Love / I have a crush on my boyfriend's Polish friend ( advice needed ) [33]

Hello everyone

this might be pretty long and complicated

i need some advice really, and plz dont say stupid and mean things.

i have a boyfriend , meet him when he was 16 and i was 24 , its a very long story, bout me being in a relationship with a violent guy and he kinda helped me away with his family. so things took a step to another. and today we been together for 5 years and have to children.

our relationship isnt really good. hes now 21 and he drink like everyday so we argue alot.

anyways last year his polish friend came to our country(not poland) to try work and stay here, after 6 months or so he went home to poland, and then he came back this last summer..

i have never thought about him as anything more than my bf's friend.. but then all of a sudden, he came more around and visit and so on and something just happend and i got my eye up for him, he doesnt speak my language, maybe very few words, and no english either, and i doesnt speak polish but i understand alot tho.

well as the time flew by i thought more and more about this guy, i noticed him looking at me and looked away wehn i saw it, we gave me some looks and started to be loud and laugh alot around friend, and then look at me like did you notice meee.. oh well. there was this one time i sent him sms in polish because he was helping with something he had to make for our home., he sent me ;) smileys like that, saying i was a good lady, but thats it..

theres many more things i analyzed for him to be interrested, but he seems shy and i think if he was interrested he wouldnt say duing respect to my bf and kids..

now its been 8 months since i started to think about him allll the time.. dream about him.. its really bad.. and i feel bad to my bf for thinking like that, as i never would cheat on him tho..

i would leave if i ever wanted to cheat...i wrote him a letter telling him how i feel and that im not asking to be with him because i know it would be complicated but if he would then i wouldnt say no. but that i only wrote this letter to get this thought of my chest as i cant talk to anyone about it,

well my bf's drinking problem got worse, to i mailed this guy asking for his help to talk to him, because i know he respect him , he mailed me back that he knew about this and he already mentioned it to him many times. and he promised that when he came on visit he would try talk to him again, and he came today :P

so he came to our house this evening. i was shakeing so much i had to put down my coffee :/ couldnt barely look at him , and at same time i felt like just jump over to him hehe.

after he left my bf tells me that he found a gf with a little baby.. and i was like :'(

i dont know if its true or not, but yea sucks. even tho i want him to be happy. when he went out he looked me in the eyes like. we were talking but still not saying a word.. hard to explain.. like he knew all this..

now im thinking. should i tell him how i feel... now he got a gf. and would reject my feelings, then i maybe could move on and try forget him, and feel good that i know he now knows.. or let it be and feel sad everyday .. i would give my arm away for jus get a tiiiiny hug from him. thats how bad i feel.. i dont even know why.. and i never ever felt for someone like this and specially not while im ina relationship---

so yea guys.. what do you thing.. he got something for me? but holds back

should i tell him??

what... im so lost