f stop
9 Apr 2012
Love / Prevention of child abduction by Polish mother. [232]
^ What Patricja said!
I always assume that people know what I'm talking about, or where I'm going with it. It's a social phonomenon called "illusion of transparency". ;)
Especially true on the internet, which is devoid of normal, non-verbal clues. So it's disconcerning when my meaning is missed, but when others insists that they know better what my meaning was, well, that's just not true.
One of my true aspirations is to strave to look at any dillema from every conceivable angle, and go with them until most of them can be eliminated to my satisfaction. This is one of the reasons that I'm valued at my work, in a field where being "positive" is practically a dirty word. Worst case analysis, always. It's a curse, but also a life-saver.
Close to the beginning of this exchange, a portentous idea occured to me; that the OP might be an abuser. I was looking for clasic signs: minimizing (the pain they cause), denying (that they caused the pain) and blaming (the victim). Why did she run? OP was not going there at all. Most I got was him loosing his cool and calling me names. He could have said a lot of things that would make the situation more real, like they had a huge fight, or he lost the girls trust, whatever... sometimes guys really have no clue, but I didn't think that was the case here. That was a big hole, and it makes one wonder.
Also, one of the most valuable advice I tried to give him was to send support in good faith. He just insists that he wants to have some control in his child's life and that is most important to him, and we all know all the shtty things that have been done in the "all I want what's best for the child" name. That's just not enough.
As sad as it is to admit, before help and support is offered, I think it's important to consider that sometimes, just sometimes, there are very legitimate reasons why a child and a parent should not be reunited.
So those are the reasons that prevent me from putting him squarely in a category of luckless fathers who get screwed by the system.
Seriously, do I really have this "dellusion of tranparency", or you knew what I meant all along?
^ What Patricja said!
I always assume that people know what I'm talking about, or where I'm going with it. It's a social phonomenon called "illusion of transparency". ;)
Especially true on the internet, which is devoid of normal, non-verbal clues. So it's disconcerning when my meaning is missed, but when others insists that they know better what my meaning was, well, that's just not true.
One of my true aspirations is to strave to look at any dillema from every conceivable angle, and go with them until most of them can be eliminated to my satisfaction. This is one of the reasons that I'm valued at my work, in a field where being "positive" is practically a dirty word. Worst case analysis, always. It's a curse, but also a life-saver.
Close to the beginning of this exchange, a portentous idea occured to me; that the OP might be an abuser. I was looking for clasic signs: minimizing (the pain they cause), denying (that they caused the pain) and blaming (the victim). Why did she run? OP was not going there at all. Most I got was him loosing his cool and calling me names. He could have said a lot of things that would make the situation more real, like they had a huge fight, or he lost the girls trust, whatever... sometimes guys really have no clue, but I didn't think that was the case here. That was a big hole, and it makes one wonder.
Also, one of the most valuable advice I tried to give him was to send support in good faith. He just insists that he wants to have some control in his child's life and that is most important to him, and we all know all the shtty things that have been done in the "all I want what's best for the child" name. That's just not enough.
As sad as it is to admit, before help and support is offered, I think it's important to consider that sometimes, just sometimes, there are very legitimate reasons why a child and a parent should not be reunited.
So those are the reasons that prevent me from putting him squarely in a category of luckless fathers who get screwed by the system.
Seriously, do I really have this "dellusion of tranparency", or you knew what I meant all along?