but cant do anything with out a pesel!!
You don't need a PESEL in order to get a job. Plenty of people work here without one.
Anyway, the process is simple. You need to go and register your residence at the local Urzad Miasta, at the same place where your wife would do it. After you've done that, you need to go to the Foreigners Office for Malopolska, probably in Krakow (or maybe in Nowy Sacz) and apply for the certificate of residence as an EU citizen, then go back to the local Urzad Miasta and register your address for 5 years. Once you've done that, you can get the PESEL.
First step : go to the local Urzad Miasta, I forget the name, but it's the same place that your wife would go if she wanted to change the address on her ID card.