Love / Prevention of child abduction by Polish mother. [232]

I pray you never fall into that situation. You are not in an abusive relationship until you get hit or otherwise emotionally or sexually abused. And then, the abuser makes sure that you know he (or sometimes, she) is bigger than you and capable of doing worse next time, that it was all your fault and a whole slew of psychological abuse that eventually turns the victim against themselves. It's not insulting to women talking about abusive relationships. What's insulting is brushing it off as something that no longer happens or that it's exaggerated or whathaveyou. Just like child abuse. It happens. Often. And when other women (or men, if the victim is a man) make it seem like the victim is just being a bad mother or exaggerating or stupid, that's just plain wrong.

And ZIMMY, my comments to the OP about a mothers perspective were meant for him because he said he was trying to understand from her perspective. Which I presented. Given that his ex isn't here.

The two of you confirmed subtly what I thought you were trying to say, that an abused wife and mother should stay in the relationship. Partly because it seems you think that it's better for the kids, and partly because you wouldn't believe her if she was. Otherwise, why continue to not answer the question which I asked based on what you were saying?

Also, the OP is still going to need to take parenting classes which he hasn't done. Has he calculated how much he will owe in child support yet to know how much to put into a bank account, since he won't pay by cheque? Has he offered a wire transfer (I don't recall in the exchanges off-hand)? I believe that's what this thread was initially about.

Love / Prevention of child abduction by Polish mother. [232]


Again, I ask the question. I'll play along with your semantics and say mother or father.

Otherwise, I wish you a wonderful life. I don't feel like discussing with you further. You have your agenda, as do we all.

Love / Prevention of child abduction by Polish mother. [232]

What?! I have never heard of such a thing. And what sort of problems? You write a check, you balance out the money. If you know how to balance a checkbook, you have no issues. If you do, that's considered your problem by courts, not the mothers. In the US, anyway. Sounds like an excuse to save money for your own purpose, then if you go to court, pretend the money was saved for the child. Which some courts would view that as just that.


I sincerely hope none of you believe it's better for a mother and child tostay in an abusive situation?!

acadv.org/children.html
kcsdv.org/stats.html
domesticviolenceroundtable.org/effect-on-children.html

Any pediatrician, child psychologist, domestic violence lawyer, counselor, etc. will tell you that the rates of domestic violence against women and children in the US, particularly in married households, is grossly underrecorded. Why? Because for it to be introduced into statistical studies, the mother needs to report it, and if she were to stay, she's labeled a bad mother and her kids taken away, even if staying is her only option (please, do not give the tired old lecture about it not being her only option, are you an abused woman in a marriage with children? If not, you have no room to talk about that anymore than I do about prostate cancer or other male-specific topics).

Food / Looking for a Polish bread or something that sounds like "splechanka" [20]

ShortHairThug, sorry I mistook what you meant. ;) You are right, it would be worth attending for sure. I'm hoping to be in Poland for next year's Easter, so this would be lovely to attend.

Chalka

Fresh from my oven

Food / Looking for a Polish bread or something that sounds like "splechanka" [20]

ShortHairThug, I've never been to that sort of Mass in the Polish churches in MD. It's not that we ignored an important ceremony, but those Polish Catholic churches have all been losing parishioners left and right in that area. The Polish community was a couple of handfuls of Polish families and that was it. The organization of a particular church in that group was disorganized and you essentially had to be part of the "in" crowd in the church to know about special Masses, etc. there. It might be different in Chicago, idk. I would assume it would be different in Chicago, different state, different Polish community, different churches, different everything. I live out in the country and the nearest PNCC church to me something like an hour drive. Gas here costs more than it does in MD so I don't get much chance to drive so far. I feel like I'm needing to somehow justify myself in this situation, much like the situation I face of being told that I should have taken Polish school in MD (which there weren't any) by Polish Chicagoans.

Food / Looking for a Polish bread or something that sounds like "splechanka" [20]

I've never been to a Mass like that myself. We would go to a Polish American church, of course. But Mass was always during the day and no fire was used. I wonder if it has to do with the fact that these churches were in the city. My mom's from the countryside of Poland, so it would make sense that they would have Mass like this. My father, I don't typically ask him about religious ceremonies, I'm not sure why. I'll have to ask him. It's possible, even, that they took me once to a Mass like this somewhere and I might not remember.

