Love / Aliments and abortion (I was married to a Polish guy) [64]

Thanks Enkidu,

I really tried to talk things over with him to save our relationship. I waited 3 months now and he still does not want the child. I was hoping he'd change. I had been staying with my parents for some time since he left me but they are going back to asia now and I am not sure that he is going to support me. We can have a DNA test. it's his child.... the only problem is that he really does not want OUR CHILD.... i dont understand him at all.... but ill consider your advices

Love / Aliments and abortion (I was married to a Polish guy) [64]

Thanks...wouldn't that be too scandalous for his career?
I'll try to do anything. Not that I want to get in big trouble with him but if I have no choice I think I'll do what I can

Love / Aliments and abortion (I was married to a Polish guy) [64]


Hello Noreenb! :) Thank you for that wonderful message. You know what....

I waited since September for him to change his mind. Maybe It does not sound so bad because I also could not post everything here. I feel bad when I type what is happening and have to read it coz it looks much worse than how I really see it in reality. I also thought he is shocked. I considered adoption, I told him I will leave the child in Asia with my parents so I can be with him. Unfortunately, he is blaming our child for RUINING his life. I honestly don't know in what way. It's beyond my comprehension. I tried to talk things over with him again just recently. I spent the weekend over his place but all he could say was he loves me but he can't accept the "thing, creature" instead of calling our child a baby. He even named the child ARTHROTEC. He even told me "how about we send the head of this child in a formalin to your mom?" That was probably the most painful thing he ever said about the baby.

I am lost. I did all I could to keep him even if it means not staying with the child as he grows up, he was very demanding this time. YES we were in love and I am still....but isn't it strange that he tells me he is missing me when he admitted to me he sleeps with his x GF in his house while I am away and pregnant. he was even able to ask how can i live with 1000zl a month coz it is just a ****. God I really don't want to ask him for money. I was only asking him to give me time until few weeks after I give birth then I'll leave and if he still wants me then I'll come back. Now things is getting worse between us. But just to clear things, I never forced him to like the child or force him to be with me still if he does not want but I never forget to remind him how I love him.

My parents had been paying everything else for me. They buy my clothes now and even food. I have part time jobs online but it isn't enough to survive one month if I will be alone.

But thanks for the reply. Reading it from people somehow helps me ease up inside...

Love / Aliments and abortion (I was married to a Polish guy) [64]

Hi Natasia, thanks for your reply :) yea I know how in deep SH** I am. It's more than what you can imagine

When he proposed me marriage it really seemed to me like a cinderella story but when he found out about my pregnancy, he started telling me how regrets it. He even told me he was only forced to marry me because my Mom did not want us to be together unless we're married BUT holy cow that was too much for him to even blame my mother. No one could force somebody to marry if they don't intend to.

So where are you living now? Somewhere on the 1k a month, 4 months pregnant?
- I still have until December 9 for the apartment then I don't know where I will be living.

I don't think you should be working, but I don't know who you are or what you do. If there is something you could do by email/online/etc. then try to do that, because any money you can earn is your independence and security for you and your child.

-I was a student. Now im a garbage. I tried online jobs, believe me i spend 12 hours a day it is not enough to cover all bills plus my food coz i couldnt stop myself from being hungry.

You can't force him to do anything. You can divorce him yourself. But I would wait until the baby has been here a while before you make any decisions at all. This kind of situation is one where it could all change.

-Seriously, he told me never to expect him to change about his feelings to our child. For him our child ruined his life but he has ruined the child's life more than he ever imagined. I am sure he wants me to lose this child by all the pressures he gives. oh btw he earns 50k now how could he have a ****** life with such money

You can't force him to do anything. You can divorce him yourself. But I would wait until the baby has been here a while before you make any decisions at all. This kind of situation is one where it could all change.

-I never forced him to to anything... I always talk to him in a nice way and all I could get are insults.

