Off-Topic /
PF - The Omnibus Edition [1502]
Yes its 5pm on Monday and it’s time for CRACKERJACK (
Ed – only Brits of an age when they really ought to be dead are going to get that reference so we’ll edit it out later). Another week has passed, much Piwo has been sunk and we’re all a few days nearer to death. It’s been another fascinating week on PF and the research team have again been busy distilling the proceedings for the busy amongst you. (
Ed – not the only thing they’ve been distilling). Welcome to the second issue of the PF Omnibus edition. Please note that we have selected Monday to be the new publishing day.
Significant EventsNews has reached us of ConstantineK’s invasion of Lukasz’s home. Unfortunately the onset of winter has forced ConstantineK to abandon the invasion. In what historians are calling the Escape to Moscow, ConstantineK has decided to over winter in a bar in Moscow. As a consequence the Poland/Russia thread has been a bit muted this week. The main topic appears to be that everyone has claims to at least a part of the Ukraine. That being so we English hereby lay claim to Odessa – nice beaches, good bars, lovely girls (
Ed - and guys, we've got to be PC) and good property speculation opportunities.
Now that the Formula 1 season has finished, Espana has returned to his winter pastime of baiting Michal, aided enthusiastically by the big white cuddly dog. Apparently Michal was away on a few days holiday not, as some had suggested, busy in the Tescos car park as the pre Christmas shopping picks up pace. Whilst away, Michal met two nice waitresses from Krakow and has vowed to return there again in the near future. We’re not sure whether this will be with or without said waitresses.
Babi has gained her first star. In an undignified rush, most of the male members of the forum who are not on oxygen hurtled to their PC graphics programs to produce a star for her. Someone called oAdamo got their first but frankly the quality was appalling. Z-Darius produced the best one but infringed every copyright law on the planet and was disqualified. Tornado2007 was perplexed by all the star references and declared that he had three and didn’t know why. Bless him. We assume he must have been being modest – no-one can be that dumb.
Somebody asked for a translation to tell their mate that he might not be the father of Kasia’s baby after all as she was sleeping with a Spanish Dude at the same time (we would have thought his mate would have noticed the Spaniard at the time but love is blind as they say). Bubbawoo sized up the situation in a thrice and declared Kasia to be ‘a right slapper’. Amazingly someone called Jareck8, who is not a member as we speak and so will not see this post and the comments that follow, disagreed with Bubba (never a good strategy we find) and stated with zealous enthusiasm that had she embraced God none of this would have happened. Telefonitika put forward a more eloquent case against the zealot that involved quoting half of her ‘A’ level sociology essay. No wonder she got a grade A for it – none of us could understand a word of it. (
Ed – most of you can’t read the Sun)Lucynda is still having difficulties in finding a nice young man for her Polish nanny, this despite said nanny being 5’ 11” tall and apparently a right drink-on-a-stick (UK slang for better than drop dead gorgeous) . Jeez, she must be sooooo picky. The team here were fascinated to note that Lucynda herself is getting chatted up big time when taking nanny out clubbing. We have now decided to take all the handsome sons, nephews and friends we can muster with us on the next trip to Warsaw to see if this is a universal phenomenon. If there is any improvement on the hit rate at Foksal 19 we shall let you know.
PolishgirlTX has now posted so many You Tube music videos in the ‘what are you listening to right now’ thread that PF is now getting more hits than You Tube itself. Will PF be taken over by You Tube as a result? We can only pray that this does not happen.
Barbi popped by to introduce herself to us. No apologies, we know we are shallow. Never before has an introduction had such an overwhelming response. Within seconds every on-line male member had said hi in return. The rapid response rate may have had something to do with the occupation of Barbi. Becksi disputed someone’s claim that Barbi must be the first worker from the Adult Entertainment Industry on PF. In fact she knows for certain that this is not the case. Becksi has so far diplomatically refused to name names. This got our team thinking about our need to maintain editorial independence. So in a quick poll we ascertained that none of the team here works in that industry. Apparently 75% of the team have tried in the past but they all came up short in the auditions. The only surprise to date is that nobody calling themselves Ken has replied to her. Despite claiming she was up for all sorts of challenges, Barbi has only made just the one post. There are challenges and then there is the mass ranks of PF wits it would seem.
Poison started a thread on the World Handball Championships that were won by Poland in a thrilling final against Sweden. We here were surprised that Argentina did not make it to the final. If they had Diego Maradonna playing they would have walked it. We noted that Poison is half French and half Polish. This strikes us as being an excellent combination – he can party like a Pole and still take three hour lunches. Anyway, congratulations to the Polish team.