Food / Looking for a Polish bread or something that sounds like "splechanka" [20]

That would make sense, but I vaguely recall something about going out at night with candles and some other details I don't recall. Unless, perhaps it was an Easter Vigil Mass outside at night with candles? I was young when she told me about it.

Love / Prevention of child abduction by Polish mother. [232]


What sort of cheques are like that? Money orders? If I write a check and someone cashes it, my bank has record of who, when and where. I think that's like that with all banks. Is it different in UK? Curious.

Food / Looking for a Polish bread or something that sounds like "splechanka" [20]

You are very welcome.

Re: Wesołego Alleluja, you are actually correct. It's one of a couple of ways to say Happy Easter. It actually means Joyous Praise of God, or shortened and Anglecized "Praise God". And what do we Christians do on Easter? We praise God, right? ;)

You could also say "Wesołych Świąt Wielkanocnych" which means Happy Easter Holiday. But I can't tell you why Wielkanoc means Easter (it literally translates to Big Night, Wielka=Big or Great & Noc=Night), my mother once told me about an old tradition done at night around Easter but I don't remember it off-hand and I'm sure it's not a modern day tradition.

Love / When will Poland put children first? [5]

Why don't you give specifics about what you are going through? That might help some people who might be able to give you some sort of advice on what to do.

Food / Looking for a Polish bread or something that sounds like "splechanka" [20]

It's called "Chałka". It's possible that your family called it "Splatańka" in reference to it being braided. Whether that's a regional name or whathaveyou, I don't know. I would assume that if it were a regional name, you would find at least one or two results searching but I also found none with that name. If you google "Chałka", you will find a ton of recipes for it. I actually just baked some myself and plan on sharing the recipe on my blog as well.

Love / When will Poland put children first? [5]


I'm not sure about what you are specifically talking about in your post. But regarding this statement, I can say that I know American policemen who are looked at better by judges than the mother in child custody cases, simply because they are police. Even though I know some police officers who would steal part of their drug busts to take home to their wives, some other cops who beat their kids, one cop I know is leaving his wife because she "wasn't fun" (no, really, she was a home body and he wanted a party animal, in his own words) and has told family that he knows people who can have her killed. When asked why, he answered that he wanted full custody of the kids to get back at her. Because she wasn't fun. Even though she is very willing to share custody and is a good mother. In his words. He also believes that our country is on the verge of a "race war" between whites and "darkies", again, his words. Some people are sick, and a uniform doesn't change that. That has nothing to do with a particular country.

Love / Do Irish / British guys like Polish girls? [138]

Never said that was ok, either.

Love / Do Irish / British guys like Polish girls? [138]


Another opinion video. Thank you.

Back on topic. The Irish and the Polish have a very similar history, so it would seem very odd for any Irishmen to think lowly of any Pole, imo.

Love / Do Irish / British guys like Polish girls? [138]

Idk, is he? Depends on who you talk to.

News / Anti-Polish propaganda (proposed change to Polish property restitution laws) [21]

True. And depends on what you define to be a reliable source (since all of history can be discussed in several different ways and depends on the bias of the historian).

jewishvirtuallibrary.org/jsource/judaica/ejud_0002_0016_0_15895.html
ushmm.org/wlc/en/article.php?ModuleId=10005183
newworldencyclopedia.org/entry/Pogrom
jewishvirtuallibrary.org/jsource/Holocaust/Kielce.html
yivoencyclopedia.org/article.aspx/Pogroms

Here are some links, some claim as I and many others did, others the opposite. I'd like to point out that the Jewish records sites that I've seen tend to paint the picture that government officials caused the pogroms (and that they tended to be run by Russians). And that some were in "retaliation" for alleged violent activities by some Jews. Whether it's true or not, Idk, only time will tell. And I think that it would take the unsealing of records in the Kremlin for many mysteries in that area of the world, for us to know better.

Language / Polish saying about spider webs? [21]


Babie Lato-painting

There's a painting about it. ;)

Babie Lato means Indian Summer. The baby spiders flying on their threads is a phenomenon that occurs during that time. It's one of those sort of natural phenomenons that helps farmers get an idea from their environment when to harvest, etc. This happens in other areas of the world as well. I've seen it on the East Coast, for example. Each culture has their language for it. :) I haven't thought about that or seen that for a long time, thanks for recalling for me a particular childhood memory.