Love / Aliments and abortion (I was married to a Polish guy) [64]


Hi there MoOli! You are probably right about suing him but he is a good lawyer. Not an adwokat but he has good connections. I am afraid he can just pay people to win the case easily... I waited long enough for him to change but I guess it's too far from reality. sheesh...! but thanks for your reply :)

Love / Aliments and abortion (I was married to a Polish guy) [64]

Hi there kaz200972 :) Thanks! you are right. I did everything to save our relationship though but he is now putting up a wall on me. he tells me what he wants and if i cant do it then i wont be with him. I guess ill just give all my love for our child. I really tried to tolerate everything already.

Even thinking of asking him for child support makes me feel very bad. He tells me I only want money but if he did not leave me in this situation I would not be forced to ask him for it. I wish It was easier to get a job! Then i would not have to swallow all insults.

Maybe I shouldn't, maybe I should feel bad. I don't know what's right. I wish he could just agree with 1500 but then when I tried to ask him for it he started calling me names. I guess I have been writing a lot here now. btw, your reply is very much appreciated. Have a good day!

Hi there enkidu! Thanksss a lot for the message. You are right but I could not curse him no matter what. It's hard. I was thinking so hard last night about my situation if I should pursue to take him to the court. probably he's really guna kill me then. Everyone tells me to get legal support. Actually, I did inquire from one NGO in Warsaw just today. Being there and telling the lawyer about my situation and understanding a bit of your country's law made me feel bad that he could lose his job but ONLY if I sue him for the forced abortion. They said I can think about it or just ask for alimony support for the child. My polish language ability is conversational but I understand a lot more than I can speak. I also don't know what he can do with his power and money. He could buy the case... I really don't know much except for legal proceedings but being with him for quite some time, I've seen how good he is being a lawyer. It's scary.

Love / Aliments and abortion (I was married to a Polish guy) [64]

Hello again! ^_^ Im really happy to get positive replies about the baby! Yes the baby is the most important matter for me now.
I really don't think I was ever angry at my husband and I dont think ill ever be. heh! maybe he treats me this way coz he knows

no matter what he does I never yell at him or even blame him for something. I always thought it is easier to just talk things over than

start a fight but I guess sometimes, no matter what you do, no matter how much you show him how you truly feel inside, it's just not enough.

Maybe this time my maybe will get all that love! :)
good luck to myself with the aliments. I guess will be stepping on a giant's ego.

Love / Aliments and abortion (I was married to a Polish guy) [64]

Hello Lenka :) That was a very good post. I appreciate what you wrote. I really do!

The beaten wife syndrome scared me. LOL I am almost sure that syndrome does not only mean physical abuse. I never was abused physically by my husband but emotionally I believe I am. I don't know how much I can tolerate but my patience is too long. It's not that I never fight back. I also voice out what's in my mind just not the harsh way like he does. Harsh I mean... not insulting him. Maybe it's possible that I have such syndrome and probably not but I am almost sure I dont have such scary syndrome.

ahmmm...I never let anyone treat me this way before it's just that my feelings with him are always strong. stupid feelings... I really wish I don't feel this way.

OK I know it's our child and I should already be freaking out with what is happening but when I see him I just could not be cruel but that does not mean I am also ready to give up the life of the child for him. I love him but I would not risk a life. The way I feel about him is just the same as I feel for our child.

I've never seen my parents fight. Not even once in my life. I always see them just talking things over when things go wrong so I guess that's how I am able to keep myself quiet.

You are right maybe things have to change coz even his Xgf was the one beating him but he still falls back for her. strange right coz we're married. I also thought about the possibilities in which you mentioned. If I was in my country, I would probably have more idea what to do but i am just so lost. I went to one NGO again today (o.o) she told me it's better to go home coz citizens are more important than foreigners. Honestly, that made me lose hope again.

DNA test isn't a problem though but I guess he can also refuse to do it. I just hope that things go well and be as much as positive as your post....thanks for the positive attitude :) coz everyone in his family is already pinning me down with negative feelings.