Daisy kindly pointed us in the direction of some research by some well respected science boffin that concluded that in years to come there would be two distinct sub races of humanity - an intelligent master race and a form of sub human that was heading down the Neanderthal path. Just goes to show that boffins need to get out more often – if he had popped down to Billericay market of a weekend he would have seen that his prediction was a reality already.
Osiol has upped his hit rate such that over 90% of his posts have some form of donkey reference or implication. At times the timing and subtlety of this has bordered on the miraculous. Privately we are not sure he can keep this up, let alone hit the 99% mark that we are convinced he is aiming for.
(Over the) Pond LifeAt this point the team here have a wee confession to make. We tend to either go out to the pub or go to sleep when our friends from across the Pond are on-line. Look, just remember we do this for the love of it and there is no money changing hands here. So if we’ve missed any gems from North America we say tough luck.
It appears that the fires are out in California. For all of you who were concerned, Arnie is safe and is threatening to personally track down the arsonists. So if you are standing outside a bar in San Francisco having a quick cigarette (at least 40 metres from the door of course) and a Humvee draws up near you, for God’s sake run away quickly.We also advise that you find a new bar because you know he will be back. Joking aside the fires looked devastating and we hope all our members out there have not been affected.
In a remarkable turn around Sledz has become a Golden Labrador, and an ultra cute one at that. Donations of dog biscuits may be sent to the Chicago area. Incidentally, there are more and more canines turning up. Very soon we will be able to host the inaugural PF Dog Show. There are one or two potential entrants that need some more obedience training first before they can be considered for entry (you know who you are). Daisy has kindly provided us with the personality guide for Tatra Mountain Dogs.
Nice to see Jnowiski returning back to full posting output mode. We guess he had a little time doing secret stuff again. Some of his comments have left us a little perplexed – but then we remembered that he is a bass player. To us bass players are like goalkeepers in football (that’s real football not gridiron) in that they have to be ever so slightly mad to do what they do and nobody ever notices them until they make a mistake.
The artistic supply from over there, over there has dried to a trickle. Sigh, we remember the days when we had one Krysia cartoon a day and Svengoolie penned the best poems on PF. Now…… nothing apart from a few gems from Svengoola (crazy name, crazy gal)
On the plus side for the Yanks and Canuks they do appear to be a far more contented and harmonious bunch. No nasty sledging or abuse from them unless it’s really called for. They are polite to a fault. Note to some Europeans on here – be nicer, it really works.
No doubt there are details of 147 different Polonia festivals over there but we tend not to read these as we get jealous.
Where are they now?Here we appeal for any news on missing members who have dropped off our radar. Where are Shopgirl, Pingwin, Bratwurst Boy et al? Gone but not forgotten. Most of all we need to know what has happened to Dr. Love aka Southern. For newbies Southern was the (self proclaimed) expert on all things female. We have money on at 5-1 that his absence is due to his finally finding a real girl friend. We may be wrong of course.
Post of the WeekAfter an extensive review and a quick poll around the regulars at Szarlotka’s local pub, which incidentally is now officially a district of Wroclaw, we have selected the following post this week:
Hi.
Great forum, just found it when surfing.
I'm looking to get me a Polish Hamster, because I was told they have got bigger pouches and they're softer and really appreciate being stroked.
I've had a Russian one for a few years and of course the bog standard English one, but they just don't make me happy.
Help me find my perfect polish hamster... Email me on bigpouches@fullofnuts.at
Careful analysis of the grammar, sentence constructs and content of the above leaves us feeling convinced that we can safely announce that this post is without doubt the first confirmed extraterrestrial communication on record. The downside is that the team may be writing next week’s Omnibus Edition from deep within Area 51 - that is if of course if Area 51 actually exists, which it doesn’t. (Hueg – you always crack us up).
Well that’s it for this week. That was the week that was (
Ed – they won’t get that either, it has got to go). We apologise if this week’s edition is a little long, but we didn’t have time to write a short one.
Finally we would like to record our appreciation for the (mostly) kind comments on the first edition. Bless you all. In answer to the slightly less than kind comments our lawyers have instructed us to reply as follows: We have categorical proof that Mr. Szarlotka was born in wedlock. Further, the only artificial stimulant within the office is in fact a life sized picture of Elle McPherson. We hope this clears up the uncertainty around these two areas.
Have a good week people.