Travel / Driving in Poland, are there any rules at all? [149]


I've heard such stories in various areas of just about every country out there. ;) Personally, I don't drive in Poland. But I don't need to, the public transportation is great and when I want to go to the countryside, my family in Poland refuse to let me go alone because we spend the time bonding together over an open fire, walking in the woods together, picking mushrooms, etc. It's almost spiritual for us.


Funny, I saw this in both Rome and Paris. ;) And Maryland at 2am and Chicago at 2am. Also, WV at 2am (and imagine the hairpin roads on the side of a mountain, good stuff).

Love / Prevention of child abduction by Polish mother. [232]

Anglik1, I wasn't trying to insult you. I'm trying to explain from the point of view of a woman. It's going to be fundamentally different than the point of view of a man. Obviously. Different situations, different physically and psychologically and socially, etc. Some of the fundamental differences keep us divided and probably always will. But then, if we were the same, we would all be the same gender with the same upbringings, same social norms and limitations, same procreation experiences, etc. and that would not succeed, would it?

ZIMMY, I'm not going to discuss with you all of the different random and uncommon examples you listed. They are unrelated to the thread, imo. When I was discussing scenarios about child custody, I made it clear that I was discussing the laws around me. Unless you are a lawyer in my area, you won't be an expert on the matter and teaching me something. That's impossible.

We are discussing an EU law situation here. Anglik1, I looked into it and it does appear that the two of you will be required to take parenting classes after all, per the courts. I think it's a great idea, irregardless of who the parents are or how they feel about each other. Perhaps, there might be an option to take some sort of counseling together to work out your relationship together, which is now permanent assuming your legal establishment as the father to the child. In that counseling, you two could work out any issues together regarding communication for the betterment of the child. I wish all couples would consider doing so (again, assuming no abuse issues, in which case, I don't think the victim should be subjugated to further contact with the abuser, which I am not assuming happened here).

Can you please explain to us how she is after money if she wants nothing to do with you and doesn't want to acknowledge you as the father? That part, sincerely, has me stumped.

OT, the fathers staying home bit, well that's not a common trend. It happens, sure, but it isn't common place. My husband would love to stay home with the kids while I work. He'd also be glady collecting SSI for a non-debilitating and fixable mental issue, food stamps, and everything else if I would have said "poor baby" to him about something that countless other individuals, some of whom I'm friends with, go to counseling and take medication for, something they themselves consider minor and easily managable. All while I would cook, clean, work, take care of the kids, while he would watch Maury and Springer during the day (we've even tried it for a bit, my then 3 year old snitched on him in tears), etc. So, for me, it's a bit personal as well. Forgive me for allowing my own emotions and experience (as others have in this thread) to cloud my typically objective contributions to the conversation. I don't wish to discuss my personal situation further. Let's get back on topic.

There is a child. The parents don't get along. There are some sort of issues which we are not aware of and can only speculate on, partly because the ex is not here, partly because it's one of the most emotional situations humans can be in. OP, what has your lawyer told you thusfar to do?

Love / Prevention of child abduction by Polish mother. [232]


I certainly hope she doesn't see it that way. If she did, she would be going after you for child support under the table, I would think.

Remember one thing about women and their feelings towards their children. It's fundamentally different than a man's feelings toward a child. It is created, developed, reinforced and socially enforced to be different.

That child grew in their body, not yours. 24/7 they were responsible from conception for that child who was connected to them physically and mentally for roughly 9 months. Then, labor. No man goes through anything like labor ever in life. Then, a child, a blessing from God, who we are responsible for, and gladly so, we can't imagine life without that child. Ourchild. Who, many of us continue to be connected to physically for several more months while we breastfeed that child, around the clock. Our child.

It sounds selfish? I'm sorry if it seems that way. But, you have to admit, mothers have a bond with children that begins physically and psychologically and at a far deeper level than fathers do. So, to make a woman feel trapped because of her child, well, we don't view it as a kindness to ourselves or the child. Nor, do we tend to view the child as a commodity. But, as (see what I wrote above) our child, the most precious blessing God could give us. Or nature, if you aren't religious. Not a blessing like someone might view a new car or new house or new job as a blessing. That's not a blessing, there's nothing spiritual about a "thing" being given in our lives. To me, and many other women, having a child really hits us on a spiritual level that it's impossible to describe. I don't know your ex, but it's always hard to imagine a woman viewing a child as a commodity. It is, however, very easy to imagine a man viewing a child that way, I see it often enough.