Love / Aliments and abortion (I was married to a Polish guy) [64]

Yea I guess I gathered some infos but it isnt easy ^_^ especially if get a lawyer that wont charge me. They entertain me but they arent that enthusiastic. Even in the police station :) heh proceedings are too slow but fine i cant really do so much esp now that it's getting very cold and I have to travel hours for hours around Warsaw with a heavy bump. I was really hoping we'd just sign a paper in the notary. really.... damn it I just cant take anymore what's happening.It's so depressing

Love / Aliments and abortion (I was married to a Polish guy) [64]


Hi Lenka,

I did. He told me i would hate what would happen if we were in the court. Honestly I guess I already did everything I could. Thanks for the support.

He he! It's OK don't worry about call1n.

Love / Aliments and abortion (I was married to a Polish guy) [64]

:) Thanks! I really don't know how it ends.But I really hope it will end in a positive way. I hate to fight against him. Probably there's something wrong with him in the head which I could not blame but if there is something wrong with him then why does he accept his other children and he cant accept ours. Sometimes life is cruel

he found out i made a complaint now he said he wants an amicable solution coz he said he can lose his job :) hmm but he said if i take him to court it can be bad for him and for me as well. i dont know how it can be bad for me coz i did not do anything cruel against him but we'll never know....he had been calling all night and sending sms begging to talk to me. how fast was that? o.o) but he's guna play the game again i know

Love / Aliments and abortion (I was married to a Polish guy) [64]


Thanks... :) I appreciate all your support here in this forum.


Oh he is trying it now. we met and kind of threatened me that he will tell the court our marriage is a fiction but he really doesn't have much to prove that it's fake coz I have more to prove.


I already have this in mind and was almost sure of it he he. sad eh...


haha! I hate to agree but he is. He is really good looking btw but that wasnt the reason I am with him. I guess I was really trapped in his games.


you are right about it. I must be happy that im out of his life although it's not easy.


HE REALLY DOES NOT WANT TO DO DO IT IN THE NOTARY he said he wants just settlement that is done verbally between us two.


You know I was just imagining yesterday there was the wedding, now there's this court problem.
HE is good in turning things the other way around but I had to fight back, sheesh i told him if he signs it in the notary then ill probably take back what i sued him for. he said he doesnt want anything notarized. I also told him if it wasnt because of him we werent be in this situation and now he must be fair to our child. he agreed with being fair to the child but no signed agreement. lol I told him if it's too late, then im sorry ill have to continue what has already started.

hey :) Thanks... i have a hard time seeing what kind of person he is coz of my feelings for him. I know it sounds STUPID but my mind and my feelings are always at war lol good thing there's a baby, that's a plus to my mind.

Love / Aliments and abortion (I was married to a Polish guy) [64]


I know he does not want it with in 5 years but he never said he never wanted one. what can I do? **** happens. I also wasnt ready for this but i wont cancel what's already there


I was on contraceptives btw :) but there's a story behind it. we agreed on no baby for the next 5-10 years. i was ok with it. once he left our luggage for a short trip that's how it started. even d doctor counted the days... it always fell on the ways when i skipped this contracep pills coz it was in the luggage that was left. See how small mistake can break some things? hehe but no regrets :) I love the child.

He told me he dislikes baby boys but i never heard him say he hates mixed baby

Love / Aliments and abortion (I was married to a Polish guy) [64]


Just because he said if i take him to the court then he will tell the marriage was just for money reasons and for citizenship reasons. crazy right? i dont know but it's childish


I guess my only fault here was i did cancel my pregnancy coz that's where the horror started. I wouldnt say he is really bad before marriage although in so many things he was unfair, I did not mind all those but to kill our baby is something else.

Now tell me how can u call your own child as the name of the pills for abortion? I still dont want to say that he is a real villain here in our story but the thing is that he was crazy about abortion when he already had 3 children before? 1 was not his son (with his xGF)and he was even able to accept it. why not our child? isn't that unfair? Not that im trying to make myself look good here but everything that's happening here is not what's all on the plate. How would i even know he'd hate this pregnancy when he was always joking about having many kids. I dont know.......I really don't know.

