Law / Notary Cost Poland [8]

Yeah, i'm gonna have to ring around on this, I think i'm being ripped off.

Law / Notary Cost Poland [8]

Thanks terri. I have been quoted 2200zl for the notary cost + sworn translation fees. Thoughts?

Law / Notary Cost Poland [8]

My wife and I have come up with a post-nup agreement. Its all in polish. I was told that this document needs to be notarized, a sworn translation aswell, so that the eventual court hearing is just a formality.

Law / Want to divorce wife - Need Help (married in Poland) [9]

You are both right. I will get a lawyer so he can "dot the i's and crosses the t's" in this case, even if costly at the beginning it will be worth it in the long run.

Law / Want to divorce wife - Need Help (married in Poland) [9]

Want to keep the costs down.

Love / Urgent Relationship help - wife wants to stay in Poland [118]

The more I read about this the more uncomfortable I become. I just want to pay a reasonable amount and have access to my children, so I can have a relationship with them. But judging by the comments on this board, unless the wife doesn't get exactly what she wants then I'm doomed.

I think the sticking point will be level of alimony, if wife gets the money she wants, then everything is smooth going fwd. But unfortunately, she'll have to downgrade from the 10,000zl minimum she claims she needs.

Love / Urgent Relationship help - wife wants to stay in Poland [118]

@delphiandomine

"There's a 99% chance that she will try and strip you of your parental rights." How is that possible?

Love / Urgent Relationship help - wife wants to stay in Poland [118]

@delphiandomine

I don't think she has deep enough pockets to go through the legal situation for years. So she can string it out but the court will decide the outcome then. And then she has to "win", whereas in most divorces both parties are to blame.

Love / Urgent Relationship help - wife wants to stay in Poland [118]

I spoke to a polish lawyer. The gist of it was you can go down 2 routes: 1 where the court decides who is responsible for the breakdown of the marriage (which can take 2-3 years and expensive, or 2 where it is deemed both parties are guilty and it can be over in 1 meeting, assuming you can agree on other small details etc.

Love / Urgent Relationship help - wife wants to stay in Poland [118]

@DominicB

Pretty good advice. Problem is I want to see my kids in the interim, and if i dont send money they'll be evicted, and my wife will probably stop all communication and i'll be estranged from them.

Love / Urgent Relationship help - wife wants to stay in Poland [118]

@Atch

Ok thanks. I am dubious about putting anything in writing on whatsapp/email now.

Is it futile to try and get custody of the kids?

Love / Urgent Relationship help - wife wants to stay in Poland [118]

@Harry
I did bag it and keep it.

@Atch
It does change things for me know. So i wonder if i put adultery instead of "irreconcilable differences" on divorce petition it will help my chances of a better deal?

Love / Urgent Relationship help - wife wants to stay in Poland [118]

*Update*

Just visited Poland. We talked. It seemed, given the circumstances that divorce was the best option given the circumstances etc. So was 95% sure, until i left this morning, when i was looking for something under the bed (my side) and I found another man's watch!

At least i can walk away with dignity and that i did my best until the end.

Love / Urgent Relationship help - wife wants to stay in Poland [118]

@spiritus

Cool story at the end.

Love / Urgent Relationship help - wife wants to stay in Poland [118]

@johnny reb

Amen brother.


It's been getting worse, as we say stuff to each other which we cant do over Whatsapp. We disagree, and end up falling out, and making up just as I fly home. Everytime it happens like this. So every time i leave Pol after a visit i feel like "why do I bother?" and get a sense of relief when going home.

@Paulina

Thanks for the advice. I think this situation was like a "whodunnit" where the perpetrator is revealed in the last episode. The clues were there all along, eg we have just grown apart. I can count on my hand how many times in 5 years me and my wife have been out together on our own. Kids, work, family etc have always got in the way.

I read that the natural rate of divorce is 42%, which isn't great anyway. But what chance of a mixed cultural marriage surviving overseas? 1-5% is my guess.

Love / Urgent Relationship help - wife wants to stay in Poland [118]

I think i am going to talk to my wife about these issues. If there is no consensus, then I'll meet a divorce lawyer to see where i stand.

Does anyone know how long divorce takes in Poland?

Love / Urgent Relationship help - wife wants to stay in Poland [118]

@Paulina

I think that communication is an issue, as when I try and discuss things, its always "nows not the right time", or cant do something because of ____reason(s).

Another thing is we have different view points with regards to the kids. She is controlling and over-disciplined, and I'm more laid back. But her way is always better, of course. So for instance, if one of my children is playing with a toy, she'll make them tidy that toy away before moving onto the next, whereas i would care, and make them clean up all the toys at the end.

Love / Urgent Relationship help - wife wants to stay in Poland [118]

Doesn't she miss you?

