Love / Should a marriage proposal to a partner from Poland be done in private or public? [27]

I think it is more than nerves. I am very p*ssed off. I am annoyed that he has told all my family and friends and work colleagues before even asking me. I had in my head how I would tell my girlfriends and how we would tell my family together. I would have liked to get used to the idea of it for a few days before we announced it to the world. He has also told me now that he booked a violinist to play Chopin music over dinner while he proposed. The violinist sounds wonderful, the dinner sounds wonderful, but together in a restaurant with a room full of people (there is a glass wall between the restaurant and the bar!!) is my idea of hell and not at all romantic. He has also told me that he has bought a ring and got it sized (which I think means it can't be returned) and given that he has got the other things wrong about me, there is a good chance that he has bought m a ring I don't like...

I am very grumpy when I should be so happy...I think I want to cancel it all. I have told him I think we should maybe cancel and wait a while.....I feel a right cow!!

Never mentioned how I think he is a loving and sweet man, and how this is the first month that he has had a very good wage...and he has spent it on buying me a ring .......I feel a right ungrateful bitch!!!!

Love / Should a marriage proposal to a partner from Poland be done in private or public? [27]

Hi Mafketis,

Intersting response. It may sound from my previous post that I have teenage proposal fantacies but quite the opposite. In fact I've never been very romantic about weddings and marriage. I just feel it would have been nice to come to terms with actually being engaged before everyone else knew. and not to be in a public situation that might be embarrassing...

Maybe part of the problems is I don't know that I actually believe in marriage and what marriage is really all about.....well I'm not religious so I'm not doing it for god (if there actually is a god), I'm not particulary traditional so following tradition doesn't do it for me, I'm independent so don't financially need supported, I share a house with my boyfriend, so live happily with him and we are committed to each other.

So I'm wondering, what is this marriage Mal?arky all about then? Any suggestions

Love / Should a marriage proposal to a partner from Poland be done in private or public? [27]

Hi all,

thanks for all your feedback.

You are right Mafketis, he is not typical of a Polish man (or any man that I have ever met). He is very romantic and a very emotional/impulsive person. I am the opposite, much less romantic and like to reflect on things more before I act. I don't necessary think this means that we are not right for each other but sometimes it can cause anxiety for both of us because we see things in different ways.

LadyKangeroo, yes it is the ultimate compliment for him to propose and want to spend the rest of his life with me. I suppose because I'm not so romantic, the 'rest of the life' fairy tale scares me (hell, half the population have been married and divorced..) but it doesn't mean I don't want to be with him and have children with him, and build a life with him.

So, after a good night sleep and a long discussion I feel a lot calmer. In the past we have talked about getting married, so its not like its completely out of the blue, but I think because he organised and told everyone (so that we could have a surprise party) and then I found out about the venue/proposal it kind of made me freak out a bit.

I realise all his excitement and organising has come from a good place, and he really just wanted it all to be very special.

So...after a chat, we have decided to make a few compromises that will make me a lot happier but still allow his romantic side to be satisfied. We are having the party at the end of next month instead of Saturday so that I can actually enjoy being engaged and give us time to plan a nice party together. We are still going to go for dinner and have music (not at our table, just in the restaurant for all to hear.,...rather than over our table for people to stare) and we are going to go away for the weekend just the two of us. Somewhere in this week/at the weekend there will be a very private proposal.

As for the ring...well I've got over the 'spoiled brat syndrome'...I have never been very materialistic so not sure why I was worried about the ring. He usually has great taste, so I've stopped worrying about it..I'm sure it will be lovely.

Well I'll keep you all posted how it goes...thanks again for your advice.