Love / Aliments and abortion (I was married to a Polish guy) [64]


of course he knows it

Love / Aliments and abortion (I was married to a Polish guy) [64]


he said it was my fault and that it should be in my purse not in our luggage. :) simple as that


1st of all if it was a PLANNED pregnancy id never go out after 2mos and drink socially.
2nd i already told him earlier, if he wants vasectomy then it's fine with me that couldve been a good one to avoid such unwanted preg

3rd im a student who married him coz i love him not to ask support from him. i guess my parents already supported me long enough.

are my parents the father of this child? NO.
4th He married me so his obligations are obvious. im not saying it's forever but now im pregnant and lost in this country im only asking him for my needs not for shopping.

5th if it was easy for me to get a job why would i ask for any support?
6th i dont know if ur supporting abortion that ur obviously taking his side
7th no matter what u say he is still the father of the child. Im asking support for the child, pregnancy and not for my personal interest AGAIN. im pregnant not a sucker

Love / Aliments and abortion (I was married to a Polish guy) [64]


Honestly, we never expected it so none of us even thought of WHAT IF it happened.


I dont know if he will disappear or maybe :) he will make me disappear coz he wants me and the child out of his life. Life is crazy and YES im not just surprised, it's a total shock.

Love / Aliments and abortion (I was married to a Polish guy) [64]

Yes and it was clear we both agreed on that. I don't want to call the child an accident coz no matter what it's still our child and nothing can change that fact. Just to make things clear, i never forced him to father the child coz from his reactions it's a sign that my child will not have a happy experience I was only asking him not to force me now to leave Poland coz of my situation. I have only until April... is that a lot for support? I also NEVER intended to be dependent on him coz from what happened, my future and chance to have a good family is already gone...plus the child will never have a chance to experience a complete set of parents coz of what he did.


remember it's not only my child. If i have other resources to finance myself in a country where i feel like im locked up and cornered, what choice to i have but ask for alimony for the child


heh :) it will be funny if he denies it in the court when he knows he's the first and last man i slept with in my entire life...

Love / Aliments and abortion (I was married to a Polish guy) [64]


how will i raise the child without eating and how will i raise the child when he told me to marry him while im schooling.


Ofcourse it is an option but not when i am pregnant after i got married and just swallow the disgrace HE just caused me. So if I go home :) that will be too easy for him and i have to swallow pain in the world. Is that what you want? sorry but my culture is very conservative and I am as well. Id rather go home taking the baby with me than showing people my HUSBAND left me while im pregnant. at least once the child is born people would just see the child and be happy about it.

Love / Aliments and abortion (I was married to a Polish guy) [64]


We know each other since 2009. He was always telling me ill marry you each time he asks me to come back and I never asked him if he's gonna marry me. Im not that desperate but I love the guy. In my original post i stated that we were on and off so if I wanted to get pregnant in the first place i couldve done it 3 years ago. I married him and he even asked me for separate marital agreement which i did not think twice of signing it coz probably he's scared of his assest but fine i did not make it a big issue. All I wanted was to be with him and there's nothing such as hidden agenda.

Thanks Rysavy for being fair :)

ehm btw guys i dont know why esp Fstop think that it's all about the money or passport but I never said I'll never leave did I? So if you were in my situation you'd just leave... that's your choice, I have another decision and that is to stay for a while until the child is born.. I am just asking for support until I give birth then i'll disappear. He already dumped me 4x in his life. To ditch me this time with a child is something else. Whatever I am doing, it's all because of my child. If he could support his other children with 2 diff women, why exclude our child? I am his wife and I will do whatever I can for the child.

Love / Aliments and abortion (I was married to a Polish guy) [64]

Europe is nice but I love tropical weather more than 4 seasons. I came here coz of him and that's the most important reason why I am here. I could be anywhere with him it doesn't matter. Yes, I am alone but I don't feel like that coz of the child. I am very sad and I am already getting used to it anyway changing places would not change the situation at all.

It was only horrible one time he asked me if I was hungry coz he knows the money wasnt enough and he seemed like mocking about it as if telling me if i had enough already then i should leave Poland soon. Of course he wanted me to leave soon coz he was scared I might find out about him being with his X again and leaving to Egypt soon while I am going back home with all the pain in the world he could not imagine. Regarding divorce, i heard he already consulted a lawyer about it so he is only waiting till i leave so he could say I left him and so on.