eat out etc :) I have started working on it now, started with diet, bike I would start using after I'll be back from my UK trip

Sorry about that ;D


I know, but he mentioned him together with Tony Bennett, so I got confused :P


It was just a thought - sth like taking photos of nature could make him go out of the house, contact with nature is good for the psyche, you know - fresh air, sun, Vitamin D and such ;) At least he wouldn't sit inside the four walls.

I don't know him, I don't know Chrzanów, not sure what one can do there, so I don't really know what else to propose...

If he's not into teaching then how about going to the gym or some kind of classes? Something where you could meet other people...


Oh, I didn't know about that :)


I know, his "The Alchemist" was quite popular during my highschool days and I've read it too :)


Maybe that's a good idea. You could ask the local priest (or your wife or your mother-in-law could do that for you) if there's any voluntary work to do in the city. You could even tell him about your problem - that you need to socialize, priests are usually accustomed to listening to people's woes so if he's not a jerk he may help you out :)


There are some chatty people in Poland too, some time ago I went to the hairdresser, a middle-aged lady, I've seen her for the first time in my life and she told me the story of her life, where her kids work (UK, Netherlands), I also got to know her views on some issues, plus about a son of her friends or sth who killed himself :/ - all in one visit lol The problem was that she was asking me about personal stuff too in front of other clients and I had no other choice but to share it in order not to be rude - and... I... just... wanted her... to... cut... my hair... arggghhh! xD You would probably love her but I know I probably won't go there anymore, the visit would be probably quite shorter if it wasn't for all this personal talk... I don't go to the hairdresser to talk about my life, people have family and friends for that... ;P

My dentist is also chatty, but fortunately not so nosy ;)
So, yeah, I actually like the fact that people in Poland just do their jobs and aren't bothering me :P ;)
Well, maybe except for taxi drivers - they usually want to chat because they're bored to death after sitting and waiting for clients, I guess :) So, again, I get to know about their kids, that a wife had cancer and when he's having a back surgery... Are you sure you want Poles to chat with you? ;D Be careful what you wish for xD

Btw, maybe Poles, as a nation, are generally introverts? lol :)))
In case they are, here you have a funny guide on how to deal with them ;):

romanjones.deviantart.com/art/How-to-Live-with-Introverts-PDF-available-291305760

I like the "HISSS" part especially ;D


Could be, people in smaller cities and towns may be more shy with foreigners especially.
But, as you see, other people made friends even in not very big cities so hopefully you'll be able to do that too eventually thanks to the advice people are giving you here :)


No, it's not schools' fault or anyone's else's really... lol That's history, Luke, that's a natural process and it's slow, sorry ;) You can't take 50 years of communism out of 38 mln nation after 25 years of democracy and capitalism. Poles won't probably change a lot during your stay in Poland so I'm afraid you will have to adapt a little (if you decide to stay, that is). And maybe try to be less judgy, people may be able to sense your negative attitude just like I'm starting to feel it and they may keep their distance then. Just saying. I know that you may feel frustrated but I'm trying to help you out :)


Not only history, watching Polish TV, films, maybe reading some books could give him something to talk about with other Poles, I guess...


Yes, it looks like that's the case.


Then maybe sign up for a gym or take up swimming at a local pool? Is there such stuff in Chrzanów? Maybe you would meet someone there...

That's actually very true. Once a Pole decides to unbend and talk to you, you can be stuck there for an hour. You stop to exchange a quick hello and expect to talk for two or three minutes, but no, once they get a head of steam up, beware!

Also if they decide to befriend you, they will pursue you relentlessly! So if you want to be friends with them, my advice is do the same. They'll understand :)

Finally, though they can appear cold and not very friendly, a lot of Polish people are actually quite shy and especially with a 'foreigner' they're sometimes not sure of the cultural norms of your background and they don't want to say or do the wrong thing and perhaps offend you. Our neighbours are elderly and appear very austere and unsmiling. On Christmas Eve we knocked on their door with a little gift for them. The husband took my hand and kissed it and then burst into tears! I ended up hugging him even though I don't know them very well and it was quite a breach of Polish formalities for me to do that. But since then they always smile and stop for a quick chat when we meet.

Luke84, 38 million people can't be all bad :-) You need to man up and get yourself back to your 10... I will reiterate Ithink Poles are greatand very friendly, maybe that is just the ones I meet, the main issue for me here in Warsaw is not about having friends, more about being selective and choosing friends that I have something in common with.I believe if you are seen as someone who has value and you are humorous, you will never be alone in Poland.

That's true xD


Awww, that's sweet, Atch... :)))

Atch - wow that story with your neighboroughs is so heart- warming, specially these days... Thanks for that, I was in need for it!

Messageman - Thanks for the tip! I know 38 million people cannot be all bad and certainly they are not bad, just need to be in the right place at the right time I suppose :)

That's a lovely story.

I feel for ya Luke, I can't imagine how lonely it could be in a sh!thole like Chrzanow, any time you're in Katowice gimme a shout, there's a wee gang of us from Ireland & the UK and we usually meet up most weekends for a couple of gargles.

