PolishForums LIVE  /  Archives [3]    
   
Posts by Softsong  

Joined: 2 Sep 2007 / Female ♀
Last Post: 16 Sep 2014
Threads: Total: 5 / In This Archive: 0
Posts: Total: 492 / In This Archive: 240
From: USA, Myrtle Beach
Speaks Polish?: No
Interests: History of Poland, psychology, music

Displayed posts: 240 / page 7 of 8
sort: Latest first   Oldest first   |
Softsong   
24 Jul 2010
Travel / Poland-My 9-day experience [239]

Everyone is entitled to their opinions especially if they mean no harm, and it is simply their opinion. I got back from Poland the beginning of July. It was my third trip. Twenty years ago, a friend who was born in Gdańsk showed me pictures of Poland and I was unimpressed. But now, I see the beauty of the architecture.

And on this third trip, I did not even go to the main tourist places, I went to all the villages where my grandparents and their ancestors had lived. I visited old abandoned cemeteries, beautiful churches, ruined castles, but not where everyone else goes. One castle had next to nothing left of it and was located in Bobrowniki on the Vistula river. To me Poland is a mix of the ancient, old and very modern. The people were open and friendly. Possibly because I was interested in them and showed how much I liked Poland, I was made to feel right at home. When I asked directions outside one house, I was invited in for water and the wife set out coffee, tea and wine. Everywhere we went the Polish people were proud to show me their homes, villages.

The owner of the hotel where we stayed for four days even gave me a bottle of vodka to take home. Amazing guest services! We were looking for graves of ancestors one evening and a boy of fifteen showed up to visit his grandmother's grave. How often do you see something like that in other countries.

I found where my grandmother lived on a farm before coming to NY. It was beautiful. Rolling hills, fields of rye, and glacial lakes. I thought my photos would not be exciting to my co-workers as I did not go to Krakow or Gdańsk this time. But, they thought I had a unique vacation and loved my pictures of the villages. My experiences in Poland were of a personal nature, but other people appreciated it too. We all have opinions. In general though, if you go anywhere with joy and appreciation in your heart, you are apt to have a better experience.
Softsong   
5 Jul 2010
Travel / what are the average fares to Poland from USA? [10]

Yeah, ten years ago, I flew round trip from Newark to Warsaw for about $700. This time, I flew from Myrtle Beach, to Charlotte, NC, to JFK in New York and then LOT and I paid $1,500 round trip even booking in advance.

But it was worth every penny. I had the best trip ever. Found where my grandmother's farm was before she emigrated to the USA and met distant relatives. Visited all the villages I've learned about through my genealogy, and went to the archives to get more birth, marriages and death certificates.

Even did a tomb etching to bring home a grave marker of a great great Uncle. Met wonderful people, full of hospitality and came home so very happy.
Softsong   
11 Jun 2010
History / Slavic vs Germanic thinking.... and the philosophical differences [251]

Of course, I am an American, but I kind of have an idea about Polish and German thinking. Like everyone else, I have two grandmothers. But, one was Polish and the other one was German.

Of course anything I could say would be based on just those two instances. I will say that my Polish babcia was the most generous woman I've ever met. She did go by guest in house, God in house. Anyone who came around got fed whether there was much food or not. Everyone was welcome.

My German Nana was thrifty, and orderly. She loved her family of course, but was less demonstrative. From what I've read of Prussian virtues, she was a good example.
Softsong   
7 Jun 2010
News / Germany - We won't let Poland drown! [28]

I see your point. People who get helped too much become resentful or develop helpless mentality. But mutual help is a good thing. Poland can help her neighbors too. It can be a two way street, yes?
Softsong   
7 Jun 2010
News / Germany - We won't let Poland drown! [28]

That is so wonderful that Poland is receiving help. I am due to land in Warsaw on June 21st and have been worried about Poland, and about what I will find on my trip.
Softsong   
6 Jun 2010
Travel / WHAT TO WEAR END OF JUNE FIRST WEEKS OF JULY IN WARSAW [25]

Good luck with your genealogical research! I am also coming to Poland in exactly two weeks and I am mega excited! I've been to Poland twice before, once during the same time of the year, and what you described seemed to be comfortable. I had nights where it was chilly, and some days it was quite hot.

