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Posts by Malia  

Joined: 3 Nov 2016 / Female ♀
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From: USA Denver
Speaks Polish?: No

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Malia   
4 Nov 2016
Love / Do Polish guys understand subtlety? [8]

@Atch thank you, and yes, your comments would apply in many cases. However, there is one major instance, for me, in which I cannot (and don't want to) shop for my own gift, as it's not a gift -- it's an engagement ring.

There is a long and complicated story associated with this, which I cannot go into here, but suffice it to say, the engagement ring we started out with was utterly ruined by his Polish parents (who absolutely hate me and tried to wreck our wedding and prevent us from getting married... and that's just the tip of the iceberg). The ring had great sentimental value, more than any monetary value (it was not at all an expensive ring) now it's just a symbol of pain.

So that's why I said it's not the "thing" itself, but far more importantly, the meaning behind it.

The same is true for birthday and Christmas gifts -- I care less for how much something cost than for the sentiment behind it. I'm not one for "designer names " and "bling" and overpaying just for show. Simplicity is elegance, and I believe in paying for quality but never "ritz factor."

I had so hoped to replace the engagement ring with one that truly symbolizes our deep and amazing love, which survived the constant attacks of his parents and their attempts at sabotage. I know my beloved husband feels the same, but subtlety does not seem his strong point. ☹ It's pointless to outright ask for a new ring. It has to come from him, not me. The same is true for Christmas and birthday gifts - half the joy is not knowing what you're getting and being surprised. But more than that, it's the fact that someone loves you enough to find out what you truly want, because they want you to be happy. Because they want to give you the world, as I know my husband does. ❤
Malia   
3 Nov 2016
Love / Do Polish guys understand subtlety? [8]

I've searched the forums but can't find anything directly related to this.

Do Polish guys understand subtlety? I've read here that sometimes Polish guys can be "slow" in relationships, and that was certainly true for me. I had to make all the moves, which I didn't want to do because I prefer the guy to do that. We're married now, but he still doesn't seem to "get it" when it comes to certain things I like, want, etc.

As an example, I've dropped hints about things I like, but he never seems to pick up on them. So our first Christmas together, he almost bought me something expensive that I had NO interest in, but didn't get what I really wanted. He seems completely oblivious to subtle hints about what I like and would love to have (for Christmas, birthdays, etc.), and I am really at a loss as to what to do. I DON'T want to outright ask for things.

We adore each other and there's nothing he wouldn't do for me, so it's just baffling that he wouldn't pay close attention to the things I like. It's not about the "stuff," it's about the thought behind it. In my experience, when you care deeply about someone, you naturally want to show it through the gifts you give them. You want to make the person happy by giving them gifts they love. It's certainly how I feel towards him.

Please no comments about being greedy - as I said, this isn't about the "stuff." I can't really go into detail here about why this particular issue is so important, but trust me, it is. I'm just curious to know if this is perhaps a Polish trait I was unaware of.

Btw: I'm American and he was born in Poland but grew up in America since he was a toddler.