Life / Mental health problem or one of the grieving stages? Death and denial in Poland. [93]

Someone I have known for many years here in Poland, a Polish national, lost her father a couple of years ago after a long illness.

I was with her at the time he died, we were both in the UK at the time.

She had been praying and I recall how upset she was the morning the phone call came that despite the prayers which she had so sincerely believed in, he had passed away.

Somehow in the period since, she has decided that her father did not die and is merely in a hospital or care home somewhere.

She dismisses the fact that her mother has placed his name and date of death on the family grave as her mother being "unreasonable" and "always in a rush", to quote her "my mother acts like she has a fire under her tail."

We were at the grave 3 weeks ago and when she saw the grave she merely prayed for her family members and for her father to recover. Her mother said to her "He's not asleep, he died, look" gesturing to the grave memorial.

Reacting to this, she called her mother "nasty" for suggesting such a thing, and said "my father will be back". This is something she says a lot.

I have asked her mother whether she is to get help for her daughter on this but it appears she believes "time is a healer" and leaves her daughter to carry on with her everyday life as if this problem does not exist. Her daughter works and is highly intelligent, I know her for some years now and would say she has gained self-confidence and humour over the years, does not seem even slightly depressed and is very competent at work, gets on well with people, speaks several languages etc.

When I have mentioned to her that she herself told me her father died, she implies I am lying or that I am not in good mental health. When I ask her where she thinks he is and why he would not be in touch for years she makes various comments which depart from logic. She remains calm and pleasant at all times, even when accusing me of being nasty for saying her father has passed away. The next moment she is back doing her work and smiling and joking with people on the phone, etc.

From talking to her it seems she has no memory of the day he died, the funeral (which I recall her telling me about in great detail previously), her mourning period (which I also recall).

She also insists everything in her dad's room be kept exactly as it was, nothing moved or used, no clothes given away. She leaves his post for him in a pile, and refers to him in the present tense often.

This has apparently been going on for at least a year, maybe 18 months.

She is a very nice person - is there anything to help her available, her family seem to believe either a prayer will help her or she will get better on her own. Is that a wise thing to do, or should she be seen by an expert? Not that I have any way of getting her in front of one, she refused to visit her GP with me.

Just from what common sense suggests to me as a layperson: denial for this long period as in a firm belief (or so it seems) that the death did not happen and her father is alive, or a loss of memory if that's what it is, should almost certainly be a matter that someone qualified in bereavement counselling or medically trained should be helping her with, no? Yet no one is helping her and her family are passive. (I am 99% sure she has seen no professional on this matter btw.)

Any advice would be good. Thanks.

Life / Polish Pay As You Go Phone SIMs - do all have compulsory recharging / top up? [11]

Hello all

Do all the PAYG SIMs in Poland require the SIM card user to put money into the account every x number of days or else the phone no longer allows outgoing calls or SMS/texts, even if there is a credit balance?

I have a Heyah SIM on PAYG, I didn't use all my credit up, and despite having enough credit still in the account to phone or text, Heyah it seems will only let me use that credit if I now make an additional top up (recharge) of money to the SIM.

Having had a quick look at the Plus and Orange websites, looks like they do the same in Poland.

In the UK, most of the networks don't expect you to top up every month or whatever, they just ask that you make a call every 90 days or 6 months (depends on the network). Provided you do that you can use whatever credit is in the account, even if you haven't topped up for some time.

Is there a Polish SIM that works on those lines?

Thanks.

PS Anyone know how you turn off the recorded promotional message that speaks/plays over the ringing tone when someone dials a Heyah telephone number? People ringing me from the UK find that confusing & hang up when they hear the voice and the ringing tone.