There's a bus that goes to Kato from Chrzanow, but going back the last one is 21:10 or 21:40 depending on the day, which is pretty pointless coz really you'd only be going to the pub at that time polbus.com.pl

You gotta move buddy, either get closer to Krakow or Kato, living in the sticks will drive ya mad

Just curious, Luke! Ever been up to Szczecin? That's where I first experienced Poland and the Poles in their own surroundings:-)

Again, I enjoyed myself immensely, although a week's scarcely enough time to really get to know a culture first hand!

Luke84, Polish people really enjoy English humour, they like to give and take the ****. Allow yourself to be the reciever of thier joke and laugh at it. Self irony is very much seen as a quality here which is ver unique and attractive...

I didn't realize that, Messageman. Never would've guessed, the two cultures being so different, at least on the surface. I learned something, thanks:-)

Luke sorry that you are having a bad time but some of the answers need to come from you.

You should have had 2 important discussions with your wife - the one about how important kids are and the one about moving to Poland. Probably its not too late - but those are things two of you must sort out. Put the little one to bed, take her to dinner and discuss that.

One thing I do know is that the most stressful time in my own marriage was when we were trying to build a house and bring up toddlers at the same time - you have zero free time, there is financial stress, diaper stress, lack of sleep and its no wonder that she will turn to her parents at this time. Also I imagine with you not speaking Polish you had many cases where she would discuss something with the builders and then come and ask you for 10k zloty to fix it - I know that is frustrating but the alpha and omega comes down to your willingness to learn Polish. Without doing that then every element of your life here will be compromised. Anyway with your house built you should see things start to get easier.

In terms of having no friends then as your child grows you will have a loving friend who does something other than eat and poop. Enjoy those times - take your kid on trips, play sports, read to them, watch minions :)

Could you get some kind of work where you did e.g. 10 days in UK and then had free time - I know a few people who do that an Ryanair it Monday-Thursday. That would be much nicer than being a Skype dad.

Or could you have a regular trip to Krakow or Katowice every Friday night where you would be off the leash and could hang out with some expats.

But I think another problem that you have is a rather closed mind - people suggest church but you have no belief; people suggest a pub but you don't drink; people suggest a hobby but you have none. It might be that people in Chrzanow are already suggesting these things and then as you rebut them are just thinking "suit yourself". I don't mean to be sanctimonious but you might need to adapt your habits to find friends.

Good luck - hang in there because Summer in Poland is great :)

Hi Smurf, Thanks for that, surely we can do that one day, apart of Silesia centre and very tasty Masala House on Mickiewicza street I'm not familiar with Katowite. We would have some fun!

Lyzko, never visited Szczecin, I have been in places like Krakow, Wroclaw, Katowice, Grodzisk Mazowiecky, Warszawa, Zakopane, cannot think of more at the moment... I must try to do some trips with family when the little one gets a bit older, we just (two weeks ago) come back earlier from Mallorca as little one was sick...

Messageman - this is new to me, I think they don't like/understand English humour. Must try that at some point.

To be honest, I was thinking the same... Luke, at some point you will have to take some action or nothing will change for the better...

But it looks like this forum is helping already :)

My "hairdresser" is great! She grades her language especially for me, and we have a right old chinwag (at least for the ten minutes it takes her to fuff around with the no.1 machine cut:)


Ace :))

Can you cook Luke? People seem to like the real English tucker:) I put on some real bashes when I lived in Kato. And pals kept coming back for the grub, and none of them died. ( well some of them have, but not necessarily from my cooking.........?)

If so, then impress 'em with some homemade bigos (Polish hunter's stew - DELICIOUS!!!!!), sałatka z grządkami (beet salad), wędliny z gomkami (traditional Polish smoked sausage with dumplings) and they'll be eatin' outta yer hand in no time, trust me:-)

I don't think an English guy is going to impress Polish people with his versions of Polish food. And I also rather doubt if he can cook...

You could be right there! He would be better of cooking something traditionally English they haven't tried before.


Not all men are useless in the kitchen ;)

Oddly enough I've found that Polish people are delighted when you have a go at the local dishes. But having said that I think they do like to try something different. They are interested in food and curious about the cuisine of the British Isles and they also like to have something 'special' when they go out visiting. There's always the danger that they won't like it however so I would suggest a combined menu of Polish and English dishes. I usually do a classic English cake or desert. Poles have a sweet tooth so it's a safe bet. English cakes are so much nicer than Polish I have to say and Poles seem to agree. They simply gobble up a lemon drizzle cake or a coffee and walnut sponge with thick icing - yummy.


Well there you are now - that could be his new hobby! Anyway he doesn't have to cook the whole dinner, he could just one or two simple dishes and wifey could take up the slack:)


You can't go wrong with a good old afternoon tea - easy peasy even for a novice. Everything is ready well before the guests arrive so there's no last minute sweating and panic in the kitchen as the doorbell rings or the 'excuse me I must go and stir the sauce' routine. Also an advantage is that everything you need for it is actually obtainable in Poland although the white bread here is not the same so the sandwiches will be somewhat compromised :( However you can manage a selection of tomato, cucumber and smoked salmon for the little triangular sandwiches, home made scones with fresh cream and delcicious raspberry jam, use another batch of the scone dough for some cheese scones (very easy to make), victoria sponge with jam and a dusting of icing sugar on the top, The rule for the novice is avoid pastry, fruit cakes and anything with yeast as these are tricky and require experience. Otherwise knock yourself out!