I am going to fly into Warsaw on July 21st and then drive to the Włocławek branch of Poland's Archives. I will not tour the popular places this time, but go see my family's ancestral villages as well as visit cemeteries.
Softsong   
3 May 2010
Love / Fell in love with a Polish girl, but find it difficult to approach her [620]

Tell him to take all the time that he needs. Avoid pressuring him by nagging or whining. Let him know you love him, but will be seeing other men. Let him know that you want a boyfriend who is committed to you.

He is keeping his options open, and so should you.

It is good that he was honest. But, rather than make ultimatums or just give him all the space in the world while you wait.....let him see that if he takes too much time, he is in danger of losing you.

If you wait around showing him how patient you are, and the new woman is still communicating and saying she misses him, he will remain confused.

Or, he may decide to go with her. By waiting he will view you as someone he thinks is always an option if she does not work out. Never let him think this way. Let him know you are valuable and that you value yourself.
Softsong   
14 Mar 2010
Language / Poltran? (the free online Polish-English dictionary) - where's it gone? [48]

When I find a website for a hotel in Poland (I am planning a trip in June), sometimes the page has an option for google to translate the page into English. So, I just now looked to see if there is a website for google to translate other English text into Polish and came up with this website. Not sure if it is any good.
Softsong   
13 Mar 2010
Life / COMBATING "POLACK" JOKES [460]

Very nice post Paulina.....heartfelt and intelligent. Thanks for sharing. And you did just fine, dictionary or not. :-)
Softsong   
11 Mar 2010
Life / COMBATING "POLACK" JOKES [460]

Yes, Skysoulmate, many of the old Polish jokes in this country (USA), have now become either redneck jokes or blonde jokes. I happen to be blessed by being a both a blonde and have Polish ancestry.

Best thing I can do is smile and ignore it, or crack another ethnic joke right back! :->

It is kind of like when you are in school and being picked on. If you get too upset, you get picked on more. Yes, sometimes you do have to stand up for yourself against the bullies, but a lot of times all you need to do is show you could care less.

Trevek and Fuzzywickets, I believe you are right about the reason behind such fierce ethnic identity in America. Good logic. :-)

And personally, I always thought Archie came off looking like the jerk. He put down everyone! Edith (the dingbat according to Archie), deserved a medal for patience and devotion.
Softsong   
10 Mar 2010
Life / COMBATING "POLACK" JOKES [460]

MediaWatch, I am an American of Polish ancestry. I can understand you being proud of your roots. But to be so ugly to Bratwurst Boy is uncalled for. For one thing, he is ALWAYS proclaiming that Poles and German are equals in the IQ department.

And while he is proud of his German roots, he has never condoned what Hitler has done. Somehow you have imputed a lot of things to him that you believe are true. Maybe you need to see more of his posts to understand how he can love Germany, enjoy talking about war strategy and also see that Hitler was not in the best interest of anyone.

Otherwise, you are just as prejudiced as you claim him to be. All human beings are genetically very close to each other. All people have been noble, all people have done evil. Be proud of your Polish roots, but be prouder still to be in the human race.
Softsong   
8 Mar 2010
Love / How to convince English boyfriend to learn Polish? [39]

It is hard to "convince" anyone of anything. Usually people resist us when they feel someone is attempting to convince them of something. that being said, there are ways to let him know how you feel, and what you want. I'd suggest you write to him exactly what you wrote here. But, rather than convince or attack him personally, share how his reluctance to learn Polish makes you feel.

Phrase things you have written in what is called "feeling messages". How it makes you feel. Something like, "When I see other men with Polish ladies say simple things like thank you and good morning in Polish, I feel sad that my boyfriend tells me he does not want to know how to say anything in Polish. I also feel worried that this means we have no future."

I feel happy when I visit your family and show them that I enjoy being part of your life. What I want is for my boyfriend to be able to say a few things in Polish so that my parents can see he is interested in who I am. That way, I would feel more enjoyment of my visits with them and would include you more often in my visits.
Softsong   
5 Mar 2010
Feedback / No joke, but how do I LOG OUT? [19]

Yes...that is what I like about this forum. You stay logged in until you decide to logout.

