Love / My Pole bf is flirting with an old friend from high school [12]

Oh dear ... sounds very familiar. My partner is also Polish. I don't know what it is about this business of sending photos, flirting, etc. - I have seen messages of his that have really f****d me up, but then it does turn out that it is nothing but bollocks. Nothing comes of it. Your boyfriend probably wouldn't even have gone for the drink. But I do think it is disrespectful and kind of teenager-ish. I'm afraid I think probably the things we like about Polish guys are also part of the reason why they do stuff like this, though. They are more accessible sexually and physically, I think, and they are more aware of the difference between male and female, and this is cool when you are in bed with them and walking around holding their hand, but feels not so cool when they occasionally express it with some other woman ... they are all brought up to be bulls, which is great, and not so great.

I think you probably can't trust him not to have conversations like that, because the other advanced life skill Polish guys have is lying through their teeth, straight into your eyes. A key skill. However, he doesn't take the conversation seriously - he wants to be with you. If he actually cried when you split up, that is a very good sign. He is sincere, I think. And I think the reason he will probably still have flirty conversations is that he thinks they don't mean anything - to him, they don't.

He doesn't get it, and never will. But, I think you're probably right to hold out for someone who won't do that - because we can't tell - maybe he is one of the ones who will go on to be completely unfaithful. And nobody would want that pain in their life. I think he's fxxxxd it up with you.

Love / Learning a language solely for your partner [21]


Sorry but have to disagree completely, on the two main fronts - that loving someone and wanting to speak to them in their language is flimsy motivation, and that Polish is so difficult you need to bury yourself in grammar books for years before being able to hold even a simple conversation.

The best motivation for learning a language is to communicate, and to be understood. When falling in love, or being in love, with someone, all you want to do is communicate with them, in whatever and every way, and this is particularly intoxicating when they speak a different language to you ... there is so much richness, so much potential for so many charming, disarming exchanges. In the first stages of language learning we are like children again, sweetly vulnerable, entirely in the hands of the one who knows. And it is the easiest way to learn a language, with a lover, because neither side tires of each other's words, and both are completely forgiving of the other's mistakes (pretty much ... : ). I think it is absolutely the best way to learn, and the quickest, and the most like natural language acquisition. And anybody can access a language like this - you don't have to be someone who is comfortable with grammar learning, etc.

And now to Polish: is it so hard? I haven't found it so. I have loved the tricky bits. And I think that if it is properly introduced, it isn't hard to pick up - but the problem is, it so rarely is. People see all the grammar tables and endings and just think it is impossible ... of course it isn't. Babies learn it, like any other language. I've watched how children acquire Polish, and heard it, and my own daughter was entirely fluent until four (when she went to English school) - it's just the same as any other language. There is only one right way - only one way sounds right. You have to just open yourself up to that, truly understand what that means, and not come up with crap that isn't what anybody else is saying.

I think the hardest bit to get to grips with, if you haven't learnt, e.g., Latin, is that words change and behave differently to their static English counterparts. (Incidentally, I think English is easy to be bad at, and very hard to be good at ... ). But you can get accustomed to this - your best bet is to listen and listen to people speaking Polish, and just accept that's the way it works.

What can I say ... learn it on the pillow, and don't go into it thinking it's hard - think of it as a rewarding sort of puzzle, and delight in its complexity.

Of course you can do it.

Love / Observations and experiences so far about Polish women [93]


Love it. And if you want yr wife (or, more likely, partner) to be kind and funny and pretty and still be like that when she is 70, marry an English girl of a certain (albeit quite rare) type.

Love / Am I wasting my time with this Polish guy ? [18]

Sounds like bollocks to me.

Either he has a problem, or he isn't really into you - so either way, this isn't really going anywhere good for you. Ditch him. Polish guys can be amazing, but as with all guys, you have to find the right one ...