Law / Maintenance & Rights: Polish mother & child in Poland, Irish father in the UK [57]

I've noticed the abuse reluctant fathers get on here so fully expect short-sighted abuse, however could you please help me or give advice on the following:

I met the Polish girl a few years back in the UK a month before I was due to head overseas to work. The night we met she asked if I'd "like to have some fun anyway" before I left so of course I obliged. I wore condoms, she was on the pill "apparently" and that was fine, we had our fun. However just before I left the UK I got a call to say she was pregnant. My initial reaction was shock of course but then suspicion - was I the only fella etc etc? To me it was a no-brainer; I was leaving the country indefinitely and I didn't want a child brought up in the world without a dad and in another country so I advised an abortion. She ignored my advice and decided to move back to Poland to have the child so I dealt with that and accepted her decision.

Move on 9 months and the child is born, I've moved back to the UK after the contract fell through and I don't feel any connection with the child having not been there for the pregnancy or birth. I meet her mother in the UK shortly after the birth (she didn't bring the child) and assuming the child to be mine I agree to pay £200 a month. Myself and my family visited Poland for the Christening, I signed her Christening paper despite not understanding the language obviously and then go back to London. As far as I know my name is not on the birth cert but her mother asked if I could sort out the paperwork - I declined saying I wouldn't go that far without a DNA test despite being fairly sure the child was mine.

I return almost a year later for the child's first birthday with my parents and my then new girlfriend; the mother and her family totally shunned my girlfriend but she was there to support ME so I explained that if I was to be part of the child's life and upbringing then she would need to know my partner equally. It all started going downhill from there - the mother ignored my emails from that day on (not that she was responsive before), wouldn't send me photos of the child yet would send photos to my sister and parents and generally started looking for more money (nothing else). All the time I was also sending clothes, books, toys, DVDs - the practical things but I was given no choices from day one in where the child lived, the child's name, anything! Friends and family also knitted and sent clothes but we never got photos of the child wearing anything or got any thanks from her mother for all the goodwill.

By the time of the child's second birthday I said "enough is enough" due to the mother's behaviour and cut the monthly flow of money, explaining by email that the child's mother got a job that I wasn't funding what I could see was her as much as the child. Bear in mind that the whole time the mother (an only child herself) and child are living at home with her parents who are reasonably well off and living in a nice house with spacious gardens and a nearly new car. I agreed that I would continue to send essentials, small gifts and books etc donated by my friends and family and save the money I was originally sending for when schooling started. I would also send emergency money if needed for something important such as medical care or whatever, as being blunt, the child was already being clothed by me and my family and wasn't going hungry with her grandparents!

I got no response for over 6 months until today when I received a court letter demanding 1,500 PLN a month and that my name be given to the child as a double-barrelled surname. I cannot afford that much for several reasons that I'm not going into but I also do not believe that the money will be spent directly on the child therefore I am going to contest this to the death.

Now correct me if I'm wrong but I think this woman is being totally unreasonable and acting in her own interests and not that of the child!? I've been having a tough time as it is for the last two years but now have this hanging over me. It's not that I don't want to pay or don't want anything to do with the child, quite the opposite; I just don't want to deal with her despicable mother who wants to go the legal route without prior discussion. I want the child to make her own mind up if she wants me to be part of her life (because let's face it, she doesn't speak the same language and will have a totally different upbringing to me so might never want to know me), if she wants my name and if she wants an Irish passport - I have no problem with any of that! I also provided money in monthly instalments but the actions (or lack of) of her mother screwed that up hence why I decided it was better to plan for the more expensive future schooling years rather than deal with an irresponsible and unreasonable person such as the mother. Furthermore my parents gave almost £1,000 in cash which wasn't mentioned in the court summons, nor were any of the other clothes and gifts mentioned nor the fact I offered to bring both of them to the UK to meet my parents and save on costs!!

Can I stand firm and do things how I wish or can she legally extract money from me in the UK? Do I have a case? I will get a DNA test done as a first step, but assuming the child is mine what is the likely outcome as all hope is lost for reconciliation with her mother.

Sorry for the long-winded post!! Thanks in advance for any positive advice or input; any links to solicitors specialising in cases such as this would also be helpful.