I belong to another message board forum and if you are writing a long reply or post, by the time you go to post it....poof...you've been logged out. It's all gone. Very frustrating.
Softsong   
3 Mar 2010
Love / How is the ideal girlfriend for a Polish guy? [15]

I'd say for any man, be who you are. There is nothing to love, if you change like a chameleon for each guy you are interested in. Let him see what makes you a unique person. If he's not interested, then he's not for you, and you're not for him.
Softsong   
13 Jan 2010
History / Have Poles blood on their hands? :) [496]

She's what we call in America, Heinz 57 after the famous sauce with 57 ingredients. :-)

I think Wroclaw Boy is saying that his wife has one grandparent on each side of the family that is German, so his wife is 1/8 German and the baby 1/16 German, and 1/8 Irish. It gets complicated....so Heinz 57.
Softsong   
13 Jan 2010
History / Have Poles blood on their hands? :) [496]

Ah.....my two favorite posters on Polish Forums. :-)

Sometimes, McCoy....people like to stay where they always lived. And if they consider themselves German, it is no crime. Others liked to stay where they lived in Poland and although German by ethnicity, they Polonized their names. Things like this will always happen when a place was formerly multinational. And I am not just talking about from when Hitler brought in the Reich Deutsche. People who lived for 500 hundred years within Poland, and were citizens of Poland, but ethnically German.

I know because that was my family. Half ethnic Germans that I have traced back to 1700's in Poland. And the others ethnic Poles living in Prussia. Both peoples treated each other miserably at different times. All humans have done bad things to other humans. I have cried tears about what my Poles experience under the hands of Prussianization. I have cried tears over what my ethnic Germans experienced getting caught between Hitler and Poland.

I take people individually rather than name some a derogatory name. And the same with countries today that have a diverse background of peoples. Yes, they are all somewhat proud of their own roots, but it is no crime for an ethnic German to love Poland, or living there, and still feel German.

It is easier for me to understand because in America, we are like Poland used to be. Multinational. We are all Americans, but proud of our Polishness, or Italianness or Germanness.

When it comes to opinions, there is the purely Polish opinion, the purely German opinion and the objective truth. It's nice to attempt to see the objective truth.
Softsong   
28 Dec 2009
Love / Polish boyfriend coming to visit [52]

My son was just telling me that when he was over at his mother-in-law's home for Christmas, that his little girl (my grand daughter) drew a picture of a beautiful home with jaccuzi.

My grand daughter's other grandmother told her, "Marry a rich man so you can have a house like that." My son said, "Go to school, learn to be a doctor and you can have the house you want."

So, yes....many times girls are given this type of advice. :-(
Softsong   
28 Dec 2009
Love / Polish boyfriend coming to visit [52]

Thank you, Ooshak!

I appreciate what you said to me. I feel happy that I shared my experience and that someone truly "gets" it. You are no doubt right. Most people tend to make cracks and be cynical because of the fear of being perceived as weak.

Your post is very upbuilding, and I liked your observation concerning the languages that people strive to learn when they are in love with someone from another culture. While it may appear to most of us that people what to learn the languages of the more succesful countries to find a rich mate, you gave us a window into a lesser known forum where feelings and love win out over money.
Softsong   
26 Dec 2009
Love / Polish boyfriend coming to visit [52]

nomaderol

In reference to the older man with the 40 year age difference....

he'd probably have considered you as an idiot if he read your post

Perhaps that older man would have thought me foolish. A majority of people who heard about the younger man and myself jumped to the conclusion that I was a cougar and said, "Way to go girl!" And many others thought the younger man was in it for the money. I was newly divorced, and without much money. He did not like living in the USA and wanted me to come live in Poland. In fact he found a place for us to live and while his parents were not happy about us as a couple, they also offered for us to live with them. They loved their son and wanted him happy, and they liked me even though I was their age. He and I truly loved each other. The age was immaterial, but in the real world it was not a good long-term idea, if I really loved him, and wanted the best for him.

Older men and younger women often get stereotyped too as the woman being in it for money, and it is like that a lot, money does play a role. Like another poster said, this is not love, but an arrangement. But, love also does exist between very much older men and younger women.