Complaints by fathers that we ask for child support, for one. Well, to clarify that, men passed the laws for child support, men get tax deductions for paying child support, men enforce the laws for child support, and the courts don't typically allow women to waive child support. Also, statistics have shown (but I'm sure people can dispute this) that women still pay more for the care of child than men do with their typical 17% child support.

OP, I really sincerely do wish you and the ex and the child (most of all, the child) the best of luck to make the child's future the best it can be. It's the only thing that matters in this thread.

ZIMMY, provide links that, as far as I see, are not tied to Father Rights Groups and have no bias for their topic, then I'll read it. Try Phyllis Chesler’s ‘Mothers On Trial', if you are interested, sometime. In the meantime, it's off topic and having nothing to do with this discussion.

Escar, Wow, that was deep.

Genealogy / Being ashamed of Polish ancestry? [156]

I was curious because your statement was that you were ashamed of your countrymen for drinking a bottle before going out (it makes no difference to me, bottle each or bottle altogether). I was curious, were you talking about Poles, as in Poles get drunk before going out and you are ashamed of that? Because my point was, if that is the case, I have met people from many nationalities who do that, I don't think it's a particular Polish trait, and therefore, I see no reason to use that as a basis of being ashamed of one's ancestry. So, no, I was not off-point. I wasn't sure of your statement and was attempting to elaborate on my confusion and why, to me, it made no sense.

Travel / Poland in photo riddles [3134]

I really wish I was still on speaking terms with my mother. I'd love to pick her brains on this. Since her side is the side from the villages, my father's side is all city dwellers from higher classes. I'll have to ask my father about this, perhaps he might have some small knowledge on it.

I fondly remember staying at another Ciocia's flat in the countryside and inhaling all of her green apple compote that she had put aside for the winter. I apologized profusely afterwards, but it was so delicious! And she stored it in the piwnica of the apartment building. I might have the two memories of the words and storages intertwined in my memory. The root cellar my other Ciocia had that was in the ground was something else to see inside. She said it was very old and it certainly looked like it. You had to bring a flashlight with you to go in and it really was very cool and dark inside compared to the outside. There was also a wooden cross inside and some other items on a shelf. I have no idea what their purpose was, perhaps some old country superstition to protect the food in the root cellar.

Language / Polish saying about spider webs? [21]


Same here, in my house. I remember a saying "Kill a spider in the morning, death at your door. Kill a spider in the afternoon, bad luck at your door." I don't remember where I heard that from. But we never killed spiders, as long as I remember. In the spring, we usually go around finding any spiders and let them outside (once it's warm enough for them to live out there) around our windows, doors and balcony. But never kill them.

Language / Polish saying about spider webs? [21]

I think it goes back to pagan times, spiders by some cultures were seen as blessings from God. You can see why, if you have no glass windows, spiders eat mosquitos and flies, the two bugs that spread the most diseases.

Genealogy / Being ashamed of Polish ancestry? [156]


Who are your countrymen? I know several American friends who drink before going out to a bar. It saves them money that way. I don't think it's as much specific to a particular country as it is just something some people do to save money if they plan on getting drunk when going out versus going out to just have fun.

Language / What does 'gon sie' mean? [21]

OP, are they the type of friends who jokingly curse at each other, like some do? If so, it was meant in a joking good-bye fashion. If not, he was being nasty.

News / Anti-Polish propaganda (proposed change to Polish property restitution laws) [21]

If you look up any pogroms during the Russian occupied era, you will read that it was organized by Russian authorities. Any single one of them. Which rare few there were in Poland.

Language / What does 'gon sie' mean? [21]

You mean "Goń się"? It's not nice.

Love / Do Irish / British guys like Polish girls? [138]


Wow, I agree. I might not agree with rozumiemnic every single time but respect her opinions. Today? Wow, I just don't know what to think. And I never assumed you to be a xenophobe, just your friend who made that comment which you shared. I hope you have a better rest of the day.

Genealogy / Being ashamed of Polish ancestry? [156]

Des, wow, I've never agreed with you more.