By the way it's soooo easy to make your own jam and now is the time to do it with all that lovely fruit around.

I suppose the only problem with all this is that poor Luke says he needs to lose weight so perhaps cooking is not the best hobby for him, unless he concentrates on the healthy, low calorie options. Could also be fun!

I agree with Paulina about watching what you wish for. I started chatting with Polish people and it tok a bit but once they open up they really open up and can keep you for a while. But in the end I love it.

Atch, that was a great story! What an excellent gesture to take the couple a gift, I find gifts and food are excellent ways to open doors and hearts. I got to know my new neighbors by bringing them pies, cookies and other American baked goods. If you can cook or bake at all do it and share.

I think the advice from above that you may have to expand your horizons and open your "nope" category to allow for more opportunities to socialize. I will be honest, I am not much of a drinker. But in being social having a drink does help and also loosens people up a bit. I will have a glass of wine while the group have a bottle.

I have never had afternoon tea, but that is quite a good idea if the OP can't cook, no-one could surely massacre sandwiches ;), and yes, Poles do like their desserts , although whether the OP has ever made anything along the lines of scones or a sponge cake might be debatable!


Funny you should mention that, I made one of those yesterday :-)


It takes time to make friends with Poles i think, you have to persevere.
I think the OP mentioned he was brought up in the UK, where people are outwardly at least, friendlier.
In Polish culture as I'm sure you know, there is a big difference between friends and acquaintances, Poles generally regard friends as people they have known for a long time, and family are included in that definition.


That was a really good idea, maybe the OP could try that too. I don't think I would be too upset if someone I didn't know turned up on my door step bearing cakes and biccies!


I agree. I think if I was in his position I would be prepared to try anything, even if it was something i wasn't particularly interested in,because you never know who you will meet and what opportunities might arise.

Hi,

I am a UK national about to embark on a big move to Lublin with my wife and 2 children.

I am from Nottingham and I'm 32 years old. Personally I have been visiting Lublin 8-9 times a year for the last 6 years and I have to say I love the culture, the family togetherness, the weather. I must admit Polish people are very opinionated and are not scared to show it. My polish wife also hates this attitude but we have taken the "water off a ducks back" approach. The main thing we find is that Polosh people have a certain way to look after their children and if you don't do it their way then you are wrong. Whilst frustrating we just ignore it and carry on. An example would be children wearing hats, on a mild winter day they would make their children wear woolly hats just because it's "winter" and would totally look down on you if your children wasn't doing it and make snide comments like "oh someone must be warm". My wife normally bites back at them, I just find it funny.

Anyway that's my main downside to the polish attitude, everything else makes up for it.

I think OP should stay another year. Personally, I'd be a hell of a lot more miserable living away from my children.

Luke - I don't know if it is any help but I can tell you my experience from other side. I am polish and have been living in UK for a while. I think that you are making the same mistake as me at the beginning.... you compare too much. It does not help. I think as someone wrote you before you have to get more open and flexible, ready for changes... it is different country, different culture. I was exactly like you at the beginning I got fixated about finding friends and I struggled. It is strange as when I relaxed I got just myself ( bit bland in european manners but honest and witty) I seem to bond very well with British people.I changed my attitude but it also helped that I moved. I live now in vibrant ,university, touristic town. I think location is one of your problems. Is it any chance that you could move to Krakow? I suppose your wife is in her homeland close to her family so she can do this sacrifice and move to bigger town. I think you would be much happier there.

Small towns have their specifics - It is the same in Poland and in England. If you don't quite fit you will not be accepted....bit brutal true.


Probably by politeness :-)

I definitely prefer polish ones.

Krakow is awful:) People there have a right old false sense of their own self-importance - fukk knows why. It is ridiculously expensive, kitsch, crowded and heavily polluted - more so than Katowice - and that really is saying something.

Stay where you are in your lovely house Luke and don't listen to all this nonsense about Krakow - the "Royal City." It's OK for a visit, but to live there must be purgatory.

Wow, some dude that comes from a country that has stolen from the entire global through zionist wars, banking and energy cartels, and he is going to dump on a country of 40 million that has been victim of that very subjugation by living there one year? OMG!

With poultry and English cake you can impress girls only. I recommend honey roast parsnip, homemade only. Most Poles probably has never eaten it but it strange and the same very familiar taste. Don't forget to say Polish proverbial 'Figa z makiem z pasternakiem' (Fig with Poppy Seeds with Parsnip) I believe it's a name Old Polish Dish. And do not mix parsnip with root of parsley, last one is common for Poland but got totally different and unpleasant taste.

if you dont speak Polish get out please
or learn the language.