In either case, whether the relationship is for money or love, the idea of an older man with a younger woman has been more accepted in the past. The man can still give the woman children and material things.

In the case of an older woman, the younger man often must sacrifice the idea of having children if he is to be with his older lady. Mine was ready to do that, but I knew he really had always wanted to be a father. But anyway, I am getting off the course of this thread. I merely wanted the OP to know that I could relate to her worries about meeting an online love for the first time. I wish them both luck and have a feeling it will all work out, but it is normal to be excited and apprehensive.
Softsong   
26 Dec 2009
Love / Polish boyfriend coming to visit [52]

No....he was 29 years younger than myself, and I felt that we had the best of what we could have in those years. We were good for each other.

I did not want to get involved romantically in the first place, (I wanted to remain penpal friends), but because of his relentless pursuit, I fooled myself into thinking that it would be o.k. for the longhaul. I came to want to believe.

Later, after I miscarried a baby due to my age, I felt it was unfair for him. I encouraged him to return to Poland to complete his MA, and see what would happen with us down the road. Part of me wanted him to return to me, and the other part wanted him to have a partner closer to his age.

The next summer he was to come back to the USA to spend the summer with me, but after a lot of back and forth in my mind and heart, I decided, no. I could tell that he was beginning to be attracted to a young lady in his class, and he was acting as though he did not like her at all. He was fighting the attraction to stay loyal. I figured, give them the summer, and they will be together. I was right, brokenhearted, and happy for him all at the same time.

She felt badly at first....that she stole my man....and wanted to write to me, wanted me to understand. I let her know that I understood and was happy for them. We became friends by email. She felt that he would always care about me and wanted us all to be on good terms.

They got married a few years later, and last year I went to visit them in Ireland after seven years had passed! I was nervous, but it was a wonderful reunion and I feel that they are happy and right for each other. The love I had is still there, but with no trace of romance.
Softsong   
26 Dec 2009
Love / Polish boyfriend coming to visit [52]

I can understand how OP feels. I had an online bf back in 1999 and worried about everything prior to our first meeting. I lived in the USA and he lived in Poland. It was my first visit to Poland and our first time meeting in real life. We were so used to emails, chat and phones, but meeting face-to-face for the first time was so exciting and scary, too!

We did hug right away and he held my hand as he led me out of the airport in Warsaw. We could not stop smiling, but it felt also a bit weird.

Most people who have gone through this find that after a few minutes, all awkwardness disappears. It is the same person you have come to love online. We spent months and months getting to know how we felt about everything without the physical blinding us to who we really were. This only works well, if both people are genuine. It is possible to fool someone online, but also in real life for a time. And sometimes, you find that there is no in person chemistry. At the very least then you have made a wonderful friend. Most times though the connection is there.

Telling you to relax is pointless. You are going to be thrilled and worried all at the same time! Enjoy the moment. It is something that only happens once. Meeting that special person in real life.

My relationship lasted for three years and was one of the best. We had a large age gap and ultimately that is what ended us, but to this day there are absolutely no regrets.
Softsong   
16 Dec 2009
Life / Russian Language - is it offensive if I speak it to Polish people? [69]

It is strange that my mother who was born in the USA and (who learned Polish as a child because she loved to spend time with her grandmother), could get the gist of some of what Kruschev said when he was on TV in the USA. She also could understand some Ukranian.

She always said that she spoke Polish about on the level of a five year old child. Her brother and sisters could not understand, or speak in Polish at all. And naturally they could not understand anything in Russian or Ukranian.

My mother's mother was born in the USA, as well, but she lived in a community of Polish immigrants in Jersey City, NJ and went to Polish school. She could read and write in Polish, but she used English when she raised her family. My mother was the sibling who spent the most time with her Polish-born grandmother.
Softsong   
19 Nov 2009
Travel / What to do when it's raining in Gdansk [33]

When I was planning my trip, I found a suggestion on TripAdvisor for rainy days. Here it is:

"If you find yourself looking for some thing to do on a rainy day, Baltyca shopping centre is a good choice. It's a 20zl taxi ride from the centre of Gdansk. It has over 300 types of outlets and some nice restaurants. Bring plenty of money"!

Here's the link:

galeriabaltycka.pl