If, in a nutshell it comes to this, then my feeling is No. For example, when i go back to POL, she often works overtime and sees it as a time to relieve her of her "duties" so she can do the stuff she can't do when im not there, like go out with friends etc, as opposed to spend time with her husband. So i feel a bit short-changed there.

Love / Urgent Relationship help - wife wants to stay in Poland [118]

@Paulina

9000zl is a lot. 2k goes on childcare, 2k rent bills, i guess rest is food/petrol/healthcare clothes etc. I reckon she should be able to live on 6-7k

She has lived in the UK but fell pregnant shortly after moving here, so never worked here. But her mother was on Skype everyday turning emotional screw. So eventually we moved back.

I have had various arguments on the subject with her, and you get the truth then. She doesn't want to leave POL. She thinks this arrangement can continue for years.

Love / Urgent Relationship help - wife wants to stay in Poland [118]


Touche. Thats what i think. But I dont know what to do about it? If I cut the funds, I'm sure she'll dig her heels in even more, saying "I'm depriving the kids" using "money as a weapon" etc and probably borrow. Unless I play the end game, and she literally runs out of cash and has nowhere to go.

I just want her to understand that Pol is not the place to be. I am the only one who believes she could get a good job. Her mum believes she is "too old to work in McDonalds" if she came to the UK. So that train of thought perculates through.

Anecdotally, a lot of her friends lived in Eng/Ire. All moved back to Pol, due to having a kid when abroad, then bitterly regretted it when they moved back, as earned 1/4 what they did abroad, and the promised family support/babysitting failed to materialize.

Love / Urgent Relationship help - wife wants to stay in Poland [118]

Good point spiritus, those posts show a real understanding of my situation

Love / Urgent Relationship help - wife wants to stay in Poland [118]

Very true about Gregy. However, despite the racist and esteem issues, I've heard very similar argument s from my wife and her family. It's like the Truman show over there!

Love / Urgent Relationship help - wife wants to stay in Poland [118]

@gregy741

So by your reckoning any pole that comes to the UK does a menial job? Doctors, vets etc just jack it in to clean toilets? It is that defeatist attitude which keeps poles in menial jobs.

In terms of maths, i am in flat share as am effectively running 2 households. So i earn £2k, even if wife got a minimum wage job at £1k a month, £3k in UK is better than 5000zl (2 average jobs in POL).

Love / Urgent Relationship help - wife wants to stay in Poland [118]


Dont understand why she would have to be in a "toilet-cleaning" job, please explain. Unless you believe that's the only jobs people from other countries can get?

I earn £2k net. £1k to Poland. £400 for flat share, bills etc on top. So not much left.

Love / Urgent Relationship help - wife wants to stay in Poland [118]

My bugbear is a lot of these contributory factors our because of Poland itself, which she doesn't want to leave. So I am to blame for not sending enough money over, as opposed to her realizing that she doesnt earn enough and the wages are low in Poland and competition great.

My feelings are if I send less money, she'll borrow it, from a bank etc. In a marriage, who is responsible for debts if it is in her name, as I'm not signing anything over there.

Love / Urgent Relationship help - wife wants to stay in Poland [118]


This is important to know. I think this will end bitterly. Ive told her this, that there will be no winners. Sounds like the calm before the storm.


Ive lived in Poland for the last 4 years, but I didnt like it, but stayed for the kids/not wanting to split up the family unit. So I moved to the UK to get more money, that was a year ago. I go back to Poland about every 6 weeks, for a long weekend. I said to the wife that about 6 months ago, that she should look at job opportunities in the UK, just a apply for a few jobs, and see the response, but nothing. Not interested. I think she would like to be a poor martyr, and a likely divorce would be built on her stubborness.

Love / Urgent Relationship help - wife wants to stay in Poland [118]

In a divorce what would a court say is "fair" in terms of maintenance?

The only thing stopping me so far is the fact the kids lifestyles would have to be downgraded.

But as has been pointed out on this thread is that threatening her to move to the UK is a type of blackmail/coercion, so even if she did it, anything that went wrong, I'd get blamed for it.

At the moment, I feel I am sending a lot of money over, for zero say in family life, and am becoming less relevant on a daily basis.

Love / Urgent Relationship help - wife wants to stay in Poland [118]


I think this is a very astute post, and sums up the situation perfectly. Another thing, I think she enjoys is the fact that as I dont speak Polish she does everything (arranges talks to school, doctors, extra-curricular stuff) which the playing-field would be levelled in the UK, hence her power would diminish.

I give my advice and opinions, but they are ignored largely to what she wants to do. If she arrives at the same conclusion months down the line, then it is her idea/decision.

@ CMS

I have tried living in Pol for 1 week on 3 weeks UK, but doesnt work, as its more expensive (with flights/lack of earnings etc) and there is no progression anywhere.